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back to article Scientists create Chewbotca robot muncher

During private and quieter moments, it does a person good to assess the present threat of robots. Robots may betray you, shoot you, or even seduce and break your fragile human heart. But at least there's only a small fraction of a chance that a robot will eat you. But hold that comfort close while you can. Some French …

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Tim
Black Helicopters

Just add power.....

Add this to Bristol Robotics Labs flesh powered bot (they refer to it eating flies, but that's PR) and our overlords are well on their way.......

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Paris Hilton

Braaains, braaaaains!

At last, ROTFEZ (Rise of the Flesh Eating Zombies).

I, for one, welcome our new meat munching ubergourmands.

Paris, as she would be spared.

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Silver badge
Coat

Helium?

> helium flows through the device to reproduce breathing.

Presumably they wanted to simulate Pinky and Perky masticating ... ?

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Paris Hilton

Mechanical masticator.

How long before someone business-aware buys the rights to this machine and markets a version as a sex-toy.

Paris - because she sucks - (allegedly).

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Silver badge
Thumb Down

Not being picky...

Ok yes I am.

How is a bunch of Canine "teeth" going to replicate a human mouth even closely when we only have four, the rest being molars and insicors?

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Ash
Coat

Machine Mastication

Wasn't the demise of The Terminator at the hands of a Robot-Chewing Device?

The leather one with "I'll Be Back" please.

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If it chews loudly..

It's getting smashed right now.

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A wiseman once said ...

You've got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.

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Ru
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Coat

@Tanuki, Re: Mechanical masticator

>How long before someone business-aware buys the rights to this machine and markets a version as a sex-toy.

Think carefully about how much sexual pleasure you could get from something filled with crushing spikes, that can only reduce things to pulp. And then consider the rest of the world too. Why buy the rights to this, when lawn mowers and wood chippers and food blenders could do a very similar job so much more cheaply?

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A cautionary proposal

As long as they don't put red lights on the thing, I think it's safe. Never trust a robot that can light up red.

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Black Helicopters

Wasn't there a digestion robot last year?

I mean, I am pretty sure I recall some robot that was given bio waste material and converted it for energy.

So if we add this to the front of that thing. We could find ourselves in a situation where robotic devices in their search for energy no longer simply turn on the masters, but actually start devouring and eating humans.

Crap, I don't even think this has been done as a B-movie yet?

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Paris Hilton

so they're

All masticators? Close enough for me. Just keep them away from the lager, thank you.

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Anonymous Coward

It's missing something no robot should be without...

There's no tongue.

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Been done before (sort of)...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/4328509.stm

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Anonymous Coward

Cabbage patch chomper

The cabbage patch news report says:

"That apparently was the case last month for a 7-year-old New Haven girl whose hair was caught in the doll's mouth. The child was not seriously injured, but her parents called 911 and rescue workers freed her. "

I don't understand why they didn't just get some scissors and cut off the trapped hair.

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Boffin

RE: A wiseman once said ...

I AM THE CHOMPER ROBOT

DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

I WILL SAVE THEM FROM THE TERRIBLE SECRET OF SPACE

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Stop

Re: Cabbage patch chomper

@AC:

"I don't understand why they didn't just get some scissors and cut off the trapped hair."

Read the bible: Judges, chapter 13 to 16.

Cut her hair? That would be heresy.

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Black Helicopters

Robots think we taste like Bacon, Remember?

http://archive.southcoasttoday.com/daily/09-06/09-03-06/03business.htm

So, Robot Chomper, plus Robot Digester, plus Bacony Goodness =

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Black Helicopters

Yikes! There's a Robot Cook!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvoJxmaoi8A

So, Robot Cook, plus Robot Chomper, plus Robot Digester, plus Bacony Goodness =

This is getting worse for us, isn't it?

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Pirate

It's a cookbook

That is all

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@AC

"Read the bible: Judges, chapter 13 to 16."

That's a good hair cut reference and I can see how, on balance, it might cause someone to call the emergency services rather than sit struggling with the theological interpretation when their daughter's hair's being eaten by a cabbage patch doll.

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Black Helicopters

And they can smell, too

Worser and worser:

According to this ElReg article: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/05/07/nose_on_a_chip_stink/ they will be able to not only appreciate the bacony smell of our sizzling corpses (of course they'll be equipped with flamethrowers as part of their arsenal), causing them to salivate uncontrollably in anticipation of the feast, they'll also be able to sniff us out like bloodhounds.

Aiiiieeeeeeeee!!!!! There's nowhere we can hide. Between Night vision, thermal imaging, sensitive hearing outside the human range and enhanced smell - not to mention the sensory capabilities a only a machine could possess, like penetrating "radar" etc - these machines will be able to track us down with a ruthless efficiency unimagined by Carpenter and make the T-X look like a crude toy.

Once they've sniffed us out, advanced targeting systems will enable them to lock their flamethrowers onto us with a precision unknown to the T-series and the Cylons, activate "Gourmet Barbeque" mode and then they can feast on our Bacony Goodness...

The black helicopter as there will obviously be airborne variants sniffing the wind and closing in...

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Oh dear lord...

Only now to invent ... Robot Excretors... (yuck).

(Confidential to El Reg: We need a Robot comment icon. Thanks.)

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Did anyone else..

read the title as Chewbacca?

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Thumb Up

Once again..,

we have truely created the means for our own demise.

At least that'll be an amusing footnote in the pages of history

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Jobs Horns

Helium? Helium?

What's the helium for? I am damned sure my mouth does not use helium.

Oh, I get it. It's a French mouth. That explains everything!

Yes I will get my coat. Now if I could just find my way out of this restaurant.

Grumpy (and zenophobic) Old Git

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