A spokesman for economic climate controls, in response to these FSB allegations, stated, "This totally unforseen financial downsizing on a global scale cannot be attributed to unscrupulous profiteering by self indulgent windbags ...sorry... executives but is, in fact a result of the evil drugs trade, terrorists and sun spot activity; It has had the added unfortunate effect of putting a noticable and significant pressure on our massively self indulgent bonuses... sorry... supernormal profits ...sorry... basic pay and thus to maintain a suitably heavy series of continuing golden handshakes, gilt backscratchings and backpocket stuffings in the little chambres to the rear of the gent's watering closets up and down the banking highways ...sorry... erm, profitability, it has, regrettably, been necessary to offload some of the useless third ...sorry... more expendable ...sorry... valuable middle management groups. Regrettable, because we've already screwed the rest of the country down so tightly that a well greased gnat couldn't find a way between the tightly clenched cheeks of your average tax payer, even if it was armed with particularly effective pliers ...sorry... economised so effectively elsewhere, we're forced to look for new places to make the cuts."
NB: Tax Payer, as in - actually PAYS tax. Option 3 is total economic meltdown... here it comes... but you didn't hear that from me. I wasn't here.
<endreporting scotsman> Now back to the studio.