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back to article Shuttle astronauts: Aliens are definitely out there

Space shuttle astronauts, recently returned from a visit to the International Space Station, have told reporters in Japan they believe that extraterrestrial life exists. However, the space explorers added that none of them had actually seen any. "I'm sure eventually we'll find something out there," said mission specialist Mike …

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Anonymous Coward

aliens attack

That would spice things up around planet earth. No more Eco blabla, no more fruitless peace talks, just war with aliens.

I will probably die first and probably while sitting on the toilet :-D

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Anonymous Coward

I, for one,...

...welcome our tentacly/green/scaly/lizardoid/van Neumann machine overlords.

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Paris Hilton

'The Sentinel' & protocol based conflict...

2001: A Space Odyssey was based on Arthur C. Clarke's book, The Sentinel. That concept is interesting, namely that 'whoever' is out there may wait until we display signs of technological progress before making first contact or launching an attack. Why the latter only after we have developed worthwhile technology? Consider the old method of doing battle: Lining your troops up on the hill and only engaging in mass slaughter when the other side where ready to charge too. It was all about honor. Likewise, the Predator movies where the alien considers his occupation (hunting) as a game, not necessarily a strategy for survival. So, if ET is out there, he ('it'?) may choose to come play with us when he knows he will face a credible challenge rather than take us with our pants down in one easy swoop. So, the longer we play the Paris card, the better!

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Bronze badge
Alien

If aliens do attack, the Japanese are the best placed to defend us

No one else has such a massive body of research into, for example, giant robots, planet sized spaceships, the techniques needed by zero-G fighters, how to vat grow giant humans that can fight in space and so on.

If aliens attack, I'm heading to Yokohama, since Tokyo will inevitably be destroyed in the initial salvo.

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Alien

Not to worry

Alien invasion? Not to worry, don't panic - we have Chuck Norris.

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Dead Vulture

come on reg.

How is this a worthy story for the mighty reg!...in fact where is the story at all . What is tomorrrow's headline "exsclusive - fisherman finds fish in sea"

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Paris Hilton

Alien Visitation

If aliens ever land on this rock, they'd better be careful. Any interaction with a member of the police is likely to result in a rapid tasering.

Paris, cos she's tougher than the police these days.

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Alien

Carl Sagan summed it up nicely.

He said "There may well be intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, but somebody, somewhere had to be first."

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Alien

Why does everyone assume that aliens would bother attacking?

Surely it's far more likely that we'd have a quick look around, then bugger off elsewhere.

Attacking an inhabited planet is just too much like hard work.

If we want metals and other minerals, we just go and smash up asteroids.

If we want slaves, we build robots. They don't rebel, and it's easy to fit them with 'off' switches in case of software problems.

Humans are just too *squishy*. Ugh.

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Alien

Bah...

I think the things are arrived to a point in which every person can tell everything and think to have told The Last Word! ;)

Ok. The Universe is full of life. We are at the end of the Universe, so we can't see them. Or they are very very distant from us.

However I tell: aliens exist!

Gimme the next page on theregister.

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"We come in peace" Zzzzappp

no comment.

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Dead Vulture

where's the IT^H^H angle?

No, seriously, what's the story here?

I quote: "There is probably something out there but I've never seen it" ... wow, that's some revelation. "I kind of believe in something I've never seen, nor seen evidence of". How insightful! I can see the tree-killing Red Top headlines now -- "Astronauts in 'there might be aliens' shocka!" ... it's about as newsworthy as "Regular bloke in 'there might be a god' shocka!" ... albeit the former sounds a lot more likely ;o)

As for the mooted alien attacks, whilst I think it would be so ridiculously unrealistic to believe that life HASN'T evolved elsewhere in the universe, it's also ridiculously arrogant to believe that it's coming HERE.

Oh sorry, I've totally glossed over that unbelievable discovery that a new space stations smells a bit like a new car inside. Riveting stuff, El Reg.

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Black Helicopters

re: aliens attack

@AC:

"I will probably die first and probably while sitting on the toilet"

You are Elvis Presley and I claim my five pounds.

