Are you sure those figures haven't been massaged?

"The projectile-impervious boulder-houlders are available in standard sizes up to the maximum cup size of SS"

For the first line in a while to make me have a coffee-keyboard interface calamity

They have ADDED the word "Police" to reduce the chance of the bras for saucy play? Ummm... if certain chaps (and ladies) get all overheated at thesight of someone in uniform, what will be the effect of Bras printed with the word Police on them be?

Mine's the one with the matching latex balaclava... I have removed the word gimp, since it prevents naughty thoughts in others

WHERE ARE THE PICTURES?! You call this reporting?? Bah!

Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter ??

GTF !

Kugelsicherebusenhalter if you please.

I know it came from the Telegraph but do you have to be quite so jingoistic ? What next? Jeremy Clarkson reviews the iphone ?

Stan Boardman bombed our Bratwurst-Imbiss.

..they'll make protective ear muffs too.

How does one get his hands upon one of those?

heh.

...I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it!

My (admittedly limited) experience of German bosoms suggests they could probably stop a bullet without this.

well done, keep it up.

Those that cannot laugh at their history are doomed to re-live it...

You'd think a coutry that can make up portmaneau words like that would have a bit of a sense of humour wouldn't you?

"I guess the author thought they were being funny with the SS comment. Exactly the reason i don't live in this small minded country anymore! Grow up!"

No you grow up!

Oh my, aren't we funny... a Nazi joke, how droll! No Jewish colleagues at the Reg then, I assume? And you've learned how to use Babelfish as well? Well done, Miss Bee, now once you turn 18 surely they must let you play with the real journalists soon.

Tom

But still amusing. I remember a mate of mine showing me a German copy of FHM featuring her Highness Paris Hilton sitting in a Humvee with her retarded little dog. The caption? "Paris Hilton mit hotdog in dein Hummer".

That became a catch phrase for many years afterwards..

"I guess the author thought they were being funny with the SS comment. Exactly the reason i don't live in this small minded country anymore! Grow up!"

You don't live in *this* small minded country? Are you here on holidays then? If so, why? Why come back if you can't take some gentle nationalist banter? Are you in fact so devoid of a sense of humour that you upped sticks and moved your entire life? Do you have any friends? Are you even a nice person?

Because frankly I think your ignorance shows you to be the idiot you are.

P.s. I'd be more concerned about the trajectory angle of a ricochet from a substantial set of firm guns... that would have everybody ducking!

Paris well WWPD?

@Tom

> No Jewish colleagues at the Reg then, I assume?

Yeah, because the only people murdered by the Nazis were Jewish !

"Achtung! Achtung! All hands on D-cup. Batten down der hatches. Hold tight:- muff-dive! dive! dive! Periscope up! Tubes open - fire torpedoes!"

Let's hope our brave boys rise to the occasion. These skirmishes with the enemy often lead to the loss of seamen.

This is just the type of facile, titillating article I have come to expect from El Reg.

Well done, ma'am.

It's really friggin' hilarious that they think that printing the word "POLIZEI" across the front of a bulletproof sports bra is going to _prevent_ its use in kinky sex...Shirley, any mature person must realize how many people are actually _turned_on_ by that whole uniform/badge/gun thing -- even though this whole story _does_ somehow sound like the premise for an old Benny Hill sketch.

As far as various Reg hacks' proficiency in German: I myself am American, third-generation German immigrant descended, and when attempting to re-learn my grandfather's language back in high school, was amazed by the number of German words which are basically short descriptive sentences without spaces between the words -- such as the original German model name for the famous '70s Volkswagen "Thing": "Panzerkampfwagen". I must admit with embarassment, though, that I learned the German word for "brassiere" from -- that's right -- an old Benny Hill sketch.

PS@Sarah: No need to apologize, imho; I thought that was quite a clever quip, and not at all offensive, considering that John Cleese blazed that trail long ago in his famous Fawlty Towers' "Whatever you do, don't mention the war" episode.

What can I say....Men are pigs.

What if the German police do employ Werewolves, too? That makes for exactly 3 bras.

And it should be bulletproof bra, if that odd thing was a Babelfish translation of "kugelsicherer Büstenhalter".

@Mycho - Nope they are only certified for protection against stabbing weapons. For bullets we just hide behind our male colleagues conceit.

The SS crack was lame, nothing more..

The problem is, neither does anyone else.

