back to article US student planned to ice Chuck Norris

A New Jersey high school student has been suspended for allegedly drawing up a hit list which included the names of "three students and a school administrator" and, rather ill-advisedly, roundhouse-kicking death machine Chuck Norris. According to the Philadephia Inquirer, the unnamed Pennsauken High School 16-year-old was …

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IT Angle

Que....

a list of Chuck Norris Jokes....

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Pirate

Ahh...

...Chuck Norris, the only man who can speak Braille. Mark the pupil down as a future Darwin Award winner

Skull n bones - don't mess with Chuck

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Stop

"Terroristic" ?

Oh.

My.

God.

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Unhappy

No sense of humor?

While I applaud the efforts to try to eliminate violence in schools (and everywhere else), it seems to me that since Chuck Norris was on the list, that this was a total fantasy list, not something that's likely to have ever been acted on. "Zero Tolerance" smacks of Gestapo tactics. Is zero tolerance truly appropriate for young people who are likely to make mistakes in life? I'd think getting expelled from school for making a list would be more likely to make a person really bitter, and maybe even "push them over the edge" You're basically throwing a young person's life away over a slight possibility that they might go berserk. I remember making a similar list when I was in school, but I don't own a gun, have never stabbed, shot, or otherwise physically harmed anyone, nor do I plan on it. (although I do have some mild road-rage at times) Times were different back then---I suppose if someone had wanted, they could have brought their knife collection to show-and-tell. Every boy (including myself) had a pocket knife in grade school, but the thought never occurred to any of us to use them to harm another person. An occasional fistfight, more of a dominance thing than trying to really cause damage, was the only real violence back then. Maybe confidential counseling would be appropriate to determine if the person is really a threat...

At least our off-colour thoughts are still safe... for now...

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Ahh...

Peter Griffin can speak Braille. 'Bump, bump, no bump, three raised bumps and a square.'

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Alert

Re: Terroristic

It's as clumsy a neologism as you'd expect from the Yanks.

Personally I prefer the slightly more emphatic "terrortastic"!

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Anonymous Coward

@Paul

Que? Did you mean queue?

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Calling Chuck

Obviously this kid needs to learn some discipline. Somebody call Chuck's agent and see if he has time to teach the kid a little karate.

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Silver badge

Making threats?

The teacher "found" this list? Presumably by searching his property or similar?

Exactly how is that "making a threat" if he never meant anyone else to see it?

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DM
Coat

Chuck Norris...

...isn't scared of Bill Ray.

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Go

Re: Ahh...

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: @Paul

I think you both meant 'cue' in the sense of 'to line up' in the sense of 'lots of Chuck Norris jokes are imminent'.

MINE IS THE ONE WITH THE DICTIONARY.

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Chuck Norris...

Heh!

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Coat

Defense of impossibility?

In the US he could have a defense to attempt or conspiracy to commit, of impossibility lets face it; it's not possible to kill Chuck Norris, so this kid is only guilty of stupidity....

He should be put in charge of education in Kansas .. .he'd get rid of Creationism, and instill norrisism

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Mines the pyjamas...

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Coat

terroristic? Only in America!

gah! what a crap attempt at a new word!!!

terroristic... Was that is Team America or something?

How about... SuperterroristicAl-Qaedadocious ?

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Jon
Joke

Homer's List?

Thats it Pennsauken High is making the list.....

Revenge list:

- Bill of Rights

- Grandpa

- fat free lard

- gravity

- Emmys

- Darwin

- H2WHOA!

- Billy Crystal

- God

- Soloflex

- the boy

- Stern Lecture Plumbing

- Econo Save

- Pennsauken High

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Ash
Thumb Down

@AC: No sense of humor?

"off-colour"? Sounds racist to me. ZERO TOLERANCE! Expelled.

If kids learn by example, no wonder they're a bunch of little shits.

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Stop

He was arrested for...

..."making terroristic threats"? Frankly, I'd be more inclined to award the kid a prize for being able to write a comprehensible and coherent list in the first place, given that the background illiteracy count for the area seems to have gone through the roof.

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Stoopid

"Terrorist Acts"? For having an obviously fantasy hitlist?

I'd see more of a "terrorist" in a bully than in a kid with an imaginary hitlist. I wonder what would've happened if someone had seen my "People I'd kill if it was legal to do so" list back in secondary school...

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Anonymous Coward

Queue / Cue

I think it was "Queue" as in to form an orderly line, rather than "cue" as in snooker...

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IT Angle

L7

When I get mad

And I get pissed

I grab my pen

And I write out a list

Of all the people

That won't be missed

You've made my shitlist

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Joke

@Sarah Bee re Cue/Queue/Que

Damn! Beat me to it. I was going to show them the difference between a queue and a cue - one round the back of the head, and t'other in A&E.

Bloody grammar infidels.

Anyway, congrations, your a winner!

