Check out this headline:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/3667399.stm

Brilliant! Perhaps you have missed your true calling.

Paris, because she shows how far a butt head can make it in this world

Once his case goes to court:

"Butt is presented in court"

Or if he's withholding evidence:

"Butt sits on vital evidence"

And of course, once he finally gets to prison:

"Prisoners kick Butt" or "Butt gets shafted by inmates"

Weapons of Ass Destruction?

Anyone?

*sigh*....

... officers reportedly pleased with a job well done.

Evidence described as "firm, and likely to stand up in court".

"Terror police grab Butt"?

Don't be silly. Everyone knows they couldn't find it with both hands. (Or is that strictly an American idiom?)

Paris, because she hasn't been pinched lately.

Can't remember where I saw this, but here goes...

There was once a vicar whose church was falling apart. He tried to raise funds for repairs, but the only donation he received was a live donkey. Not knowing what to do with it, he entered it in the local races. But it seems that God was on his side, for the donkey kept up with the main pack! The local paper reported:

"Vicar shows his ass at racetrack."

The vicar was inspired to persevere, and trained up his donkey as best he could. It seemed to work - at the next race, it came second! The papers said:

"Vicar's ass looking good."

"Vicar's ass shows good form."

The vicar kept at it, and the next race, his donkey came first in both the flat race and the steeplechase! The papers said:

"Vicar's ass out in front."

"Vicar's ass sweeps board."

Then the bishop of the diocese heard about it and told the vicar that he was getting the wrong sort of publicity, and must withdraw the donkey from competition. The papers said:

"Bishop scratches Vicar's ass."

"Vicar's ass: banned it."

Growing increasingly stressed, the bishop tells the vicar to get rid of the donkey immediately. He hands it over to the local convent. The papers say:

"Holy fight continues. Vicar's ass handed to nunnery."

"Mother Superior has fastest ass in town."

Prescription for blood-pressure medicine in hand, the bishop orders the Mother Superior to have the animal quietly destroyed. The papers are on this like a shot:

"Mother Superior killing ass for Bishop."

"Mother Superior sells ass on Bishops orders."

"Mother Superior's ass butchered by men with big choppers."

"Nuns' ass on meat rack, $5 per portion."

But the bishop got his wish. The headline the next day read:

"Bishop dies from heart attack."