In all fairness, Il Registro should redress the balance with a stereotype-laden article featuring eel pies, morris dancers, Essex girls, and The Sweeney*. That would trounce touchy types' tribulations toward Teuton-teasing text. Once the air had been cleared, it would be open season on the French, Dutch, Swedish, Irish, Scots, and of course Belgians.

Not talking the first step, however, simply confirms the dim view of England that most non-English people have of it; a view I would say, that is ill-perceived and unjustified.

[*] I am half-English by law, and a quarter by genetics. I say it's a fair cop, guv.

and the comment got published

I thought it was Vulture Central policy never to mention the Belgians

...

ever

Is getting shot in the tits a common thing in Germany then?

We need vital statistics to back this up...

The article (and the SS pun) just made my day. I will be sure to return to El Reg for my daily dosage of boob*-related news around the world.

Paris - 'cause any news about her is boob-related.

*) Both idiots and mammary glands.

"You vill give it upp!"

"Nein, niemals!"

"Ve haff eine well armed cutie (not that makes any difference unter European law, disclaimer,) hier!"

"wo ist sie?"

(dominatrix type bird);"Hier"

"Aaah...I haff been ein naughty boy"..(discarded weapon clatters on cobbles)

..."You must tweat mich woughly"....

Der leather mit der rubber fastenings, danke.

More like distant memories of Private Helga Geerhart from Allo Allo... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Private_Helga_Geerhart

If you've seen this series you'll be unable to stop thinking about underwear and Germans in the same way...

I'm sure someone could pull out a quip here about the Germans not having a sense of humour if they get all wound up about the SS 'joke' in the article.

But I'd bet you good money that the people whining about the joke weren't German, but were either English or American, cause all the German people I've met have had absolutely amazing sense of humours. Like the chap who liked "Allo Allo", and would wander around saying "klop" and got thrown out an art gallery for asking where their painting of the "Fallen Madonna, wiz ze big boobies" was.

Or the girl who would say "Don't mention the war, I did once but I think I got away with it" any time anyone asked if she was German.

No, the only people that whine about less-than-PC jokes are english and americans. If it's meant to offend people, complain, cause that's being rude and offensive and shouldn't be tolerated.

If it's clearly meant as a funny joke in an article about armoured tit-holders, get a life and go back to writing complaints about TV being too violent to Anne Robinson and leave the internet to those of us with a working humour-gland.

Apologise for nothing Sarah Bee. Except your atrocious German, needless to say. And your lack of photos of the aforementioned tit-holder, preferably personally modelled by yourself :)

/ Regards from skirt-wearing, dole-scrounging, tight-fisted, whisky-guzzling Jock-Bastard Land.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44890000/jpg/_44890790_bra_226i.jpg

GRRRRR!!!

Having delved into the subject elsewhere (go on, say you haven't), I can say it seems the uberbrassieres are not actually bulletproof - just a comfy and extremely un-kinky sports-type undergarment to be worn underneath the bulletproof vest.

Even found a photo of one in action... http://m.onet.pl/_m/c50971f91e08dd1685f3513b079e6f34,24,1.jpg

Admittedly, it does seem the uberbosoms can cope well enough with most conventional projectiles, vest or no vest :)

…you've got to love any language that creates new words like "der Kugelsicherebustenhalter" ("bullet-safe breast holder")! That's right up there with "die Hirnhautentzuendung" ("brain skin inflammation" or "meningitis"). I like the way German describes what it's naming as it names it.

My dear friends,

it's always a nice read when you're ranting about Germany and our nice little language. As we Germans are able to practice self-criticism and -at the same time- laugh about ourselves, this is always a welcome read.

However, on this article, there is a little downer. I'm going on about the 'SS' bit. Please just leave out the Third Reich next time, as none of your readers could possibly be held responsible for this any more and it just spoils the atmosphere.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not pissed off, just a little concerned.

Best regards

Armin

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44890000/jpg/_44890790_bra_226i.jpgv

shows a pic of the item....now wasn't that a let down?

Sarah - halten Sie lieber die Klappe wenn Sie nichts weiteres wie uraltes stereotypisches "Klapptrapp" hervorbringen koennen.

Now put that in your Bablefish

Shadrakh

"3,000 female cops have been issued with three apiece and are obliged to wear them on duty"

Who is going to check this?

Sounds the perfect job for me.

Now where is my CV?