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Black Helicopters

Terrortard

Seems like the only people we have to fear are those who are supposedly protecting us from those who we're supposed to fear!

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Flame

hmm..

Presumably, if you made one of those "joe bloggs loves joanne bloggs" thingies where you count up the number of times each of l, o, v, e and s occurs in the names to find out the percentage value of how much the love is true (or something)*, then then you're guilty of intent to commit statutory rape?

* Was that just me? Mine's the smingey brown raincoat...

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Terroristic

What's wrong with terroristic? American neologism? -ic is the normal way to form adjectives from words ending in -ist. Therefore terroristic means of or like terrorists.

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Queue / cue

It's cue, as in "the signal to perform an action"

Sarah Bee had the right spelling, just not the right definition

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Happy

Queue / Cue

I thought it was "que", as spelled, missing the question mark.

As in the French "que" = "what"

So "Que?" = "What?"

but that's probably because I have a habit of speaking French / German at people who want me to do things in order to confuse them enough to forget some of the things they want me to do.

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Boffin

Re: Queue / Cue

Actually, I think it's supposed to be cue as 'the actress missed her cue'

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: Queue / Cue

I'm not completely convinced it isn't 'Kew' as in 'Kew Gardens'.

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Bronze badge
Stop

"zero tolerance"

I hate this newspeak... why don't they just say "intolerant"?

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Coat

@ Chuck Norris isn't scared of Bill Ray

Where's my t-shirt, dammit?

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Coat

Re: Queue / Cue

Is it not 'k-you', as in 'Fu'?

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Alert

Oh dear god... the land of the free...

Here's how it works... this kid is bullied on a regular basis and is probably having a hell of a time at high school and has idle fantasies about beating up people who have caused him hassle. He probably added Chuck because he's like Superman and anyone who beats up on Chuck would get some "respect".

What the school board should have done is offer this kid some help with managing his anger (to be honest writing a list and keeping it in your locker is a pretty healthy way to deal with this sort of anger and a lot better than turning up to school with an AK just because everyone teases you for being an emo as has happened in a number of US institutions). Instead they have branded this guy a psycho which will mean the victimisation will only get worse for the poor kid until he either kills himself or kills a few other people and then himself.

The land of the free, the same place that brought you the Salem Witch Trials.

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Coat

@ Queue / Cue

¿Qué?

Si si!

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Go

Re: Queue / Cue

Surely it's just the single letter 'Q', like in James Bond.

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Coat

Que?

as in :-

Basil Fawlty: Ah, Manuel? There is too much butter on those trays.

Manuel: Que? <------------------------------

Basil Fawlty: [speaking slowly] There is too much butter on those trays.

Manuel: Ah, no senor. No "on those trays"...

[counting the trays]

Manuel: "uno, dos, tres".

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ben

my list

1. Become the next US President

2. Open as lead act at the first rock fesival on the moon

3. Kill Chuck Norris in a roundhouse contest

3 is just a dream.

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Coat

Re: Re: Terroristic

"Personally I prefer the slightly more emphatic "terrortastic"!"

How about "Terrorific"?

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@Frumious

Because 'zero tolerance' and 'intolerance' mean different things? Wouldn't be particularly helpful to use a word to mean something other than what that word means, would it?

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Anonymous Coward

heh

I like "terrortastic"

reminds me of the line from that film I saw once.

"Ladies can't get enough of my funktactic love"

"Infidels can't get enough of my terrortastic thrusts"

Terroristic terrortards terrorise through terror.

Thing is, I don't feel very terrorified.

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Gaz
Alert

It's Cue!!

How much discussion over one word?! It's Cue. As in a prompt.

Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero :)

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Coat

There is no queue

Just a line of people Chuck Norris hasn't killed yet ...

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Happy

Kew Gardens!

Now there's a Terrorgasmicalistic breeding ground if I've never seen one!

Damn those plants with plots and those latin-esque names! Burn them

at the stake!

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Coat

Re: Queue / Cue

could just be the end of an insult, as in '***k you'

mines the leotard on the peg.

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Anonymous Coward

If you can see Chuck Norris

Chuck norris can see you....

If you can't see chuck norris

you may be moments from death!

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Happy

@Sarah Bee

I don't suppose you are related to the Sarah Bee that contributes to Scarlet? If so, I'd just like to say "Thanks"!

Anonymous because If she isn't, then I've just...<turns red and hides. Forever>

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: @Sarah Bee

Heh. I have associations with that publication, yes.

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Chuck Norris Facts

I'm suprised no one posted this....

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com

Enjoy...

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@ By Andy

quote: "Burn them at the stake!"

are you sure it's not burn them at the steak? as in barbe CUE/Que/queue/kew/q . . . fu

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Alert

Better safe than sorry, people

Zero tolerance means better safe than sorry. It's time to close all of these publicly funded terrorist training camps we call "schools". Talk about playing with fire! Allowing children to interact?! How crazy is that!?!? They could murder each other with firearms!!!!

Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

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