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Idle chit-chat

So they're not basing this on anything they've seen. It sounds to me like they just got a little bored one evening while up there in the ether and had a little chat about it.

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Military response to alien invasion?

As I've noted before, the only realistic option, should aliens try to attack earth, is to say "Please Mr Alien! We'll do anything you say. Anything! Just stop dropping rocks on our heads!"

For "rocks" read "10-mile-wide asteroids". After the first few cities have been wiped from the face of the Earth, and absolutely nothing you can do about it, compliance seems the only solution.

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Don't worry Japan!

Everyone knows Aliens ONLY attack the US of A...... The rest of us are perfectly safe.

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Pirate

In other news, the sky is blue, and national dept is increasing.

Of course aliens are out there. The only question is how large is N in the value of the radius 10^N lightyears within which they can be found?

"a vigorous debate ongoing in Japan regarding the likelihood of alien attack or visitation, and the measures to be taken by the government in such a case"

Well, we know the answer to that - issue arbitrary authoritarian laws, then bomb Iran of course. The fracking mullahs are bound to be in cahoots with the green-tentacled ones.

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Gav
Alien

A bit misleading

Quoting shuttle astronauts' opinion on ET life is a bit misleading, as it suggest that they are in a better position to judge than us Earth-bound lesser beings. Or worse, it suggests that 'out there' is in the vicinity of the shuttle flights, when it clearly isn't.

Taking astronauts opinion of life in the universe is like asking your work colleague at the next desk their opinion of Iraq, simply because they're 8 feet further east than you.

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Gold badge

Re: Carl Sagan summed it up nicely.

"There may well be intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, but somebody, somewhere had to be first."

Surely until you've specified your frame of reference, there *is* no first.

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Well the Uk is safe

We've got Torchwood. Well Cardiff is safe that is..

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Anonymous Coward

This has been happening since the Apollo missions

This is nothing new. Astronauts have been saying they have been buzzed by UFOs ever since the early Apollo missions, and according to the astronauts that fly on it, the shuttle is routinely observed by "other craft".

I remember reading a quote from the chief technical chappie at JPL during the Apollo days (can't remember his name or his exact title, but you get the idea), and he was in no doubt at all that there was something else out there, saying that there wasn't a rocket that went up that wasn't buzzed by UFOs. He said this as evidence-based fact, not just his personal beliefs.

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@ James Le Cuirot

The way I read it, it's not that the astronauts had chatted about it, it's that the press suddenly asked them "Is there alien life out there?"

To which the answer obviously is 'almost certainly yes' - it would be very weird indeed if there was no other life *somewhere*. But invasion? That needs technological life nearby, which is a different question altogether.

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Alien

Re: MBSnr

"Everyone knows Aliens ONLY attack the US of A...... The rest of us are perfectly safe." and ONLY when they have a black president.

So if Barack Obama gets in then the world is going to be attacked for every where.

Hilary - You've gotta win.

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Calvin And Hobbes said it best.....

The greatest evidence that there is inteligent life out there, is that it's never tried to visit us.

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Alien

Ack! Ack!

Ack! Ack! ... Ack! ... Ack! Ack! Ack! ... Ack! ... Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!!!

ZZzzzaapp!!

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Anonymous Coward

it sounds like they were just bored for news... but things do happen

Remember the BBC documentary about UFO's They had an open floor chat type show with experts.

Two pieces of evidence were compelling.

A shuttle rear view camera showing an object following the shuttle as it orbited. The object was seen avoiding a beam of light that came from the panets surface. (closely followed by a guardian article on america and china having anti satellite beam weapons)

The voice recording of two astronauts speaking in the airlock about lights from outside the airlock that weren't normal, shortly before Houston told them it wasn't a secure channel and they should shut up. Then anouncing they were talking about the LED's on the display for the circuits.

@MBsnr

We are not safe if they attack the US of A because as every film and TV program says the first thing america does is put a general in their with half an army to go and "talk with them..."

Sad thing is they hold the monopoly on who gets to speak to them first, instead of perhaps the UN. So our first contact protocol will be george W Bush. Hence we are not safe at all.

As Dara O'Briain said on mock the week a while ago. "George Bush has been meeting with his advisors about the imminent threat of Iran, North Korea and the Sith."

