(snicker)

I heard from another website that you are actually General Zod. Is this true?

From,

Kneeling Mark.

I'm a level 70 Blood Elf Paladin. should I re-roll as a death knight when the new expansion comes out?

Coat!! I don't wear a Coat, I stay in on the computer all the time

Dear Moderatrix,

Every time I open the car door on my lovely Nissan Almera, I receive the most terrible electric shock. I'm considering changing my lovely nylon slacks for a pair of corduroys in an attempt to resolve the problem but find the idea of actually going to a shop to try on trousers baffling and not a little frightening.

Can you recommend a reliable website with a good range of static-resistant corduroys, preferably Teflon coated, with a 50" waist?

PS It's my birthday tomorrow. Does anyone want to come to my birthday party? Anyone?

No need to bother the Moderatrix, simply make sure you walk to the car, do a small jump in the air and WHILE STILL IN THE AIR touch the bodywork.

When you land, the static will dissipate through the soles of your feet (i.e. large surface area and therefore painless).

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck norris?

Dear Moderatrix,

Why do people always have to wave their e-peens about which online game is best (commonly seen between EVE-Online & World of Warcraft players, amoungst other), or about their 'I'm ex-level hahahahaha'? Is this because they've never grown up or is something more sinister at work here?

Are you free Friday night? XL's shut about 5 years ago, but there are still some decent rock clubs in Birmingham. A night in Scruffy Murphy's followed by some classic / hard rock at The Newt, then back to yours for some cuffs, chains, whips, and leather.

Come on baby, let's go.

The planet is in turmoil, children are being tested on what powers solar powers snails, superbugs rampage through hospitals leaving carnage in their wake, to much sun gives you cancer, to much sun cream gives you cancer, governments hyping terror threats and encroaching on civil liberties, every day there is something new that can or wants to kill you...

Many are saying the apocalypse is coming and we are all doomed so I thought I would ask the most vital question I can think of... what motorbike do you think I should buy next?

I assume it's somewhere between 0 and 360 degrees? I'd guess at 42 for obvious reasons.

Who ever needs anything other than PLUGH and XYZZY ?

I'm currently on the payroll of a largish consulting company, but there doesn't appear to be any work for me or any of my colleagues in our specialist area (bureaucratic government stationery redesign).

Do you know anywhere else that could I get a job using my skills: section numbering, making boxes that are just slightly too small to fit all the answer into, dense incomprehensible jargon including but not limited to descriptions of what to do when clause A applies clause B does not and clause C is in the supplementary paperwork that needs to be ordered separately with a SAE sent to the address listed in form 1022V/ii (this form has been Crystal-Mark approved)

Ta muchly.

a potato, which type would you be?

If there REALLY is a God, why did S/He make Paris Hilton?

Dear Moderatrix,

Since my wife morphed into an adept Starcraft (I) player I refer to her as 'My Little Zergling'. Further, she presently approves of the term.

Yet, after a brief period of inward chuckling, I find I am uncomfortable in these lofty heights of the nerdosphere.

It must stop! What is to be done?

Yours,

PS. Please don't forbid me/us to play Starcraft II. Anything, *anything* but that...

I'm revising for my A-level Biology exam, and can't work out the answer to one of the questions on the sample papers I'm using:

11. b) Why is the kidney the only organ to get it's own dish?

Can you explain why BMW drivers don't seem to understand what Indicators are for nor how they function?

Can you also explain why some BMW drivers seem to think that they are no longer BMW drivers since they sold the BMW and bought an AUDI?

Finally, is there any chance of me getting a bill through Parliament that would institute a BMW Drivers hunting season?

A T-mobile Nokia 6650 to review? I'll accept payment in afternoon beers, plus 17.5% extra in peanuts.

Oh, and I have a younger female friend [she's old enough to drink legally - I'm not that bad] who seems to be really quite enamoured with me. Her on-again/off-again boyfriend has habit of being a complete tit with her and hurting her all the time, whereupon she comes to me for support. She's a good lass and could do far better.

My question is, should I convince her to chuck the bloke, and then take her for myself?

And

If I *do* take advantage of her trust in me, will I go to hell for it?

Oh mighty Moderatrix, I pray you shall push your opinion on me and force me to comply with the aid of nipple clamps and the cat o' nine tails.

Steven R

The fact that you would recommend a man requiring trousers with a 50" waist should jump in the air shows you do not have the required qualifications to be an Agony Aunt.

I suggest you crawl back into your hole before the Moderatrix returns and beats you to a damp pulp - unless that's you thing.

It's obvious not to mix leather and latex, but is wearing a gasmask over leather an exception ?

What do you do when you've cuffed yer loved one, and forget to take of his/her bra ?

And on a more practical level: how the h3ll can you make latex clothes shine as much as they do in the pictures ? They always go dull after a few minutes, even with provided sprays. (and silicone spray is not an option for latex stockings when you have a nice hardwood floor. trust me on this one.)

When are you going to let Andrew Orlowski have his Optimus Prime back?

Now that he's destroyed Terminal 5 and Croydon, where will the Moderatrix be sending him before a final showdown with Megatron? Based on his current trajectory, I'd be worried if I lived in Sevenoaks...

I of course realise the current trend is for Play Mobile, which is all well and good.

But seriously wouldn't Lego be better?

Oh and megablox doesn't count, it is the inferior 3rd cousin who doesn't get invited to parties as it just doesn't fit in correctly.

and is DT really leaveing?

I'd be sorry to see him go....

The One with the Stalk of Celery on it!!

What is your opinion? CSS or Tables on my website?

Can you do my website for me? I will repay you in anyway you deem fit?

P.S Can I keep my meatballs?

"Can you also explain why some BMW drivers seem to think that they are no longer BMW drivers since they sold the BMW and bought an AUDI?"

Easy; BMW and Audi drivers are interchangeable as both cars register the same high reading on the Top Gear Cock-o-meter (TM).

why do people who want to be seen as non-sexist not realise that using "she" or "s/he" instead of "them" "they" & "their" makes them look like twats?

Please tell me

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains, and why do pens only leak when they are in your pocket?

"How many farts a day is considered normal?"

One, but it shouldn't last for more than twelve hours, otherwise seek medical advice and stay away from naked flames.

I said avoid naked flames!!!