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back to article Welsh Darth Vader dodges jail

A Welsh man, Arwel Wynn Hughes, from Holyhead has avoided jail for attacking two would-be Jedis with a crutch while disguised as Darth Vader. Hughes, whose attack was captured on video, was sentenced to two months in prison suspended for 12 months. Two keen Welsh Jedis were filming themselves having a pretend light sabre fight …

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Coat

Disappointed

and I thought we were gonna see some decent two jedi on one sith action.

Mines the one with the death sticks in the pocket...

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most of a 10 litre box of wine?

having watched the beeb video, and watching the miscreant in question I seriously doubt he had drunk most of a 10 litre box of wine, and run around and then run off over the wall.

I smell legal shinnanigans to get the taffy out of clink.

After all if I had drunk nearly 20 pints of wine (using 1 pint = 0,5 litres as a rough ballpark) I would either be: comatose, very very sick and unable to walk or talk, or hospitalised sucking back on a big hose whilst the pumped my stomach.

and why did not the Jedi's force push him away into a bin?

bah hokey religeons are no match for a good blaster at your side

mines the one with the YT1300 keys in the pocket and covered in wookie hair thanks

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Unhappy

Darth came over from the park side

What were two Jedi's doing fighting each other? That's NOT the way of the force.

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Anonymous Coward

ten litres of wine

22 pints? of wine?

I suspect not even the real Darth Vader could manage that trick.

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Jay
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Undeniable proof

that Wine is rich in Midiclorians.

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Bronze badge
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That it?

I'm surprised it got to court at all.

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Coat

Wieners

Isn't there some kind of fine that can also be slapped on these two whiny little bitches for being (a) hopelessly pointless (b) pathetic wienies?

Mines the black one with the shiny silk trim.

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Coat

Chavader!

LOL! that video is the lamest Sithlord assault I've ever seen!

he didn't even make a vrzoooom noise when he swung his crutch...

Mine is the one with a gallon of wine in the lining.

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Are you f*kin' kidding me?

Common Assault, Court, a suspended sentence, for THAT??? So I assume one of the, ahem, "Jedis" reported him to the police? What a pair of big girl's blouses.

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Happy

Drinking problem

Drinking problem? I don't think so! Anyone who can polish off a ten litre box of wine and still leap about has absolutely NO problem drinking.

Liver problem, possibly...

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Stop

Go Sith, Go!

Ye olde Dark Lord just did what every self respecting citizen of this Galaxy should do when facing such remnants of an obsolete belief system: Beat them into submission.

Charging his Lordship is an outrage and the Emperor will certainly not be pleased!

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I was laughing hard until i saw the video..

and realised its almost certainly a setup and they each know each other :( :(

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Anonymous Coward

20/22 pints of wine

Theres no way I culd drinl 20+ pints of win. 10 litres on t other han, is only 17.5 ppints and I av tjat most days.

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Flame

With all due respect

ie, none.

Somebody went to the police, for that? Seriously? AND they pressed charges?

FFS, what is this world coming to? Sad enough to be in a Jedi church though, so this shouldn't be surprising. I would imagine their mums insisted that the big bully be brought to justice.

And yes, 'most of a 10 litre box of wine'? My arse!

'Ow! That kind of hurt'

and

'That's really quite painful'

or something? After that silly display, they were sort of asking for it, really. Certainly no need to call the old bill, especially as he capered off saying he was only joking.

They should have been told to bugger off and stop wasting people's and time.

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Paris Hilton

Must visit Wales some time

My local Off-licenses and supermarkers only sell the bog-standard 6 litre boxes of wine. Holyhead is starting to sound like a fun place for a holiday. Light-sabre wielding nutters, drunks dressed in bin bags impersonating Darth Vader, super-sized alcoholic beverages.

Beats the hell out of Disney Land!

Icon? Disney Land isn't the only way to have a fun ride in Paris!

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Pirate

How times change

I must be getting old(er), it used to be "He repeatedly attacked the toe of my boot with his crutch" and you'd be nicked. Now it appears that the forces of good were overcome by the dark side and the man in black gets away with it

Sod light sabers - I'm off to the local hospital to get armed to the teeth. I wonder how many Jedi I can take down with one zimmer frame?

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Alien

You missed a pun...

Dai Vader?

So, this much publicised Jedi Church is really just a bunch of sad Star Wars fanboys filming themselves having lightsabre fights?

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Coat

Note from Pedants Corner

10 Litres = 17.6 pints ... still plenty enough to kill anything other than a wookie.

Yep, that's mine ... slide rule in the long pocket

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Joke

@Lee

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

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Boffin

Re: ten litres of wine

"22 pints? of wine?"

Not in Wales. Only 17.6 (Imperial) pints.

The ex-colonies may have a different figure.

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Pirate

22 pints

22 pints of wine normally = dead (well maybe not on Lambrusco). Maybe the Welsh have a higher tolerance for the stuff than the rest of us.

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MrT
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Sense of humour...

'when Hughes failed to arrive on time, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant, adding: "I hope the force will soon be with him." '

Nice one!

