back to article English language succumbs to Symbiotic Ephemeralization

It is with heavy hearts that we announce this morning a near-fatal encounter between Reg reader David Talkowski and this pdf from the Institute For Enterprise Architecture Developments, an organisation described as "one of the most important sources of information related to Enterprise Architecture". David's condition is …

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Happy

Wurdz an weels

Theez wurd things ar almost az bad az thoze weel things that spin roun an roun.

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Anonymous Coward

Who writes this shit?

And who employs them?

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Place the document..

in a secure container and transfer to the Strategy Boutique for safe disposal.

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Wha...?

What!?

That was not fun for a Friday!

*goes to find a Dilbert book to make it better

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Whutchutalkinbout, Willis?

Gary Coleman wants his time back.

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Les
Flame

Owww!!!

My Buzzword Bingo card spontaneously combusted and burnt my desk. I'd sue somebody or other if I could be bothered.

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Silver badge
Alien

All it needs...

is random capitalisation of specific letters in random words, a few instances of "CyberAIntel" and "NEUKlearer" thrown in, and you could pass it off as a treatise written by amanfrommars!

Well I, for one, welcome our new gibberish-speaking overlords!

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Alien

So now we know...

...what amanfrommars does for a day job.

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Black Helicopters

End of Days

I think we should start building Ark Ship B.

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Looks fine to me

"Can't see what all the fuss is about" might be a little simplistic but surely a serious attempt to re-invent a holistic language methodology deserves a more sympathetic treatment? It's not easy to enhance meaning-centred technologies whilst simultaneously retaining a radical, extended paradigm to disintermediate incompatible outcomes. Especially when the benefits of a harmonized, team-based culture (contd. p94)

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Coat

You don't understand it?

As my old dad used to say:

A slight inclination of the cranium is as adequate as a spasmodic closure of an optic, to an equine quadroped deprived of its sense of vision.

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Joke

I think I recognise that text

Ah, yes. It's output from the GNU Random Bullshit Generator, version 0.9beta. It looks like they entered something like "makes small people effective in large companies"

The beta version had a few kinks though, which is why it is still almost coherent in places.

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What a beautiful example

My favourite term is pseudo-arbitrary. Awesome. It's good of them to point out that it would probably be inadvisable to attempt to create an infinite number of Symbiotic Innovation Nodes though; that could have been a real productivity killer if left unclarified.

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Flame

"No Pooftas" law relaxed.

Perhaps the wierdest thing about this document is that according to the title page at leaset it was written in Australia.

There was a time when when ausies would beat you into a pulp for using long words like "maramalade" and "corragated" in public.

What happened Bruce?

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Stop

Does anyone

know their missile address?

This is a clear case for building* an orbital battlestation of some sort:- FOBS or THOR, I'm not bothered, so long at the crater's big enough to encompass all the BS.

*Anyone want to throw some VC funds my way; I mean, how's a budding megalomaniac meant to get started these days?

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Anonymous Coward

I can't see what all the fuss is about

Although the sentences are much longer than the average on theregister it makes sense to me.

When may I listen to an El Reg Strategy Boutique brainstorming session?

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Coat

Symbiotic Innovation Nodes ?

It s easy to criticise: Let he that is without S.I.N. throw the first stone.

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Silver badge

Hidden messages?

They keep talking about SINs - is that some kind of a new religious sect? Or a coded dogging party invitaion perhaps?

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I just had to...

babelise it:

Symbioti Ephemeralization, in the context of this offers, with of

Community-of-practical the independent one goes, therefore, exactly if

in him only the preoccupations of the cooperation of the advice of

ephemeralization of product one to him of hypercycle.

...that's a lot better, can I go to the pub now ?

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Stop

doomed

unless we kill them all ...

... with machetes

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Be fair

According to the revision history, it is only a draft.

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Go

I like the word...

Noetic, can anyone tell me what it means so I can try to use it in conversation?

