Posted Friday 16th May 2008 13:43 GMT
Human misery stories are so entertaining. I hope to read many more of them on here.
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 13:43 GMT
Dear Usenet Oracle, whose occularities are recorded since the dawn of time, please can you zot El Reg's Moderatrix, who is clearly your inferior clone?
(I owe the Oracle six woodchucks and some spiky heels)
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 13:44 GMT
Yes?
Hmm.
Truly Zen. I stand in awe. Or rather, sit in the lotus position, staring at a cave wall, chanting a mantra, contemplating your wisdom, in awe.
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 14:15 GMT
she ansered my questions my existence is validated and I might even dare to hope that she knows my name or at least reconises the letters it is made out of I can now die a happy person
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 14:15 GMT
Usenet Oracle vs The Moderatrix - FIGHT
No contest, in my opinion. The Moderatrix wins on the following counts:
1. Is female
2. Is not beardy
3. Does not think wearing shorts to work is an acceptable fashion choice for men
4. Does not collect ancient Sun kit
5. Fights dirty
Cease and desist before you get spanked.
Happy POETS day, all.
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 14:15 GMT
Why do women go to the loo in pairs?
I mean, if you're both having a few drinks and they happen to hit your bladders at about the same time, that's understandable. And if it's an excuse to get away from the blokes and have a private chat, that's fine too. But when two women head into the same *stall* together...?
Yes, yes, I know one possible explanation - but sadly for the state of men's fantasies, that probably doesn't match up with the statistics. So is it just they just feel such a need to gossip that they can't bear to stop even when they're having a slash? Or is there some deeper female conspiracy at work here which needs to be revealed? Sadly the few people who maybe could tell us have been arrested for drilling holes in toilet walls and aren't in a position to provide information. So can the Moderatrix enlighten us on what's going on here?
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 14:18 GMT
moderation would a moderatrix moderate, if a moderatrix could moderate moderations?
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 14:34 GMT
so 15:26 on Parson's Green. What happened 7 minutes ago? Was guidance given?
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 14:34 GMT
Some friends of mine are a couple, both female (and both hot, which is great, unfortunately they've never invited me for "that sort of evening".... bah!), and they've told me about the local "specialist sexual orientation catered for" nightclub they frequent actually has "twin stalls" in the ladies, specifically for that sort of shenanigans.
Happy fantasies...!
(Paris, as I'd imagine she'd be quite popular there...)
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 15:07 GMT
Have you never heard of "I'm just going to the ladies room to powder my nose...."?
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 15:07 GMT
I can't remember when I last read so much common sense advice in one place. More, Moderatrix, more!
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 15:07 GMT
There are shoes and handbag stores in all female toilets, this is why:
a) they go to toilets in pairs (review potential purchases, provide moral support etc ad nauseam)
b) it takes them so bloody long!
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 15:46 GMT
They need an extra pair of hands to undo and tie up their corset.
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 15:56 GMT
...put yer pinnie back oan and git me anudder beer lass.
Icon - me in about 30 seconds.
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 15:56 GMT
>The Arctic rodents were in fact fitted up as mammalian Cobains by Disney, whose photographers actually drove a herd of the helpless creatures over a Canadian cliff for the wildlife "documentary" White Wilderness in 1958.
Why can't I tell if you're being serious or not? Have I really descended to such levels of cyncism that I can believe The Mouse is EVIL? What happened to the <irony />?
Fantastic piece - more please!!
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 18:47 GMT
Guidance was given. More, the Moderatrix will not allow me to say.
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 18:49 GMT
It is actually true that Disney did this, not himself, oh no, he ordered his gang of minions to do it.
Also Disney has made some other interesting films, even one about menstruation. Although this didn't involve pushing post-pubesant girls off a cliff.
This post has been deleted by a moderator
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 18:49 GMT
this is only the first step on the path to Reg readers meeting up in the big bad IRL, drinking beer, sleeping on one another's couches and interfering with their unmentionable areas. And I ain't talking bad boot blocks, people. Is this what you want? Really? Take one look at the photos from the Reg birthday booze-up for an inkling of what that particular future holds...
@Andrew Oakley: look further into your memories of the Oracle and you'll doubtless encounter Lisa, the original net.sex.goddess, of whom this is actually an inferior clone. Good call on the *ZOT*, mind you
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 21:18 GMT
The Usenet Oracle is unimpressed with your attempts to prevent him scoring with the Moderatrix and has decided to offer your infinite suffering as a gift on their first date.
You owe the oracle a last request.
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 21:18 GMT
Amazingly enough, the book "The Caves of Steel" by Isaac Asimov, in wriitng about the cultural impact of an overpopulated future, actually included a reference to the "First Rule of the Gents"...
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 21:22 GMT
What is even more disturbing is that henceforth, whenever I wait with that frisson of nervous and slightly moist excitement to see whether the Moderatrix will Approve my dubious and desperate choice of title or will merely Cast Me Into Utter, Utter Darkness, I will always experience a flashback to that first fresh first printout of file LISA.LISA ...
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 21:22 GMT
the lemmings WERE pushed.
Most of those Bobo the wild bear gets caught in a bear trap Disney flicks were set up at the poor animal's expense, too. :-(
Posted Saturday 17th May 2008 17:53 GMT
I sleep very little and rarely do anything useful at work, but it still hasn't done it for me.
Posted Saturday 17th May 2008 17:53 GMT
coz you can't pass a line of coke between two stalls...
Posted Monday 19th May 2008 09:20 GMT
And why do I need to type a comment, when everything I wanted to say is already in the title?
Posted Monday 19th May 2008 16:13 GMT
I am told by a female friend of mine (yes, there are two, TWO, geeks here who have hot female friends), that girls go into a stall two at a time because there is usually a queue in the toilet and it guarantees the second gal can get into the stall without having to battle the queue too much.
It's the equivalent of buying two pints at once I guess....although I'm not sure how comfortable I am with that comparison...
Posted Tuesday 20th May 2008 13:21 GMT
I suggest giving up WoW and playing a better MMO instead.
Fire because 'best MMO' ends up the way of 'Best OS' and Amiga vs. Atari
Posted Wednesday 21st May 2008 12:02 GMT
Surely they'd be next to each other in the queue so they wouldn't have to battle the queue just take the next available stall?
Mines the one hanging on the back of the toilet door
Posted Wednesday 21st May 2008 12:50 GMT
Beats me, I dont have first hand knowlage of this....and fingers crossed never will. For all I know its a vicious crazy stampede in there! Infact...knowing a couple of my ex's I wouldnt be too suprised if there was violence and kicking involved with the whole 'female queueing in the loo' deal.
Posted Friday 30th May 2008 10:18 GMT
Perhaps one could explain the the ultimate question for me ?
In advertising If something is new and improved, How can it be new if its just been improved ? and how can it be improved if its new ?
Even the great god Google cant enlighten me on this......
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