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Coat

And the judge said:

From the Beeb story: 'Earlier, when Hughes failed to arrive on time, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant, adding: "I hope the force will soon be with him."'

I hope he adjourned the session and got his coat right after saying that.

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Black Helicopters

you tube

The important question is: Because it shows the internals of the Church of Jedi If that gets posted on you tube will it be taken down in the same way it would if it was the Church of Scientology?

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@ Craig McCormick, David Evans, et al.

So, what are you saying? That I could run up to you whilst you are enjoying your garden with your friends (regardless of what you happen to be doing at the time), smack you round the head with a fairly long, reasonably weighty pole, and as long as I shout "Only joking!" over my shoulder as I run away, its all fine is it?

I must admit, I think its pretty sad that people think this is an acceptable way to behave (and I'm not talking about the wannabe Jedis). Someone gets assulted on their own properly and they're branded as whingers for going to the Police!

Then brand me a bloody whinger because if someone attacks me in my garden (or anywhere else for that matter) and escapes without a good kicking, then I'd be going to the Police as well.

And anyone who thinks this IS an acceptable way to behave, can I have your address? It seems like you'd be the perfect candidate for me to beat up when I feel stressed, since I'm guessing you wouldn't go whinging to the Police, would you?

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Anonymous Coward

erm... he would be dead....

10 litres of wine @ 12.5% (which is low compared to many)

= 1250ml of alcohol

To get the same from beer, at 4%, would take 55 pints...

A body just cant take that - let alone able to run about....

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Dead Vulture

Most of...

Most of 10 Litres is a minimum of a little over 5 litres.

So a mere 9 pints is required, and any crazy welsher is more than capable of that.

I've met a few..

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Coat

Incitement to religious hatred?

Enough people said they were Jedi in the last census so come on! He's a hater and needs to be realigned!

Just please, nobody draw a picture of Darth Vader with a Lightsabre in his helmet because the Siths might take offence and burn Rebel Alliance flags in the street.

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Couple of things...

Firstly, nowhere does it say how long it took him to drink these 10 litres, it could have been over the previous 2 weeks...

Also, from the Beeb story:

<quote> The court was told he had a "chronic alcohol problem" and had drunk the best part of a 10-litre box of wine. </quote>

If he bought the wine from somewher like Aldi or Lidl, then the "best part" may have been the box itself and not the wine.

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Gaz

Good on Vader

I thought the video was hilarious!

If the Light Side has no sense of humour whatsoever, then I'm Sith all the way.

Especially if it means you can still be mobile & coherent after 10 litres of wine...

Self-important Jedi twots.

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no way he had 10 litres, that's like 2.028,84 teaspoons!

It says "had drunk the best part of a 10-litre box of wine"—which might be any amount over 5 litres. Which is still a freakin' lot. I guess if you tend to buy your wine in a box, specifically a box of that size, you might have already developed a certain... stamina. Anyway, when this story was first reported, I had imagined the action to be more dramatic.

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Dead Vulture

10 litres of wine = 2 litres of gin

...and it's - terrifyingly enough for those of us who are soberer - quite possible for people to function on that kind of daily intake.

Weighty chef Clarissa Dickson-Wright held down a cooking job on 2 litres of gin a day for five years before she quit drinking (and now has chronic quinine poisoing from the tonic...)

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Silver badge

Comsumption

While the amount of wine consumed is quite impressive, it is not totally outlandish - especially if he had been drinking for many, many hours. We have an annual "box of wine" party where everyone brings a 5L box of wine and exchanges it with someone else, then we drink wine from the box until they are all empty, it's easier than you think with a little practice.

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Coat

@Beaver

You measure your alcoholic consumption in teaspoons? What the hell are you drinking?! Methanol?!

Also, that "duel" was so clearly staged. The whole thing's probably a way of showing off their "skills" with a lightsabre. A proper swordsman- or even a sport-fencer- would have them for breakfast.

Mine's the one with the Italian style hand-and-a-half longsword next to it.

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@ Rob Holmes

It was an alli crutch, no real weight to it and he wasn't hit hard. It wasn't a kicking or anything. Get a grip. If one of them had been walloped hard and actually injured, then yes, different story.

If people act a twat in full public view, regardless whether on their own property or not, then they have to accept that they are going to attract proper nutters. That's how things are.

Now as far as assault is concerned, they didn't get assaulted, in my books. It was boyish high spirits, nothing else. If you think that's assault, try walking into my local. You'll claim 'assault' three times before you reach the bar.

I don't have a coat with me, but I presume your's is the 100% cotton wool puffy-style jacket?

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@Lee

>> 22 pints? of wine?

Even in the US, 10 litres/liters isn't 22 pints (only about 21). As others have pointed out, in UK pints it is much fewer - but equally improbably, even if it was fairly weak 8% stuff, that's 80 units (or 32 cans of Stella, or 2.8 bottles of spirits) - if it were a more likely 12% thats 48 cans of Stella or 4.2 bottles of spirits. He may have drunk the whole box, but not in the same day.

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Boffin

@erm... he would be dead....

Your math is flawed due to the following:

Fact 1: He's welsh.

