back to article Suicidal moose descends on Alaska

You might say it was raining cats and moose. Minus the cats. On February 2, as reported by Anchorage Daily News, a swing-shift state trooper named Howard Peterson was motoring down the Seward Highway when he was nearly killed by a falling moose. At first, he thought the moose was a rock that looked like a moose. But the moose …

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Coat

Now that

was an amoosing tale.

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Joke

A Moose?

"he was nearly killed by a falling moose"

I've seen a fair few moose in my day. There forever scampering around the corn fields and I've even had the odd one in my hoose. BUt I aint ever seen a moose big enough to crush a car. That must be some crazy moose. My wee field moose would run away terrified!

Was the cat chasing the moose? Did the cat land okay? Did it eat the moose?

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Coat

And now for something completely different...

Like falling Llama's or something...

Mine's the moose-hair jacket towards the back

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Coat

Wi not trei a holiday in Alaska this yer ?

See the loveli lakes

The wonderful telephone system

And mani interesting furry animals

Including the majestic moose

I'll get my coat 'cause Alaska's freakin cold.

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Pirate

You missed the best bit.

"one of the charities that salvage road kill"

the mind boggles, but I presume they eat them as there is not much else you can salvage.

This is an opportunity we are missing out on in the UK as dead animals on the roadside remain until the bones are bleached.

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Boffin

Shocker!

That 'moose't have been a bit of a shock!

Mine's the fur one with the antlers......

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Coat

Tut Tut

You missed the obvious pun

No one is quite sure what happened - It's a moose-tery.

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Definitely...

The moose't important moose-story of the day...

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Møøse

A Møøse once bit my sister ...

No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink".

We apologise for the fault in the comments. Those responsible have been sacked.

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Bronze badge
Coat

So Lord Rockingham was right then...

.. when he said, "Hoots mon! There's a moose loose aboot this hoose!"

However, I note that the story fails to mention if it this occurred on a braw bricht moonlicht nicht. Sloppy journalism indeed.

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Coat

Plummet.

I can't believe no-one has said plummet yet. And its such a good word. The sort of word you can relish whilst getting your coat...

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IT Angle

Banned by Google

This article is almost certain to have overstepped the acceptable limits for keyword density. Don't expect to ever be seen in any SERPS for the search term "Moose".

And there's your IT angle.

:)

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They live a quiet life in Alaska

This is what count's as news!

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Happy

@StevieB

Found a website that explains the roadkill salvage a bit more. I think this is a hippie buddhist website but it's just a copy from a press statement on the page.

http://www.indiadivine.org/audarya/world-review/29964-roadkill-charity.html

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IT Angle

@ Steve B

Probably they clear them out of the way - I'm sure a dead moose still represents a hazard to oncoming traffic, particularly in low visibility weather.

Screw the IT angle, where's the Paris angle? Paris and moose. What a video *that* would make...

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Gold badge

Now *that's* what you call....

....a near moose.

Coat and the heavy-duty, reinforced umbrella please.

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Black Helicopters

Just for JimC

And I quote:

"Notice that they do not so much fly, as...plummet."

You're right. Wonderful word.

Black helicopters, just in case the moose fell out of one...

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It is moi belief...

...that this moose is labouring under the misapprehension that it is a bird. Firstly, notice its tendency to hop about on its hoind legs. Also, witness its attempts to flutter from tree to tree. Notice that it does not so much flutter as plummet.

*Mooooooo doink!*

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Dead Vulture

Big friday night fryup tonite!

I have an edition of the Roadkill Cookbook; it has no moose-recipes but I suppose it can be substituted for reindeer? We'll soon know.

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Silver badge
Coat

Maybe

It was playing moose-ical chairs?

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Coat

I'm waiting...

...for the eBay auction.

"One stiff moose, some cosmetic damage, doesn't bounce, edible. Sold as seen, delivery by air drop."

(flak jacket, please)

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JCL

Moose fantastic recipes

@Marvin the Martian - I've eaten elk, but not moose. Apparently they can get a bit gamey, so a bit of marinading wouldn't go amiss. There is a recipe for jellied moose nose at http://www.recipecenter.com/Recipe.asp?code=5096 that could be useful. You have to make sure you scald the nose with boiling water so you can get the loosened hairs out easily. There's a few others on that site including meatballs that would be good if the moose had splattered somewhat...

