He missed

the 'Have a nice day' from the sig.

I cry Humbug at this one

Its just a cynical marketing ploy by El Reg to increase the value of the advertising space on this page

How much did Microsoft pay you to put their "Ninjer advert" on there?

!!!!!!!

Some friend?

If they'd said 'your ex-friend' it could be a tad more believable...

Brilliant

Now gone from simple fraud to demanding money with menaces, blackmail, threatening behavour etc.

So from a few months in the clink before, now moved to 10 -20 years (UK) or much worse in Lagos.

I suggest you forward this to the police who will promptly add you to the DNA databse, just in case....

Mr Killer?

Well, with a name like that he was destined to be an assassin !

Oh Good

I look forward to one of these emails, I have an email account specially set up for laughing at 419 scams that people try, I'd like to reply to this one with some fake information and see what stories they make up.

Not 419

Although it's the same perps, I don't think this qualifies as 419 fraud.

I think it's pretty simple extortion.

Ha haha haha ha ha..

'send you to death'?

I've read about Death. Nice guy, penchant for black, rides a horse called Binky.

Quality. Unfortunately, my overdraft won't stretch to $3000 usd so I'll have to spend the next 10 days looking over my shoulder for my would be assas......

Damn, I hope I got that joke in first.

Mines the one with the giant target on it.

genius

best i've seen in a good while!

"but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately because I just felt something good and sympathetic about you"

aw, thanks. too kind.

I might just spear your life

"I might just spear your life"

Can you be arrested for demanding money with patois?

Wow

Just fancy that, being an international jetsetting hitman and having the surname 'Killer'. Beats the Dave Bin-man and Harold Chiropodist that I happen to know.

A warm feeling can be obtained

from the knowledge that the people sending the mails are actually being conned in the way that they think they are conning us. Many are paying shysters to be told ways to make $$$ fast with the assurance that the gullible euros will fall for it. Still can't beat the Nigerian astronaut trapped on the ISS though.

Holding a Grudge is so Yesterday Man

"In that case, the intended victim was marked for the chop "by someone you offended sometime ago". This caused a bit of a kerfuffle down here at Vulture Central since our list of possible offendees ran to hundreds, if not thousands of names."

Life's a Bitch, El Reg. .... Proving there is a GOD. ...... :-)

Your polonium is in the mail...

Hey, I have received a few of those a couple of months ago. Still kicking.

They don't make psychos like they used to

Time was, you couldn't say you were a real celeb unless you got a few death threats. Now they're handing them out willy-nilly, how will we be able to tell the truly famous from the merely Z-list?

Britons, rejoice

At last, we can benefit from this. They're asking for $9000 in total. Note that this will probably exclude sales tax and we'll benefit from a direct exchange rate deal!

None of this $9000 / £8000. At last, we reap the benefits

Heads he wins, tails you lose...

So it's either don't pay up and become dead. Or pay up and get "speared..."

Rock, hard place...

@Keir Snelling

"I might even whois the sending server's ip."

er, given the reply to is an @live.com address I suspect they're sending them out that way too.

You mean it's not real?

Damn, maybe the email I had today from the lovely-sounding Russian girl who wanted a relationship with me isn't real either.

Seen it

A client reported the same thing, well, almost word for word, back in February, from someone going by the name of killerofsoul@gmail.com. They were asking for $15k, so they look like they're dropping their prices a bit.

I think the customer's IT rep forwarded it to their local FBI field office, who, as far as I'm aware, tend to take a rather dim view of extortion, assassination and the like.

I think they sent this email to the wrong person!

To whom it may concern, I'm going to kill you...

Not if I kill you first!

At least he won't end up brain dead - he hasn't got one!

419teacher says...

Inventive, creative but not really 419 material after all this isn't offering the target anything by way of a carrot now is it? No no no - allowing you to live is not a 'carrot' it's just an offer to 'remove the stick'. Pure 419 feeds on greed, not fear. What you have there, and I pause now for the requisite dramatic effect, is... a 'death threat', and not a particularly nice one either.

