The Register® — Biting the hand that feeds IT

Microsoft soothes Vista pain with Bossploitation flick

Page:

Marc Lawrence

Spot the Mac 

Gates Horns

After wondering if this was a Windows Geuine Article... my colleague realised there was a mac at 2:11... the cringing bit-locker scene...

It sure looks like an Apple to us... oh yeah... I wonder if it is on SP1

Now I have to take a cold shower with a Penguin...

Franco Milazzo

More like Dancing In The Dark 

Gates Horns

It looks too polished to be anything but an unaccidentally leaked promo piece for Vista SP1.

Bill - because I trust Microsoft about as far as I can throw the real Boss.

James

GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF 

Stop

OMG, wtf was that

goggyturk

Welcome to the vomitarium 

Thumb Down

This kind of tat is sure sign of a company that lost touch with reality (or even any part of the outside world) a long, long time ago.

I last saw something like this in my previous place of work, when some colleagues decided to 'celebrate' our regional reorganisation by doing a cover of 'We are the World', with lyrics from the strategy roadmap / group business principles / whatever piece of corporate obfuscationspeak they could find.

Ash

New lyrics 

Thumb Up

"Why am I always waiting?

File copying keeps failing :(

Boot up time is debilitating

And your latest patch has been disabling

YOUUUUU ESSSSS BEEEEE!"

Chris Byers

Would you work for them? 

Stop

If I worked for a company that made such a nausia inducing piece of corprate 'feel good' tat just for me, I'd start looking for another job.

Stan Pons

Wrong Business 

microsoft is in the wrong business. Their videos are better then their software. LOOK OUT MTV!!!!

Anonymous Coward

Our Ecosystem Rocks..... 

Paris Hilton

Our OS sucks cocks...

Paris - needs no explanation

Joe

I feel slightly ill! 

Alert

Proof, if proof be need be, that Microsoft has too much money.

Are you sure this isn't an Al-Qaeda recruitment video? I can't imagine a better reason to target the bourgeoise West than this!

N

What utter bilge 

Whenever I want to vomit uncontrollably...

Ill watch it

A Baird

ROFLCOPTER 

Black Helicopters

Some deity just killed a billion kittens...

Aaron

LOL 

The sad thing is some people will take this seriously, I thinking those "features" mentioned in the song are something good or that you couldnt have with XP. I hope Microsoft get themselves sorted soon and put vista on the same pile as copies of microsoft Bob and ME.

Darren B

Folks! Folks! 

Flame

I hate this word, to me it implies we are all old people or some sort of cult group.

For folks sake!!!!

AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Stone Fox

@marc laurence 

Dead Vulture

Omg! How did you make it to 2:11? Some form nausea supressing drugs?

By 30 seconds I was trembling and sweating uncontrollably, 16 seconds after that the vomiting started...!

Swiched off before a minute.

chris

it's almost sad................. almost 

Heart

Microsoft at one time could release an OS and not have to worry about public opinion. Now they're viral marketing an MTV video about a failed product that took 5 years to make. My OH my have the times changed.

............... obviously for the better since the public is realizing that their product is not nearly as good as they make it seem.

the heart ----- cause this just makes me happy :-)

Anonymous Coward

A tangled skein of mixed emotions weaves for me this cloak of uncertain disposition. 

Gates Halo

There is always something disturbingly revealing when organisations - particularly ones so accustomed to adopting a siege mentality - try to be wittily self referential. There is something almost SeaOrg about it.. or perhaps WP:ARBCOM.

No matter. It is almost as if by trying to prove to themselves how casual and normal they are they merely prove how disconnected from the real world they've become.

Pity them. They are locked away in a bunker in Redmond awaiting the end times when their guiding morality - Moores Law - will crumble under the weight of heretic physics and in the cataclysmic twisting of space-time that will follow, release schedules will stretch beyond all measurable time becoming infinite and features lists will collapse towards singularity. Already Escheresque EULAs will fold in on themselves over and over and over until they become a moebius strip of recursive clauses and cryptic poetry.

