It's come to our attention that a certain kind of story will invariably provoke a Pavlovian response in certain Reg commentators who, in lieu of salivating at the sound of a bell, will suffer an immediate figurative jerking of the knee. This involuntary spasm in turn provokes an uncontrollable venting of the spleen, the …
This is great, now I'll never need to think again.
Pah, you lusers, this standardised comments service thing was on Slashdot/TechOnanistsForJesus.com/The BBC/etc, etc more than eighteen seconds ago. Go fuck :-p
Nothing derogatory to say.....
But take the family into slavery anyway.... Then I can go to the pub!
Wot, No Fanboy Quips?
Headline: Latest Market Research Indicates Apple ‘Just Another Tech Company’
Teaser: Proof, were it needed, that Apple is just another tech company.
Cut and Paste your comment:
- You lusers just don’t get it, do you? Steve Jobs will be remembered long after Jesus, Mohammed, and the Buddha have been forgotten.
Linux sucks fat c*ck in Hell
Such a seriously accurate review seems out of place in this humorous piece
I laughed and laughed :-)
Now get back to work you slacktards...
Dream Realities..... :-) and Poor Little Rich Girls.
Well, normally such prose would attract a "I'll have an ounce of whatever you're smoking" but even though it was a joint effort, I wouldn't dream of it.
I must admit that the idea of El Reg providing more of AI Lead ....... Headline: El Reg story appears on alternative news outlet
Teaser: Proof, were it needed, that articles sometimes appear in more than one place, and indeed sometimes prior to publication on El Reg, comes with the news that....... is attractive. ........ although the Very Real Opportunity then would be as its Specialised Application of ProgramMing news outlet, with no prior publication.
And Paris because Paris has a whole host of attractions too ........ and not least, I imagine, for the gold digger ......"And what first attracted to the millionairess, Paris?"
I paid £3.29 for the Radiohead album, but I don't think this model is going to be successful for smaller bands. Back to the drawing board on this one.
Wait, had what with a what?
You bastards...you really went and did it didn't you. You've stolen my enitre years worth of flames, insults, put downs and stupid comments that I was going to use on El Reg this year! And now you've posted them to the site, I'm going to have to find new material!
Next time I'm putting my notebook on Ebay, then at least I'll get something out of my efforts.
Paris, because I need SOME consolation!
Was anyone else expecting new options in the comments? or is it just mine thats not working?
Grats on the googlewhack! http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=Guantemanomo
Heh - typical Yank idiocy, but then what do you expect with a president who can't spell 'Nuculer' without the aid of Homer Simpson, eh?
Paris, because she knows what Yanks their todgers.
Now that's innovation. A true labour-saving device at last. Bookmarked.
Great, very funny!
I love the way you've taken the p*ss out of us all and our style of commenting!
Wait a second...
El Reg offers cut-and-paste articles service
Admit it, there are only two people that actually write for The Register.
A few articles are then recycled endlessly using cut-and-paste to make it look like it is an actual publication.
Sarah Bee and Lester Haines → More by this author
Is there something your not telling us?
PH because I have to make use of it before pure exasperation makes you get rid of it.
I do not feel represented. That makes me feel so... individual. Thanks folks, this will save me oodles on the couch later in life.
Paris, because there's better things to do on the couch.
Wow- every IT story ever likely to be written!!! In one article!!!
I think The Register has just put itself out of business.
Paris- because the last time I got plastered I broke my leg.
A journalism ad-lib that actually works,...
watching (or reading) News journos attempting to be funny and ad-lib is on a par with undergoing root canal work. Thank god for the Reg,..
And to the American viewers, watch "The Office" (UK) and look up "irony" in the dictionary.
Paris, cos she asked borrow my dictaphone and I told her to use her finger like everyone else.
a Pavlovian response ...
... will be banned for life from El Reg and ... sold into slavery.
Just quoting ... selectively.
Paris, because she is very selective.
I for one
I for one welcome our new cut-n-paste comment overlords
Now wheres the drop-down list, would save me ages.
Paris, um, just coz.
Asus Eee PC
You forgot responses to the any Asus Eee PC article. For these you could just pre-post (oxymoron?) a few comments about the girl in the picture to save the 3 year old retards who apparently have never seen even a bare shoulder before from making moronic comments about the aforementioned picture.
all of the above
Oh, and I chose the Sarah Bee Icon because she looks like Paris Hilton.
hate to be pedantic but
googlewhacks must be in the dictionary
(pedants don't use copy paste)
<pedantry> I thought a Googlewhack needed to consist of two words; originally predicted on the idea that "surely there is no document that anyone could have produced that includes both 'boson' and 'hilton' or if it did, it would surely be unique" </pedantry>
You Are Gods!
Wow! It's like you sucked my brain dry! I never have to pretend to think, or care, again!
Now, can you do one on how to talk to Hot Chicks/Guys/Mammals/Appliances (please provide option)?
My personal favourite is:
"The [writer/comment poster/learned professor] obviously knows nothing about [Climate Change/Physics/Taxidermy]. I've [no clue/just looked at wikipedia] so will explain........"
The problem with comments...
is that there seems to be a view that longer is better. As a result, short, pithy responses to nasty vitriolic screeds (often from greenies, oddly enough) along the lines of "Are you mentally ill?" or "Why don't you just top yourself?" tend to get moderated out.
At least I think that's why ;-)
Re: The problem with comments...
