Jacqui Smith is too frightened to go out at night
She won't go out at night in Kensington or Hackney she doesn't feel safe.
So she's stuck in her little prison, locked down for the night with her police guard outside to protect her. But that's OK, because you too will get to experience Jacqui's prison for yourself!
You'll have a nice prison wall around you, to enter and leave you'll have a very elaborate ID card, and your movements will be watched at the gate. Not only as you enter and leave the country, but also while you move inside... after all one of those demons in her mind might get loose in the country!
Your very own prison, which it's tough rules and regulations, it's curfews, you'll retire to your own prison cells at night, the guards will protect the walls and if you're lucky, you'll get a prison pass, be allowed to visit outside, but only under supervision.
Look up at the guard towers with their CCTV cameras. Go exercise in the prison garden, but don't step on the grass and not after 6pm when the park gates close.
Do not photograph the prison guards, they don't like it and they'll zap you with their cattle prods.
Inspection of your prison cell can occur at any time, on 1000+ prison rules, so be sure to keep your cell clean and ready for inspection.
Be careful what you say, the prison has strict rules about 'incitement' and 'anti social' speaking, your anonymous internet comments are tracked for IP address, and your email headings, phone records etc, are all recorded and can be inspected at any time. Prison rules. The governor says he doesn't want any trouble makers.
It's a life sentence.