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back to article Natasha Henstridge braces for Impact

In what is quite possibly the most ominous sci-fi news so far this year, Variety reports that Species minx Natasha Henstridge will star in Impact - a TV two-parter featuring a dwarf star hitting the Moon, followed by the usual apocalyptic pandemonium down on Earth. Henstridge will be joined for the romp by David James Elliott of …

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Coat

rofl what?

Hasn't all this epic-death-by-random-space-object movie garbage already been done to death?

No?! Well, then please give me more!

Mines the one made of black holes.

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Flying train

"That’s what we’re playing with, the effects on gravity, electro-magnetic disturbances, tsunamis, earthquakes, a high-speed train getting airborne at 200 miles an hour"

If that's what it takes to get a train airborne it's no wonder we don't have flying cars yet

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Dwarf Tossing

During my quick glance at the article, I first read it as "dwarf hitting the Moon" and thought Miss Henstridge had become a champion at the popular sport of throwing the vertically-challenged scamps around the bar.

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Yes of course

My fear of rogue dwarf stars and flying trains are at the the very root of my being. How strange that i never realised it before today!

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Oh God...

What's the betting this ends up on Sky "We'll show any old tat" One? Sounds absolutely dreadful and I doubt even the lovely Miss Henstridge's charms could save it.

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Coat

"LA Confidential vet James Cromwell"

I think James Cromwell AKA "Zefram Cochrane" might have been a better geek reference for this one.

Not to worry, he'll build a warp capable ship so Bruce Willis can save the planet.

The red shirt please, not that I'm expendable or anything.

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Silver badge

It's still missing something...

...and I know what it is...

...Jean Claude van Damme as a time-travelling kickboxing cyborg samurai!

If he could also be a werewolf that'd be ace.

There's still time for David Lean wannabe Jonas Bauer to get him onboard, just give Jean Claude a call, I'm sure he'll be free.

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universal fears we all have

I can't say that I ever lay awake at night and worry about these things; Maybe he's over stating his argument a little with the word 'fear', maybe he could have said

no, there's no thing he could have said that wouldn't have sounded ludicrous.

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It has to be asked

Is Miss Henstridge really a dwarf? She looked much taller in Species. Amazing what they can do with CGI.

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IT Angle

Dwarf Star?

Correct me if I'm wrong but wouldn't the gravitational sheer of an object to achieve a 'star' classification, no matter how dwarf, prevent a proper 'hit' because both the moon and earth would be torn apart before even getting close?

A earthquakes and a bit of tsunami activity seems to be the least of your issues when whole landmasses are flying into the sky.

I think a movie like this sucks because it actually down plays the scale of such a calamity to make it human manageable when it won't be.

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A good effort but...

...in terms of improbable disaster film scenario this is still second to 'The Core', but its close and all involved should be very proud of themselves, or take an intro astro-physics course.

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Tom

I for one am always in fear...

of dwarf stars appearing out of the ether, without the obvious side effect of casting more light on the earth, or giving blighty some decent weather for a few days. To think that right now a dwarf star, which would also make things a little warm, crashing into the moon and then us "panicking" about it.

I will be under my duvet for protection.

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Coat

@Mike Plunkett

I think not - it sounds like the sort of junk the Sc-fi Channel shows each weekend... and until you've seen "Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York" you've not seen how bad things can get!

Its the one with "Sad Geek" on the back

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E

@Jonas Bauer

It is odd that Mr. Bauer & co. are so concerned with physics - gravity, EM etc - but they have not considered the mass of a dwarf star. I think you can get a dwarf star as small as a few thousand Km radius, but even such a one would have mass and gravity large enough to completely wreck the orbit of earth around the sun.

So the basis premise of the film is bogus (surprise surprise): the moon gets smashed, yes, but the article does not imply Impact's Earth will be ejected from the solar system or at least greatly perturbed in it's orbit.

Nothing like getting ejected from the solar system to wreck your day.

