So the Boss had sensed a touch of animosity between us and one of our main software vendors after a recent bill and decided to grab the bull by the horns and invite them in to press-the-flesh and explain the new charging model they applied to us - without notice. Apparently, their reasoning ends up being that the new licensing …
Liked that one a lot! Nice work :)
Is always a joy.
What about the CAL?
You've paid for the coffee and you've paid for the cup, but if you want to use one with the other, you're going to need a Coffee Access Licence.
and it's now officially the start of my weekend. Cheers *raises coffee cup not rinsed in porcelain and unapproached by the PFY*
<---- Mines the splashproof one
first BOFH that's made me properly laugh aloud for a loooong time!
Just like the good old days. Nice work, Simon!
Right to the spot
Right on! One of the best BOFH episodes I have been reading in recent times...having to manage different applications that all require intermingling licensing schemes (say, flex-servers, dongles, flex-servers+dongles blah) is definitely one of the most time killing, annoying and superfluous parts of the job.
We can't be held culpable if....
...you choose to use the cup without first using a suitable Anti-Virus.....
Mines the one with the Antibiotics in the pocket....
off to the hydrogen filling station with them
Brought on uncontrollable chuckles. Nice one.
you can wash coffee mugs?
But you'd loose that healthy patina of caffeine...!
> "You mean you have to wash it?"
> "We prefer to think of it as a total maintenance solution aimed at providing the best possible cup experience for the user."
Excellent, truly excellent.
.. note to self make sure I check the cup before accepting the drink
PMSL, Love it!!! absolute delight to read and an excellent twist of real life. Keeep it up!!
as the old saying goes...
Trust everyone, but make your coffee...
Now I'm sure...
The world would be a better place if ruled by BOFHs.
Is really starting to come into his own. It almost seems that the BOFH just sat back; could it be that he's planning to retire?!
avoid the water
Avoid the water with the blue (or yellow) tinge!
Back on song
Great to see Simon's back on song - a chuckle or two to end the week
RE: "It almost seems that the BOFH just sat back"
Why have a dog and bark yourself?
As Fate Would Have It
One of our 'senior support consultants' made me a coffee this morning, for the first time EVER in 13 years.
Methinks I might be about to have a bad weekend.
Black Helicopters as I can't don't believe in coincidences.
It wouldn't happen to a nicer guy. Really.
Best episode in a while!
Laughed loudly enough to wake my brother.
RE: "It almost seems that the BOFH just sat back" - The BOFH and the PFY work as a team. They have a real partnership. A partnership of mutual respect and cooperation, working together toward a common goal. They always work WITH each other, never against each other - you'd never find the PFY stealing the money that the BOFH had hidden under the false bottom of the fire extinguisher, and you'd certainly never find the BOFH stuck in a darkened basement with a laptop as his only source of light AND his only hammer. Nor will you ever EVER find them electrocuting each other with cattle prods. Oh no. This is a genuine partnership.
You missed out the option of pouring it into a plastic cup ... and the associated licence transfer fee.
I remember in the late 1980s, if you bought a Sun Workstation you had to buy a SunOS "Right To Use" licence. If you then sold it, the new owner had to buy their own "Right To Use" licence, as yours was non transferable. I didn't know there were software vendors out there who could still make these sorts of shenanigans stick.
Oops - looks like the Boss let his guard down.
"No," #1 responds. "I was just wondering what your manager will think about this extortion?"
"Not a lot I shouldn't think", I respond. "Given that the muffins he had at the beginning of your presentation was made in a certain porcelain mixing bowl."
So when the muffins hit the fan......
I thought the old guy had a healthy sense of self preservation when dealing with the BOFH? At least he will live and learn from the errors in his reasoning.
One of the greats
Thank you simon for another great BOFH article.
I was just going back to the previous works that got me into reading the articles in the first place, and this one definitely rates up there with those.
I wonder .... is the use of a "porcelain device" sufficiently reliable. Just thinking about it creates nausea. But is this enough. Don't you need a Mocha topping from Exlax trigger the right results? Even better - chocolate chip muffins.
It was on the radio earlier this week, a headmaster was discouraged from nicking the chocolate digestive biscuits. Spent the afternoon in a much smaller office.
The term "cup" kept popping breasts images in my head.
Oh, hi Paris !
And neither of them would ever inflict on the other the horrors of being locked in a tape safe with just a quickly-removed door handle to breathe through, or being locked in a lift with the emergency hatch welded shut.
