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back to article Captain Cyborg plans to milk you, human scum

Reg chiefs have been holding daily crisis meetings for several months over what has become of Professor Kevin "Captain Cyborg" Warwick. "He's been quiet... too quiet," one old-timer told this reporter only last week. Imagine the cheer yesterday then, when Reg reader Chris reported a sighting of the good Cap'n in Scientific …

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Anonymous Coward

Don't encourage him

Please instead do stories about people who aren't so overexposed, e.g. Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse or Agyness Deyn.

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Anonymous Coward

"He might damage his brain"

Computer says no.

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IT Angle

Borg spam?

What if Cap'n Davros catches a bug, can I expect Viagra adverts direct from his willy?

Or "I am Cap'n Cyborg's credit card and I'd love to give you all his money but I need another account to put it in . . "

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Boffin

A what?

Now I know he never claimed to be a biologist, but I'm not either and even I know that cows aren't a subspecies of humans.

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Technonazi

Subspecies eh? Last person I recall using language like that was someone called Adolf. Keep up the work exposing his ideas, humiliating him and showing that he doesn't represent the scientific community in this country.

"He might damage his brain" - if that happens I might just be tempted to throw a party.

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Stop

Objection!

"Sure, he might damage his brain..."

Assumption of facts not in evidence.

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Paris Hilton

One day...

...he'll bugger up the wiring and fuse himself permanently to the National Grid. And I will laugh, and then have an ice-cream.

Paris, coz Captain Cyborg makes her look like Einstein.

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Already

The human scum in Britain are already being milked. Gordon Brown's been doing it for years and now his Darling Alastair's doing it.

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Stu
Stop

Pretentious d*ck

I hate that guy. Whenever the BBC or whatever come up with a techy programme about the future, horizon or whatever, he gets a call, and I groan.

A supposed authority on all things robotic and some kind of visionary, so what if he's come up with some laboratory scuttling wheeled robots with a modicum of intelligence, or stuck a radio receiver in his arm - he's gone the way of the TV supergeek, a modern day circus performer.

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Happy

A chilling insight into the future

If you hear him speaking in interviews such as this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WesVCmadBkQ

You get the remarkable and eerie sensation that a significant part of his brain has already been replaced by chips.

Possibly some mushy peas and a steak and kidney pie as well.

(I think it's time for a Warwick icon)

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Flame

He is purely a pr machine

I used to have him as a lecturer when i was at uni and he never really did any real research all he was was a publicity whore that brought cash into the department to fund the real research (some of it quite important). But then on the other hand the money he brought in did mean i got to play with a lot of cool kit whilst I was there.

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Happy

Ping of Death

I'll happily see his brain "plugged" into the Net. We can all watch him twitch as we nmap the crap out of him!

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re: If humans need milking...

I have rejected that comment, Ishkandar, because I think it plumbed new depths. I'm sure the rest of you can imagine.

Excuse me while I go and put some soothing drops into my mind's eye.

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Coat

Is he for real?

Are we sure he's not just doing what he does as a (clearly successful) attempt to show up the appalling state of scientific education in the media and in the general public?

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Happy

His brain?

Surely that's a moooooooooooooo-t point?

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Prof W

Prof W was my personal tutor at uni, as AC says above, he freely admits to being the Department's Publicity Machine. I seem to recall that he took me for motors and general electrical spinny things, (or as most of Cybernetics turned out to be: Maths.) as well as some general Cybernetics lectures in the 1st year. He always struck me as a very nice chap who was very understanding and helpfull to his tutees.

I remember one day when I was reading a notice board in the department which was 'Prof Warwick's predictions of doom' and he came up behind me and said: "I wouldn't believe everything you read, I'll say anything for money." You have to admin that he does his job very well, can any of the others of you (without going to the internet) name another Prof of Cybernetics?

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@Fraser - "Saying anything for money" is not a skill

The problem is, while he's spouting any old bollocks to wheedle money for his poxy publicity stunts, real scientists get their budgets cuts (I am sure you can scan El Reg most weeks for examples).

Then when the government and the public realise what a waste of space he is, all scientists get tarred with the same brush and suddenly science is a waste of money because it doesn't deliver on its promises.

So I think you'll find in the long term that conning the public with vastly inflated notions of what cybernetics can do is not a victimless crime. He's basically burning the furniture to stay warm.

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Resistance is Futile

I'm not a cyborg professor, but lest any of you think otherwise, the cyborg revolution has begun. Call me cray-Z if you wish, but there is a line of people now that would like to get "upgraded" with more computing and/or muscle power.

Think about the disabled for a minute. We have been providing mechanical prosthesis for these folks for quite some time already. The prosthesis are improving both mechanically and "intelligently", especially with a continual supply of a fresh crop of "subjects", er war veterans.

Think also about the mentally challenged, blind and dyslexic. Can technology assist these individuals? Recent advances in providing artificial sight to the blind are allowing some folk to function more on their own. What if we could attach a chip inside the brain of the severely challenged that would enable them to "use" their higher brain functions. Severe dyslexia and other conditions might be compensated for with implantation.

Laugh all you want, you will see more and more before you quit breathing "on your own". It is a lot closer than you realize!

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Boffin

Sign me up, Lucy

'cuz I am shopping around for a cochlear implant.

And I've heard interesting good things about direct stimulation of the auditory nerve, as well.

The Captain may be shooting sillicon out of his bum, but there's already a slow progression involved. Who knows when personal cybertronics will catch Moore's Law?

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Tim
Coat

I can't wait

We'll ride the crest of the wave of technology, the older we get the longer the average lifespan will get.

Pretty soon smashing up your body by jumping off tall buildings will be a sport to replace soccer as we will have billions of nanite robots to rebuild us.

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Silver badge

So he's back

I was getting worried because recent BBC IT programmes had started featuring the transatlantic swivel-eyed cyber-nutter Ray Kurzweil. He comes across like a character from the first draft of a Charles Stross novel, but rejected as being a little too extreme.

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Boffin

Sign Me Up!

Evolve or be left behind with any Luddite Losers who choose to linger with the edible carbon based meat sack single genome creatures who will gaze upon the uplifted with liquid cow like eyes.

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Boffin

re: resistance is futile

You forgot about the artificial hearts. Now that they can grow new capillaries, lungs might be next (directed airflow over sheets of capillaries). Could be more efficient than natural ones, and more durable - no alveoli for asbestos/coal dust/cigarette tar/etc to get trapped in.

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Don't know off this guy

I don't have a T.V. so I've never seen this guy, but from all accounts isn't he merely this generation's Wilf Lunn. I used to cringe as a kid every time *he* was trundled out - on seemingly every blood opportunity - with his latest "super" invention. I guess there is simply some sort of deep need in the media exec's mindset that needs this kind of guy to fulfill.

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