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Paris Hilton

crumulently relevant

I don't know what all the fuss is about... It seems a perfectly crumulent document to me, one that embigens the smallest lexicon. Now I guess I'm banned, my children are banned, and their childrens children are banned, for 3 weeks.

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Paris Hilton

to paraphrase...

"To create an innovation hypercycle, a pseudo-arbitrary but finite number of Symbiotic Innovation Nodes are created. It is important to note here that the contextual competencies of the Communities of Practice within a SIN are deliberately symbiotic and it should further be noted that there is an absolute requirement for a representative (representative relative to organisational scope) socio-economic and capabilities mix to deliver balanced noetic product that has realistic implementation ..."

means:

"get the right people together in the same room, enough of the correct booze and other drugs, good music and then you're ready to parttttyyyyy! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!!! ! ! " (I think)

For Tim Lane: noetic = "of, or associated with, or requiring the use of: the mind". So: "Paris seldom finds herself in any noetic situation"

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Coat

a classic example of ARGOT

Applied

Research

Grant

Output

Terminology

(the leather bomber jacket with the frayed cuffs, thanks)

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Black Helicopters

Alien communication

Seti is a waste of time, here is the communication between aliens living on our planet.

It is clear from their talk of pollination symbiosis that they have proposed a design for an artificially intelligent hegemonising swarm of minute insects for some dastardly purpose.

From their talk of "autonomous communities-of-practice that though nodal collaboration channels produce a unique ephemeralization hypercycle" it is clear that their artificial intelligence will take the form of collective intelligence via Wi-Max technology, and that they shall have a community spirit very similar to the Borg.

Presumably their symbiotic encounter with the ephemeral refers to their purpose of latching on to our craniums and inserting a probocis to suck out and drain away any vestiges of plain English that we have left in our skulls.

Lucky for you all that tin foil hats deceive the little buggers...

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Boffin

Meta-analysis

Symbiotic hypercycle innovation teleology. Think that just about sums it up.

Also - don't sack your staff: they'll help you out if you let them.

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Alert

Get up David, you big baby

Everyone knows that when you fall off your ephemeralization hypercycle, the only thing to do is get back on.

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Stop

*blinks*

Did not understand a word of that... and web development (e.g. me) comes under marketing where I work, so technically I'm a marketeer. O_o

I sentence the offenders to 6 months re-education.

http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/

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What I understood...

sould be summarized in two words - "heebie jeebies".

Nuke them from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.

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Go

narf! poit!

"Gee, Brain. What do you want to do tonight?"

"Same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world! My new idea revolves around confusing the heck out of people with meaningless technobabble. They will read it and their eyes will glaze over, rendering them highly suggestible to my hypnotic commands to make me the supreme ruler!"

OR...

The Turboencabulator for a new generation. Take your pick

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Stop

Obligatory Feynman Quote

Richard Feynman attended a philosophy-of-science conference in the 1950's. The full story is in "Surely You're Joking, Mr Feynman." (What do you mean, you don't have it? Open another pane in your browser and get to Amazon *right now*. We'll wait.), Here's a relevant short excerpt:

...

There was a sociologist who had written a paper for us all to read -- something he had written ahead of time. I started to read the damn thing, and my eyes were coming out: I couldn't make head nor tail of it! I figured it was because I hadn't read any of the books on that list. I had this uneasy feeling of "I'm not adequate," until finally I said to myself, "I'm gonna stop, and read one sentence slowly, so I can figure out what the hell it means."

So I stopped -- at random -- and read the next sentence very carefully. I can't remember it precisely, but it was very close to this: "The individual member of the social community often receives his information via visual, symbolic channels." I went back and forth over it, and translated. You know what it means?

"People read."

Then I went over the next sentence, and I realized that I could translate that one also. Then it became a kind of empty business: "Sometimes people read; sometimes people listen to the radio," and so on, but written in such a fancy way that I couldn't understand it at first, and when I finally deciphered it, there was nothing to it.

