Swedes demand return of heraldic lion's todger
Disgruntled Swedish heraldists are demanding the Nordic Battlegroup reconsider a decision to emasculate their crest's lion which has seen the rampant beast relieved of his todger. For those of you not up to speed on the shock case of the leonine penis outrage, the unit's commander - Karl Engelbrektsson - last December ordered …
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A Cock Up...
perpetrated by, it would seem, a bit of a dick-head.
Puns over.
Back to work.
PS. Another month 'till April fools yet!
Version 2.0
Nice to see Vulture Central has changed the image to a before and after solving the confusion of us 'its friday cant be bothered to think' people
Warwickshire
Don't know if this is better or worse than the changes made to the county arms of Warwickshire: historically it has been a bear chained to a rugged staff. But this seems to have offended some animal huggers, so it has been changed and is now a bear "with" a rugged staff. And then all the beautiful sculpted or cast examples have had to be altered, with the chain being chipped away. Madness.
Females in war being harassed?
Well I would have thought that if they are working on the front line, they'd be getting shot at. Seems a lot more damaging to me than "suck my glock!" and a lot safer for the abusive oppo: she's armed, you've just made her mad, there's no way of telling WHAT she'll shoot.
PS: Richard, I thought this may be something like a preserved lion prodder taken from a military museum display. Mostly because I wouldn't think anyone would note a tapestry todger... Silly me, eh.
Compensation
You may notice, too, that the branch the lion is holding got a little bigger to ball-ance things out...
This is what the world is coming to
We all need to be the same colour, same height, same weight, sexless, anonymous people not to offend anyone...
... But on the other hand, does the lack of a Petter Niklas (Swedish cousin of "John Thomas") indicate a vagina... now that would be sexist too...?!?!
Paris because she's definitely not sexless.
Engelbrektsson is completely in the right
A man tries to do something right and as usual all El Reg readers can do is make sarky comments and cry political correctness. I'll have you know that zero, yes zero women have been raped by Swedish lions since the change was made.
_Nordic_ Battlegroup
"The Nordic Battlegroup is around 2,400 strong, with roughly 2,000 of its members coming from Sweden. The rest are a mixed bag of Estonians, Finns, Irish and Norwegians"
Swedes, Estonians, Finns and Norwegians I can understand but Ireland is not exactly Nordic, unless you count the fact that they were ravaged by the Vikings 1000 years ago.
@Spleen
"I'll have you know that zero, yes zero women have been raped by Swedish lions since the change was made."
YET.
PH because she could probably tire the lion out...
Further changes (proposal).
Next changes:
No sword- it's definitely
1.just a Symbol of Male Member
2. is an Aggressive Weapon.
So change if for shield.
No mane, since its' definitely masculne sign, that beast is just hiding his ... treasure... somewhere between his hind legs!
Mane should be thrice shorter and look in unisex fashion!
I suggest introducing a more developed... something... in the top part of the chest of a beast. It should look like overdeveloped muscle or underdeveloped breasts.
Since that regiment is definitely defensive and not aggressive, and now has such vague and ambigious leonine figure with painted nails, breasts, and just a long hair.... I suggest introducing the symbol of what they protect... small lion-child, maybe? or three, to represent.... err, i am shutting up.
TO BE SERIOUS.
I have read somewhere that heraldic beasts were officially emasculated when owner of that heraldic sign committed a treason.
Good luck for you, self- proclaimed traitors...
@ Mark
Presumably he is talking about female non-combatants in war zones, not the members of the armed forces themselves.
When was the last time the Swedes went to war though? Bunch of limp dicks if you ask me.
Re: Compensation
However, notice that the frond is drooping now.
Not only "Dun a Bobbett" but also missing out on "Herbal V1agra!".
It *IS* Ireland
Iceland doesn't have a military. Ireland contributes 80 or so people to the Nordic Battlegroup, the UK is also involved in various C&C roles.
It's Definitely Ireland
Ireland is part of the Nordic Battle Group. That's because the military non-alignment of Ireland is most closely matched by the stance normally taken by the Nordics.
@Sweep
I would still say that it is nicer to hurl insults than bullets.
I mean, these people (even if civilian) are joining an employer that kills people for a living.
Being thin-skinned is neither wanted nor expected, really.
leave the JT and ...
Just change which leg is forward.. if the left rear leg is forward you would not see as much.... given the cold of the North Atlantic... perhaps none at all....
political correctness w@nkers
the only real response-make it bigger. The lion could be extending an upraised middle finger/paw and telling 'em where to stuff it.
@Warwickshire
Sounds like the "animal huggers" that want the chain removed - even "chipped away" - are the spiritual cousins of the Taleban, who cheerfully blew up Buddhas because the statues did not suit their ideas of political correctness.
Heraldic Info Sought
I'd love to know what the heraldic description of the coat of arms (with the, er, affected part) would be :-)
Heraldic Todgers
"I'd love to know what the heraldic description of the coat of arms (with the, er, affected part) would be :-)"
JT's aren't emblazoned in heraldry...
re: Bootnote 2
I doubt "Ireland" is a misprint for "Iceland" since Iceland doesn't have an army. Ireland, while not exactly nordic, at least has a military that could contribute troops to the Nordic Brigade.
Sorry but I don't have any pithy comments about the unit's symbolic emasculation, but I hope the artist was working for something other than tips...
@AC
Spot on, have the other leg forward. Noone asked the lion's opinion that's for sure.
@This is what the world is coming to
> But on the other hand, does the lack of a Petter Niklas (Swedish cousin of "John Thomas") indicate a vagina... now that would be sexist too...?!?!
Oh it's much worse than that, because the poor beast still has a mane so is definitely male. Apparently now singing soprano.
@Heraldic Info Sought
> I'd love to know what the heraldic description of the coat of arms (with the, er, affected part) would be :-)
Probably something like "with Lion rampant" - he's just not quite so happy about it now. Well who would be, after the unkindest cut of all...
> Heraldic description
I do believe that, as one might expect,the original is a lion rampant... The new version, with both feet on the floor may not be... A liitle googling suggests that a rabbit rampant is not an impossible heraldic animal!
It's Ireland
Iceland doesn't have an army. Few wannabes, but nothing more then that. Ireland however appears to be in the Nordic battle group according to this web pages.
http://www.mil.se/index.php?c=news&id=32771
http://www.sweden.gov.se/sb/d/9133/a/82276
"On Januari 1, 2008, Sweden, together with Norway, Finland and Estonia and possibly Ireland will constitute the fifth European battle group out of eleven planned. The preparations have been going on for some time. Among others the NBG-headquarters in Enköping have been assigned with personnel. The ceremony on last Monday constituted the inauguration of the unit's headquarters and the subordinated units in Sweden, Norway, Finland and Estonia, who will be training the incorporated units in the Nordic Battle Group."
rampant insanity
"...leonine penis outrage..."
This is why I read the register.
In other news, who says they cut it off? Maybe the lion just thought about baseball for a while.
He said "member"
> with roughly 2,000 of its members coming from Sweden
He said "member". Eh heh!
@ Sam Wallace re "Compensation."
Yes, and I notice the sword is noticeably thicker and heavier - definitely compensating; we all know what the sword symbolises. Nudge nudge, wink wink...
Political correctness
Now come on they only did half a job here!
The lion is still overtly male: it has a mane.
The tongue is sticking out (with sexual overtones there)
It is carrying an offensive weapon.
It is showing its claws (ooh catty!)
So what have we got left: an old moggie carying an olive branch. Not much symbolism there.
The Swedes were never known for being prudes. Better stick with the original.
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