back to article A380 passengers to enjoy 'military-style' urinals

Airbus A380 cabin component manufacturer Dasell Cabin Interiors has announced it will supply "space-saving military-style" urinals to an unnamed A380 customer, as it unveiled its "concept urinal" (pictured) at the Aircraft Interiors Expo 2008 in Hamburg. Dasell's concept urinal According to Flight International, Dasell is …

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And if you need to number 2?

just wait ?

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Coat

poster

Note the poster in the picture above the urinal, complete with detailed instructions and diagrams. Knowing what the queues are like sometimes on long haul flights, I don't think many passengers are going to have time to read that lot.

As for the design itself - what's the idea, grip with your knees and pee through the whole? A little bit of turbulence and it's wet trousers time.

I'll get my coat... to cover the embarrassing stain

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Dead Vulture

French style?

I guess the next version will be Paris style urinals open at the top and bottom, so you can carry on chatting up the women in the loo line-up while taking a leak.

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Sam

Just..

Don't push the red button.

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Unhappy

Re: And if you need to number 2?

That's what the sink's for.

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Happy

Yay!

More room for the gyms, bars, massage parlours and swimming pools then!

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Coat

That's just...

taking the piss!

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Pirate

@ Mark B

No ............ silly

You just face the other way.

Surely you cant expect squaddies to have to think too hard !!

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Paris Hilton

Re: And if you need to number 2?

Um, just use one of the sit-down cubicles.

The urinals are just for men needing a pee and will not replace all the regular facilities available - anyone needing to sit down to do their business will be catered for by the standard wipe-the-seat-and-sit-on-it units.

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Bronze badge
Alert

Sit-down units? Number 2?

Aren't you not supposed to do a number 2 on ANY aircraft toilet?

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Boffin

Constipated? Dear Patent Office...

DESCRIPTION

Pressure extraction method for No.2

Requires aircraft or pump if ground based.

CLAIMS

1. A system whereby a tight seal is formed around bum and seat

2. As per claim 1, whereby patient sits on invention

3. As per claim 2, whereby a flush is performed while patient remains seated

4. As per claim 3, relief will be instant

WARNING: Avoid useage over populated areas, in particular outdoor Tapas bars where unsuspecting diners may not spot anything undesirable landing on the sharing platter. Bon appetite.

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Mile High

If there are 4 punters per cubicle it would be more of a mile high orgy.

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Silver badge

Average figure

"70 per cent of economy class passengers are male"

What happens on flights where they do not have an average distribution of passengers?

Oh, and where are you suposed to go now to join the mile high club?

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Anonymous Coward

Next phase

The A380 announcement only reveals part I of the III-part plan.

Interim step II will be to put a seatback and floating cushion seat on those new urinals, thereby gaining an additional four passenger seats inside the toilets.

Last phase III is to install urinals at each passenger seat in the cabin for greater density since aisles, now used less, can be downsized. Segregate the 70% men/30% women together and no cause to complain.

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Coat

It would save even more space,

if they fitted outdoor toilets.

Coat please. It looks windy out there.

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Anonymous Coward

70% are male

And 75% of them don't wash their hands after using the bathroom, so why not just get rid of the sink as well?

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Anonymous Coward

Excess baggage

Any poo you take on the flight with you will now count towards your luggage allowance - Probably the only luggage you'll get back through Heathrow Terminal 5

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Happy

There are always...

a number of passengers who contrive to spend hours (or it seems like it to the rest of us queueing outside) in the toilet. What they do in there is a mystery, but it sure takes a long time, and they seem to do it in groups, ensuring that all cubicles remain engaged.

This is a great idea.

I hope it is unlikely that four guys, all at the same time, can find some reason to spend 45 minutes standing at a urinal.

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Boffin

@ Test Man

Correct: you're supposed to do it IN the toilet. I commiserate with your fellow passengers if you've managed to get this far in life without joining the Mile High Dump Club

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@Test man

Shit away

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Alert

Which is which?

In the picture, the sink and pisser look the same. How many will piss in the sink?

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Paris Hilton

Need Stirrups

I'm sorry but this just would not do, I need some stirrups for my feet. On bumpy rides I need both hands....

KC

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Paris Hilton

Good idea

Now there will be a faster male-only track so we can avoid the long delays when women cause long bathroom queues while they redo their makeup or whatever the hell they do in there that takes forever.

Paris because she would be in there the whole flight.

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It's like a Cylon vulva

This is like some sort of bizarre Cyberman porno...

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Unhappy

70% are male??

I know some of my fellow cattl^H^H^H passengers look a little rough, but the high-pitched voices and demands for wine rather than beer suggest a little more than 30% are female... but then it can be hard to tell under the baggy football shirts and tons of carry-on baggage... and the kids.

If this is instead of the normal cubicles, someone needs a serious kicking before they get to implement it. There's never enough toilets anyway!