Its a big HI to all of us who have had to deal with Licensing in its various forms of evil incarnate.
oh and @ Rosuav
Dont think they dont get each other from time to time, like stuck in the lift over christmas/new year etc.... check back articles matey :)
Simon: Your invoice
Review of BOFH episode #14: £150
Display maintenance : £25 (Well, I did have to wipe the screen where I laughed out loud and spluttered coffee over it)
Display Interface adjustment £10.00 ( My glasses WERE too far down my nose)
HMI usage fees: £5.00 (Well, I DID use the mouse to get here)
So, I reckon you owe me about £180.
Knew there was a reason
I knew there was a reason why we migrated to 100% Open Source four years ago ..... because of bollocks like this.
The expression on the FAST guy's face [we suspect someone tried to get us busted for the reward money] when we told him that we had no measures in place to prevent staff from copying application software from their workstations (because there was no need to ..... everything on there was Open Source and so quite legal to copy), in fact we would encourage it, was absolutely priceless. (Actually we had one partial, implicit measure in place. None of the machines had floppy drives or CD writers; and in those days, root passwords -- not issued to anyone except the IT department -- were required to mount USB devices.)
for those who read such bollocks
By reading this email, you agree, on behalf yourself and your employer, to release me from all obligations and waivers arising from any and all NON-NEGOTIATED agreements, licenses, terms-of-service, shrinkwrap, clickwrap, browsewrap, confidentiality, non-disclosure, non-compete and acceptable use policies ("BOGUS AGREEMENTS") that I have (or may have, or might in the future) entered into with your employer, its partners, licensors, agents and assigns, in perpetuity, without prejudice to my ongoing rights and privileges. You further represent that you have the authority to release me from any BOGUS AGREEMENTS on behalf of yourself and your employer.
keep an eye on the PFY. He's getting good - maybe too good
This may seem like nitpicking ...but... The PFY did not in fact supply a cup of coffee ....he supplied a cup of water with some coffee diluted into it ....which I suppose is a breach of contract ....leading to ......[ you fill in the rest ....I have gone too far ]
Paris would have noticed...
So that's where the distinctive smell depicted here http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/04/18/euro_whiff comes from.
@ Will Godfrey "keep an eye on the PFY. He's getting good - maybe too good"
That's been taken care of methink. The PFY had a muffin too, if I'm not mistaken.
PS: WTF is the legend for?
He who needs a legend explaining what BOFH means, is clearly not ready the article anyway. So why? Inqueering minds need to know (lame punt, I know. couldn't resist).
Am I the only one...
who saw "model" and "Platinum" and was hoping...?
Why no. 1 and no. 2, I wonder…
sadly not as made up as you'd think
ok, so who here has bought or sold (or considered) cisco kit on ebay? the IOS licenses are not transferrable, so when you sell you should wipe it clean, and buy you should buy your own IOS (which would cost more than the kit)!
if your company is bought or goes bust, any cisco kit is devalued because the licenses cannot be transferred either!
so, in essence, cisco kit second hand is basically a brick.
this also used to be the case with EMC, but you'd have to check that.
Had me laughing aloud for the first time in a while.
The fact that it was the BOFH who mentioned the muffins, I don't think he was "sitting back". As Dr. Mouse said: "Why have a dog and bark yourself?"
Couldn't happen to a more deserving target.
Got to go now and pay the EULA licencing fee in order to read the copyrighted licence for the copyrighted software, will be going via a certain porcelain bowl and the coffee machine...
Unfortunately, the terms and conditions attempting to forbid the resale of software licences with used equipment run afoul of what the Law of the Land calls "the doctrine of Exhaustion of Rights". This is what allows you to resell copyrighted books, CDs, video games &c. There can be no breach of copyright because no copy is made.
If Cisco or a similar vendor ever take you to court for dealing in their used kit, **they will lose** because they are trying to stop you from doing something that you are already allowed to do, and the practice will be stopped.
Had me laughing aloud for the first time in a while.
I had to purposefully stifle myself at my desk, lest I draw strange, non-BOFH exposed glances from office colleagues!
Bloody genius, that. I only wish I knew someone that quick thinking. In fact, I wish I was! lol
license agreement for porcelain bowl
alongside most porcelain bowls there is a copy of the license agreement for the use thereof. i wish other licensing agreements were as easy to understand and implement.