Fact 2: 10 litres of wine may have been finished, but the defendant, but it is impossible to say how much was..

a) urinated away

b) vomited away

c) spilt when pouring

Fact 3: He admits an alcohol problem. For someone Welsh to admit this their tolerance has probably been built up to some degree. I have know people (Scotland) who can happily drink 5 litres of whisky over the course of a day and still jump walls & hit people with crutches. (My gran for one).

The article doesn't state, was it red or white wine (this makes all the difference to the hangover he would have had)?

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Hmmm

Firstly, I've never ever seen a 10 litre box of wine. The largest I've ever seen is 5 litre's.

Secondly, bloody ElReg readers! Wine is measured in bottles, not in pints! 10 litre's is 13.33* bottles. Shomewhat unlikely, shurely.

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Coat

@ AC, concerning spooning in methanol

It just saves loads of time.

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That's about...

1.2l of alcohol (ethanol), consider a maximum absorption rate of around 0.15l of alcohol per hour, and the size of his stomach it is possible to drink 10l of wine.

It would just take about 8 hours to do so, and because of the water/alcohol ratio in the wine, over the course of those 8 hours he would probably loose around 60% of his body's water content through urination. Giving him one hell of a headache, stomach ache, general feeling of being quite dehydrated and lacking essential minerals... You know a hangover.

Without replenishing the water without any alcohol in it and giving it at least 20 minutes to absorb, he'd probably be passed out crying for his mother after 10l of wine in 8 hours.

Well, if we factor in the time taken to replenish the water, approximately on 20 minute water break for every 40 of drinking that increases the amount of time to around 12 hours of solid fluid intake, and a total probable volume of 15-20l including the water.

This is why I prefer scotch... Less water to alcohol, ergo you don't go to the toilet as often and get quite pissed quite quickly.

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Alien

Deserves a medal

Jail?! Darth Welshie there deserves a medal. He was defending his home from horrible acting, hackneyed plots, and gratuitous CGI. Any reasonable person would have done the same.

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Sounds as if he gave himself up

Shame.

"I am not the pisshead Darth Vader you're looking for."

"Yes you are, sunshine. You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence, etc"

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If he'd been seriously

trying to assault them, they'd have both been in hospital.

He was only trying to be friendly and join in the fun, but like an young unsocialised pitbull, he obviously doesn't know how to play along nicely nicely.

I hope he gave his gran her crutch back.

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Coat

Some jedis.

Bah. No jedi would retort.

"Ooo.. that kinda hurt" or "thats really quite painful" in a sissy voice like that. Shoulda locked the 'jedis' up for bothering to disturb the (police) force.

Mines the mandalorian armour jacket.

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Anonymous Coward

he got time for that???

I thought I'd watched the wrong video clip. I wouldn't have reported that because my friends would have given me a hard time about it (and rightly so). How bad of shape do you have to be in to get an injury from that. It's not like the guy was swinging it. They don't teach people to avoid danger anymore? Can these guys cross a street without adult supervision?

I'm wondering if the judge bothered to watch it. Maybe some community service to the lame vader wannabe for causing the 'ruckus' and community service to the mulitple people involved for wasting the courts time, but not jail time. Make the stupid people work it off, not have the tax payer support their sorry butt in a jail cell.

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@Craig McCormick

>"If people act a twat in full public view, regardless whether on their own property or not, then they have to accept that they are going to attract proper nutters. That's how things are."

No, don't be a hypocrite, you aren't just claiming that that's "how things are", you're claiming that that's how things are *AND* that it's alright and perfectly reasonable.

You have no right to put your hands on another person if they don't want you to. None at all, because human beings are not toys placed on this earth for your personal sadistic amusement. A penis is even lighter and less weight to it than an alu crutch, but if you think you can go around slapping people with it you're a pervert rapist. No means no, whatever parts of the body are involved.

As to your shithole local, you're just a coward who won't stand up for yourself when people push you around and take the piss out of you in the pub, there's nothing unusual about that but try not to expect everyone else to be as wussy as you. If anyone tries to lay their hands on me when I'm in a pub they get them removed from me pretty fucking sharpish, and I don't accept "ohh sorry I'm a drunk twat it was just a joke" for an answer. I bet you get your pocket picked a lot, you muppet.

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Paris Hilton

Holyhead = Dagobah?

Looks like a swamp, nothing to do except Jedi training, then Darth Vader appears and beats the c**p out of you.

Paris: piece of ass, fine she is, yess, hmm?

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Coat

@Rob Holmes

If they thought it was serious, belt the bugger! Are you seriously telling me you watched that video and thought that was worth court time? Because if you do, you epitomise the abdication of self-reliance to the state that's the reason this country is in such a mess. "Ow, that kind of hurt" doesn't warrant police and court time.

/Mine's the one with manly shoulders.

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Stop

@AC@Craig McCormick

Thanks, I just spit my drink out. And now I can't the that image of some fool running around slapping people with his penis out of my head.

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Bronze badge

NOT 10 litres of wine

It says most of a 10 litre box. I've drunk 4 in a day in my university days and emerged standing. Most of 10 could be 6 which a hardened Welsh alcoholic would likely be able to be an arse after.

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