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back to article Enraged vegan spitroasts Reg hack

It was sort of inevitable really, but our recent revelation that vegetarians are in fact nothing more than fanatical, self-deceiving, protein-starved perversions of nature provoked a rather angry response from one Rachel Astill-Dunseith: There is absolutely no scientific evidence in this mans dellusional and fatuous claims. He …

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Pirate

Let him stew?

Does she really start fantasising about stewing him halfway through that? Is her tofu halo slipping a bit? I bet she got so worked up that she polished off 3 bacon butties immediately after she hit 'send'.

Skull and bones to depict a Lester stew.

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Flame

Doesn't pass FOTW Eligbility Rules

Lester,

Before airing your private flamings (or flaming privates) please consult:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2001/01/12/how_to_write_a_flame/

This diatribe fails to deliver the required quota of "deeply and personally abusive" and the grammar and spelling are far too good.

John

(...Still struggling to digest last nights massive pig feast. Damn tasty too)

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Dead Vulture

Why not?

"Important notice: No animals were harmed during the writing of this article."

Shame.

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oxo
Dead Vulture

Take care mate...

A brief google shows she is one of those mad animals rights type people. She is also married, which I find even more amazing!

Dead Bird seems appropriate as an icon

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Sam

She's radio rental

So how come four of my teeth (the canines) have only one purpose, that is to tear meat?

Does that mean that rabid tart would call me a fucking werewolf???

Stupid cow(slip).

Pass me another slice of that roasted snow leopard, would you?

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Joe

Don't judge us all by this!

I found the original article to be poking fun at Pravda, I don't know how this woman missed it. Or perhaps she's being satirical and we're all missing her joke!

But anyway, not all people with animal sympathies are crazy humourless fanatics. Some of us do it out of conviction, not just to look cool and feel superior to others! (Not me, though. I do it for the chicks.)

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Dead Vulture

A quick google

reveals she has a habit of sending ranting missives of the type favoured by rabid yogurt-knitters. It's like the Guardian equivalent of the Mail's "Why, oh why, oh why..." letter to the editor.

BTW animals don't have rights, they have a flavour.

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Happy

Rants...

...Rock!!

Nothing like reading this kinda thing while eating a nice fried breakfast!!

G.

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Coat

Lester, I still don't see it!

"As for the rest of the rant, we'll let it pass, except to say that it's a bit rich for someone with the surname "Astill-Dunseith" to have a pop about someone's else's moniker. 'Nuff said."

Suspicious name that, reads as "Ah still dont see it ", but then I am a veggie ( with a sense of humour )

Yes, the mink one please

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Nonsense..

Sorry, but anyone who tries to tell me I shouldn't eat meat, or use dairy is stupid, end of story.

I have canine teeth, as well as molars. I have access to large amounts of proteases, lactase, etc, etc, etc, to fully digest my meat, milk and vegetable diet.

People who don't have sufficient lactase - i.e oriental, black, etc - due to not having domesticated cows, and their genes for lactase shutting down in adolescence, fine, avoid milk, it will make you windy.

Other than that get of your insanely unfounded high horse and back off. Humans evolved to eat most things - and as we continue to evolve (albeit a lot slower), we will start to be able to eat even more things, including the damaged fats that are currently messing with us.

If you want to be vegan, fine, just don't pretend it's anything more than not wanting to hurt another living creature - which I'm fine with. The problem is it is very hard for vegans to get things like B12 - and despite their claims to being ubber healthy, the majority of vegans I have met look like death warmed up.

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Alien

Classic

Example of why Vegans get a bad press.... Set out a little bait and boy do they bite....

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Coat

Bootnote

I do hope the boot used in the boot note wasn't made out of leather...

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WOW.....

A vegan with enough energy to write an email!

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Silver badge

Touchy or what

Sounds like she's suffering from PMS which according to a rather flimsy scientific study could be brought under control by an increase in calcium from dairy products along with vitamin D from oily fish to help aid the absorption of the calcium.

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Go

It's the way you raise them!

While standing at the butchery counter in our local farm store last Saturday, my 13 year old daughter (who is slim, smart, and sporty - all things that the Vegan community seem to think you can't be if you eat red meat and dairy products), gazed at the display of beef in front of us and said "Dad, doesn't that just make you glad you're not a vegetarian!"

Glad and proud to be an omnivore!

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Anonymous Coward

What a Joke

"How my vegan children and I will laugh from our intellectually and compassionately superior platform as he dies a slow death as his colon struggles to expurge his over burdoned diet of meat and dairy products."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yes, OK. These claims are as ridiculous as the originals! Intellectually and compassionately superior?? You've got to be joking...

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Anonymous Coward

Nice Flame !

I love reminding smug tree-huggers of the billions of micro-organisms their immune system kills.

Also how do they decide that the Plant Kingdom has less right to life than the Animal Kingdom and thus is justifiable and more humane prey ?

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Definition of someone who cares for animals....

Taken from Rachel's Google results: Profile on Label My Food Forum "I care about the environment, I care about animal welfare (Animal Welfarist), I am vegan"

She does seem to think all of us who eat meat are of a lower order. How to make friends and influence people?

