US authorities are trying to work out why a Kansas woman spent two years on her boyfriend's toilet - so long that by the time he called emergency services her skin had grown around the lav's seat. When the unnamed 35-year-old Ness City woman's other half finally picked up the phone on 27 February to report that "there was …
Not to sound crude but..
If she spent TWO years sat on his toilet...
Well, where did he go for a shit
Sorry, I know there are at least a dozen other, far more important questions to ask, but I feel I must ask this one above all others.
Is she a bit 'loo-ny'?
Sorry, best I can do on a Thursday afternoon.
Have I lost 18 days or so - i'm sure this is not April the 1st!
Sorry, i just can't believe this happend.
Her words as she left the carsie...
"You might want to leave it a few minutes before you go in there"
@ Not to sound crude but..
I'll see that and raise you;
I hope she at least gave it a courtesy flush now and then.
Unlikely to face charges
Even in the US, if she doesn't want to get off the bog, it's her choice. Mind you, if my wife did that then I'd be calling a brain-drainer around 24 hours in - I wouldn't be waiting two years. Apart from anything else, I'd be seriously busting for a slash by then, because our house only has one toilet.
Incidentally, isn't there a saying about "shit or get off the crapper"...?
also, sounds like she hadn't a leg to stand on...
And another couple.....
Sounds like things were going a bit down the pan for her and she must of been a bit round the bend!
This storys a bit shit without pictures
Bum bum tish
A serious lack of fibre in her diet !! She could at least have chewed the bog-roll for a bit of fibre !!
No, Just No.
I refuse to accept this story, please take it away.
Let's not get bogged down with this story...
Why is this a story in El Reg? It's not even Friday, the day traditionally reserved for circulating crude and repulsive stories / jokes / etc.
Does anyone have a shred of compassion for two people who are not only clearly suffering from mental health problems, but also appear to have no friends to support them?
6 pints and a vindaloo?
Perhaps it was not mere food and water he brought but a continuous supply of Wifebeater and curry. An infinite loop was created.
He was trying to figure out what was wrong...
...but he had nothing to go on.
"refused to cooperate"
She gave them the bums rush then? ;)
Jap Flag Icon?
Must have been a very powerful curry. I've had ones that left me sitting on the thrown for a few hours wishing I'd left some toilet roll in the fridge.
the inevitable flood of toilet humour
Was she a beta tester for Vista? It sure makes me want to lock myself in the bog!
/ Mines the brown smelly one with flies buzzing around it.
Pass me the mind-bleach.
Any truth in the rumour that the cops are looking for a "turd" person.
The one where the arms fasten around the back please.
Was going to...
do the usual "dumb american" type thing, but just couldn't bring myself to.
When people told her she could see great things on Youtube she must have got the wrong idea.
It must have been a particularly interesting issue of Exchange & Mart, or was she engrossed in Autotrader? Inquiring minds need to know.
RE: Technically challenged
Na. She probably saw YouTube and felt she could see more interesting things there.
Good thing the seat came away first, that could have been really serious.
I mean, dis-arsed-her.
I wonder which she did?
Sit and stink or sit and think? I'm guessing the former...
imagine the pins and needles after two years
Taking the piss?
Getting the boyfriend to pass water through the door.
Do we know what time the call was logged?
mines the one with the snorkel...
She was waiting to sse how things would pan out ?
Maybe there were things she need to get out of her cistern ?
Or it was a chain of events, that left her feeling flushed with success, but unable to keep a lid on things she couldn't get to the seat of the problems
Goodness me I am on a (bog) roll now....
I am certain there is another joke about these two becoming engaged, but I can't quite get it right so will leave it vacant for someone else.
How on earth do you wait two years to tell someone?
I bet Barry Scott could get her off in a BANG!
What the report didn't say was that she has prosthetic legs and the boyfriend had confiscated them to teach her a lesson!
Pics or it didn't... actually, forget about it.
"whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend"
Hell, yeah. I mean, you might not be able to force anyone *in their right mind* to leave or do whatever. But not doing anything when someone *that* mentally ill, or otherwise not responsible for her acts, is involved sounds definitely criminal to me. It's akin to saying "my 3-year old wanted to jump into traffic in the highway, that's her problem and I can't do anything about it". Although the only way I can see the guy doing that for 2 years is if HE is also terribly mentally ill.
Either way, sad story.
@ AC @ Everyone
I know El Reg's readership comprises a sarcastic, unsympathetic bunch of SOBs, but for once it's time for the entire readership (including the editors) to practice an emotion called "compassion."
It's obvious that both this woman and her b.f. are a few bricks shy of a full hod, but such is life. Amongst us, there are innumerable sadsacks, usually floating along below radar level and managing to lead their lives satisfactorily by their own lights. Sometimes, as in this case, they are exposed to the glare of publicity, but when that happens remember the old adage "there but for the grace of God go I."
Yes, laugh, snicker, point fingers at, and verbally abuse the pretentious, the publicity hungry, the über-rich, and those who should (and do) know better, but remember some people do not know better. They are to be pitied, not sneered at.
