back to article Life a mess? The Moderatrix can help

It's come to our attention that some of you have lost your way a little on this journey we call life, and are wandering aimlessly while attempting to answer the fundamentals of existence. How do I install a printer driver on Umbongo Linux? I'm hungry - should I order pizza or a bucket-'o-plumped-chicken-gizzards? If I have a …

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Coat

"Strict Guidance"?

Please tell me it's Sarah and not Paris....!!!!!

"Whatever you say, Mistress...."

<- the one with the numerous interesting straps, thanks!

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Unhappy

Existential angst

What's it all about? Is it all worth it?

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Unhappy

Stop the World

Is there anyway to stop the world because I wish to get off.

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Coat

Where is the cloakroom?

That i might get mine coat... And what is that beeping noise?

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Ben
Silver badge
Unhappy

Bit of a poseur...

Chuck Norris is my dad. He doesn't know this yet, but im if I tell him, will I get a back-log of years of Roundhouse Kicking discipline?

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Paris Hilton

hmm

If i have an IT angle, will Paris wear my coat?

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: hmm

Come on, folks. Dig deeper. Stare into the void.

Into the VOID.

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Joke

Good morning - It's Groundhog Day !

Reg Comments seems to be taking on a life of its own. However most of the time it's just like Groundhog Day with the same content regardless of the story.

Can we have a clear classification system for posters?

The "Me Too" - Nothing to say so I'll agree with someone else just to get a posting on the board.

The "Knocker" - Doesn't know the subject that well but that smug know-it-all who does needs taking down a peg or two!

The "Last one Laughing" - Take everything literally and suffers a total humour failure

The "First Past The Post" - Reads every other word in 10 sec flat and posts inflammatory drivel in a surge of adrenalin.

The "Troll" - The traditional stirrer position

There are more of course. I think this system could really streamline the comments

:o)

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Dex
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^ What he said

What Mike said, Sarah can dominate me anytime :P

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Coat

is there more than showers

Even after having a shower women won't sleep with me, is there anything else I can do. Hang on, have to go just found a new half life mod,

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Happy

Can I have some money?

Please??

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Stop

Tuna

I'm often stumped by which variety of tuna to buy. I'm a bit indifferent to the taste, it's all the same with mayo. So which will make me a healthier person/a better global citizen/smell less? Brine, spring water, sunflower oil or olive oil?

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How do I get to meet the Eee beach blonde?

And shouldn't she have her own icon?

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Coat

but . . . .

In a conundrum, who does The Moderatrix turn to for answers ???

/mines the one you have to ask about

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Boffin

Green or an oily film?

Considering that without atmospheric CO2 Earth would be an iceball and that all the fossil stored CO2 will be used up at some point, I am failing to buy into this whole eco-group-think.

Should I continue with my petrol-fuelled beliefs, or should I become and eco-nut?

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Good vibrations

Dear Moderatrix,

I have a slight recurring problem, which happens every day, without fail, just as my bus arrives (as I'm heading in to work). There is a particularly bumpy bit of road just before my stop, and as the bus goes over it, it rattles my cage and...er... sends my genitalia into an excited state. It's very embaressing getting off the bus and walking through the street with alert genitals in my pants.

I have tried various solutions - covering it with a newspaper, walking with my jacket held over my arm (even in rainy weather), but nothing can hide it's presence. It's especially embaressing when I realise a colleague of mine is disembarking the bus at the same time as me, and we have to walk side by side to work - 200 metres with a stiffy :|

Apart from not taking the bus, how do I get round this embaressing situation (no permanent solutions please though, I still need him alert for the missus)?

-Stiffy

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Guy
Coat

What did I do wrong?

I grew up as a geek / nerd (Depending on your definition of both)

I watch sci-fi, I can debate the intricacies of technology differences between Star Trek and Star Wars, I have been known to read a comic or two, and have certainly been known to roll a D20 or two in my time. I can diagnose a computer with my eyes shut, and have a variety of OS's running on my home computer cluster.

Yet somehow I managed to get a wife and child (that's right my fellow reg readers, I have had sex and have the proof to back that claim up), I'm not shunned from parties and have been known to give a speech without resorting to techno babble. Heck if it comes to it, I'm also known to have a shower more than once a month! (No seriously, like everyday or something, I know it's wrong but I can't stop)

So the question is what did I do wrong? Where did I lose my way on the track of life known as geekdom? How did I de-rail and join 'society'? How can I hope to get back to the right way of life?

Please Moderatrix (OK, Sarah if you insist) share with me your wisdom, tell me how I should proceed, I feel like I'm letting the team down.

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Coat

Who...

moderates the Moderatrix?

Or should the question really be; Who would DARE moderate the moderatrix?

The one with "Whip me mistress!" and "Thank you, may I have another?" on the back.

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@ Mark_T

Sounds exactly like usenet, just after AOL started up. You missed Godwin's law, however, which needs it's own category.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law

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Jobs Halo

I'm stuck

I'm stuck in a joke with no prospects. I need to get a better joke, one that will pay a lot more money, and earn me the respect I deserve.

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Joke

Good morning - It's Groundhog Day !

Reg Comments seems to be taking on a life of its own. However most of the time it's just like Groundhog Day with the same content regardless of the story.

Can we have a clear classification system for posters?

The "Me Too" - Nothing to say so I'll agree with someone else just to get a posting on the board.

The "Knocker" - Doesn't know the subject that well but that smug know-it-all who does needs taking down a peg or two!