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Go

Herc

Reminds me of an old story I heard about someone on a research/military hercules. It has a toilet on a slider up the wall, slide it down, pull the curtain around you, use it, slide it back up out the way again.

Oh, you've already guessed, someone didn't know about the slide it down bit, or the curtain bit....

Go, because they did

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Anonymous Coward

What the...

It looks like a garbage can. I'd be looking around forever to find the urinal.

It also seems like it might provide a wanker with something to mount...

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Paris Hilton

@harmen

"Paris style urinals open at the top and bottom" ?!?

Stop writing such things man, I caught a really bad parsing problem for a few seconds.

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Go

Crowded toilets

The trick to avoiding the crowds at the toilets is to not go after a meal or after a movie ends.

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Paris Hilton

It does the Job(bies)

As a VC10 person, I can confirm that the 'back aft' 2 man urinal is, indeed, a fine work of art. Bounded by 2 separate sit down jobs for the females, women are spared the trauma of a lid up, splashy everywhere, type scenario when powdering their nose.

Paris, 'cos she knows how to empty your bag:-)

Mine's the one with the bog brush in the pocket.

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Pirate

C130

Long ago, I flew the atlantic in a USAF Hercules. The toilet facilities were some sort of hole behind a partition. Needless to say, few of our (mixed) unit used it. We all did have a good dump in Goose Bay before the long part of the flight though!

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Coat

use the sink?

Doesn't the penis- enabled part of the population just wee into the sink and then run some water down the drain anyway? Just make the sink a bit larger, eliminate the urinal (or install a faucet atop the urinal and dual- purpose it as a hand- wash station and eliminate the sink) and they could pro'ly install even more of 'em.

Mine's got the bog paper stuck to the hem ....

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Looks

a bit flash to me for 'military style', there I was thinking the technical marvel of fitting a deep trench latrine to an aircraft, or even the humbler desert rose.

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IT Angle

Number 2's banned

I recall that having ascended the Commie Chinese "Great Wall" at Badaling in 2001, I decided to take a paid "comfort stop" at a Chinese equivalent of a "Portaloo" complex.

Inside, about the urinals, was the blatant sign "NO SHITTING" - Me? - I nearly wet myself laughing so much.

Women, who wanted to relieve themselves of anything were totally out of luck - there were no facilities for them!

The "IT" icon ? Well perhaps the suffix "SH" would be most appropriate in the circumstances !

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Coat

bad subbing

surely the headline should have been "A380 passengers to 'enjoy' military-style urinals" rather than "A380 passengers to enjoy 'military-style' urinals'.

My portmanteau. How kind.

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@Richard Drysdall

Dont know if i the movie comment, on 99 percent of long haul flights you choose your movie, when you want it to start and can even pause it, meaning that not everybody's movie ends at the same time.

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Anonymous Coward

Crowded toilets

The problem with the toilets is due to the simple truth that if you get in early enough you can stay for the entire flight in relative luxury.

Everyone should travel in their own toilet cubicle, it's the way forward.

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Boffin

The maths doesn't add up

If males make up 70% of economy passengers, then it is fairly easy to extrapolate that they only account for 7% toilet usage (based on time).

What they need to do is have 30% of the seats fitted with dressing tables and then never clean the toilets so that no-one stays there longer than necessary - kind of like how Pret-a-Manger have uncomfortable seats and irritating music.

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Coat

@ Herman

And there was me thinking of the French "two footpads and a hole in the floor" style porcelain.

Could be a bit draughty, but what a great view while you pee.

Might be a bit tricky to keep the cabin pressure too.

If you need me, I'll be next to the drawing board...

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Military style....Does it have

A stiff upper lip?

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Thumb Up

Love it

Looks like it's easier to aim.

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Anonymous Coward

enjoy?

So you're standing there, elbows at your sides, returning some rented vin de pays d'oc, and a 6foot-wide 28stone amer^H^H^H^Hpassenger arrives at the pissoir beside you. He squashes you into the space so tightly that you can't safely zip up, and starts to engage you in conversation about his holiday, occasionally apologising about how flying after spending a weekend drinking German beer always gives him gas...

Yeah. Enjoy.

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Weeing on a Herc

The C-130J's I've been on have the toilet positioned alongside the top of the cargo ramp.

And yes, you can open the cargo ramp whilst in the air ;-)

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Jobs Horns

The solution

Fly Business Class or above. Shit all you like, no queue.

Get your company to pay.

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Coat

I can't believe nobody's said this yet...

...but this really adds a dimension to "whizzing off on an adventure."

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Joke

@ 70% are male

"And 75% of them don't wash their hands after using the bathroom, so why not just get rid of the sink as well?"

75% of em dont piss on their hands ;)

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Anonymous Coward

Pee Funnel

My missus uses a plastic funnel thingy so she can use urinals. You see some startled men's faces in group urinals; some of them take a while to realise and then you really see their jaws dropping. She hates loo queues.

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