Heart because even techies sometimes have to show some.
re: @ AC @ Everyone
How Starfleet of you.
It’s not comparable at all. In the situation you posit, your daughter’s irrational behaviour would put her life in imminent danger. As her legal guardian, you would be both justified and compelled to stop her. By comparison, refusing to leave the toilet for two years doesn’t place the woman in question or anyone else in imminent danger, therefore her rights as an adult are pre-eminent, her behaviour notwithstanding. US law is very clear – you can’t detain an adult, even temporarily, just because they’re behaving irrationally – they have to represent an imminent threat to their own or other people’s lives, or have comitted some form of crime, before that can be justified. It’s a safeguard to prevent people being indefinitely detained on dubious grounds. Therefore, the boyfriend was under no legal obligation whatsoever to report her behaviour.
If she’d adamantly refused to leave, and told the police to go away, legally, they would have had to respect her wishes. The investigation is likely merely to confirm that she was confined by her own free will, rather than by her boyfriend.
It's entirely possible that the boyfriend didn't actually know that the state has no legal grounds for detaining her, and thus waited so long because he was trying to protect her from what he percieved as unjust and unnecessary incarceration.
From a native
Not to open myself up for ridicule here, but I've been all over these United States. (One of the reasons I'm considering leaving.) And next to Kentucky, Kansas is the most inbred, backwood, hic, country bumpkin place you'd ever seen. It comes as no surprise to find this sort of mental instability. Personally, I find this story completely believable. I wouldn't put it past 'em. There have been people that were so fat they suck in the bath tub, and had to wait weeks for rescue. Trust me, this place is so full of idiots it isn't funny.
Thank you all for a clear demonstration of your compassion. These people clearly needed help, but didn't get it. I sincerely hope and trust that you all get the same compassion you are so keen to dish out when you're in the shit.
From an intelligent viewpoint, she didn't spend 2 years sitting on a toilet but gradually increased the time period towards the end. I'm fairly sure people can't bond with plastic toilet seats, bedsores equivilent and the failure to repair those sores gives a kind of gloopy pus that dries forming a bond. Sheets have the same properties where patients grow into them.
Depression and the continuing decline of her mental health combined with no impetous to alter her behaviour, no job, friends or family can easily let people slip into a waking coma state. At some point she had the option of facing up to the situation which would probably scare her to death, or spending another day in a lesser painful mental state and so each day passed.
Not to read while having your tea
Just a thought - her thighs and backside had sort-of melded with the toilet seat, which would pretty much make it a perfect seal. Also, at least for a while, her bowels would have been acting relatively normally so the toilet bowl must have started filling up to the point where it's actually in contact with her buttocks. And it's quite likely that at some point the smell and everything would make her vomit.
And you know how a syphon works...
Why would anyone want to press charges on the boyfriend... he's the one trying to figure out how much rent she owes him for a 1x1 meter plot. Besides, you'd think her friends would have figured out the echo over the phone was not "poor reception" that she has claimed it was.
I think the one question no one has asked yet is? How the hell did she ever plunge the toilet when it gets pluged?!?!
@ everyone who cant see the joke....
this sort of story is written the way it is for one reason.... not for any compassion, not for any sympathy.... but for everyone to take the piss out of... to make jokes. to make everyones day that little lighter so that we do not end up in a sorry state where we lock ourselves in the bog...
of course there are the people who dont understand humour ot the concept of what a joke is for...
if you didn't find any of the comments funny, or you found it offensive, considder it a tax against the jokes you do find funny.... becaue i bet it is at the expense of someone or somthing else...
phew, i feel all flushed now....
and just where is the IT angle....
Yeah, but what about animal welfare?
I believe our little friends of the link below will be bored with eating the same stuff day in and day out.
Such a thing would certainly not be allowed in New Zealand
Bill Gates: mass producer of alternative food for the fellas of the link above
@ It's not even Friday
It's Friday where I am, GMT+12. Summer, too. High tide at the beach today is 1.35 pm. Might take a dip at lunchtime...
@ Frank Bough
I'm with Frank - my mind doesn't want to accept this story and wants it to go away.
Just how much poo-related surealism can El Reg readers take in a day?
(BTW, to those who "feel compassion" my good wishes - just don't come on high-minded and self-righteous when the rest of us enjoy a belly laugh at hapless freaks)
was it fat or puss that held her hostage to that comfy comode?
on the other hand how much did she weight in anyway? (porker, sea lion or orca?)
btw compasion is bit over rated so get on with your lives you huggie feelee types.
speaking of starfleet...
did something like it happen to kirk?
$5500/ hour prostitutes, Congresscritters adding telco immunity amendments to bills that cover mental health insurance, and now this. People ... are funny.
How did she eat?
With the event taking over two years to come to an end (insert joke here), one wonders how the poor woman sustained herself. Someone had to supply her with food and water (the waste was taken care of). If one assumes that a sink was within arms reach (it was a bathroom) then the water could be supplied, but crikey, where did she get the cheeseburgers?
While anything could be true, this stretches the limit. File this one in the urban legends category until further notice.