Icahn: No, you *can't* play with me, coz you're smelly and naughty and I don't like you! I wanna be friends with these Microsnotty folk coz they promised me lots and lots of stuff if I can stamp my feet and yell loud enough if I don't get my own way!

Microsnot: And if this doesn't work, we'll find some other stooge... <evil laughter>

Yahoo!: ...gulp...

to see the ! back where they belong

Problem: People are strange. They are increasingly reluctant to pay for software the functionality of which is available for free.

Solution: We must redouble our efforts to muscle in to the search and advertising game.

MS: Oi! Yahoo! Get over 'ere!

Y!: No!

MS: Hmmph. OK, how about if we...

Y!: Go away. Morons.

MS: (Feck!!!)

Chief Serf: Steve, what do we do?

Steve B: Advertising! Advertising! Advertising! Advertising!

Chief Serf: OK, as Steve points out, proprietary software is sooo last century. With Vista tanking, and half of our customers still running Office 95, we need a form of proprietary control insidious enough for for the new Millennium, I suggest we start buying up ISPs. They are the toll gates across the Internet on-ramps, they've got some great extortion-friendly tools: e.g. opting out of net neutrality, HTML re-writing, searching people's data for copyrighted code (heh, think of the fun we'll have with that!), flogging data regarding how many times users have accessed youporn.com, etc. it'll be cool. Let's run it by Steve.

Steve B: I. Luuuurrrrvvvv. This. Companeeee! Yeeehaaaaah!!!!

Chief Serf: Steve agrees. The new plan will be codenamed "All your BTs are us". We start immediately. Good luck gentlemen.