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back to article Wünderbra! German policewomen take 'Action Brassiere'

In news that gladdens the heart, not to mention the boob, German police are being issued with bullet-resistant bras*. According to the Telegraph, female cops were complaining that while bullet-proof vests did their job adequately, they had the unfortunate side-effect of pushing the treacherous underwires and fixings of normal …

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Boffin

3,000 policewomen

Are you sure those figures haven't been massaged?

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Anonymous Coward

Xenophobia

I guess the author thought they were being funny with the SS comment. Exactly the reason i don't live in this small minded country anymore! Grow up!

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Happy

Well done El Reg

"The projectile-impervious boulder-houlders are available in standard sizes up to the maximum cup size of SS"

For the first line in a while to make me have a coffee-keyboard interface calamity

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Coat

Wuh?

They have ADDED the word "Police" to reduce the chance of the bras for saucy play? Ummm... if certain chaps (and ladies) get all overheated at thesight of someone in uniform, what will be the effect of Bras printed with the word Police on them be?

Mine's the one with the matching latex balaclava... I have removed the word gimp, since it prevents naughty thoughts in others

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quite frankly I'm sickened.

WHERE ARE THE PICTURES?! You call this reporting?? Bah!

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Stop

Großbritannien Null Punkte.

Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter ??

GTF !

Kugelsicherebusenhalter if you please.

I know it came from the Telegraph but do you have to be quite so jingoistic ? What next? Jeremy Clarkson reviews the iphone ?

Stan Boardman bombed our Bratwurst-Imbiss.

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Go

And in winter...

..they'll make protective ear muffs too.

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Joke

Hmmmm

How does one get his hands upon one of those?

heh.

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Alert

@AC Don't mention the war!

...I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it!

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Joke

Seems redundant

My (admittedly limited) experience of German bosoms suggests they could probably stop a bullet without this.

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Coat

Tateless SS joke...

well done, keep it up.

Those that cannot laugh at their history are doomed to re-live it...

You'd think a coutry that can make up portmaneau words like that would have a bit of a sense of humour wouldn't you?

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Anonymous Coward

Der Polizist

I would worry if I got a girl's kit off and saw that printed on the bra: you'd have to check downstairs that she wasn't in fact nominative masculine singular.

Polizistin might be a bit closer to the mark. I can't believe you missed the joke about "Halt oder ich schieße!" though.

Cheers

Mike

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bullet-proof ?

Does that work both ways ? Are these officers now less likely to be asked, "Bit cold luv ?"

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Coat

@AC

"I guess the author thought they were being funny with the SS comment. Exactly the reason i don't live in this small minded country anymore! Grow up!"

No you grow up!

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Anonymous Coward

err....

So... a sports bra, then? With 'police' written on it?

wow.

oh and bad as my german is, "Kugelsicherebusenhalte" occurred to me too - only shouldn't it be "Kugelsicherebustenhalter"?

LOL, the main thing I remember about using OS's auf deutsch were how damn *wide* all the menus had to be for the enormous compound words ;-)

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SS

Oh my, aren't we funny... a Nazi joke, how droll! No Jewish colleagues at the Reg then, I assume? And you've learned how to use Babelfish as well? Well done, Miss Bee, now once you turn 18 surely they must let you play with the real journalists soon.

Tom

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Paris Hilton

Mostly unrelated..

But still amusing. I remember a mate of mine showing me a German copy of FHM featuring her Highness Paris Hilton sitting in a Humvee with her retarded little dog. The caption? "Paris Hilton mit hotdog in dein Hummer".

That became a catch phrase for many years afterwards..

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Funny!

"I guess the author thought they were being funny with the SS comment. Exactly the reason i don't live in this small minded country anymore! Grow up!"

You don't live in *this* small minded country? Are you here on holidays then? If so, why? Why come back if you can't take some gentle nationalist banter? Are you in fact so devoid of a sense of humour that you upped sticks and moved your entire life? Do you have any friends? Are you even a nice person?

Because frankly I think your ignorance shows you to be the idiot you are.

P.s. I'd be more concerned about the trajectory angle of a ricochet from a substantial set of firm guns... that would have everybody ducking!

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Ah Ha

The first Battle Bra. Just what you need to get the old battle axe for her birthday.

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Paris Hilton

Pictures or it didn't happen!