The "Last one Laughing" - Take everything literally and suffers a total humour failure

The "First Past The Post" - Reads every other word in 10 sec flat and posts inflammatory drivel in a surge of adrenalin.

The "Troll" - The traditional stirrer position

There are more of course. I think this system could really streamline the comments

:o)

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Jay
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The Bridgekeeper

Moderatrix,

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

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Tom

Whats comes first? the socks or the pants!

Given that X=Y and the world is round, can you tell me if its a sin to put your socks on before putting on underpants? I come to this critical point every morning of my life and can not determine if putting socks on first will send me to hell or will open my eyes to a greater good of tackle in the wind with cosy feet.

Please Help!

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Anonymous Coward

Definitions...

I have a tight golden ring with 6 prongs three point up three point down..

Is it a hexapod or a tripod?

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Void? OK.

Well, you did ask....

According to Miyamoto Musashi, the Kensei, in his seminal work "Go Rin No Sho":

"In the void is virtue, and no evil. Wisdom has existence, principle has existence, the Way has existence, spirit is nothingness."

Should we therefore aspire to the state of void, where virtue is present but "evil" is not, where virtue thus becomes meaningless due to the absence of its opposite - or should we abstain from the void state, in order to allow virtue to have meaning?

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Anonymous Coward

Paranoia...

I was a teenage bot master and now I see ginger midgets everywhere, is it Scientologists, the FBI, CEOP, Hazel Blears, or should I just lay off the weed?

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Boffin

How many roads must a man walk down...

... before he gets run over?

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Jobs Horns

Help...

I appear to have become entangled in Apple's Reality Distortion Field. It's rather disturbing, and very very shiny. Is there a way out?

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Go

Some Questions

1) When will the Playmobil dioramas be available on Cash & Carrion?

2) Can the moderatrix questions/answers be done in the form of a Playmobil diorama?

3) Why don't we ever hear of 418 fraudsters? Is that the section covering selling an animal at the fair that's trained to return to you?

Have to say though, the moderatrix sounds like someone who'd jury rig a taser out of a harpoon gun and a scalextric controller

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What do I want to be

when I grow up?

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Alien

<jedi> this isnt the title you're looking for </jedi>

Is this just like Ask Elvis on Steve Wright in the afternoon?

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Anonymous Coward

Spam, spam, spam...

Do spammers get spam?

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Anonymous Coward

Timezone problem

If you are in Niue at 23:30 on, for example, a Monday, and you call someone at Kiribati, at Kiribati it's already Wednesday, 00:30. What would happen if you said your friend "See you tomorrow"? Would you ever meet him/her?

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Two things.

1. I think I'd like to marry Sarah.

2. As Carl Sagan so elequantly put it:

<regarding a photograph of Earth taken from the Voyager probe>

"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."

So my life might be a mess, but it really does not matter. Sarah, you and I, we're stardust baby - we belong together! You bring the whips and I'll provide the astronomical observation equipment.

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Go

Where does your lap go..

when you stand up?

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2b||!2b

I'm not sure where my fingers have been, should I lick them?

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Anonymous Coward

Have merci! Please help!

I've secretly consulted Wikipedia although El Reg told us it is evil. Will I become a liar and a cheater? Will I burn in Hell (trickle, trickle, trickle)? Are you going to bite my hand, too? Does El Reg sell Reality Wafers (TM) to spare me from disinfosease?

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Stop

If El Reg could chuck wood

How Zotted is El Reg going to get when the Usenet Oracle finds out about this?

Will Sarah Bee the new Lisa?

Are you prepared for the deluge of questions about woodchucks?

Why is a cow?

Sorry. I'm older than I look.

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Stop

You Sooooooo asked for this

Oh Reg what hast thou unleashed ?

You didn't see all this coming ?

RE: Senor Beavis

Ya, thanks, nice one ;oP~~~~

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Questions

Is it hypocritical for vegans to keep pets?

Would/should an environmentalist, given the ability, go back in time and stop the asteroid hitting the earth which destroyed the dinosaur's environment, allowing the human strand of evolution to flourish?

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Why

does El Reg not have a Moderatrix Icon?

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@Sarah Bee

I'm sick and tired of acronyms. What is this VOID you speak of?

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Paris Hilton

Strippers?

If a stripper gives you her number(and its real) why wont she return your calls?

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Anonymous Coward

The woodchuck corollary...

Never mind the woodchucks.

How much ham would hamster stir if a hamster had stirred ham?

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Boffin

Please help!

I've just moved into a new flat with a member of the opposite sex, and I'm not sure how to confess my addiction to Eve Online. I've managed to hide it up until now, but we've discussed PC gaming and she thinks the only people doing it are "internet wierdos"

I'm dreading the first time burst into the room and catches me typing away, with my headset on, discussing ship fittings. Should I have some pr0n or something open in the background so I can switch to that and not get busted?

Please help!!

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ps

Why don't any shops sell Nestle Crunch bars any more?

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Thumb Up

Home

What time can I leave without everyone who hasn't left thinking "what a slacker"?

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Anonymous Coward

Endless questions....

In the article "Google kills Anonymous AdSense account" how did they know the account name?

Is it hypocritical for vegans to kill their crabs?

Why are all laptop screens ludicrously glossy?

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Ultimate question?

Forty Two

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Joke

@Carl Sagan

Carl, how many times do I have to remind you, stay out of the Total Perspective Vortex!

Share and Enjoy!

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