back to article Lunar mini-mole missile probes tested against Welsh target

Penetrator probe missiles designed to be fired from an orbiting, robotic space mothership into the dark side of the Moon have been tested on targets in Wales. The moon harpoons are expected to confirm the exact makeup of the lunar crust, possibly by the deployment of robotic moon-tunnelling mole cruisers. Blighty's missile moon …

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Anonymous Coward

can I be the first...

to welcome our Clanger overlords.. toot toot..

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crustbuster barrage

I now have this fearsome mental image of the latest advance in washing powder technology.

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Paris Hilton

It has to be said..

Surely Paris should be invovled in all Penetration Testing?

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Coat

Air filled caverns - two points

1. Not once they've had the slow leak as a result of a penetration.

2. Why test it in Wales? The holes there not exactly full of breathable air. Not even the ones in the ground (ahem). Why do you think everyone is called "Di(e)"?

Mines the one with the keys to the cottage in, thats right, the one on fire.

Nos da.

AC as I lived there and have, well, had an IT friend or two still there. I know whereof I speak.

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Alien

Dark side?

C'mon Mr. Page, everybody should know that there is no dark side of the moon, even Pink Floyd's eponymous album ackowledges as much in the sleeve notes. There's a _far_ side, but it gets as much light as any other part of the moon.

Ms. Sherriff wouldn't have made that mistake.

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Pirate

"conductive to human life"

Perhaps they may have meant to say "conducive"? Conductive rather gives the feeling that they're looking for somewhere that can drain the life from people, and surely they don't need to leave the UK to find that?

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Is the Moon conductive to human life

Dear Jesus,

I have considered the course of human events and our pathetic attempts to understand your great creation and in so doing I have reached the point of suicidal depression. I am writing you this letter asking you to make yourself known and prove your existence to the world, or strike us all dead. I can't stand the insanity any longer.

The tipping point for my feelings was an article from a UK (you know the little island where people talk funny and smell of fish and vinegar) company who have created a device to determine if "the Moon conductive to human life" and to redesign the moon in the likeness of a place called "Wales". Outside of the obvious pork (unclean nonbelievers) related issues we already know that there is no air on the Moon, the soils aren't exactly fertile, and there isn't any water - so instead of shooting holes in the moon (I'm sure you've seen the movie and know this will end badly) can't you just make a quick appearance and let people know that they are wasting tax dollars, and time, by continuing the explore a big rock whose only purpose is controlling the tides and as a robotic weapons launching platform from which to destroy the Communists, Druse, Buddhists, Muslims, Catholics, Jews, scientists, evolutionists, and hippies.

Sincerely,

Solomon Grundy

P.S. If you decide to make an appearance can you stop by my house for a cocktail afterwards. I'd love to introduce you to some of my friends and maybe you can do that wine to water trick. I'm down to two bottles of this fantastic '83 French number that I can't afford to replace because I gave all my money to the intelligent design lobbyist groups.

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Coat

@John Donovan

There is a dark side of the moon, it's just that it's not a set location.

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"Is the Moon conductive to human life?"

Empirical observation would suggest that the moon would conduct life rapidly away from anyone stepping out of their space ship without some sort of spacesuit.

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Joke

Unanswered questions

Maybe it's just me, but...

1. Once the probes find Lunar mini-moles, how do we transport them back?

2. Will they breed in captivity, or only on the wilds of the dark side of the moon?

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Black Helicopters

Hmmm

A bit of an obvious one here..

They appear to be testing bunker busting style missiles for use against targets on the moon, so..

What do They know that we don't ?

Is the Soup Dragon about to be declared the new Saddam? or is she the new Chemical Ali ? (Blue String Pudding, or deadly human destroying bio-weapon?, always brewing up 'soup' (hah, a likely story) in a well protected deep lunar cavern..definitely up to no good).

I really must dust off my old UFOnut book collection..if I can find them..Don Wilson I think was the one with a bee in his bonnet about the Moon..and I must trawl the usual conspiracy pages after this story to see when someone uses it as proof that 'we're going to nuke those Al-Qaeda lovin' terrist anal probin' sonofabitchin' greys out of their bases on the darkside of our moon..'

I can't hear anything, so I reckon there's a super-stealth black helicopter just outsi...EOT

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If they puncture the moon's surface..

What's to stop it going pprrrrrrffffffffffftttt and vanishing along a very wavy trajectory?

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Thumb Down

does anyone else think...

...that 'qinetiq' is quite possibly the most risible company name ever?

what besuited arsewipe thought that one up? - "it's like got two 'Q's but like neither of them is like followed by a 'U'. it's so like left of field and like out of the box..." etc.

presumably the same kind of knob-end who would spell 'cool' with a 'K'

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Paris Hilton

moon harpoon

Good to see someone else getting it for a change.

you know why

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Black Helicopters

Alternative Target

They perhaps should fire it into the Welsh Assembly in a (VAIN) effort to find intelligent life-----

Gary

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@Solomon Grundy

Dear Solomon,

I have forwarded the main request over to the man, i.e. daddy, as he is more of the "strike groups of people down"-kind of guy than I. As for the cocktail party at your house and what you refer to as my "wine to water"-trick. Are you mad? I have never done such a thing.

Jesus

Carpenter

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Paris Hilton

Likely Lunar inhabitants

Re: 'Lost temples filled with high-tech artifacts in underground, air-filled Lunar caverns - perhaps guarded by a bizarre race of mutant mushroom men ...'

My early SF research (Edgar Rice Burroughs novel cover pages circa 1917) indicate that at least some of the extra-terrestrial races will be beautiful, buxom and barely covered. So what are we waiting for? Luna awaits!

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Silver badge

Boring!

These projectiles that are potentially boring sound like some gizmos I once saw in a film called Phantasm. As for Al Qaeda etc, have you seen how many moslem flags have representations of the moon on them? It has long been a base for training Jihadis so just be careful where you poke your boring projectiles!

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