...

I suspect the same thing here, as evidenced by Dave's distillation.

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thing of beauty

sounds like it may have been generated by http://pdos.csail.mit.edu/scigen/

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Pirate

Its about suicide! Let's help the author out.

"A couple of years in a high level position at a global bank will surely cure such delusions for life."

Hmmm, I read this "cure such delusions for life" as being "cure such delusions (as wanting) for life." So this is actually an insane suicide note, right? ]:~D

Let's help the author out with his suicide by stringing him up.

Keelhaul him and then hang him from the yardarm, mateys!

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Coat

It could also be the postmodern generator...

http://www.elsewhere.org/pomo/

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Alert

"can't see what all the fuss is about, makes perfect sense to me"

but then again, I developed the rewriting software being used here, which takes a perfectly sensible article, and turns it into neo-gibberish nonsense (SEO approved), so I can easily reverse the effect. Upon reversing, the article is a simple explanation of how a toilet brush works...

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Anonymous Coward

naaaaarf! zoit!

... facts' synergy, eluding the meanders of the concrete...

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Silver badge
Coat

AARRGGHH!!

I can follow amanfrommars quirky postings, but this IS gibberish!

Looks like the handbook for our times, "1984", was wrong when it stated that thought control would be achieved by reducing the number of words in language.

Here's a prime example of controlling thought by injecting so many words into the language that definition disappears, causing thought control by obfuscation!

Never mind the jacket, I'll just run off screaming into the night!

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Calling a spade a manual earth restructuring implement.

The Lord and I are in an ongoing shepherd/sheep relationship, and I am in a position of negative need.

He prostrates me in a green belt grazing area; he conducts me directionally parallel to non-torrential aqueous liquid.

He returns to original satisfaction, levels my psychological make-up; he switches me on to a positive behavioural format for maximal prestige of his identity.

It should indeed be said that notwithstanding the fact that I make ambulatory progress through the umbrageous inter-hill mortality slot, terror-sensations will not be instantiated within me due to para ethical phenomena. Your pastoral walking aid and quadruped pickup unit introduce me into a pleasurific mood-state.

You design and produce a nutriment-bearing furniture-type structure in the context of non-cooperative elements; you act out a head-related folk ritual employing vegetable extracts; my beverage utensil experiences a volume crisis.

It is an ongoing deductible fact that your inter-relational empathetical and non-vengeance capabilities will retain me as their target focus for the duration of my non-death period: and I will possess tenant rights in the housing unit of the Lord on a permanently open-ended time basis.

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Dead Vulture

Timewarp

Have I just dropped out of a timewarp? 2004? Does Symbiotic Ephemeralization improve with age? Is it like a good Burgundy?

And what kind of weird perversion forces someone to read 4 year old documents generated by a computer?

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Heart

You call this journalism?

http://pdos.csail.mit.edu/scigen/ for anyone who still hasn't got the joke. The hack needs to get his arse out of the pub and find some real stories.

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Pirate

not funny, funny and then funny

Only thing good about that document is the Reg's take on it and the readers comments that go with it. Hehehe.

The "PDF" has side stepped the notion that "Good communication is good communication". Are more interested in using as many words as possible with as many characters as possible, or write it so people can quickly and clearly understand.

I bet it was written by someone whom writes contracts where every little angle has to be mentioned or it's not legal.

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Alert

BOFH intervention sought ...

Can the creator of this crapulescent prose be sent 'round to the BOFH for a lesson on how to write whilst being shocked by a cattleprod?

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Alien

A title is required.....

"All this readily occurs as an atomic effort within a deregulated chaotic macro environment, despite key resources being deprived of global communications, collaboration tools and other facilitation mechanisms that would support collaboration on intent and innovation.