The end time. The great EOL. Unless of course you believe in the second coming of the Service Pack, but most people are pretty skeptical about the first coming. They dont think it was the real Service Pack, rather just a regular, imperfect, patch cluster that some people CLAIMED was the Service Pack.

Regardless, with all that going on in your cube farm, you'd make an arse of yourself too....

foof

OMG 

They actually think they are still relevant.

Steve

Cobblers! 

Thumb Down

Pity they didn't put as much time, effort and money into Vista. They may have got it right!

dervheid

Who the Phuck... 

Paris Hilton

still takes Microsoft seriously these days anyway?

Cos it's a better vid by FAR!

TrishaD

Heart of Darkness 

The Horror, the Horror ......

Peyton

wow... 

I could've gone my entire life without seeing that.

However, as a side effect of watching, somehow Microsoft and the Church of Scientology are now linked in my mind...

Greg

It's not as bad... 

...as the W-W-W-Windows, Windows, 386 advert.

Visit this URL if you dare. 80s hair and horrors await.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGO2hVA3P58

Anonymous Coward

The best advertisement for apple I've seen 

Thumb Up

nuff said

Greg

Oh, and my arse it was an accident 

They didn't release this by accident. Oh look, a song about SP1 making Vista better....all over YouTube...just as SP1 comes out.

Anonymous Coward

Nothing changes 

Paris Hilton

A little reminder of how uncool Microsoft have *always* been: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGvHNNOLnCk

Paris, because she's so uncool that she probably uses Vista.

Matt Thornton

Where was the NSFA warning? 

Gates Horns

Not Safe For Anyone.

Maybe if they spent more time building their software instead of tat like this, they wouldn't need to make these things in the first place. Kinda paradoxical, no?

ben

That ROCKED!!! 

the foundations of a huge multinational corporation.

Shutdown and don't restart.

pctechxp

Micro-SHAFT! 

Coat

to the tune of Shaft

"Oh who leaves your Vista system in sht after a major service pack fix?

Micro-SHAFT!

Damn right!

Can you dig it?"

Coat > Door > TAXI!

Anonymous Coward

Vista - (Still)Born in the USA 

Gates Halo

Are they still making these cheesy, lame vids in Redmond that they then inflict on the subs around the world? It's Kevin 'Walmart' Turners appearance at the end to suggest rocking in the Vista sales 'aisles' that makes me think they may need to redo the stocktake. At least in my MS days, the internal movies were self-consciously naff (e.g. BillG in the Matrix).

(BillG - for wisely having no cameo).

John Imrie

I was going to post ... 

Dead Vulture

something witty and original, but I seam to have lost the will to live

J

Re:It's not as bad... 

Dead Vulture

Aww darn, I didn't heed the advice not to watch the crappy video, I feel dirty now. But I wonder which Mac they used to make it. :-)

Oh, man... That 80's one was actually even worse, you're right...

Now, look at this, is that really Ballmer?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL4hyATkQ74

Mobius

Burn the recycle bin 

I deleted my eyes

Anonymous Coward

Lessons to be learned 

Dead Vulture

Intra office humour never looks good from the outside in any major organisation so some leak policy needs to accompany these flicks.

That said Ive always respected MS's ability to laugh at itself with Gates last keynote a much better example than this rubbish.

Apple and Linux could learn alot from MS in this regard, theres nothing worse than making fun of others when you can't laugh at yourself first.

heystoopid

Oh well 

Alert

Oh well , that explains much why the bulk of all new laptops purchased by corporate and business uses is still Windoze XP and a large majority of business users have refused to migrate from shock horror the older Windoze 2000 too in the main office networked desk stations !

Lol , love the infamous Toyota Car Ad Sales leap at 21 seconds , now that has to be classic of piracy at work at M$ , heaven forbid not them too , oh no run for the hills !