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Black Helicopters

Was it related to that cow...?

I seem to remember a few months ago, El Reg reported a suicidal cow that dove off a cliff (from a smilar height) onto someone's car and in the same part of the world.

Is that a helicopter I don't hear?

Or was it a dream...?

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Coat

@Marvin the Martian

You've never eaten moose? It's fantastic. Chocolate's my favourite

Please pass me my coat and a blamonge . Ta

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Coat

@JCL

Elk is the American word for moose since Americans have difficulty with more than three letters in a word !! I had lots of lovely moose steaks in Norway.

And please, reindeer are cute little creatures with slim horns. Moose are bloody great things with large spades,complete with pointy bits at the ends, on its head !! You seriously don't want to know what a moose can do to you with them pointy spades !!

Mine's the polar bear fur coat with the wolf skin hood, thanks !!

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Anonymous Coward

While we're on the subject...

"There's nowt so dangerous as a clever Moose".

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Moose loose

A moose-ti-flying case.

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Menus

I wouldn't eat that - it would be a moose-steak.

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IT Angle

What an IT story!

Here's the IT Angle. The moose had a faulty GPS system with Maps NOT updated. SO it used Windows Computer to navigate its way and the Moou'se sent him the wrong way and all hell FROZE in the PC (Being Alaska). Called M/soft Customer services, who told him those maps were illegal (since Google provided them- could not be supported). The Moose got angry FLEW into a rage, took flight and ended up on poor sods roadside (nearly killing him), who counted his blessings and wrote a story for the evening newspaper!

Phew, hairs breadth escape, and Miracles do happen!

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Happy

I think I've

Moosed the point with all the puns

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Many Mooseteries in Alaska

Moose Hi-jinks seem to be the norm up there!

See:

http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/wildlife/moose/story/211088.html

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Silver badge

Deja vu

We've been here before

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/11/07/flying_cow_shocker/

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Unhappy

fell off the mountain!

The moose fell off the huge mountain by the side of the seward highway! :)

http://brainbox.cc/pics/Alaska%202007/Seward%20Highway/index.php?large=DSC_1425.JPG

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Dan
IT Angle

Lots of comments

And they say IT people are overworked.

Anyone who posts here or makes ridiculous moose 'jokes' has too much time on their hands, and moose't be sacked.

Oh, wait a minute...

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Ray
Coat

Movie rights?

It'd be a mooset see.

/runs, ducks

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Stop

Moose and Elk

Love the jokes and the Monty Python references.

However, Moose and Elk are different animals. Elk look more like stags, while moose antlers are more palmate in shape.

Moose: http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=moose&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2

Elk (known also as Wapiti): http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&hl=en&safe=off&q=elk&btnG=Search+Images

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C
Coat

methinks there is still a law on the books

"It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane."

http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/alaska

Then again if one could entice it to charge out on its own ... that would be Mooste funny .. err I mean acceptable.

But, the law did not mention black helicopters.

also .. "It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose."

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Black Helicopters

I do believe...

That Bullwinkle was just trying to keep up with squirrel, who was on the track of another great mystery.

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The Lieutenant Thinks It's Murder

Perhaps it wasn't suicide after all. What if the moose was...pushed.

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Paris Hilton

After every Moose death, moost follow...

a Llama death.

Be prepared people, The Dancing llama's, their make up team and agents are all looking for their chance to make the news. Could it be that these event are linked to the Suicide squad from Monty Python's Life of Brian? Perhaps, the ghost of Graham Chapman, pushed this moose. Sounds Plausible!

As Mulder said "Keep watching the skies", although I'm not sure he would have followed it up with "for falling cows, moose's or Llama's".

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Linux

Mooset get 'em right, or elks.

@John Cobb

"However, Moose and Elk are different animals. Elk look more like stags"

This is another one of those transatlantic thangs.

A Scandinavian Elk _is_ a 'merkin Moose. (Alces Alces)

A 'merkin Elk (Cervus canadensis) is just a wannabe. Or a wapiti. Same difference.

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Coat

Surely

It should have read "mooosestepped"?

