back to article Reg hack insults the Parachute Regiment

The following is not a classic steam-coming-out-of-ears flame per se, but a demonstration of what happens if you piss off the Paras, and in particular their 'chute-borne display team, the Red Devils. Indeed, if you want to incur the wrath of the Maroon Machine*, you can save yourself the trouble of invading the Falklands and …

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It's nice to see

the Paras are such sensitive souls.

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Happy

Para training

week 1 : separate the men from the boys

week 2 : separate the men from the fools

week 3 : the fools jump

Boris

<<ex MoD employee

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Who would have guessed?

Looks like the straps around the crotch area need adjustment.

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Anonymous Coward

Meh, navy gits...

In the navy they are all gay.

/me awaits ritualistic abuse from other services.

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Black Helicopters

Will El Reg be renaming itself the Vulture Squadron?

"...exit the aircraft from 3000 ft build a try by side downplane fly it vertically at the ground..."

"Think I know what there answer will be"

One for the Twat-O-Tron?

"well done in pissing off 20 paratroopers"

Actually, I'd like to second that sentiment - well done indeed El Reg!

I remember we had some paras do an abseil demo from a helicopter at some event or other when I was a kid - as a laugh they first threw out a dummy which plummeted straight to the ground. Later when they were doing their hero worship in front of the proles routine, I asked which of them it was that missed the rope.

Sense of humour on the part of our brave lads? Oh I think not.......

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A fact's a fact

It's got to the stage where a jump's a jump, for those watching from the ground. Flashing a bit of skin or having lumps in the correct locations is a sure-fire way of increasing the interest of a lay person.

I'm sure that a nude female parachute regiment would have all eyes agape at the sky. :)

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Inter-service rivalry? Really?

I assumed it was entirely because the Italian team were all female...

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Happy

It depends

For some, the Paras doing their in-air stunts (IANAP) will be fascinating. For others, a group of presumably scantily clad Italian women will be more interesting, even if the stunts themselves are less stunning. I myself fall into the second category, unless of course SWMBO is watching with me...

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Happy

Red Devils at US airshows

So, how long do the Red Devils have to spend, at every US airshow they go to, explaining to the cud chewin' good ol' boys that no, the Red Devils are not commies?

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Paris Hilton

The Plumes

Shouldn't they be called the the Plumberettes or something?

I thought the Red Devils were a aerobics team from the IRF.

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Coat

Red Devils?

Whatever. The Paras are dimwitted, ignorant unprofessional c**ts - second only to the room-temperature-IQ UDR. Anyone who had the misfortune to regularly drive through Ulster in the 70's and 80's can testify to that. Insulting them is just good karma.

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A Comment

BS.

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Paris Hilton

el reg shouldn't piss odf a real Reg!

Speaking as a former Parachute Regiment soldier myself i fully agree with the lads from the Red Devils. To describe them as humdrum just goes to show that you man has his brains fully lodged in his bellend.

they are without doubt or exception the finest and most highly regarded display team to be fielded by any arborne force around the world BAR NONE!

Oh and the RAF don't get called flyboys generally it's crabs or crabfats as they were said to used bklue unction instead of brill cream. blue unction was used in te treatment of pubic lice better known as crabs.

Also the marines are known as bootnecks but by the Parachute Regiment they are craphats of the highest order.

lewis can blow it out his anal region as ,let's face it , the bellend was definitely a craphat.

this is not to say he was a bootneck but just a non airborne serviceman. all non Paras are craphats and he is deffo one of them.

Paris? as even she'd know not to make such as asshat move!

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What Gall!

And you had the gall to bleat about the INQ's spammer suicide story?

You're as bad as each other... two less sites to bother with now.

I remember the heady days when the Reg actually bothered with news...

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Silly Reg...

If you'd thought about it, you'd have cast doubts on the ability of the lovely Italians, then you could expect lots of leggy Mediterranean minxes descending on Vulture Towers wanting to give you a very stern talking to.

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Paris Hilton

Looks quite easy

Had a look at the website you mention. It looks quite easy this parachuting thing. Those coloured jets I assume are there to propel the parachuter's into the target zone.

I think it would be a better idea if the jets on the parachute were invisible. That way the audience would never know they are assisted to the target by computer.