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Stop

Straight to video

I thought Species was so bad that I have known it as Faeces ever since I saw it. This sounds like it could be just as bad.

Let me guess: the Americans save the world?

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Anonymous Coward

Flying Trains

Considering we would have only a few days before we all either burned up in the sun or froze in deep space, being killed by a flying train might be a novel option. I liked how "Last Night" (Don McKeller) handled it: everyone is going to die, there's nothing anyone can do about it, accept that and we'll get on with the movie now. It's also how William Gibson makes sci-fi technology acceptable by just not going into details. Saying a dwarf star hit the moon, but the earth didn't then get sucked into the moon for some reason (and isn't heading inevitably out of orbit either) just makes me ask lots of questions that distract from the .. erm .. plot.

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Dead Vulture

What's this doing on this site?

I'm disappointed to see no reference in the comments section to "Paris, because..."

You shouldn't be allowing comments on stories if everybody is just going to post non-Paris related rubbish.

Mine the one without a bookmark in.

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Coat

@Garth

No, no, no, no, no. (Shakes head in sorrow).

You're making a very common mistake - believing that Entertainment has to have even a passing acquaintance with Reality As We Know It.

If the (made-for-DVD./+tv) film industry needs a dwarf star to collide with the moon, then Real Life (tm) Physics can take a running jump. If an (even semi-)attractive actress can be used to distract attention from such blatant disregard for reality then it is so much the better. But to use someone who's already starred in an "End of humanity" SciFi Epic is even better!

I was wondering if they omitted to mention the particular variety of dwarf star so they wouldn't get accused of Spectral Stereotyping (sort of like Racial Stereotyping, but a hotter subject... ).

I mean, having a brown dwarf suddenly arrive on your doorstep would be bad enough since they're sullen and moody, but a white dwarf with its higher energy and nasty habit of sending out large bursts of X and Gamma rays (not to mention the fact that they're a lot warmer!) would defintiely not make a very welcome stellar visitor.

Mine's the one with Hot Fudge Sundae (falling on a Tuesday) running down the back...

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Coat

Zefram Cochrane!

And I go like "Who's that?" for around 100 seconds.

Must be getting old.

Mine's the one with "Captain Apollo" on the shoulder patch.

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Paris Hilton

TV? Darn!

She'll have her clothes on.

PH, for obvious reasons...

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Pass

If they were playing this for laughs I might be tempted to see it. Sadly this doesn't appear to be the case so I'll be giving it a miss. I for one would love to see a new requirement for all film school curricula, namely a few introductory courses in the sciences. Also a mandatory course titled 'How not to make films' with studies including 'CGI: Not a substitute for interesting characters or plot', 'Why not everything in the universe is combustible' and 'Plots that were done to death thirty years ago'.

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Alien

Space 1999

Sounds like they started thinking about a remake of Space 1999 (Noooooooo!) and realized that what happens on Earth might be more of a movie. Assuming *bad* things happen, that is...

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Stop

US made for TV is purely ad fodder...

...during my 9.8 years stateside, I was unfortunate enough to be subject to these '2 part' shows that each have the following in common: a) Fairly unknown actors (no big deal to be fair) b) Long drawn out beginnings where the key players are introduced (think, middle class suburbs, large kitchens, innnocent kids running around etc), with fairly large gaps between each advertisement c) Long drawn out middle bits, with gap between advertisements now getting smaller d) Race towards fairly mundane and predictable climax (involving man and women, often of no resemblance to real people who are in debt and stressed to death, plus so so made for TV special FX), and of course, more and more advertisements. e) A standard 3 to 5 minute plot wrap up, whereby the credits race up the screen while a voiceover announces what's coming next to grab your attention. Remember folks, as you know, everything today, from fascist traffic wardens/police in today's UK who target sensible middle class drivers, to dumbed down global TV is all about moneyand advertising with little concern for our grey matter. Solution? Don't watch it, and avoid using a car. Break the system until something better comes along. Rant over! :-)

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Paris Hilton

@Feargal Reilly

You mean Paris would be the only place immune form tsunamis, megawotnots, flying TGV trains, and similar codswallop.