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Moose stop for traffic lights

Yes really, in some of the smaller cities not only have Moose been captured on CCTV wandering into hospitals and supermarkets or playing in sprinklers - but have been seen stopping for red lights, which in my mind debunks the myth they're oversized lemmings. Apparently they learned through trial and error that the red light means large vehicles coming fast.

As for the Canadian language comments, weird, because Alaska is actually a US state. Point of fact you'd be more accurate doing a GW impression what with all the Texans digging up every patch of ground looking for oil. "Let's split Alaska in two so we can make Texas the 3rd largest state."

The unofficial state bird is the mosquito. Anyone that's been here during the summer will understand.

Cold? We have all four seasons I'll have you know - June, July, August and Winter.

So yeah, come up here to see the majestic mountains, watch glaciers crash into the sea, travel down colourful rivers (minerals and all that), catch king salmon - then get run over by a moose and eaten by a bear.

Telephones? We have the best communications system in the country. No bandwidth throttling or limited downloads in Alaska. My 7Mbit connection has been rock solid for over 3 years. No inconsistent Comcast bullshit, if you pay for 7Mbits, you get 7Mbits and the only variation in speed is upwards.

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Alien

Santa

Well I heard that after having to return so many faulty X-Box 360's, Santa had decided to invest in new flying creatures which had more pulling power than poor old Rudolphe. Guess he forgot to check their flying specifications...

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Thumb Up

Moose, meat, raw (Alaska Native)

The USDA National Nutrient Database for Standard Reference reckons moose is quite healthy.

A 275 gram raw moose-steak contains only 4 grams of fat and 283kCal

mmmmm... moose...

http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/search/

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Pirate

With apologies to Groucho...

Hello, I moost be going.

I cannot stay,

I came to say

I moost be going.

I'm glad I came

but just the same

I moost be going.

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Boffin

Idiots, all of you.

I live in Alaska and can tell you that I have nothing but sympathy for all of you folks. Here in Alaska we enjoy so much freedom and seperation from you guys that we are virtually a different country, 50 miles from former Soviet Union at our closest point, yet approx. 2,500 miles from the continental United States at your closest point,THANK GOD. You dont even realize that the phrase "United States of America" is a falsehood, there is no "United States of America", although there is a "Unity State of The Americas," don't worry, I won't call you stupid if you can't understand, just think about it for a minute instead of your next Quad Breve'. Do any of you realize that stuck as you are, within your cities and apartments; that if the trucking industry were to be shut down %80 of you will have turned to cannabalism within 72 hours, while the rest of you will be meat, which once again is nonsustainable. You are stuck in a toxic environment where even your air is so poisoned that it is as if you grew up smoking cigars or huffing toxic effluent. Your ecosystems (Cities) are shot and are made for immediate gratification, and if you look closely (whereas I can see it from all the way up here in Alaska) you will see that your downfall is your continual mental masturbation, i.e. you see it, want it, you get it, which is once again nonsustainable because of the aspect that once it no longer exists you're screwed, it is simply because of the fact that you take and take and never give back, never grow your own food, ( this statement is intended for those of you who are inner-city dwellers, which make up the greatest portion of the population, and not for you micro-agriculturists who are contributors, to you I say thank you and keep up the good work.) do any of you even know how to grow your own food? I and most other individuals here live off of our own food, I grow bananas in our greenhouse (Raja Puri and Cavandish, as well as Kiwi, Carob, Apples, Grapes, Hierloom Tomatos, and tons of vegies, all STRICTLY HIERLOOM ORGANICS. WE are the fountain head from which you recieve a great portion of the purifying aspects in your society. I see that in most of your homes that you may have at the best, silk or paper flowers, the occasional rubber tree or helicopter plant, but nothing edible. I pity you and pray that you wont leave a big pile of trash behind when you move on.

Namaste,

Nawve Eliyahu-Yehoshua Cohein Gadol Ben-Malchezadek

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@ Ishkandar

Moose and elk are different species.

Elk and Wapiti are the same.

hope this helps :D

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Black Helicopters

Could it have been...

...a CIA orbital spy moose? I've heard one of those is due to come down due to orbital deacy sometime soon.

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Paris Hilton

@Nawve Eliyahu-Yehoshua Cohein Gadol Ben-Malchezadek

I think you've moose-takenly posted to the wrong forum.

Paris, coz she's a moose.

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