Well, it's easy to think of much more fun ways of "being indecent"...

So what's going to happen when the Japanese (most likely it'll be them) come out with lifelike sexbots? Or if someone gets it on with the animated sex dolls they currently produce? It's funny how all of a sudden activities that men have engaged in since day dot are now being publicised and those who engage in them persecuted, and the accompanying push to have sexual activity with inanimate objects made illegal. I notice, however, the double standard that women are not being persecuted for using dildos and vibrators.

Somehow, I can smell the stink of feminism behind this attack on men having sex with inanimate objects. Are "liberated women" and their male political arse-kissing puppydogs getting upset at the possibility they might be about to lose their sexual monopoly - the pussy weapon - because they might soon have to compete with lifelike robotic replacements?

Asbestos coat on - let 'em rip!

Perhaps from the former lover

I'd have thought it was obvious, sharing hoovers with others....

...about the pole in question?

The scary thing about this is the alarming invcrease in the number of people arrestede under these laws, Section 5 of the Public Order Act is a good one. You go out for a pint and on your way home you swear in the earshot of a spotty young plod in riot gear and dayglo jacket. Your backside ends up in a Police Van, you get an £80 ticket but here's the twist - your DNA is now on the database and they are going to trawl through every unsolved crime on the books to try and match you up with it. Woe betide you if you were in some friends house and they then got burgled because you might come up as suspect number one. That old car you sold to Johnny ArmedRobber, guess what, you match on that one as well.

It get worse though, if you are burgled yourself then PC Plod will take samples from you, your spouse and each of your kids "for elimination purposes". These go on the DNA database as well and when they are there they are on for life.

Back to the original point though, the politicians can't force legislation through to make everyone give a DNA sample, but the Police are doing a bloody good job of making sure we all end up on there anyway. Be prepared to get arrested on a trumped up charge and then be released later, by then you are on the database ant it's all too late. One more step as we stagger blindly further into a Police State.

Anonymous post . . . . . too right, I don't want the door broken down and the spooks at Menwith Hill are too close for comfort.

How many women have you heard of being arrested for having "simulated sex" in public with an inanimate object? How many women have made the news thusly?

Yeah. I didn't think so. Your strawman doesn't stand.

Was that a Catholic Lamp-Pole being abused by a Polish Hoover?

or a Bicycle Poling a Polish Lamp Pole?

or a Lamp Pole, Poling a Catholic Hoover on a Bicycle?

or a Pole Poling a Lamp Pole on a Hoover?

or a Hoover sucking a Lamp Pole on a polish Bicycle?

Oh stuff it I think thats blown my tiny little mind...

- Yep thats my coat there - the one with the Outraged public decency in the pockets.....

Especially as I just loaned my neighbor my vacuum cleaner the other day, a neighbor who complains about not having had any nighttime company in many months.

Luckily me and my vacuum are not on intimate terms :)

I read an article that you Brits are installing padding on lamp posts to keep texters from running into them and suffering GBH. Now I find out that there's a different kind of "running into" lamp posts going on... Are the two related? Was this a padded lamp post? If so, the guy probably has a bit of a right to be angry, after all, it's false advertising when women wear padded bras...

Some of the tittie bars here in Amurka have "pole- lympics" (competitive events in which the young and the siliconed display their pole dancing skills); perhaps the perp in the article was practicing for a similar event and got a wee bit too enthusiastic (as his wee bit likewise became too enthusiastic)?

Paris, for her various pole- related skills, and the enthusiasm with which she deploys them.

When they came for the lamppost humpers

I remained silent;

I did not hump lampposts

"During their probe..."

Thanks for demonstrating modern feminism in action. A guy complains about men being unfairly targeted for having sex with inanimate objects and you 'rebut' him by pointing out that no women have ever been booked for doing same, as if that somehow disproves his point.

With thinking like that one wonders how feminism ever got off the ground.

I want to know what children were around at this ungodly hour??? Personally, I'd be more worried about them there hoolies nicking my iPod and Moby and would be getting plod to question them about the slashed tyres and missing lead coving from houses on my street than being shocked that they were subject to this mans "simulated sex act".

"2) Most men, if they saw a woman pleasuring herself in public, far from calling the police, would probably stand and watch for as long as they thought they could get away with it."

... which would depend entirely on whether they had their girlfriend / wife / daughter / mum with them at the time.

When will they begin arresting football players for humping the corner post in front of 60,000 people of all ages after scoring a goal?

"Your strawman doesn't stand."

Nice, a double entendre and a put-down all in one. ;)

"I'm buffing up a lamppost,

On the corner of the street,

Until the local Constable

Comes by...

The tweed and ukulele, ta.

Better get caught with a Henry Hoover than a John Edgar Hoover. Less embarrassing.

Maybe now he can see the light...

And why wasn't the lamp post arrested too as it takes two to tango.

If you think about it it's obvious, and so's the solution - DON'T SHARE HOOVERS!

>"How many women have you heard of being arrested for having "simulated sex" in public with an inanimate object? How many women have made the news thusly? Yeah. I didn't think so. Your strawman doesn't stand."

I have an example. It wasn't with a bicycle (which was in private, btw), a henry hoover, or a lamp post. And she wasn't arrested, but it was in public. With a blow up dog and a wine bottle? On TV (i.e. Big Brother).

See: http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2005/aug/04/broadcasting.channel4

Why no arrest for ""on suspicion of outraging public decency"" there?

Rather than answer my own questions immediately in my own post, I'll have the decency to give an opportunity for someone to explain this particular goose/gander discrepancy.

Love struck,

Ive fallen for a lampost,

givin' her my utmost,

spilling out my deepest feelings....

Look it up!

Coat please......

Girlies might be schlicking one off the wrist with an inanimate object, but most of them have enough common sense to do it in the privacy of their boudoir. *That* is why they've not been nicked for it.

Reminds me of a playground rhyme

In days of old

When knights were bold

And women hadn’t been invented

Men cut holes

In telegraph poles

To keep themselves contented

So the catholics slapped the chap with the claptrap about clap?

Paris, because, well, never mind...

Granted, blokes *might*, on the whole, tend to be a little less able to exercise restraint and privacy when it comes to personal kinks.

But as I've already said, the 'Bike bonk bloke' was *behind a locked door*.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/10/26/bike_incident/

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/11/15/bike_bloke_sentenced/

The BB housemate was *on TV*.

He gets to spend the rest of his life on the sex offenders' register and cops three years' probation.

She gets the chance to eke out a freeloaders z-list existence.

*That* sure sounds imbalanced to me.

He can only do it with the light on?

So what was the make, model and wattage of the lampost in question?

Probably a sting operation, lampost was probably coming onto him.

Was it in a red light district? We need answers!

He clearly confused 'looking for the light at the end of the tunnel' with 'looking for a tunnel at the end of the light'!

Where have all the sheep gone?

... If I remember correctly, that's how I met my wife!

Phew... you guys seem really frustrated about something. Could it be that your hatred of feminism is a purely emotional reaction to the fact that women won't sleep with you because you're a bunch of self-centered, bitter, hate-filled jerks? I mean really, if you spend all your time banging on about how stupid and wicked women are... well, let's just say it's not likely to be the world's most effective chat-up line, is it?

After all, your insane paranoid conspiracy theory requires the police to have suddenly become a crusading radical left-wing organisation that bases its arrest policy on feminist gender politics before it could possibly be true. That's the most ludicrous suggestion I've heard in quite a long time, and anyone who could accept a hypothesis so blatantly in massive disconnection with the facts of reality must have gotten themselves a pre-determined conclusion that they're desparately trying to prove by reasoning backward from...

And no, it doesn't need a massive feminist conspiracy theory to explain why joe six-pack making a drunken fool of himself in the street on a friday night after the pubs kick out gets promptly busted, while someone from off the telly gets given preferential treatment. Celebs, even the third-rate Z-list celebs from BB, get given a much easier time of it whenever they're in trouble - regardless of what gender or the nature of the offence.