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Flame

What's in a name?

"As for the rest of the rant, we'll let it pass, except to say that it's a bit rich for someone with the surname "Astill-Dunseith" to have a pop about someone's else's moniker. 'Nuff said."

Indeed! There's a pot/kettle thing going on for sure!

I also note that her iron and lard deficency has lead onto punctuation deficiency. With bearely a comma or apostrophe in the piece, I was struggling for breath.

And on a matter of pedantry, the proposition "black is white" is perfectly valid. It's the argument you use to prove it that has to be deemed valid or invalid.

I'm off to eat another rather nice meat and potato pie.

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Flame

Save the planet...

I say we should start culling vegans to reduce methane emissions and noise polution.

<<= Flame grilled, medium-rare please.

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Happy

Oh Rachel

Your rather amazing rant just goes to show what a lack of meat can do to the brain.

I'm off to enjoy a bacon sarnie - which is good as I'm right next to the A1 where the pigs were flame grilled yesterday.

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Happy

Colon? PAH!

Lester Haines don't need no stinkin' colon, he has his exosuit to deal with all his important bodily functions!

http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2005/08/08/lester-haines.jpg

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Dead Vulture

Guinea Pigs

You can take your Guinea Pigs and Roast em.

http://www.trekearth.com/viewphotos.php?l=5&p=38940

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Heart

Let that be a lesson

I can't be the only Reg-ular who sometimes gets the naughty urge to fabricate a diatribe in the hope of getting into the FoTW hall of fame, but then along comes one that demonstrates that there is really no substitute for the real thing.

"How my vegan children and I will laugh from our intellectually and compassionately superior platform..." - utterly classic!

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Joke

The Rise of the Vegans!

agh!

Prepare for the avalanche of intensely pious, hemp clad, rainbow colored, malnourished soya botherers! our only chance of respite is if we all take up wearing mung bean helmets!

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Pirate

Booooooooring

Come on, not all vegans are like that. I'm not.

@Sam: canines are for holding prey, not tearing meat. That's the job of carnassial teeth (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnassial), which humans don't have - we have molars instead. It's a popular mistake.

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Anonymous Coward

Dear Rachel

Quote: "How my vegan children and I will laugh from our intellectually and compassionately superior platform..."

Please tell us, are your children vegan through their own choice, or by yours?

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Linux

We were designed as carnivores

or omnivores if you want to be pedantic.

We have carnivores teeth, hunters have eyes on the front of the skull to give good depth of field vision to better track their prey, the hunted have eyes on the side of the skull to give a wide field of vision to see the predators stalking them.

QED We are meat-eaters.

I wonder what vegans taste like?

Or roast penguin?

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Happy

fuckin brilliant!

Thats made my day. Someone give that woman a voucher for a big mac and fries. And since its FRIday i think i'll have bacon sausages, black and white pudding etc etc etc

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Linux

compassionate indeed

"How my vegan children and I will laugh from our intellectually and compassionately superior platform as he dies a slow death as his colon struggles to expurge his over burdoned diet of meat and dairy products." - hmmm... the compassion must be so superior that it doesn't extend to humans.

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Stop

They're a what now?

"target any other minority group"

now the plant munchers are claiming minority group status?

Whats next affirmative action for cabbage?

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Silver badge
Thumb Up

@RMartin

Her name is unique enough that Googling for it produces some interesting results.

Surprising as it may seem, she *does* appear to be a genuine anti-hunting, anti-vivisection, tree-hugging, vegan.

Oh, and she likes seals, too.....

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Happy

I hope that...

someone can prove that plants also feel pain, then all the "moraly and intelectually superior" people can starve to death and we can finaly be left in peace :)

Now, where's me leather jacket...

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Gates Halo

God made me do it.

If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat would he?

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Platform shoes

'...intellectually and compassionately superior platform.'

Will we be seeing these at railway stations soon?

Anyway, can we have the whole veg. vs. meat vs. vegan debate again? Lordy me, was that fun.

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Paris Hilton

Her poor children

Nice of her to impose her views on what her children should be eating onto them. I doubt they got the opportunity to decide for themselves whether they wanted to be vegan having weighed up all the evidence for and against.

My girlfriend is a vegetarian, and it's not because she likes animals - she'd quite happily shoot a seal in the face - it's just she doesn't like the texture of meat when she chews (doesn't eat mushrooms because of this either). I don't eat fruit for exactly the same reason, so we don't have the "but not all meat/fruit have the same texture" argument.

If people want to be vegan/vegetarian/omnivore, let them. But in the same way as religion shouldn't be forced onto people, there's really no need to force people to eat or not eat something. Prices and availability will be a determining factor in many people's choice. We in the West are just fortunate there's a lot to choose from.

Paris, as I'm sure I've seen a video where she's eating something meaty....

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Paris Hilton

subnote

"How my vegan children and I will laugh from our intellectually and compassionately superior platform as he dies a slow death as his colon struggles to expurge his over burdoned diet of meat and dairy products."

