The Register® — Biting the hand that feeds IT

Stray left foot washes up on Vancouver beach

Robert Govier

Overheard in a bar in British Columbia last week 

Coat

"Any idea why 4 right feet have been washed up recently?"

"No, but I'd give my left foot to find out...."

Brian

"Grown 5 Feet" 

Joke

That's hilarious. What other jokes can we come up with? Let's see...

Canadian football team gaines 5 fold advantage?

Anonymous Coward

Foothold situation 

Coat

I, for one, welcome our new podiatric overlords.

Anonymously Deflowered

I've got a pile of coats here 

Coat

Ready to hand out to the inevitable "police think something is afoot" comment makers.

Tom

Ah yes... 

This will be an evolved sub-species of the Sole.

Maurice Shakeshaft

They'll be able to ... 

Coat

fathom it out when they get the 6th foot.

Sorry!

Coat, hat, door...

Gianni Straniero

"Bootnotes" indeed 

Coat

"We are certainly not discounting the possibility that this may be linked to the other recovered feet"

One of the other feet at most, surely.

"... why the coastline of British Columbia has grown five feet since last year"

Sea levels falling in this part of the world?

It's OK, I'm leaving.

Steve Mann

I say 

Something is definitely afoot here.

Will

and the IT angle is... 

IT Angle

it was reported in the BBC website...??

Ian Ferguson

Freak? 

Happy

Easy crime to solve - all they need to do is ask around for any family that is missing a man with four feet on his left leg that went jogging a few months ago.

foof

Dexter 

Pirate

The show was televised on a local channel just before the feet started washing up.

Coincidence? I think not.

Dale Harrison

Footloose and fancy free? 

Coat

I couldn't believe the phrase:- While police say there is "no evidence that the feet were deliberately severed or removed by force",

Am I allowed to be a teenager and say WTF !

So feet are falling off now! This will be some Euro crap about feet being an imperial measure or something.

Mind you, at least I can tell my wife that my willy is now officially improved to a length of... (consults ruler) 15 or something. (For the ladies reading I'm being modest :-) or talking in light years maybe)

Anyway I'm going to get my 90cm coat now.

Anonymous Coward

Well, no 

...While police say there is "no evidence that the feet were deliberately severed or removed by force"

You've got to love police understatement and caution when things like this happen. No evidence eh? Well, no, I suppose not. They probably just "fell off", eh?

ImaGnuber

Where is... 

...Daniel Day Lewis when you need him?

Someone had to say it.

Didn't they?

Eden

An Invasion? May I be the first to... 

Welcome our moist plantigrade overlords.

Anonymous Coward

Sharks don't like trainers? 

Just a thought...

Or why do people throw their feet into the sea? And how can they walk away?

EAfH, puzzled

pctechxp

Grown five feet 

Top class gag there, Mr. Haines as always.

Anonymous Coward

Footloose 

Does the shoe on the left foot match the shoe on any right foot?

Anonymous Coward

You found it 

Joke

That'll be the one that Daniel Day-Lewis has been looking for since '89...

Tsu Dho Nimh

Forensics 

Dead Vulture

"Evidence of deliberate removal" would be tool marks on the bones (saw or knife), or tendons ripped from attachment points.

C

that's grisly 

Dead Vulture

My first question would be DNA analysis to see if there are any matches?

I feel morbid for even reading this article.

Stu

Anybody know if these are human feet? 

Alert

...I mean, come on, not one mention of the supposed owner species!!!

Bears have feet too you know, they just go by the more traditional name - Paws.

They are still feet though - I quote the always accurate (???) Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot.

There are animals all over that page! ;-)

The Prevaricator

they'll never make it to trial... 

They don't have a leg to stand on.

/coat

/door...

John

Info is sparse 

Black Helicopters

They have been reporting on this news for a while here in the northwest. You would think they could give a little more detail, but they aren't. very interesting....

Anonymous Coward

Basic probability question... 

Coat

What's the probability that in a run of random foot tossings four right feet will turn up in a row?

Mine's the one that's been dragging in the mud on the right hand side.

Alfazed

could it be (the IT angle) 

IT Angle

that illegal imigrants have discovered a novel method of sneaking into Canada, having previously gained the assistance of Canadian beach combers via eMail message exchanges on Face Book or whatever .............

Can't find my coat since my last humiliating exit.

ALF

Old Man - Grey Fleece

Podiatric opinion 

Go

I am glad that these feet were wearing trainers as these are well known to provide excellent support and to enhance the biomechanical function of the foot - good choice. Professional opinion provided by my wife.

Jesse

No Evidence 

Joke

"We have no evidence that the feet were deliberately severed or removed by force" the detective was quoted as saying, "The shoelaces were still tied"

Jon Tocker

@ Anonymously Deflowered 

Coat

police think something is afoot... I'll take a large in black if you have it - I could do with a new coat.

So am I to understand that "Going clubbing in Canada" is to be replaced by "Going sole-searching in Canada"?