I imagine those big jets steer themselves during the shows also so I guess I would not need too much training. Do you think I be ready to go in a couple of weeks if the training was done at weekends?

I know I am beginning to sound a little cheeky but would I get paid for doing this as well? If so can you tell me where can I apply? I quite fancy a job with lots of travel, fun and fresh air.

... Paris, because she can take a good wind up.

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Red Devils are Wusses

Basically, after reading the amount of cussing and sexual-oriented references in the response, it demonstrates that the Red Devils are wusses in intelligence. If they actually had brains AND balls, they could have responded in a more articulate and satiric fashion, showing that they have more brains than a stereotypical moron who jumps off a perfectly flying aircraft...

Good show Red Devils, for being real stupid.

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Anonymous Coward

For the uninitiated ...

"Pongos": Every where the Army goes, the pong goes.

I never did understand why RAF were called "Crabs", though. Anyone know?

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Anonymous Coward

And another thing ...

Here Down Under, the Army sometimes get called Mangos (after the fruit): They're green on the outside, yellow on the inside, and too many of them gives you the shits!

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Anonymous Coward

spot on

"...then land on a cross inside a stadium"

if arnhem's anything to go by, just not the stadium they were expected in.

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Joke

@error

And with the musical accompaniment of the whistling all the way down due to resonance of the obvious areas - a surefire success!

Particularly if they could arrange the participants in harmony :-)

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Coat

Italian Cunning Stunts!!

Mmmmmmmmmmm.

That is all I have to say on the matter!

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Joke

Personal preference

I'd much rather see Italian chicks rather than British sqadies. Guess that makes me a not inconsiderably sized devotee of the love that dare not speak its name in the eyes of the Parachute Regiment...

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Oh dear...

Lester's fallen for a wind-up. The perp is obviously not of the parachute regiment as he appears to claim for three main reasons

1. He can write big words

2. He can use email

Ok, someone could have helped on these two points but the biggest give away is:

3. "cheeky little fucker", erm I think a real para would be little more vociferous if they had been insulted.

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Anonymous Coward

Vliesbommetjies

I remember my friend who served in the the Artillery in the old SADF always referred to Paras as vliesbommetjies (meat bombs) and the infantry as boknaaiers (buck fuckers).

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Happy

The difference between the two

The Paras perform cunning stunts, the Italian women have stunning....

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Coat

Ah yes...

I'd say cunning stunts would win every time... oh wait...

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Paris Hilton

'ats

Always called mine 'me pink 'at', cos after a few years they fades from maroon to pink. Any way, jumpin out of hairyplanes is just a quicker way of getting to the place where people are waiting to shoot your arse off. They trained us to march long distances - which should give us time for the enemy to have run out of ammo, then they bungs us in a plane and shoves us out of the door while the enemy still has some left. Not fair. Also, you can't go back up and ask the pilot to turn it round and take you back. You've soddin-well got to walk back. Barstards. I've kept my 'pink 'at' for sixty years now as a warning not to be so stupid again - but guess what? Bugger the moaning - if I had the chance to do it all over again, nothing would stop me!

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Ash

Must have been Cannon Fodder

Officers (should) know how to construct proper sentences.

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Paris Hilton

WTF

"exit the aircraft from 3000 ft build a try by side downplane fly it vertically at the ground till 300 ft then land on a cross"

Sorry, not being a military bod but that makes no sense to me what-so-ever (as does jumping out of a working plane at alititude!!!). English grammer gone out the jump door ?

Someone should shove Paris out the door

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No offence intended

but the public can't see most of a 3000ft drop. Or even much of a 300ft drop- especially from inside a stadium as mentioned in the flame. So given the choice of seeing paras do it or presumably scantily clad italian women doing it, the scantily clad ones win.

It's the same with computers etc (finally, an IT angle for this string of stories...)- people don't care that your computer can do a quadrillion petaflops per second. They'll ask "can it play Crysis"- the pretty aspect of it.

The Paras are, of course, far far more skilled at what they do. And undoubtedly make far better soldiers than any group of Italians.

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Unhappy

F**k me, a computer-literate Para!

Title sez it all, really.