Paris, FFS

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Paris Hilton

Which dwarf? That dwarf!

Fear not, my friends. You may think that Americans are so stupid that they'd make a movie about a dwarf star hitting the moon, but you'd be wrong. I live in America and can tell you that as a whole, we're far less intelligent than that. You see, someone in Canadamerica simply misheard the plot of the upcoming Red Dwarf movie, wherein the lovely Natasha jettisons The Cat into the moon, resulting in little more than a minor crater. Well, that and the circulating question of "who paid for this, and why?" The train was simply a collateral casualty of running over Paris's natty pooch, busy howling at the cat hurtling into the moon. The Tsunami was an optical illusion.

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Gates Horns

Great Wal-Mart/Tesco movie

This pile of useless video tape sounds like it could give Mansquito a run for the money.

Because Bill approves.

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@Jeff Rowse

Well, I understand the need to take some liberties but it is really pointless to do something so completely impossible. They don't really need a 'dwarf star' unless they're just trying to up the ante beyond other various potential space faring objects. Just blatantly ignorant crap, though, really ruins the suspension of disbelief for me.

Maybe just start with a dwarf planet?

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IT Angle

I don't care about the science,

as long as she gets her kit off again.

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@Space 1999

That was always something that I wondered about - what happend to the Earth when the Moon was blasted out of orbit? I mean okay, no more tides would be the least of our worries... what else might happen?

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Boffin

B-movies

Give me the old 50's style B- movies any day

Loose plot, even looser scenery and an alien outfit that barely hid the operator's trainers

Still they are worth watching just to see how many times the laws of phizzics get broken

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Unobtainium!

The earth could be encased in a thin layer of this substance which apparently makes it impervious to sound, radiation, cosmic rays and the second coming of jesus.

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Pirate

@ E

In case you're not aware (and the people behind this abortion obviously aren't) the Sun is a yellow dwarf star. What you're thinking of is probably a neutron star, which can be just a dozen kilometers across or so, but has at least as much mass as the Sun. If one entered our system, we'd know about it long before it impacted (a highly unlikely occurrence, even it it did pass through) because its gravitational effects would have major effects on the orbits of all the planets, including the Earth. Of course, this is Hollywood we're talking about, where they never let the facts get in the way of what they think is a good story.

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Coat

have we not seen this elsewhere?

Hmmm.....explosions on the moon....wasn't this all done in 1975 with Space 1999 (if you get my drift) - big nuclear explosion on moon, moon blasts out of orbit leading to lots of stories with aliens - mind you, there never was the follow up that dealt with the impact (ho hum) of the loss of the moon on the earth, tidal pull ceasing etc......ohhhh.....have I just invented a follow-up?

Mines the Century 21 Spacesuit with the blaster velcroed to the side

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Black Helicopters

Well at least it wasn't a Red Dwarf

Because we shouldn't have to kill JFK again

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Re: Space 1999

I for one would welcome our new "Space 1999"-remaking Overlords.

(loved the show as a kid, still love the cheesy 70's show as an adult).

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Stop

Sounds like another must not see film.

Ditch the storyline, dtich the CGI , Recycle the screenplay, ditch most of the actors and director and just show natasha in a full frontal nude shot,,it is about the only thing this whole project has going for it

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Alien

Hmm

Hmm very bad physics on the laws of gravity since a dwarf star would pack the same mass as Sol One , oh crap it is Hollywood next generation of even worse SF Films , just how low can they go ? !

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Alert

Jesus save us!

A Canadian, German, Spanish, French co-production? This is surely the End Times(tm). I didn't think the apocalypse would be this bad.

An anonymous Canuck.

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Coat

That'll do, pig.

