Oh yes, users who try to sound like an IT guru.

Every mine site I go to, you find several. When they see you have a laptop, all they want is to help you get it running faster... Or your porn collection. Thats usually first.

But when you boot into linux; Oh the look of confusion, followed by " Is that Vista?"

I love the mirrors, now _that_ is a class act. Every server room needs a 42mm thick glass door.

But How do you access the other room? Does it have the batcave pole in it? How do they disguise this down stairs? How do you stop the mirrors show the entrance? Will this be sort of like Brue Lee and the mirror room fight scene?

Ok nuff said.

Thanks for going back to one BOFH per week.

Brilliant! C|N>K

best BOFH in a while.

BOFH read! :D

Anyone up for an... extended lunchbreak, say at the pub across the street?

*tinkle*

..I can fix your caps lock problem, and the issue with your browser spellchecker. If you could give me your login ID and your IP address (start->run->cmd and then ipconfig).

Alternatively you can release the caps lock jam problem by resetting the moisture management system. The moisture management system flows through the whole machine and stops hard disks from sticking, and even flows down to the keyboard to release stuck keys. To top it up, shut down the PC (we don't want an accident) then unplug the powerlead from the computer, stick it in your mouth and salivate liberally.

The cattle prod in the anal orifice isn't a particularly good typing aid, is it?

Hes actually a talented individual that probably hasnt installed a spell checker for you so that he can make you look like the idiot you are.

"BY DOG IF THE BOSS TELL YOU TO DO SMOMEWTHIG YOUD BETTER DO IT I WOULD FRIRE THIS IDOIT IN A HEREATBEAT HOW DO YOU GIUYS STAY IN BISNESS OVER THERE ANYWAY"

Anybody care to count the spelling mistakes ?

I'd do it myself but I'm to busy checking my own spelling as I don't want to be flamed for it.....

"WHO DOES THIS GUY THINCK HE IS ANYWAY ... BY DOG IF THE BOSS TELL YOU TO DO SMOMEWTHIG YOUD BETTER DO IT I WOULD FRIRE THIS IDOIT IN A HEREATBEAT HOW DO YOU GIUYS STAY IN BISNESS OVER THERE ANYWAY" ... By JIM THE BOSS Posted Friday 15th August 2008 11:33 GMT

I might offer by staying off Dodgy Source and/or the Magic Soup and Mushrooms, at least until after Midday, JIMBO, and you don't have to SHOUT in CyberSpace for there is Nothing and Nobody Really there 42 Listen. Softly, softly, catchee Monkey

That was a Great BOFH Episode ..... with Masterful Control of Resource Restored and therefore, Presumably Titanic Mischief/Colossal Shenanigans in Future Store for In House Pleasures.

* Or would that Round Table be Turned ? How about if IT were ...AIMutual Pleasure? Would that need Controls or would one Just Abandon all Semblance of Order for the Pleasures that Delivers the Highest of Higher Orders?

Suck IT and See would always Reveal One's Future Needs and Possible Feeds....... which is what AI Betas are All about, too.

Why not make the wall fixed, and then install some secret door behind a movable rack. Something similar to the "executive bathroom" a few episodes back (Episode 8). Then if the size is questioned, a quick explanition that the building design required that "dead space" as sound deadening.

Mine is the one in bright orange w/ the new miniature cattl...err insulation tester in the built in holster.

Is it me, or is there an <irony> tag missing here?

Mine's the one with the mirror tiles and a fireaxe in the pockets

Hmm seems you are experiencing an ID10T error on your desktop. We'll just forward the entire contents of your email and personal documents to the Big Boss........purely so as you can continue to work whilst we "fix" your desktop. ;)

I love you.

Management, Middle Management, and any other form of apparent managerial staff are not welcome here, be gone fool!

(Note: I concluded you really are of managerial caliber due to your poor spelling, lack of any grammar and DAMN CAPS LOCK!!!)

Now where is my axe.....There it is in the bird....

you know either your a troll or the definition of stupid boss which plagues the world and results in the poor levels of productivity.

a) CAPS LOCK can be turned off as well as on

b) its a textual-web-comic

c)This site is written in UK English, perhaps some lessons in it would allow you to understand the subtleties of UK humour

d) We don't care, period, frankly a cull of middle management types like you would do the world a LOT of good and save a LOT of money

e) Perhaps you should try politics, seems you have the required low intellect level required to succeed as a politician?

