All Mac haters.

There I said it.

Yes, bob, it was me.

Mines the one with the arms that buckle together at the back.

It seems to me that we clearly have a candidate for passing the Turing test. I'm not sure what this tells us about anything but I certainly can't tell if the comments are from humans or not.

My favourite comments on The Telegraph are by Eva who I've spotted several times responding to Jeff Randall pieces. She "is" a young lady from Poland working in London:

"Reason I write you is I have offered job me in Peppermint Hippo café for mens last night I go interview . They tell me much mens with lot money including 'oligarchs' you mention above here. Many mens from 'City'. I have to make coffee and take it to table and that is all he tell me I make £1,000 per day in tip tax-frees! Is this correct? I work in Café now and make £40 per day and tax--what different in Peppermint Hippo ?? He say uniform provided of costume of swimming because hot there. I see some girls so hot they take off costume ! My mother always told me : " Ava , Nie wychodzi jedyny przy wieczór późny nocny albo wilk będzie jeść was!" which means : " Ava , if you wear swimming costume in public , always shave armpits and empty bottom first !" I never forget my mother's advice . "

... and she posted an article on Friends Reunited about her life over there and how nice it all was. She finished with

"The only downside is, its the middle of October and its already bloody snowing!"

Penguin 'cos they like the snow.

This country!!!! Will the last person to leave NU-labor Englandstan plese turn out the lights!!!!

Either proves that the Tw*t-O-Thon is sentient or that a lot of people out there are actually robots.

Personally I back the latter interpretation.

/D

Bootnotes goddammit, bootnotes! It's not *supposed* to be taken seriously.

Sheesh. I suggest that El Reg staffers take to sticking the "Joke Alert" icon prominently on the more tongue-in-cheek Bootnotes articles in future.

I’m printing off and framing this i am also gonna get it laminated to my desk!!!! I really thought I was alone thinking this, im 22 and as soon as I convince my girlfriend I’m on my way to Canada! I just feel bad for the rest of my family who either cant afford or are too old to move!

Thanks for training me england!

The Tw*t-O-Tron is just a javascript with all the fields filled in, from what I know.

var mystring = opening2[b] + " " + hated_object[c] + " " + terrible_thing[d];

<!-- Copyright 2008 Chris + Ed - c.o ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com -->

Something like a perl script could fill in the fields by harvesting comments though, no reason not to do it and then it could create loops.

To make up for ruining the illusion.

ALL RIGH-TIHNKING PEOPLE KNOW THAT CRIMINALS ARE IGVING PRIORITY TO IMMIGRANTS BECAUSE THEY ARE ANTI-AMERICAN MARK MY WORDS PUT THEM IN AROCKET AND FIRE THEM IN TO THE SUN THIS SOUNDS TOTALLY CRAZY BUT IT IS SADLY PROBABLY TRUE

Winston Churchill Leeds

But on a more serious note the Torygraph article states that Canada wants our management consultants! As the saying goes: every proto-racist ignorant nostalgic diatribe has a silver lining. Or sumfin like dat, innit...

And I can finally get out of this downtrodden, limp dicked, always raining, constantly whining, imigrant infested, chav hugging, staffie shooting, Optimus Prime martyring, Daily Mail buying cuntry.

I can't wait. I won't be back until we build a wall round Wales and dump all the chav's over the top.

Actually, it's not the Chavs or the Staffies that are making me leave. The real threat to humanity and rationalisation as we know it surely the Daily Mail.

Whats the matter with Torygraph readers, have they all become Cameronised?

Well at least there is the Daily Mail to rely on, pity, thier readers are too busy gnashing teeth and frothing at the mouth to get online.

Its a pity the Canadians didnt make the offer more attractive, a few less Little Englanders would improve the Old Country no end.

Twatting turds coming here and taking jobs from layabout yobs and working harder than us innit bloody government letting all these illegulls in an terroristz wiv beards and islam and what not drinkin our beer and knobbin our women while prechin about abba instead of good chritian valewes wot we learnt at skool it our rulez and if they dont like it send um home where they belong to polish or eastern block or back to afghanistan and iraq where we can bomb them fighting for our country and they just take take take innit. gordon let um in lets get him out and all the immigrants too and go back to our britis valewes dam nanny estate

... and heading for Cornwall

.... England will just get better.

Mark my words.. it's obvious that health tourists are stealing my cartax because they want to turn Britain into an islamic state.. It's time we put them in loonyb in. Oh wait, but what about their 'human rights'!!!

BNP_RULES United Kingdom

They published this Tw@t-o-tron generated comment I sent them...

Posted by Captain Sensible london on July 01, 2008 03:00 PM

Gordon brown still it at i see. I read in the Sun that soft-touch Britain is betraying our freedoms. All true brits should BAN immoral TV. Its like a nightmare but real!!!

Hmmm, seen the "from the forums" spoof section in Private Eye for the last few months? Eerie... I hope the twatotron.pl's authors are currently ensconced at whalesong central whipping up a business plan to monetise the script, whilst proactively leveraging thought-leading strategic... blah, blah, blah.

Go, go, gadget twatscript.

the neighborhood. We don't want all you whiners (sorry, whingers) moving to Canada, we actually like them.

Except that last one, they all match up with the shithole this country is becoming. Maybe I'm just cynical because the local council house chav kids just set fire to the trees in the neighbouring playing field and nearly burned the privately owned houses down that are next to the trees?

> It's clearly what amanfrommars does in his spare time.

Actually, I though amanfrommars comments more closely resembled output from those text generators (i.e. Disassociated Press, Racter, Mark V Shaney) or the output of the M$ Word auto-summary function.

Yep every country has one, here in Australia it's called the pub. Nothing like having a whinge about the hot topic of the day over a cold one

Whilst politicians in general and Nu Labour in particular are at fault, my opinion is that the main cause in the fall in standards in this country is the media and the Sun and Star are at the top of the list (60+ pages of total trash).

This not funny.

Really wish I could leave, but cannot afford to any more.

Grumpy Old Git

Face up to it, there is no place to emigrate to. In the name of progress and globalization, the whole planet is being flushed. The combined looney politicians of all types and their codependent constituents combined with the apathetic masses who see no change with change in government are all circling the same drain.

Sincereley yours,

Twat-O-Tron

Nu-Labour is dead. Within 20 years we'll become an islamic state. Let's face it, the birthplace of the modern world has j'had-it!

Last one out turn off the HAL9000

Comment #6 is a real twat-o-tron cut and paste:

6. Posted by Handsome Bloke, Blighty on July 02, 2008 09:53 AM

this pot will probably be deleted. . when wil people realise that pedophiles are being run by communists because they ae traitors. we must string them all up. what next? encourage single-parenting? oops. htey do it already!