Right... now then, if he'd said my "wife"... or an "ex-girlfriend".... I might have been taken in. Ah, no... I wouldn't, the ongoing court case would raise too many eyebrows - she'd never make that mistake... but if he'd said "a professional competitor" then I ...ah no... not much call for dead biologists really... but if he'd used "proper English" I might have been.... ah no it was all a bit iffy, erm, if he'd kept to the facts then I .... no, that would have made it even more rediculous... well, I suppose if he'd used a normal name then I'd have been more inclined to .... ... no... actually, who in their right mind warns their mark that they are about to be assassinated by someone who is prepared to accept a bribe? REALLY!!! How very *very* amateur.

In hindsight, if he knew anything at all about me then he'd also know that I don't have anything like the sum of money that he wants. Doesn't he read the papers - there's a credit crunch... ah of course... no, he doesn't read, that's why he writes like that.

Now that is good

Brilliant Tony Brilliant!

The, um, *dead* giveaway for me?

Is that none of my friends could possibly afford the services of a hitman. At least, not a hitman who'd be competent enough to worry me any. :^)

P.S. Mr Killer, thank you for the heads up. I won't be contacting the police, because they're a bunch of apathetic wasters who'd rather sit in a cozy office watching CCTV screens than get out in the fresh air protecting the proles, but you should expect a particularly nasty surprise as I happen to have one or two "friends of friends" who have links to organizations whose members are known for wearing black balaclavas and having a few automatic weapons buried out in the woods somewhere. I helped fix one of their computers one time, so I'm owed a favour.

Dead vulture because, heh heh, that's you, that is, Mr Killer. :-P

What has this world come to?

I mean really if you can't trust a hired killer to finish the job, who can you trust?

Back in my day if you took a contract you came through. This new generation of hit men are just not worthy of the name. I will be sending back my union card at once.

I feel left out!

I'm still getting the old scam e-mails but this one has an interesting bit in it. I'm apparently being sent boxes of money by diplomatic mail, via the below mentioned carrier, as soon as I give him my name, address, passport or drivers license and telephone numbers.

"As soon as I hear from you I will let you know when the boxes will be airlifted by special Grace of God."

Who needs DHL or Parcel Force when you can get things delivered by the Grace of God?!

419teacher says...

Now then Tom, that "lol" post really was truly fantastic. A massive improvement on the subject matter and reminiscent of a true 419 scam. I see a great future for you behind bars mate. LM(f)AO.

What you say !!

Anyone else reminded of this?

"You are on the way to destruction.

You have no chance to survive make your time.

Ha Ha Ha Ha .... "

No, no, please no, don't Britneyfy me, do anything you want, but not that, Br'er Fox!

"I might just spear your life"

Death by celebrification?

3rd time's a charm

First it was the RI ASS A.

Then is was the MP ASS A.

Now it's the ASS assin.

ha ha ha ha ha.....amazing that all three are complete morons.

Oh wow

And here I was thinking I would have to go with the highest priced assassin to end my life. Now it looks like I can hold the silent auction for whoever can end it for the least cost. Mr. Killer I'm going to put you down at $9000 USD I will await the next bid and inform you if you have been out bid.

Of course, you could just give me your address, passport, credit card numbers and next of kin, along with a $5000 deposit and I will happily send you a sum of $40million (rubles) when the bank releases the hold on my funds, to be the guaranteed contract (Mr.)killer of my life. Please no CoDs, checks or money orders, only cold hard currency will be accepted for the winning (Mr.)killer.

Now I can rest happy tonight knowing I wont be taken for more then my life is worth.

@Neil

"Damn, maybe the email I had today from the lovely-sounding Russian girl who wanted a relationship with me isn't real either."

It's worse than that - she's the one who hired out the hit. I guess you should have bought some of those PE-RX patches after all.

This one's true fellas

This one is not a scam. I should know: I didn't pay up and a few weeks later they killed me.