While we drive to the private school 200 yards away in our 4X4 to avoid the "common people" who walk.

Paris, cos even she has intelligence compared to this one

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Anonymous Coward

From the original article:-

"a typical vegetarian (...) They can hardly stand criticism and have a low boiling point. They raise their voice, swing their arms and splutter when arguing. They are weak even in their logic."

Now re-read that whilst waving your arms and spluttering.

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Flame

Carnassial teeth

To the "anon coward" above, who clearly didn't look that far into wikipedia about carnassial teeth:

"The word "carnivore" sometimes refers to the mammalian Order Carnivora, but this is misleading. Although many Carnivora fit the first definition of being exclusively meat eaters, not all do. For example, bears are members of Carnivora that are not carnivores in the dietary sense, and pandas are almost exclusively herbivorous. Likewise, some full-time (dolphins, shrews) and part-time (humans, pigs) predatory species among mammals, let alone all carnivorous non-mammals, are not members of Carnivora." (Carnassials are the defining characteristic of the Carnivora order)

I'm hungry...

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Stop

eh?

How can someone express their compassionateness in the same sentence as willing someone to die? Nut jobs the lot of 'em.

As always, it comes down to priorities-- humans and animals both have rights, but ours trumps theirs.That's why my £3 a month goes to NSPCC over the RSPCA.

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Paris Hilton

Give me lightly grilled pig in a crusty roll

When it comes to a choice between pig products and an "intellectually and compassionately superior platform", there's only ever going to be one winner.

Paris, cos even she's got more soul than Rachel

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Linux

@ AC, Friday 15th February 2008 10:21 GMT

"@Sam: canines are for holding prey, not tearing meat."

The 'prey' being a writhing wriggly leek? Or an escaping cabbage?

Perhaps the canines are for holding overzealous potatoes whilst peeling them?

Mwaauhhwaaaugh!

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Anonymous Coward

I once knew an intellegent veggie...

...she fed her children meat.

While being deeply concerned for the welfare of animals in modern intensive farming, she recognised that meat is quite simply the best way to give her growing children the protein they needed to build all that tissue rapidly.

On a side note, does anyone know the carbon rating of a leather-jacket vs a synthetic one? My leather jacket has outlasted a couple of plasticky ones so far, and I'm starting to think vegetarian clothing may be environmentally unfriendly....

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Coat

@Eponymous Cowherd

"Oh and she likes seals too..."

Maybe we should all club together...

OK, OK pass me the furry one with the flippers attached.

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Bronze badge

Thanks love

Well she really did us (veggies) a favour there, allowing the usually meatist piss takers a good opportunity to have a go :-\

I'm a veggie, proud of it, happy about it, but what we all eat is our own choice, and ultimately our own problem. If you aks me I'll happily tell you why I think I'm right not to eat meat, but only if you ask. And I'll also explain to you why my kids are vegetarian too: yes by their parents' choice, but as a parent what else can you do but bring up your children in a way you believe to be right? We don't bring them up Muslim, Mormon, violent, or prejudiced, 'cos we're not. At some point they'll feel able to make those choices themselves, which will be another step on their road to individuality. I always find it interesting too that those bringing their own children up to eat meat don't consider THAT as imposing their own beliefs onto their kids.

And my original response to the Pravda article was to have a right chuckle! I think this lady needs to learn to chill A LOT...

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Don't forget to keep taking your vitamin supplements

While I've no problem with vegetarianism (although I'm not a vegetarian myself), the nutritional attitudes and behaviour of the vegans I've known has more closely resembled a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder, than a rational philosophy.

As for health and longevity, if that is a key goal just eat plenty of fish.

Besides, as some wag once wrote,

"There is not a single pleasure in life worth forgoing in order to obtain another couple of years in some Weston-super-Mare care home".

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Stop

@ Alyn- "We were designed as carnivores"?

I wasn't designed and neither were the rest of us Humans, we have evolved as a species! Nothing pedantic about correctly identifying the digestive abilities of a species either; think why our canines have become almost useless, our need for animal protein is almost nil and I've never had to keep a prey item in sight whilst chasing it from the supermarket isle to a shopping trolley.

I myself have been vegetarian for about 13 years and I think it's pretty safe to say I'm not going to be dying of colon cancer but it's more likely you artificially-recovered "meat" eating chaps quite possibly will. I like the view from my superior platform as well!

Learn to spell by the way, it hurts my brain trying to figure out if you're all trying to write yoghurt (not yogurt), where (not were) etc etc (I like being able to spell but I guess I've got a N. Irish education to thank for that)

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I loved the line from Larry Niven...

"How much intelligence does it take to sneak up on a leaf"

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Alien

Geek-ville stoops to bash veggie

I wonder which other groups the geek group will decide to bash today : )

Geeks around the world obviously spent yesterday with their loved ones oh yes .. they gave the keys a good banging yesterday, no doubt about it.

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Pirate

What about the Grilled Moose?

I'm sure that the Moose would feed everyone in Vulture Central for a few days at least.

Skull'n'bones cos that is all that will be left of the Moose once Lester et.al get hold of it.

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