Paris well WWPD?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Großbritannien Null Punkte

Ding ding, ve haf a vinna. Und nicht vergessen... es ist "Polizei", nicht "der Polizist".

*rolls eyes* El Reg, get people who can speak the lingo. You journo-boffins should at least talk 3 languages off the bat.

*sheesh*

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: SS

I'm sorry if that offended you, Tom. It was just a throwaway, self-consciously bad quip, of the kind I'm pretty sure satirical convention permits.

However, being the only vaguely Jewish member of staff at the Reg, I kind of take offence at your rather off-colour presumption that by accident of birth and membership of certain section of society I should be offended. Y'know?

I'm flattered that I can pass for 17 though. Yep, still got it.

Also, thanks for the sorting-out of that portmanteau - I do love German but am nicht so gut at it.

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Just stick you head in between and go ...

"Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter"

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Flame

Springtime for Hitler

@Tom

> No Jewish colleagues at the Reg then, I assume?

Yeah, because the only people murdered by the Nazis were Jewish !

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Coat

Das Boob, eh... you asked for it.

"Achtung! Achtung! All hands on D-cup. Batten down der hatches. Hold tight:- muff-dive! dive! dive! Periscope up! Tubes open - fire torpedoes!"

Let's hope our brave boys rise to the occasion. These skirmishes with the enemy often lead to the loss of seamen.

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It isn't, actually

"* Should you need to know for your next trip to Berlin, the German for 'bullet-proof bra' is, delightfully, 'der Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter'"

Well, "Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter" has actually no meaning at all in German. "Proof" can be, depending on context, mean "Beweis" (=Evidence) but it this case, it obviously doesn't. It seems, AltaVista translators didn't do a good job for the author of the article ;-)

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Typisch...

This is just the type of facile, titillating article I have come to expect from El Reg.

Well done, ma'am.

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Bad German, Bulletproof Sports Bras, Kink Prevention, etc.

It's really friggin' hilarious that they think that printing the word "POLIZEI" across the front of a bulletproof sports bra is going to _prevent_ its use in kinky sex...Shirley, any mature person must realize how many people are actually _turned_on_ by that whole uniform/badge/gun thing -- even though this whole story _does_ somehow sound like the premise for an old Benny Hill sketch.

As far as various Reg hacks' proficiency in German: I myself am American, third-generation German immigrant descended, and when attempting to re-learn my grandfather's language back in high school, was amazed by the number of German words which are basically short descriptive sentences without spaces between the words -- such as the original German model name for the famous '70s Volkswagen "Thing": "Panzerkampfwagen". I must admit with embarassment, though, that I learned the German word for "brassiere" from -- that's right -- an old Benny Hill sketch.

PS@Sarah: No need to apologize, imho; I thought that was quite a clever quip, and not at all offensive, considering that John Cleese blazed that trail long ago in his famous Fawlty Towers' "Whatever you do, don't mention the war" episode.

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@Sarah

Agreed, agree, agreed.

Tom - Shut up, or you risk causing more offence at your own offence.

Carry on El'Reg

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Bad German, Bulletproof Sports Bras, Kink Prevention, etc.

Well, I guess I'm in good company then, Mike. (Please tell me 'fledermaus' is correct though, I shall be most upset.)

I was kind of being facetious about the kinky thing, though - as in, of course adding 'police' is going to make matters worse (or indeed better, depending on your preferences). I doubt they've addressed the issue themselves, I'm sure they're just getting on with it - that inference was all my doing. Because I am a bad person.

Meheh.

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Paris Hilton

A Tempest in a D-Cup?

What can I say....Men are pigs.

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Coat

Why not all at once?

What if the German police do employ Werewolves, too? That makes for exactly 3 bras.

And it should be bulletproof bra, if that odd thing was a Babelfish translation of "kugelsicherer Büstenhalter".

@Mycho - Nope they are only certified for protection against stabbing weapons. For bullets we just hide behind our male colleagues conceit.

The SS crack was lame, nothing more..

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Boffin

Germans, they don't like it up 'em

The problem is, neither does anyone else.

In all fairness, Il Registro should redress the balance with a stereotype-laden article featuring eel pies, morris dancers, Essex girls, and The Sweeney*. That would trounce touchy types' tribulations toward Teuton-teasing text. Once the air had been cleared, it would be open season on the French, Dutch, Swedish, Irish, Scots, and of course Belgians.

Not talking the first step, however, simply confirms the dim view of England that most non-English people have of it; a view I would say, that is ill-perceived and unjustified.