James Cromwell AKA "Zefram Cochrane"

What?

Surely James Cromwell AKA Farmer Hoggett!

Mine's the sheep... er. skin.

Baa Ram Ewe!

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Alien

The Great Star Platypus

Attention unbelievers!

The approaching Great Star Platypus, misidentified as a dwarf star by the apostate parasitic organisms adhering to the surface of the Third Egg, is returning for the Great Hatching.

Blessings be upon the Great Star Platypus, and let us all give thanks that the Third Egg has survived, complete with the holy nutrients that were applied to the surface during the Great Laying. Rejoice!

Soon you will achieve the fulfillment of your ultimate purpose as nutrient for the new Star Platypus.

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I'd rather still watch....

....sheep herding from the highlands.

Go 'round....!

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Coat

@ Garth

ROTFLAMO :-)

Long pig anyone?

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Alien

It's the end of the world

Phone Bruce Willis !

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Pirate

Tax

I wouldnt worry about it, if a dwarf or anything else threatens us, Gordon Brown will take immediate steps to tax it because thats the only way the British government can deal with a problem.

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Paris Hilton

Pink Dwarf

Sure, it may have a hackneyed red-dwarf-rejected plot so stupid that five year olds will pick holes in it, but it also has the lovely Ms. Henstridge, though I doubt she will be showing the acreage she did in Species.

Mores the pity.

Paris Hilton, cos I'm sure she could act good enough for this.

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Can you guys read?

"a high-speed train getting airborne at 200 miles an hour"

who gives a stuff about anything else, i wanna see that.

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Flame

dwarf star to collide with the moon

eh? can someone just run the physics of this little event by me one last time... I mean - "dwarf star" = extremely dense (very high gravitational effects when something the mass of the sun turns up in a ball the size of Earth) and wiki says, "the oldest white dwarfs still radiate at temperatures of a few thousand kelvins" so it's likely gonna be pretty warm too. Add to that the potential for extreme magnetic fluctuations and whilst one has, on the surface at least, the makings of an excellent disaster movie, TBH it's just a disaster so they really ought to give the lead role to someone with considerably fewer clothes.

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Linux

@Garth

A dwarf planet would be a fantastic one if this was going to turn into a comedy (or an "unintentionally" comedic sort of film)- the Plutonians, mad at the disrespect of being downgraded to a mere dwarf planet by Earth, decide to pilot their planet Kamikaze- style into our moon.

So you'd have a dramatic Nuremburg style scene with a well-written and passionate declaration of war, lots of cheering.

You'd have a fantastic Earth and Pluto collision in CGI, AND you can nab a classic line (or even the whole storyline...) from Invader Zim

"And so, pitiful human, we decided to fit our planet with rockets that'd let us fly it about."

"But why would you do that?!"

"Because it's cool.."

Tux because FOSS software would save the day somehow.

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Alert

Not a dwarf.

Although all posts here are well informed they're as misdirected as Ms Hensteeth will be.

El Reg has screwed up with its reporting because the draft screenplay I've seen has nothing about dwarves or stars.

The movie is actually about the effect of a giant tsunami on a giant ship, where wave up-sweep is of such magnitude that the vessel is launched into space.

The narrative is exciting as passengers and crew struggle to survive for longer than, er, a microsecond, with only a small band of principal C-list actors hermetically sealed in the ship's hold where they must use bits of debris to fashion an orbital control system.

Back on Earth, development of a CruiseShip missile is accelerated but will it be ready in time? Will the (space)ship impact on the Moon?

"Even Further Beyond The Poseidon Adventure" has Wolfgang Petersen back in the director's chair because he knows stuff about submarines.

I do wish El Reg would get its facts straight before exposing creative people to unjustified ridicule.

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Paris Hilton

Dwarf Star Emergency Plan

Send Chuck Norris to give it a roundhouse kick out of the galaxy.

Paris, because she always shines brightly ....

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