
"God is everywhere and soon your local police will be too."
Yeah, OK. Trying to find a policeman round here (they're all guarding the Carling Academy from being stolen....) is an excercise in futility matched only by phoning them and asking for help:
-If you have information about teh terrirests, press 1.
-If you have information about illegal mp3 distribution, press 2.
-If you have seen someone exceed the speed limit and have their licence plate number along with a photograph, press 3.
-If you are a MP and require a bodyguard detail to accompany you for a kebab, press 4.
-If you know a good donut shop, press 5.
-If you know how to work this new technical thingie we've just been issued, press 6.
-If you have seen someone smoking in, or near, a location where this is prohibited, or you believe smoking should be prohibited, press 7.
-If you believe someone has imbibed more than the government's new recommended weekly intake of alcohol, press 8.
-If you have seen someone appear to think for themselves, rather than staying at home and watching reality TV, press 9.
-For all other enquiries, including murder, rape, assault, burglary, arson, criminal damage etc, please hold until a badly-trained member of our civilian support staff gets back from their coffee break and disconnects you.
Black helicopters, cos I fall under at least a few of those, and THEY ARE WATCHING!!