back to article Want a new career as a contract killer?

A bizarre case was reported in the Times last week of a woman who used a website - www.hitman.us.com - to hire a contract killer to “rub out” her multi-millionaire partner. Sharon Collins, 45 and a divorced mother-of-two, hired Tony Luciano – actually an Egyptian poker player called Essam Eid - to kill property tycoon P J Howard …

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Bronze badge
Paris Hilton

“security”, “armed”, “private” and “for hire” & Feeling lucky.

No thanks. If I have to look like one of those I'd rather take my chances with HM Job Centre.

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Joke

Demanding money?

Well, that gets all bankers then

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Joke

If you want a job done properly...

...you have to do it yourself.

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Coat

Couldn't we just...

... get a baptist kid with a new assault rifle and pay him/her with a kinder surprise?

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Thumb Up

What kinder surprise...

...were you thinking of?

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So 1998...

These days you use a Facebook app - just tick the friends you want dead. An for an add-on fee, you can have video of the hit sent to your iPhone.

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Go

At least she didn't try to hire...

...a theatrical company, specialising in gun-fight scenes, from the yellowpages.

(Assuming that wasn't an urban myth).

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Re: ...you have to do it yourself.

Well that didn't go so well for Hans Reiser, did it?

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Anonymous Coward

Gutted

I thought this was going to be a "how to" guide :(

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Pedantic rant

<pedant facts>

The hitmans job in this case was to murder PJ Howards sons (by poisoning them with Ricin apparently) whilst PJ was on holidays in Spain. The hitman was then to travel to Spain and throw PJ over the balcony of the apartment to make it look like suicide, distraught from the news of his two dead sons.

The hitman in question made the mistake of contacting one of the sons that he was supposed to murder, demanding more money to cancel the hit. It was at this point that the son informed the cops

</pedant facts>

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Boffin

Etymology

Hmmmm....gives a whole new meaning to the word "Googled".

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Coat

Yes, but...

does she have a friend called Tracy, and will Sharon spark a return of the traditional "Paddy" jokes...

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Anonymous Coward

Great Business Opportunity

I think I'll set myself as a hit-man online (with no intention of actually killing anyone) and see how many muppets can be persuaged to part with their money at an online hit-man store.

What are they going to do, call trading standards to say they paid for someone to be killed and it wasn't done?

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Joke

Silly woman

She should have simply informed the Bush administration that there was oil in her husband and they'd have sent a couple of thousand soldiers to shoot him.

Probably.

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Anonymous Coward

@Pedantic rant

hitman's - not hitmans

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Gold badge
Coat

You live and learn.

There was me thinking that "Google Hits" meant something else. Is it a free service?

Yup, the long mac with the silenced, skeleton grip Beretta in the inside pocket please.

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Dead Vulture

Sorry, anonymous coward..

...but your cash-raising wheeze (offer hitman-type services and not follow through) has already been tested and found wanting in the British courts.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1082094.ece

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@AC business opportunity

Yep would agree.

I'd thought about setting up a site with the URL gimmeyourmoney.com with just a paypal donation button a dn bit of text going on about how hard up I was to see how much I raked in (half to charidee of course)

Mind you reminds me of that Bin Liner's boys that thought he could use the same SIM and thus number but change his handet to avoid detection.

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Flame

@Pedantic rant AC

Actually, "hitman" is not in the OED so it should be "hit man" (which is how it is listed in Merriam Webster incidentally).

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Bronze badge
Anonymous Coward

wizardry

Some years ago in the suburbs of Washington, DC, a woman then serving on the county council decided she'd be better off without her husband. This being the days before Google, she got in touch with a fellow whose family had had run-ins with the county over its trash removal service. Despite any inherited hard feelings, he was not about to take part in a murder, and tipped the police.

Fairly standard stuff, you will say. Ah, but some months later yet another fool got in touch with the fellow to try to find a contract killer, and that other fool also ended up in jail.

