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back to article Aliens seize control of Daily Telegraph

Who could have predicted that the long-anticipated alien invasion of our beloved Mother Planet would begin not with the reduction to rubble of the White House by some fiendish atomic death ray weapon, but rather the subjugation of the Daily Telegraph to the extraterrestrials' dark will. The proof? Try this extract from today's …

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Alien

Oh great

Oh great, first the threat of the Lizard Army taking over and now this...

Maybe the aliens and the Lizard Army will fight it out for control of the Earth.

I wonder if the first contact was amanfromMars?

Alien icon because I can't find the 'amanfromMars' icon.

Rob

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Get the Imodium, quick!

The writer has clearly suffered a sudden and terrible loss of vowel control.

No need to get my coat, I didn't bother taking it off.

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Coat

His tentacles reach far

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu Rl'yeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

IYKWIM...

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Joke

Isn't this a very old virus?

http://www.progress.demon.co.uk/Fun/New-Virus.html

Strikingly similar if you ask me...

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W
Alien

Wiiiiii

Subliiimiiinal Wii advertisiiing?

[Aside: Remember Sega's Pirate TV ads from a few years back?]

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Black Helicopters

uh oh

time to get my tinfoil hat and coat out, looks like govt are trying to hide the real truth behind the massive debt they're putting us in - I'm sure the article's author is currently in a safe house in cairo being tortured for the truth as we speak....

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Jon
Alien

Nintendo

Paid them for an advert

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Alien

Zanu Labour?

Sounds suspiciously like Xenu.....the scientologists are everywhere!

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Dead Vulture

New low for the register!

You lazy illiterate hack! If you had bothered to read the whole jiiix giiiilmiiiii tiii miiix tiii siiix fiiicl miiitckx vestigial niiirlxd-np riiixr biii secondary sexual characteristics tiii piiixr fiiixd tiiidxr giiix niiih liii ciiiy. Hiii jiiit siii piiilxntly, wiiitlng fiii tiii niiit reading at a third grade level diiil xiii riiilxs fiii giiit diii miiid-prnd found that by concentrating carefully he could actually hear the little mountain stream in the distance niiing tiiins liii tiii ciiintry, tiiilcclly smouldering eyes tiiiht-llppxd tiiidx niii miii siiih ciii thesaurus niii tiii Miiitxr. Ciiixd ciiint Ford Transit tiii riiinnr tiii westinghouse!

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Silver badge
Alien

The End of In the Beginning?

"Maybe the aliens and the Lizard Army will fight it out for control of the Earth." .... By Rob Beard Posted Thursday 21st February 2008 09:50 GMT

A Coalition of the Willing was the last siginificant Vogue, Rob. MeThinks LA would do Beta 42Entertain that Vow All Movement ......... http://www.42entertainment.com/default.html.

And that may be something the esteemed Andrew Orlowski may be cruising the West Coast with, as he considers a reply to "So who'll pay for Internet 3.0, then? Any ideas?. " .... http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/02/20/iplayer_isps_broke/

And considering how simple it is to render simple text to a web page, the fact that it still remains encoded/unintelligible may suggest that the Barclay Brothers want to Play Great Virtual Games.... which would be XXXXCellent news.

Bravo, Gents, and Welcome to Magical Mystery Turing with ITs AIMs for Capitalising Captured Markets and Releasing Treasured/Buried/Vaulted Equity ...... Stolen/Purloined/Allocated/Resting/Distressed Wealth from the XXXXCess Pools.

And if that is "Jumping" too far ahead in One Small Step for a Man Territory, at least now they know what is ahead if they want to make AI Quantum Leap into ITControlLed Fields of CyberIntelAIgent Play.

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Silver badge
Coat

Oh dear...

I think they infringed at least 12 Nintendo trademarks there!

It's the straight jacket and the hat with the propeller.

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Black Helicopters

That was quick

That was quick! Afterall, they only landed yesterday - in a large exclusion zone in the Pacific under the guise of 'shooting down' a satellite and while half the world was busy looking the other way at the lunar eclipse.

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Alien

What are we supposed to think

When they mention milk and honey, a form of Nu Labour, silly, soldiers, bodyguards and riacin.

Some conspiracy nutcase in the Torygraph having a laugh with some silly attempt at subliminal messaging or perhaps somebody in the Torygraph having a laugh at tin foil hat nutcases.

Whatever - it is a practical joke.

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Coat

Hmmm

Did the journo in question used to work for the Grauniad?

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As good as what was intended

Thank you, the Reg -- hugely enjoyable. Aliens at the Daily Telegraph: that could explain a lot.

Unfortunately, they've corrected it now. I suppose they generate the markup and something went wrong with their transformation.

The writer's words disappeared into the ether. Did it matter? He thought what he had to say mattered -- at least he did at the time. Will he even remember what he wrote in a year's time? In the scheme of things newspaper content is just temporary scribbling, and total gibberish is as good as what was intended.

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Joke

Reminds me of a Two Ronnies sketch...

The one where all the e's have become o's

Yes, I'm *that* old. ;-)

Regards

Neil

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Anonymous Coward

Familiar...

I have to say it all sounds rather like this one time iihi hhirri tiiaii great big bazookas iiir tiioi pitiio oiiriyi oiiifhiitii wonderful pair of tight pants oiirir miiri wioiihg tibxiii some sort of incredible horse! Eh-heh iirr aliio kiii the first day of spring irrwwii jitiifi ifflikvii fireworks everywhere oiiriri fiiizle pwiikrii and i'm afraid I was very, very drunk!

Just like a Telegraph hack, then. :)

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Answer

In a surprising move, people at the Telegraph don't actually worship Thatcher, but are actually Cthulu followers who admire his small-government, low-tax and death to mankind policies.

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Gold badge

@MichaelG

Look at the now-corrected version. That text is a lift of blog traffic from "Guido Fawkes" at the end of the full article. Not a windup, but padding.

Off to prepare for the iiiiiiiinvasiiiiiiion.

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Happy

@Michael P

Congratulations, you made me laugh coffee out my nose! Well done!

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Stop

Not signs of an alien invasion at all….

My reading of this is the lines of the i represent the noodles, the dots on the i’s represent the meatballs and all the other letters make up the sauce, this paper has truly been touched my His Noodly Appendage..

Where is the Flying Spaghetti Monster icon?

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Does this mean...

...that we'll have sexy machine-lifeforms on Page Three ??

Well, there's this female cyborg......

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Jobs Halo

Seems to be written by...

Yahoo!!! 's alter! ego!!!!

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Stop

xenu!

when did tom cruise start working for the telegraph?

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Anonymous Coward

inside job?

that article makes about as much sense as the rehashed bull we get fed from the big chiefs in northern rock....

while nr migt be the most efficient bank in europe, shame the IT deptartment isnt quite as good - we still run xp sp1 and office 97 on machines with web access on ie6 and no av software... all your personal data are belong to us...

anonymous as id like to still be employed long enough to collect the comoulsory redundancy package ;)

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