I have known a few (ex-)Paras and most of them had got jobs as "civvie" security guards at various defence contractors around the country. Mainly cuz most of 'em thought computers were for p0rn-surfing or downloading games (and man did they hate it when we had to clean the crap off the PCs!) and not much else except the odd email.

That said, even the dumbest Para still seems more intelligent than damn-near all the "special troops" from the other side of the pond. Hell, even the lowest mud-slugging Tommy gets to play with grenade launchers and anti-armour missiles at least once, which I seem to recall are limited to specially-trained Rangers and other assorted "specialists". And even funnier, anyone with more time than a "Private" gets called a Specialist even if they can't do much more than point an assault rifle the right way most of the time...

Jet Noize - The Sound Of FREEDOM! CrabAir for ever!

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the para's motto

"we kill people we don't know, who've never done us any harm - because the government tells us to"

yes, the military are well worthy of our admiration

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Coat

read the text

"I'm sure that a nude female parachute regiment would have all eyes agape at the sky. :)"

Whistle while you work?

Mine's the one with the straps round the crotch.

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Coat

So what...

...if the dive is technically brilliant. Some of my software is also technically brilliant but that doesn't make it a success. The real world's a hard place. Get used to it.

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Or

Or a bridge too far to cross as the case may be !

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IT Angle

Should have said...

They'll be followed by the not so pretty British Army parachute team, the Red Devils,

then by the Royal Navy Submariners free ascent bubble head display.

The Crabs will be nowhere around, to busy polishing their hairyplanes.

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J
Dead Vulture

Red devils?

Never heard of them, obviously. What are they, OpenBSD's marketing team? Whatever. But now I know they are (or at least one of them is) idiots who get so riled up by some comment on the internet (which I felt as being humorous, by the way, like when you say "you know Ferrari, that Italian brand of cheap cars"). I guess someone's got self esteem problems... That's OK, Red Devils, your Moms still think you are the bestest!

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Gates Horns

The Internet: Where Everyone Is A Badass

Why is it that his profanity-laced throwdown sounds remarkably similar to what I've read from countless greasy fat nerds and teenagers hiding behind their monitors burning with rage and claiming they will "be happy to meet you anywhere, anytime to settle it like men."?

I'm guessing he's got too much testosterone from all the porn surfing. Or maybe he got shutdown by one of the Shooting Stars!

Devil Bill for promoting angry Internet saber-rattling.

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At the end of the day...

... or rather at the beginning of the afternoon, I saw both teams on Sunday, and frankly they were both a bit crap. So there, problem solved.

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Coat

@flamer

"The Red Devils are regarded in the global parachuting community as the best display team in the world and thats not by accident."

Yeah but, do they have tits?

The one with "I love twitching" on the breast, please...

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Where the army goes, the..

Nah but seriously - skilled parachutists that you are - but I know which I'd prefer to look at on the ground, no offence indended guys.

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Flame

Red Devils do ballistic re-entry

'At first I was scared', admits Yi So-Yeon ...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/04/21/ballistic_soyuz_reentry/

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Alert

Well now we know why they jump out of planes

Who knew that the paras were such an insecure bunch with delicate egos? Most people would have taken Lewis' comment for what it was, a joke that any red blooded male would understand. That the paras have no sense of humour is one thing but that they fail to see why four beautiful Italian girls with a sense of adventure would turn heads .... ?

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Black Helicopters

I'm with the Paras

Being at the Farnborough air show, I agree with the lads. They are awesome to watch, and much better than a bunch of wind-swept bints.

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Coat

they are very good at it...

but you need to wonder how come the crabs are so bad at keeping equipment in the air that they need to practise so hard at jumping out of it?

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Coat

Let me lend you a hand...

...and distract their assault with a grammar correction...

"Think I know what there answer will be"

Their... THEIR!

Mine's the one with the Kevlar.

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Paris Hilton

ummmm ...

'You've been c*nt struck by a few fluttering eyelids'? Sonny Jim might be able to land his chute on a cross in a stadium, but evidently needs a bit more practice at finding his way around female anatomy.

Paris, because practice makes perfect.

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Happy

Such conceit

When the red devils are a sexy all-female bikini team, maybe I'll watch their shows... I'm not interested in Xtreme sports jocks wannabes.

Anonymous. Wannabes can be vindicative.

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