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The proof of alien intelligence...

..is that they've stayed away.

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Stop

@Of course aliens are out there/Almost certainly yes

I can only assume that you know something the rest of us don't.

How does life start?

What conditions are necessary?

How difficult is the process?

Is there more than one way?

Without knowing the answer to these basic questions, you have no way to quantify how likely it is that other life is out there. That kind of guesswork is the worst kind of arrogance, because it stems from ignorance.

Life could be everywhere. We could be alone.

The only thing we know is that we don't know.

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Alien

What is there on earth that is worth fighting for?

Even if there is any oil left on Earth by the time we get there, the cost of shipping it back home would not be competitive with nuclear fission, energy from our home world's core or even solar panels in space beaming down microwaves.

Fresh water was in short supply, but there is plenty over the frozen poles of homeworld. We can desalinate sea water far more cheaply than shipping water from the asteroid belt, let alone going all the way to another star system.

Earth plants and meats are inedible. The food shortages here were caused by poor distribution. Even if we could grow our crops on Earth, it would not have helped us get food where it was needed.

Human slaves are not very productive. Anyway, we have sweatshops here already. We could put a few of you in a zoo. Come on over - we have a cage ready and waiting. Some of your politicians would be the most entertaining and they are not doing you any good.

Breeding our species on Earth does not solve population pressure here. We gathered our criminals, religious nutters and poor people into cryogenic storage containers ready for shipment years ago. We could not get the equivalent of FAA approval for a fleet of nuclear powered rockets to get them off world. Perhaps one day they will be used for spare part surgery or fertiliser. No-one is in a hurry to do anything with them.

We do have cities in space, and some of them could reach your world in three generations. The populations of those cities prefer to stay by the asteroid belts. They would not risk a long journey between the stars where there is no source of raw materials and spare parts.

We could exterminate you for the fun of it, but our politicians find you useful. If any one here complains they are a bunch of incompetent leaches, they just broadcast the latest news from Earth. The ignorant paranoid lunatics you have in charge of planetary defence at the moment are very funny. You cannot even defend yourselves from a large meteor, let alone us.

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Anonymous Coward

Yawn...

...no news here, please move along.

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Alien

Old Mother Hubbard

El Ron told us that we are all descendants of surprisingly humanoid aliens who all looked like 70's porn stars.

They are here, we are not worthy (well, not until we've spent thousands on becoming 'clear').

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Alien

I have an 'IT angle' for you all

How come in 'Independence Day' they were able to upload a computer virus to the aliens' system? If they were an advanced space-faring race would they really be using a windows OS? Oh and why do the gray aliens take such an interest in human rectums? Do they have court orders stopping them from going to more civilised worlds? There should be an intergalactic sex offender register, don't we all think?

I don't like how the question is asked 'do you believe in aliens?' - as if its parallel to ghosts or other hokum. It is not a question of belief. I think there are many thousands of advanced civilisations in our galaxy but even if there are only a handful, there are hundreds of billions of galaxies.

Please aliens - TAKE ME OFF THIS PLANET - ITS ALL GONE WRONG.

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Boffin

invisible aliens

And the difference between invisible aliens and God is what?

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Thumb Up

Independence Day

Not to worry, with a laptop and wifi connection we can hack into the alien ship's central computer, upload a virus, bring down their shields and nuke em....

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Well the UK is safe v2

If Torchwood can't cope, we nuke Cardiff.

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Paris Hilton

Sod space...

...is there intelligent life on EARTH?

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Silver badge

A few points

1) I have to say I think this desrves more of a place in Bootnotes that Space. I have no problem with it being printed, unlike some here saying it is not a story. Come on guys, it's amusing, specialy the comments. But it isnt Science, its a few astronauts making offhand comments.

2) We already know there is life out there, although amanfrommars has been suspiciously quiet lately. US government finaly tracked hime down and 'relocated' him to area 51?

3) I also welcome our new extra-terrestrial overlords.

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Alien

I've seen one! They are already among us

No, I'm not nuts. And if you saw my boss on a Monday morning you wouldn't wonder.

EAfH - Anon for obvious reason

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Paris Hilton

re: a bit misleading

I fully agree...