The net effect that the provisioning of appropriate tools would have in the abovementioned scenario is open to further evaluation and may be the subject of a future paper, but the author is– at present – not appropriately qualified to speculate on such abstruse scenarios?.".... http://www.enterprise-architecture.info/Images/Documents/symeph%5B1%5D.pdf

If Microsoft got their Act together and delivered Future Product with ASP Net AJAX rather than Playing with it in Development of Controls with Third Party Beta Clients [which does suggest that No One in MicroSoft is into New World Order Virtualised to Visualise Stealth Atomic Programming for Virtual Reality Streaming of Beta Products for Replacement of Status Quo] there would then be Someone to Call whenever Reality Delivered did not meet all XXXXPectations. The Team could then Share the load to Provide new Content from anywhere in the World to enhance the Picture.

Is that because of Monopoly Fears or Big Brother Worries whenever Both are Unwarranted and easily dispelled through Sight and Sound Applications/Global Programs dDeveloped in House with available Software? Or does no one have a Universally Applicable Symbiotic Ephemeralization Plan with ONLY the One Primary Directive/DirectXXXXion ........ 1) to mutual benefit ..... 42 Keep IT Simple Stupid and Focussed on Solid Value rather than Excluding Gain ....which would be the Executive Office Poison of Dumb Choice.

Wanna Produce and Direct a Global Vista Program with Media Partners Sharing and Spreading the Load and Digital Picture/Binary Code and Wealth, Microsoft?

We can do IT all from Space for the Freedom of XXXXPression and Environment that IT Presents.

If you can't do it, or are contracted exclusively to deliver Prime/SubPrime Performance to Othersm, perhaps you could suggest an Agile Partner/Competitor. They may even be Forward Looking enough to Realise the Facility Themselves Via AI Cloned Suite of Mirrored Applications for Virtual Space Use.

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Joke

You asked for it!

Three comments:

1. I want some of whatever the author(ess) was smoking.

2. Will "I want to pollinationally symbiose with you" become a new come-on line?

3. Expanding simple statements into near gibberish is nothing new; Caltech undergraduates were amusing themselves doing this by hand 45 years ago.

No, no, no, please Mr. Moderator, don't disable my keyboard!!!

Special bonus comment: is the feminine of "author" "authoress" or "authrix"?

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Silver badge

@You asked for it!

"3. Expanding simple statements into near gibberish is nothing new; Caltech undergraduates were amusing themselves doing this by hand 45 years ago." .... By Anonymous Coward Posted Saturday 9th February 2008 18:06 GMT

AC, You're working the ass end of the Symbiosos Trojan. The piece is all about expanding simple statements from near gibberish which is new. And yes we know, expanding simple statements into near gibberish is nothing new;Caltech undergraduates were amusing themselves doing this by hand 45 years ago. Are they still, to this day, so easily amused?

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Happy

So what's new about that sort of garbage?

I have treasured this gem from Computer Weekly in Feb 1982, a letter in response to a previous article:

"While Dr Paul Ellis's forward-looking meaningful ongoing software overview is welcome for its perceptive evaluation of the anticipated middle-future non-structured lifestyle environment, his projected scenario will engender a profoundly gloomy reaction among those of us who manifest a judgmental preference for the evolution of non-jargon-oriented communicative interactive relationships, for we are clearly in a strictly non-viable wish-fulfilment situation cliché-elimination-wise."

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IT Angle

Needs a matador

OK. Who can work out how to get the bullfighter onto this job?

http://www.fightthebull.com/bullfighter.asp

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Dead Vulture

Okay, my brain just exploded...

...and my eyes melted at reading that pdf. Someone send support staff around with replacements, please?

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Gold badge

@ Chris Cheale - sentence

I think you're hoping for recovery - I disagree. Sentence these guys to being forced to write this nonsense via SMS text messages without predictive text capability. If the phone explodes as a consequence that's OK too as long as that takes the author with it.

Sjeez.

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