RK

if you ever wondered 

Stop

why people buy Macs, i think you have your answer.

it's gonna take weeks to get the stain out of my eyes from the Ballmer one. someone should have sterilized him before he had a chance to inflict little Ballmer clones on the world.

Adam Baum

Brought tears to my eyes 

Thumb Up

From laughing so hard

Anonymous Coward

"Microsoft sales team rocks" 

Dead Vulture

Oh GOD I fill dirty typing that but I think everyone is missing something. Microsoft spews out the shit that is their software and their salesmen translate it into billions of dollars of revenue. Microsoft's "sales team" know they are the best in the world and this is them rubbing everyones nose in it.

@It's not as bad...

I will always hate you for posting that link.

<-- The bird is vomiting blood, just like me.

Charles Manning

Bleeding eyes? 

Didn't the tampon help?

Andy

History repeating? 

Didn't the band keep playing whilst the Titanic was going down?

James O'Brien

*twitch* 

Coat

. . . . . . I never thought I would say this but I am absolutely dumbfounded and have no idea what to say.

No wait sorry I know the inspiration hit me as I saw the "BitLocker" superhero part. . .Reg can I borrow a laptop and a can of liquid nitrogen?

/mines the one with the special data cable in it.

Tim Bates

So who managed.... 

Thumb Down

to watch it all the way through?

I made it all the way. Can't say I laughed... I did groan in disgust once or twice.

Also, are they implying that BitLocker will somehow return your data untouched? What a load of crap. Stolen laptops rarely return.

Anonymous Coward

Viral marketing 

Jobs Halo

viral marketing, of course it's real marketing and was released internally with the full knowledge that it would "leak". They know that all the tech guys in NOC's around the world are looking at it and are hoping that a few CEO's are looking over their shoulders.. "maybe ms isn't so bad after all, lets give vista a shot"

Karl Lattimer

Oh come on! 

Does anyone really believe this was an "internal" gag? Its called viral marketing people...

John Lodge

Unbluddiebelievable 

I have never been a fan of Micro$oft, always thought that DR got the mucky end of the stick but this is a new low, just when I thought they couldn't get lower - what on earth are they thinking - celebrating a service pack release with an embarrasingly cringworthy awful video. "OK guys,the release wasn 't perfect but we've now fixed all the problems with this massive pile of patches. Any self respecting software co would issue this is a nice, quiet, polite manner.

NB

where did I leave my... 

Boffin

will to live? I'm sure I had with me before I started watching that video... Where could it possibly have got to? OH! There it is! Hiding behind that cute penguin in the corner..

b4k4

I watched it 

Unhappy

all. It was disturbing.

The truth is in there - the sales team rocks, not the software.

What cringe worthily rubbish lyrics.

They spent a fair bit putting that together, but if they really wanted advertising, surely they would have just bought the Rolling Stones again, like they did for win95?

Lukin Brewer

Another song parody (apologies to Dire Straits) 

I want to, I want to, I want to, keep XP…

I want to, I want to, I want to, keep XP…

Look at all those yoyos working out in Redmond,

Hacking Vista for the next SP,

It ain’t working, (not the way they do it!)

A hiding to nothing with no USB.

We’ve got to install enterprise systems, failsafe platform delivery-y-y-y-y-y,

We’ve gotta move to Linux servers, we’ve gotta move to BSD.

pctechxp

poor dire straits 

Flame

Lukin

You've just murdered money for nothing, how could you?

Mind you I did post some lyrics to the tune of Shaft but that track is nowhere near the Dire Straits masterpiece, that track really does rock!

Michael

we need a linux version.. 

Pirate

Would suggest Rammstein (Feuer Frei) or Dope (Die MF Die)

Any other suggestions?

Vic

Oh Mobius 

Gates Horns

It was so funny, so funny. I tried to delete the recycle bin like you asked but I started to laugh but it hurts so much and tastes really nasty....

Page: