back to article Polish builder sacked for humping hoover

A Polish building contractor working at London's Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital was given his marching orders after a security guard caught him having sex with a Henry Hoover, the Sun reports. The Henry Hoover The unnamed perv was supposed to be locking up the site, at hospital admin offices, but was instead discovered …

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Coat

Aw man!

That must have sucked!

Apologies....

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Paris Hilton

Not the first Polish construction story I've heard...

I heard a similar story about 2 polish guys on a work site nipping off for up to an hour at a time...security tailed them and found them locked into a toilet cubicle together.

Upon opening the door however, they were found to be playing chess on top of the toilet...very odd.

Paris icon, as she's probably had fun with a vacum as well.

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Happy

Dirty Perv

...I've always felt the Face on a Henry Hoover looks like that of a dirty perv.

It appears my suspicions were well founded. The builder should sue for being molested by the hoover.

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Coat

are hoovers any less vulnearble than bicycles?

If not then get him on the sex offenders register!!

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Boom-Tish

Congrats to the company for discbelieving his story and having the confidence to sack him. Thus proving they're no suckers. He could have got away with it if he's sucked us to the boss, but he blew it rather than get ahead.

As for him. Considering the reputational damage - I bet it sucks to be him.

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Paris Hilton

Idiot

Sucks to be him.... Oh, wait...

I'm amazed Henry still had a smile on his face. The dirty red tyke...

On a serious note I think the guy's disgusting for trying to take advantage of his cultural heritage and lack of awareness on the guard's part by pretending vacuum sex is normal in Poland. You been caught red-handed and red-something else, just take it like a man. Henry did after all.

Paris because there'd be no chance of hitting the 'blow' setting by accident...

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Coat

There will be blood^H^H^H^H

The job sucked anyway.

I'm sure there's some room for comment within "French polisher / Polish polisher".

Yes, the pinny with the Marigolds hanging enticingly from the pocket.

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Paris Hilton

Where's the Paris Hilton reference?

Surely an article describing simulated oral sex would need one!?

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Coat

Surely he got it wrong...

Everyone knows, 'Nothing sux like an electrolux'. bl**dy weirdo.

The jackets on and I'm off...

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Thumb Down

The Sun, you say?

Sounds about as likely to be true as the "asylum seekers ate Queen's swans" gem from a few years back.

Those wacky foreigners, eh? Not easily identified, funny accents, slightly sinister and un-British. And never rich enough to sue for libel, either. Very convenient.

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Silver badge

At least...

he left without a stain on his character.

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Coat

Hetty

You sure it was a Henry and not a Hetty? After all, Hetty does come in a rather fetching pink colour. And she's got these lovely come to bed eyes..

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Coat

Smiling?

If it was being molested shouldn't the hoover have been at least frowning or crying or whatever?

Members of the court (.....) please have a conscience, and recognized it was consensual hoovering.

Mine's the "Hoova Moova" Dire Straits jacket, thanks.

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Rob
Coat

This would never have happened....

... if we had biometric ID cards!

Chuckle.... giggle.... laughs hysterically... vomits... oh dear, I've shit me keks!

It's the one where the sleeves fasten at the back.

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Joke

What is it with blokes having sex with inanimate objects?

But enough of the wife...

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Weird

The strange thing of course is that if Henry was real he'd be putting his knob up Henry's nose.

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Paris Hilton

Cleaning his underpants?

He's going to get a nasty suprise when he tries to have sex with his washboard then...

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Silver badge
Happy

Afterglow

Following the incident the smile on the Henry was considerably wider and smoke was seem to be coming from the air-vent. After this the vacuum cleaner wouldn't work for half an hour or so.

The Henry is now looking forward to similar meetings with a view to using various attachments.

The smaller, pink, Hetty version was said to be doing Google searches for anyone interested in human-machine interfaces.

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Silver badge

This is the central scrutinizer...

I thought these things only ever happened in the Joe's Garage!

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Joke

Suckers!

You-tube goes mobile (the pleasure is all yours :).

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Coat

Feel the love

Nature may abhor a vacuum, but this guy clearly disagrees.

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Coat

His life is ruined

How will he fill the vacuum?

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Stop

Has El Reg. Sold His Sole to News Corp.?

And if not, why was it thought necessary to include a photograph of a vacuum?

Will all ID card stories now be accompanied with a picture of a man holding an ID card with his photo on it*?

* Unless it's a photo of a man holding his ID card with a photo of the man holding his ID card on it, with a photo of the man holding his ID card, with a photo of...

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Coat

Wrong business

Henry should've replied to that Greek job ad.

Mine's the clown suit.

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Happy

I dont want to be a pedant, but....

Isnt Henry made by Numatic, so technically not a Hoover(tm)

and shouldnt this be ROTM?? innocent fleshie, forced to pleasure his robot master... its got judgement day written all over it!!!!

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@matt

I can see it now... "Terminator: Polish Builder Chronicles"

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Alert

@john B

"I heard a similar story about 2 polish guys on a work site nipping off for up to an hour at a time...security tailed them ...."

Dont tell me these foreigners have actually started wanting lunch breaks or something?!

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Joe

Can we trust the Sun though?

I mean, this could just be some nonsense born from some half-overheard xenophobic joke in the Sun hacks' favourite lunchtime boozer, right?

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@ Matt

I'm guessing that you're from the USA because almost everyone in the UK refers to any vacuum cleaner as a "Hoover" (named after its inventor James Spangler).

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Immigrants cause collapse in Reg standards

It must be true because:

1. It was in the Sun; and

2. It was about immigrants.

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Bronze badge
Paris Hilton

Men screw vacuum cleaners

It's one of those universal facts. Some men, being reminded of the only strong woman they knew while going through puberty, do things like this. It is a source of much hilarity for those of us who fancied our french teachers instead.

Paris, it's in France.

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Oh dear I can't believe I'm going to write this...

...but in the UK, the word 'hoover' is a genericised trademark.

Hoover failed to sufficiently defend their trademark on vacuum cleaners in the UK, as a consequence the word now refers to any brand of vacuum cleaner or the act of using a vacuum cleaner. Hoover aren't alone - aspirin, petrol and sellotape all used to be trademarks in the UK, but are now used when discussing any comparable brand.

Oooh I feel all dirty now.

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ian
Bronze badge
Heart

Quality time with the hoover?

Wait 'til he hears about my hacked Roomba!

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Not true ..

The contractor has just issued a statement denying the accusations:

"I did not have sexual relations with that vacuum cleaner".

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Coat

Come on?

Nobody has made any jokes about him being a builder, and therefore a specialist in erections....

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Thumb Up

Re: Has El Reg. Sold His Sole to News Corp.?

Look at the top of the page.

El Reg is red top too. ;)

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Joke

It sucks, and some times it sticks!

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=476560&in_page_id=1770

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Flame

He had a lucky escape

Henry is a British classic. We had one. We persuaded our project manager, who was of the opinion that "hoovering was women's work" to use it. Henry promptly exploded in a shower of sparks and black smoke. And no, he wasn't doing anything kinky with it. That builder should count himself lucky.

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Happy

Kinda reminds me of....

A story el reg ran a while back with a dwarf ...

www.theregister.co.uk/2007/08/20/dwarf_hoover_incident/

This is starting to become a trend - el reg running bits on vacuumed knobs... now for your next breaking news scoop - put the 2 together ... polish builder superglues dwarf to his hoover then vacuums his undies....

I'll go now ... the green one please.

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Thumb Down

Nice little gift for the next guy

I hope the hospital throws that vacuum away (and quick before somebody steals it and puts it on ebay). It may not be a biohazard, but I wouldn't want to be the guy who had to use it next!!!

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Silver badge
Unhappy

He was lucky

Check the medical literature for penile injures caused by vacuum cleaners... some men have discovered very painfully that the distance between the opening and the fan blades is quite short!

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I wonder...

Did he slip and fall, and his dick landed in the open nozzle of the vacuum cleaner? After all you hear that excuse thrown around quite a bit when you hear about the stories of people getting "stuck" and having to go to hospital.

As for the practice of cleaning your pants by hoovering your cock being "normal" in Poland, well it would explain why my Polish girlfriend hates hoovering so much! Perhaps she feels I just "don't understand her customs", so maybe if I strip off she'll pick up the hoover and get to work.

And there would be the next interesting excuse at the hospital....."and how exactly did you get stuck Mr Worth?".............."Well.....it's all to do with a Polish custom...."

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Black Helicopters

@Mike Richards

But the word Hoover has been spelt wit a capital H and therefore isn't a generic.

Helicopter as my other half works for Westlands...

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Happy

More common than you think

I read a British Medical Journal report a good few years ago about these incidents, if any one is interested, google the below, there are quite a few.

injuries to penis vacuum cleaner BMJ

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Joke

I prefer a Dirt Devil.....

Like having an 'upright' in the palm of your hand.

/Coat

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Unhappy

Stupid

Its true, Carpenters do clean them selfs off with hoovers before they head home.

Dust crawles in anyware, so I have to side with the poor polish bloke. Or do you like sitting in public transport with someone head to heals covered in dust.

As for a security person seeing something like this its would seem odd.

I use to spray paint in a shop.. The spray paint would go in everything after a day spraying. I contantly dug for gold but got paint. Yes Gross, I had to bath for 2 hours a day with a brush daily and it was painfull. Its just one of those trade things.. Next time have a look at builders hands, Its a way of life. Not something office people would ever understand.

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Col
Pirate

Dust aplenty

I fit fire alarms in server cabins etc, I've had to resort to henry before now, 'builders bum' is not only an eyesore, it is also a means of ingress to your nether regions for all manner of cheery void space itchy stuff.

Still its all relative, i was caught short on my way home from school as a boy and wiped my arse with rockwool, now there was an interesting sensation for a couple of weeks.....

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Go

oh dear...

...Thats a blow for his employment prospects!

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IT Angle

Other generic trademarks (I'll make wittcisms later)

Jacuzzi

Velcro

Post-It

Though, if I'm honest, I'm only certain about Jacuzzi, but 'Velcro' has come to mean any hook-and-loop fastener and don't we all call non 3M sticky-notes Post-Its?

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Thumb Up

El Reg appropriately Targetted web-adverts

"Find out how your peers are dealing with Virtualization" - enough said really.

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