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Alert

@pctechxp

Has also been done already:

http://www.savekaryn-originalsite.com/

She doesn't need money any more - successfully got herself out of $20k of debt.

Current site is here: http://www.savekaryn.com/

Now has a book out, god help us all..

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Dead Vulture

imagine the converstaion

" Hi, i am a *professional* (lol) hitman that has been hired to kill you. I work in privacy and am totally anonymous. You wont even see me coming.

But, today, I am offering you this one time opportunity to cancel the hit for a mere £100,000. Pay by Friday and receive a Free iPhone.

Let me give you my contact details... oh wait...damn, did my number show up when i rang you... bugger... <click>... "

almost worthy of the BOFH

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Bronze badge

If you want a hitman...

Just call up Luc Besson. He taught two of the best (Nikita and Leon) all of their tricks.

PS - This guy was loaded? Doesn't that make it "Grosse Point Bank".

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Paris Hilton

easy....

just contact blatanikov@gang.rus, well it worked in Hostel didn't it.....

paris cause she worked in a hostel too ... or does she own one?

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Silver badge

4 evilbobthebob

And the IRS.

And my wife (who, if I am to believe all these interweb stories is probably using it to finance a hit on me).

And Gary who runs the office football pool.

Clearly, law enforcement is lagging behind the curve here.

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jai
Silver badge

no women no kids

i always wanted to be a hitman

ever since i saw Leon and then a little later Gross Pointe Blank

even Assassins makes it seem like a cool job - much better'n sitting on my 'arris all day in front of a computer typing inane comments on El'Reg articles

and now that Wanted is in the cinemas, well that's just it, guns, action, money, and you get to get off with Angelina Jolie! WHY didn't my guidance counsellor at school suggest being a hitman to me when i was young enough to begin training? why did he leave it to Holywood to show me my ideal profession?

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Paris Hilton

Lying Eyes

From another good Eagles tune:

"Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky

You can see the stars and still not see the light"

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ian
Bronze badge
Pirate

Looking for an assasin?

Look no further: see anunciame.com.mx/a30459-sicario_asesino_sueldo.html.

Of course your intended victim must live in Mexico...

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Coat

What is the world coming to...

when you can't trust your hired killer to kill the people you hired him to kill?

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Anonymous Coward

El Reg, I'm disappointed

$12,700 (ish, going from memory here) for a hit? Amateurs, all of them. If you need a professional hit, and I mean a proper pro as in someone that does it for a living, your best bet is to look for ex-forces people in magazines like Combat 18 - I don't know if this one is still going or not, but there are several around the world, including one in which I advertise.

The contact number changes every week, calls to this number are routed through a minimum of 17 countries along with switching through Skype (for those who know, it takes a while before the phone starts to ring, and the number of countries is specific in order to avoid real time tracking which is stupidly easy) for both parties sakes, and the going rate (with a gaurantee that if caught the person with the weapon will deny all knowledge of who you are) is £15k plus, depending upon the difficulty of the target. I have known of a job which came to around £170k, largely due to the high profile nature of the target, and the sheer level of surveillance and planning required to successfully carry out the hit.

If it is a case of someone you know "knows a guy", walk away, unless the person *you* know happens to be the Teflon Don.. If it is a genuine need for a problem to disappear, check a particular type of magazine. The people are there. If you need them.

AC for obvious reasons

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Joke

@ AC 23:48 GMT

Surely it's just cheaper and easier to publicly accuse the problem of being a terrorist paedophile who downloads knock-off films?

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Pirate

SOF

I take it is not the done thing, to take a ad out in the back pages of 'soldier of fortune' nor ask a ex-PM's son.

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They should have a "reality" show

You know, like "The X Factor" but where prospective hitmen compete in showing off their murderous skills and get voted on to see who goes each week. Christ, if they used those fucking awful "winners" of other reality shows as the targets, even I'd watch the show!

Besides which, Simon Cowell seems to be quite good at finding people who can effectively "murder" any song, so the transposition into finding people who can murder others doesn't seem too great.

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