In what way does an astronaut represent any competence of significance on the subject of ET? ONLY if they had actually experienced any! In EVERY other case being an astronaut does not make anyone more competent on the issue. They might be because of other reasons (e.g. an astronaut who is also a researcher on extra-terrestial life etc) - but being an astronaut does not by default qualify by itself.

This 'story' would need much more 'tongue in cheek' engagement by the author to become a story. Otherwise it is not a story (the bit with the 'vet' is good though). Come on Lewis - we know you can do it!!! - as opposed to me...

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Coat

@Dominic Kua

Don't forget they've also developed techniques for fighting off giant Dinosaurs, mutated moths and a whole range of other creepy crawlies!

PS: Regarding comments on the intelligence of Aliens -

"You'd better pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,

"Because there's bugger all down here on Earth!"

- Monty Python, the Meaning of Life.

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Coat

@Dennis

"And the difference between invisible aliens and God is what?"

God doesn't anal probe you,.

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@AC What is there on earth that is worth fighting for?

Gold, of course...

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Happy

@AC alien guy

"What is there on earth that is worth fighting for? "

Soylent Green?

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Happy

Kibo "smells like a new car" ?!!?

Wow, that's pretty bizarre... has anyone told the denizens of alt.religion.kibology?

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Alien

call first

If there are other intelligent beings out there they would call first.

Why risk a visit to a foreign planet when you could first figure out how to communicate with them and determine if they are friendly? Besides that has to be so much easier than engaging in physical travel. Time, energy, money, etc. Even if one could travel at the speed of light it would make so much more sense to call first.

Why just a couple of months ago I received a phone call. Gone at the time but the answer box recorded it. If there ever was a two ton cockroach that is what it would sound like. And, since we failed to communicate most likely they moved on.

And, do not worry. If they can not figure out how to tap into our phone system or send radio messages (to SETA or even ham radio operators), they surely do not have the technology to just show up on the front porch.

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Alien

First Contact Protocol

When (if) the first aliens land, Firstly on no account let any government anywhere near them, if you do let the government in someone will start lobbing nukes within the first 5mins.

Leave the first contact to geeks/nerds and the non "Let's have an us old fashioned Alien autopsy" kind of scientist, whose year of watching Sci-fi will give them a more open mind to deal with the huge differences between species.

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Paris Hilton

@AC

"What is there on earth that is worth fighting for? "

Why, Paris of course. An advanced alien race would have already purged their vapid, talentless media whores that are popular for no other reason than they ARE vapid, talentless media whores. Now they realize they actually NEED such people just to distract their non-ruling class from the real issues at hand.

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Gates Horns

Re Independence Day

Those aliens are intelligent - remember us humans had to use a Macbook to infect their alien system. It was (as is the Mac to this day) completely alien to the Windows virus writers.

Also, the alien/"English (United States)" translation program on the Mac would mean I don't have to learn any foreign language !!!

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@ Anonymous John

'If Torchwood can't cope, we nuke Cardiff.'

Can we just nuke Cardiff? You know, for practice.

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@bluesxman - where's the story here?

AC said "Why does everyone assume that aliens would bother attacking?" Or, to put it another way, why is L. Reg's "security hack" running this, not a "science hack"?

It's there in open view - Japan cannot undertake preemptive aggression to the safety of its ruling elite. It also cannot say it would like to join the big boys and be able to do so. So it is concocting a reason, along with its pals, which will wash with Joe-san Soap. I expect such reports of aliens to multiply, just as soon as airborne platforms for anti-personnel laser weapons become as viable as the current advanced radars which can track people inside or outside buildings at a range of several hundred miles. (In the hyperreal way that is the norm, the aliens the Japanese will report as contacting will be about 8 foot tall, white rather than grey, have lots of hair, and smell bad).

You read the game plan in Catch-22. And the reason. Noone will suspect it's really the culling of useless eaters by the Nu Insect Overlards (too fat to go into space), not after the BBC solemnly announces we are in Their Presence.

@Dennis: "And the difference between invisible aliens and God is what?"

Richard Dawkins believes in the former but not the latter (sic).

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