Oh no, we are all about the pith. It's just that sometimes we have to stop war breaking out.
Still, keep the commentspiracy theories coming...
"in lieu of salivating at the sound of a bell"
Pavlov didn't use juist a bell but lost of things AFAIK.
Funniest thing I've read since..
someone posted a BT internal document and killed a company that was only just Phorming :)
You just turned me into a hardcore Paris Fan.........had been resisting it all these years
Hi, UKMisInPhormation Team here, and we'd just like to say that reports of our technology being a bad thing are very wide of the mark. We're sure that if we could just work with Jesus, Buddha, and other religious leaders to show them how our system really operates, they'd lift this terrible plague of boils and pustules we've been infected with.
Also, reports that our US CEO was last seen climbing the Empire State building, beating his chest and fighting off biplanes, were slightly exaggerated; and our UK CEO has, we believe, just been nominated for the Nobel Peace prize for services to humanity, though that is still unconfirmed at the moment.
Paris, because a 'real butt' beats a 'rebuttal' any day of the week...
How to broadside your entire reader base...
...and have them come back for more.
Nothing a vulture loves more than an article so dripping in sarcasm that a small town religious news outfit somwhere spontainiously combusts at it's mere creation.
Keep the articles coming, we'll keep the coments coming, at least until someone rights a script that auto generates the entire affair. (AManFromMars doesn't count.)
Mines the one with vulture on the back.
There are no choices for a shouty arm-swinging vegan looking for a spluttery retort! Not even one with a low boiling point! For shame, El Reg, for shame, that you give only swine the good lines!
No coat, just peanuts thanks! I'm here for the evil monkey knife fight next! Yahooooo!
There are a lot of Google ads...
...for patio heaters at the bottom of this feature!
But not todgers, rivets, nor anchovies. Go figure!
Had a good laugh, loved the piece!
zomg! I can't believe you referenced my fav site. Sarah and Lester FTW!
Great going guys, brightened an otherwise grey and rainy morning. Keep 'em coming.
@ "The problem with comments... "
Rob, surely you're not suggesting that El Reg is deliberately taking the pith out of comments...
Yeah, the battered motorcycle jacket on the left; don't bother calling a taxi, I've got me bike.
it's called copypasta
and it is delicious
and we must eat it.
Mmmm that's some delicious pasta.
What, no Martians?
As good as the list was - covered just about everything I ever wanted to say until at least 2009 - there's no mention of the obligatory random late-runner from amanfromMars...
Fancy not writing something for our dear friend...
Mine's the flame-retardant one...
Oops... *pause* no, actually you can take _some_ instead of all of my family for that one, it was only brushing the rules...
-tard, -tard, -tard?
-tard, -tard, -tard, -tard, -tard, -tardtardtardtardtardTARRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!
re: Dream Realities..... :-) and Poor Little Rich Girls.
"Well, normally such prose would attract a "I'll have an ounce of whatever you're smoking" but even though it was a joint effort, I wouldn't dream of it."
Strewth! Between that coy interpretation of the Hadeeth and his later wonder at PH's attractiveness, I'd say Junior has /finally/ hit puberty. I really do wish amfM all the best though: It truly /is/ a wicked world, this third rock from the Sun.
My compliments to the editards
Oops, just send my family to replace the Bulgarians in a certain Italian circus.
Going to the dogs
Once again your esteemed journal has shown itself to be at the bleeding edge of innovative, user-friendly technology. This is a progressive step in a country that is quite obviously going to the dogs, what with her royal maj sitting down to tiffin with that cheese eating little surrender-monkey, Sarkozy and his, admittedly gorgeous,missus.
To further enhance your reputation and prevent this once proud nation from sinking deeper into the quagmire of shame could you now address the problem of all these spineless individuals whom you permit to hide behind a cloak of anonymity in your readers comment pages. If you ask me, sir, shooting is too good for these damned pusillanimous conchies. Hang them by their goolies until they recant their sins.
Your humble and obedient servant
A wicked world is only one with a Selection of Ignorant/Arrogant Fools at the Helm, surely?
"Strewth! Between that coy interpretation of the Hadeeth and his later wonder at PH's attractiveness, I'd say Junior has /finally/ hit puberty. I really do wish amfM all the best though: It truly /is/ a wicked world, this third rock from the Sun." .... By Anonymous Coward Posted Friday 28th March 2008 04:37 GMT
Oh, Goody. That IS excellent news, AC........ for it would mean that One gets to Play in Eve's Perfumed Garden of Eden rather than some obscure Bohemian Grove.
I'm do hope you realise why that would be so attractive as to be constantly visited and supported.
I personally would have though it a coy interpretation, AC.
"Well, normally such prose would attract a "I'll have an ounce of whatever you're smoking""
An ounce?! Yeeesssss....
@Dave's Pedantry Reprise
"<pedantry> I thought a Googlewhack needed to consist of two words; originally predicted"
Erm...did you mean to say predicated?
Pah, comment service is good but not enough.
I want the amanfromMars comment generator!
- DINO-SLAYER asteroid strike was a stroke of bad luck, say boffins
- BEST BATTERY EVER: All lithium, all the time, plus a dash of carbon nano-stuff
- Stick a 4K in them: Super high-res TVs are DONE
- Review You didn't get the MeMO? Asus Pad 7 Android tab is ... not bad
- Russia: There is a SPACECRAFT full of LIZARDS in orbit above Earth and WE control it