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back to article UK.gov solves pensioner crisis by wiring them up to the net

The UK is spending £31m on a pilot to see whether computers and high tech devices can help it dodge the demographic time bomb being primed by an increasing number of old people cluttering up the country. It comes as the government tries to kick-start another round of debate on how it will deal with a spike in the number of older …

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Flame

The obvious answer is...

...to legalise euthanasia, and to make sure you get lots of people to sign up, just tax them into suicidal misery.

What? You've already started? Oh, I see...

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Coat

Help! I've fallen ...

... and I can't press Cursor Up!

Thanks. Mines the one on the end peg, smelling slightly of wee.

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Anonymous Coward

Better idea still, and even more obvious.

Simply stop spending money on keeping 80+ year old women alive.

plus

Set up a company on a beautiful desert island, whereby old people with no money, and terminal diseases go to test new drugs. We give them 10 grand to leave to their relatives, and all the pain relief they could ask for, as well as beer. Then we test drugs on them in a Josef Mengele fashion. Just think of how fast we could speed up medical research.

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Coat

In great trouble there is also great opportunity.

I imagine that by then we'll be seriously running out of food, having used it all to power our vehicles for the last 20 years or so... However, I have the perfect solution for this, and it will take care of both the pension crisis and the overpopulation problem as well. Yessir, Soylent Greens will save us all.

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Paris Hilton

Unaffordable!

"the cost of social care for adults is expected to rocket from £12.7bn last year, to £41bn by 2041, at current prices."

rewrite:

"the cost of social care for adults is expected to "rocket" from 1/2 a Northern Rock bailout last year, to almost 1/3 of this years Banking System bailout by 2041, at current prices"

Paris, cos even she could see this shafting coming

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Stop

£41bn by 2041

How many Iraq Wars is that?

PS can we make an Iraq War the Reg unit of Government spending.

Stop icon because, well we all do eventually.

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Pirate

As long as...

As long as they don't write a Killer Poke it'll be alright.

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The Matrix...

mark 1.

Oh, the joys of getting old.

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Pirate

Obviously

Those involved will use the money (£31M) to pay themselves a large salary so that they can afford private care in their later years, since the alternative is one day to end up on the receiving end of their own project!

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Linux

Simpler solution

Stop taxing people. Completely.

The money they save is their responsibility. If they don't use it effectively, tough.

Anyone who has already built up the requisite NI contributions gets them paid back as a lump sum plus interest.

I'm expecting to be dead long before I ever need to get into a nursing home, so I would use any money I saved in having a lavish booze and drug fuelled party to send me off in style.

If that's a bit harsh, remove the taxes on alcohol and cigarettes and let the problem sort itself out.

Penguin icon, as penguins push each other into water to see if there's any seals. Penguin comes back, no seal. Penguin doesn't come back, possible seal. Push another penguin in. Repeat.

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Ian

Just hope their grandkids don't download MP3s

Else it's connection off for you Granny!

This just highlights the idiocy of the governments 3 strikes policy on file sharing. On one hand they're making the internet an essential part of our existence (social care, tax returns etc.) and on the other they're treating it as a service that can be chucked away just like that by someone else using the connection to file share whether someone you know in the house or someone hijack wireless (which has no non easily crackable security).

The government needs to make it's mind up, is the internet an essential service that people have a right to no matter what like water, electricity, telephones or not?

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Boffin

is that the slight hint of sarcasm i smell?

Only another couple of years now, once we've got decent residential internet coverage sorted out, and they can introduce the ultimate "care in the community package" where each morning the government sends out an offensive automatically generated email that rudely asks if the encumbant recipient is still alive, and if they haven't replied by lunchtime then the "community care ombudsman" will pop round and turn off the water, heating and oxygen to their home.

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Pirate

Perhaps we could have a Logan's Run-style maximum age limit

When you turn a certain age (say 65, as they'll want to squeeze as much tax money out of you as possible), you are 'recycled' into biofuel or something.

Of course MPs would be exempt, as they would err... need to oversee it and ensure that no-one abuses the system by dumping their family into the recycler to get some fuel for their car or something!

I really really hope Wacky Backy Jackie Smith isn't reading this, it's the kind of thing I could see her doing...

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Flame

The (other) obvious answer is...

Ban seatbelts and speed cameras.

They're the blighters that are saving millions of lives every year (allegedly). Get rid of them and you're well on your way.

And lollipop persons and their cameras. Hey, that could save a few quid on education too...

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Happy

@what about family members

Well, clearly the government are thinking ahead for when all the current generation of "i'm not having kids 'cos they'll overpopulate the planet, cost me too much and by the way why should I pay for schools, child benefits and why do they get parental leave after all they chose to have the kids" people get old and become the "well I've got no family to look after me so the rest of you got to pay more taxes to pay people to do that for me" generation.

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Go

My idea

If we accept that the government should:

- increase alcohol taxes to deter alcohol abuse

- increase cigarette taxes to deter nicotine addiction

- increase fuel and other environmental taxes to deter damage to the environment

then the way to stop old people dying of neglect is obvious.

Increase inheritance tax, thus deterring people from dying.

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IT Angle

slightly off the point

When I read the title I thought, woho! now the government is going to make the elderly work in IT as well. My Gran could be a gold miner or a power leveller on wow and earn a nice little income.

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Thumb Up

Oldies causing problems? Someone fetch the RCMP!

Taser 'em, they'll be no bother then! I'm sure we can get a loan of a few nutters from the RCMP, they have plenty of experience of attacking practically defenceless old folk.

The rate this country is going, I can see a Logan's Run type of future coming down the road!

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Unhappy

Couldn't they see this coming?

Successive governments have been burying their heads in the sand and ignoring the problem. The birth rate after WW2 was known at the time - we were "the bulge" going through the education system. The government must also have been tracking life expectancy and mortality rates. The answer was obvious - if we expect to live longer and retire earlier then we must put a larger proportion of our income while we are working into our pensions and pay more in tax. But neither the government or the financial services industry were prepared to bite the bullet.

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Joke

Listen up, you whippersnappers...

We baby boomers built all the nukes.

We know where they are, and we know the launch codes.

Show some respect!

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