[*] I am half-English by law, and a quarter by genetics. I say it's a fair cop, guv.

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Stop

oh dear! Gerhardt mentioned the Belgians

and the comment got published

I thought it was Vulture Central policy never to mention the Belgians

...

ever

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Coat

Vital Statistics?

Is getting shot in the tits a common thing in Germany then?

We need vital statistics to back this up...

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My head spins

Why is it that the female cops I know dont have this issue ??? Oh yeah they figured this out on their own and told other female cops about the proper bras to were. Padded sports bras.

Christ you would think that this is the first year they issued vest to female cops

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Paris Hilton

Thank you, Sarah

The article (and the SS pun) just made my day. I will be sure to return to El Reg for my daily dosage of boob*-related news around the world.

Paris - 'cause any news about her is boob-related.

*) Both idiots and mammary glands.

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Sam
Coat

Picture the scene

"You vill give it upp!"

"Nein, niemals!"

"Ve haff eine well armed cutie (not that makes any difference unter European law, disclaimer,) hier!"

"wo ist sie?"

(dominatrix type bird);"Hier"

"Aaah...I haff been ein naughty boy"..(discarded weapon clatters on cobbles)

..."You must tweat mich woughly"....

Der leather mit der rubber fastenings, danke.

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Alert

Xenophobia???

More like distant memories of Private Helga Geerhart from Allo Allo... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Private_Helga_Geerhart

If you've seen this series you'll be unable to stop thinking about underwear and Germans in the same way...

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@ Neil

"Is getting shot in the tits common in Germany?"

Well if you believe some of the German videos........

Close anyway

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This post has been deleted by its author

Heart

Pic

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44890000/jpg/_44890790_bra_226i.jpg

GRRRRR!!!

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Coat

Not bulletproof... no need apparently - see photo :P

Having delved into the subject elsewhere (go on, say you haven't), I can say it seems the uberbrassieres are not actually bulletproof - just a comfy and extremely un-kinky sports-type undergarment to be worn underneath the bulletproof vest.

Even found a photo of one in action... http://m.onet.pl/_m/c50971f91e08dd1685f3513b079e6f34,24,1.jpg

Admittedly, it does seem the uberbosoms can cope well enough with most conventional projectiles, vest or no vest :)

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German...

…you've got to love any language that creates new words like "der Kugelsicherebustenhalter" ("bullet-safe breast holder")! That's right up there with "die Hirnhautentzuendung" ("brain skin inflammation" or "meningitis"). I like the way German describes what it's naming as it names it.

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Grr...

My dear friends,

it's always a nice read when you're ranting about Germany and our nice little language. As we Germans are able to practice self-criticism and -at the same time- laugh about ourselves, this is always a welcome read.

However, on this article, there is a little downer. I'm going on about the 'SS' bit. Please just leave out the Third Reich next time, as none of your readers could possibly be held responsible for this any more and it just spoils the atmosphere.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not pissed off, just a little concerned.

Best regards

Armin

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Happy

there is a picture!

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44890000/jpg/_44890790_bra_226i.jpgv

shows a pic of the item....now wasn't that a let down?

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Sarah Bee

is the last person in the world to talk about boobs, or the lack thereof

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Pat
Pirate

Well here is somebody who didnt think it was funny

Sarah - halten Sie lieber die Klappe wenn Sie nichts weiteres wie uraltes stereotypisches "Klapptrapp" hervorbringen koennen.

Now put that in your Bablefish

Shadrakh

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Actually, this isn't a compound word

You still have it wrong. It would be "der kugelsichere Büstenhalter". It's easy to come up with long German compound words, but this isn't one, sorry. :)

BTW, I agree with Armin that 3rd Reich jokes spoil the atmosphere, but I don't expect anyone who is British to understand or respect that. A penchant for telling jokes that are in bad taste and meant to offend seems to be part of the national character, is referred to as "irreverence" and is to all appearances generally considered a good thing. We bloody foreigners will just have to learn to like it or ignore it, I guess. (Thankfully, though, there are many exceptions to the rule.)

(Oh, and btw, I'm neither German, nor Jewish, nor British, nor even American, not that it matters.)

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Happy

Perfect job for me....

"3,000 female cops have been issued with three apiece and are obliged to wear them on duty"

Who is going to check this?

Sounds the perfect job for me.

Now where is my CV?

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