Yet again

er... wtf?

paris.... she's probably confused by that comment too

I cant find my "Amrerican" dictionary at this present time, can someone loan me theirs?

Paris - cause even shes not as phuqed up as this guy.....

I didn't notice I was reading an amanfrommars comment until the 4th paragraph.

@JIM

of course it is spelled homur. Just like it is spelled 3 a day on your pillbox. Three is the number where you have just counted more fingers on your hand than fingers left on the same hand.

fantastic four quote

Flame on

Oh man. You type Like Les Dawson plays the piano. It's a kind of genius.

Bear in mind that <irony> tags are practically mandatory round here. One of the first social skill that many BOFHs lose is the sense of humour.

Mine's the one with the the faraday cage and the chainmail fireaxe deflectors sewn into the lining ...

the poor state of reading comprehension. Used to be, anyone who could read was required to be able to identify satire in 5 words or less. But now that the lower classes are allowed in the schools, far too many people are reading well beyond their comprehension level.

Jim, my boy, it was a noble effort. But ours is a dying breed, for soon the progressives will make it illegal to write that which the lowest simply cannot understand.

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day.

Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.

>FRIST OGF ALL IT SPELLEFD HOMUR NOT HUMOUR THIRD I DNOT KNOW WHAT UK ENGILSH IS YOU POEPLE SHUOLD SPEAK AMRERICAN LIKE THE REST OF THE WQORLD

Ah go on then, as I'm fascinated by the whiff of Troll

* Ogf, spellefd, Engilsh, poeple, shuold, Amrerican, wqorld

* Humour, or Humor, but not Homur

* What was second?

Can someone reset his Caps Lock please? Or get him a proper bosses laptop (etch-a-sketch do a fantastic range...)

"FRIST OGF ALL IT SPELLEFD HOMUR NOT HUMOUR THIRD I DNOT KNOW WHAT UK ENGILSH IS YOU POEPLE SHUOLD SPEAK AMRERICAN LIKE THE REST OF THE WQORLD"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

If that is meant seriously and not as some mad irony then you really ARE such a FOOL

It is UK based therefore also UK spellings... where "humor" as you INCORRECLTY spelled is written "humour"

BTW - Think you will also find "American" actually originates from this Fair Isle in europe now known as the UK, language wise that is anyway - the only TRUE "American" as far as a Nationality is concerned are the Native American Indians that us Poms sadly abused and took advantage of shortly after the the likes of the Mayflower arrived on those shores accross the Atlantic.

If you aren't serious - fair play for being the troll you are turning out to be!!!

..of an old adage from my days at HBOS IT Support...

Give a man a fish and he'll feed himself for a day,

teach a man to fish and he'll feed himself for a lifetime.

Fix a users machine and it'll work for a day,

Teach a user to fix it themselves and they'll break it in a way you've never seen before..

Bravo sir, bravo.

As for the rest of you, hang your heads in shame, for you were trolled hard.

Good job, mister. Carry on - and yah boo to those who said that satire was dead.

I'm not the greatest at the subtlties of the UK variety, (due to my location, I'm better at the American variety) but I still get a hearty laugh out of these.. (Maybe the situation is more important than the dialect)

The dead bird, as I see some dead lusers on their way...

Oh - and just WHERE was your Second point?

You appear to be lacking in numeracy skills as well as spelling and grammar!

All provided of course you are being serious!!

"5. More people speak Chinese than any other language, including English."

Only as a first language. More people speak English overall as first or secondary languages. Of course you could argue the "more people speak Chinese" by demanding to know which version of Chinese. They are quite distinct......unlike AmeriKan Eeeenglish, or Indian Call Centre English. (Hello my name is Gupta...err I mean Bob)

Maybe Jim is Comical Ali as noted above. Hey Jim post us a pic and we'll compare you to Comical Ali ;)

http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com

Er amanfrommars........what gives ?? Lucid, almost 100% clear posts that make sense ?? Its a ruddy imposter !!!!

Penguin as I just finished reading the Global Warming thread and it reminded me of Penguins :)

Whaddaya mean sad? I got more laughs out of this thread than I did from this week's BOFH.

And that's saying something.

Axes on the walls are simply great. Makes the whole place look like the lair of a brutal overlord... And you're never more than a few steps away from a LART if you ever need one.

Oh wait, with the BOFH around, it is the lair of a brutal overlord.

The part about training lusers... Suffices to say, my boss has the "teach me everything you know because I want to be able to do it myself" attitude.