Maurice Shakeshaft: If they had another 18,224 they'd be in a completely different league.

heystoopid

Sounds like 

Paris Hilton

I was watching a BBC Horizon TV program first aired March 2008 recently about the what had happened to the body of the late Alistair Cooke called "How Much Is Your Dead Body Worth ?" where the report detailed that an illicit trade in body parts from funeral homes is worth big dollars due to the lack of donors and the answer was a surprising USD$261,500-00 !

Now since one in seven literally die from assorted terminal cancers , these crooks motivated only by greed and lured by the high prices , they literally cut up the bodies in funeral homes to retrieve the wanted items charge the usual high fees and or merely hand wood ashes back to the grieving family and then live the high life on the proceeds from both jobs !

Hmmm , after viewing that program and seeing these reports , one can suspect that some one in Canada or the US just across the border have been dumping the unsold parts from supposedly cremated bodies from assorted funeral homes at sea but have literally failed to take into account the coastal currents and tide changes !

Truth can be stranger then fiction as some celebrities well know !

Graham Marsden

If they find one more... 

Coat

... will this mean a new series of Six Feet Under...?

Mr Larrington

The police 

Joke

are currently attempting to determine the whereabouts of Jake the Peg's children.

Anonymous Coward

Sharks take a dump! 

I reckon that sharks ate some bodies but couldn't digest the trainers which still had the foot inside!

If there are shark tooth marks on the trainers that might be a good clue...

S

Anonymous Coward

@ Stu - Anybody know if these are human feet 

Alert

Last time I looked, animals didn't wear trainers ... at least they don't here in the UK!

Anonymous Coward

I don't believe this... 

Coat

...it's just a legend (cough). Or at most a minor footnote in history. In fact, I'm surprised this story has legs, but if it is true, those responsible should tread carefully, since I'm sure the local plod will quickly step up to the mark.

Bye.

Jon Tocker

@ heystoopid 

Sounds like a good incentive to arrange in your will that the medical/scientific community can *buy* your body from your heirs for a "mere" $200,000 (saving them $61,500) and your family, instead of being $5,000+ poorer, will have a couple of hundred grand to play with.

Only people who will lose out are the unscrupulous bastards who'd charge your family > $5,000 and sell your corpse for $261,500.

BTW, I've also heard of the rogues stripping the coffins of all the fancy extras you bought to send off your beloved in style so they can sell them again to the next poor saps who want a fancy coffin with all the trimmings.

And do we really believe that that beautiful casket with all the brass on it that you *bought* actually goes into the furnace when the body is cremated?

Since "vulture" has already been appointed to journos, I propose "buzzard" to refer to funeral directors - they both live off the dead.

Barry Rueger

Bootnotes? 

Oh, how clever.......

Brad Darwin

There is an explination 

Black Helicopters

The story they've been floating around is that these are just the feet of regular old missing/drowned/dead bodies. The bodies sink once they've been in the water long enough, but the ankle joint is fairly weak and breaks as decomposition begins. Since the feet were all encased in trainers (which are buoyant), they float to the surface once free of the body. The foot washes ashore, leaving the rest of the body behind.

The fact that there have been four left feet is just coincidence.

Black helicopter because this is what they WANT you to believe.

Bob

It's a twisted fact but... 

Pirate

...where people have attempted or even succeeded in committing suicide by leaping from bridges, cliffs etc it has been documented that from above a certain heights feet have a habit of snapping off on hitting the water.

Anonymous Coward

Hospital waste 

Probably Gangster waste firms dumping hospital waste out at sea.

Also Christy brown had both feet, how ever his left foot was very dexterous and allowed him to paint and write.

Neil

Foot-sea 

Coat

My friend has 2 left feet....he wears flip flips.

Coat

Gone.

herman

Sharks won't eat sneakers? 

Dead Vulture

I wonder what sneaker brand is so stinky that even sharks won't eat them?

Anonymous Coward

@Jun Tucker 

Coat

"and your family, instead of being $5,000+ poorer, will have a couple of hundred grand to play with"

You don't seem to have considered the tax implications of the transaction. Death, taxes, coat, door, etc.

Jon Tocker

@ AC 18/6/08 16:56 

"You don't seem to have considered the tax implications of the transaction. Death, taxes, coat, door, etc."

Don't post anonymously - I like to know the names of those who brighten my morning with laughter.

bws

a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step... 

Coat

So, I think it's moderately safe to assume that the victims were within 500 miles of the initial foot sightings?

Its stories like this that really creep me out as I don't really know if it's an actual tragedy or more of a foot fetish, gone slightly awry… I mean talk about the moral paradox (or in this case podidox)!

And not to discount any conclusive evidence that may suggest that sharks have a more discriminating palette or smart fashion sense to be seen consuming or caught dead wearing a single "trainer", let alone both, remains to be seen. I've personally seen distant fresh water relatives of sharks consume some things that best not be mentioned in a public forum, the best of which could hardly be more appetizing that a leather clad foot.

That's it, leaving without any fanfare as this is just wrong on so many different levels...

Anonymous Coward

hmm 

So if I need an organ I know were to go