Can't beat some casual undermining of climate change.

"A REAL computer has ONE speed and the only powersaving it permits is when you pull the power leads out of the back!" I blurt. "In fact, a REAL computer would have a hole in the front to push trees into and an exhaust pipe out the back for the black smoke to come out of."

Sir, I salute you - that paragraph is pure, comic gold.

Anyone know a good way of getting coffee out of keyboards? :-)

that when spokem Kick and Kcik sound the same? this reverse nastiness might have something to it ;)

Brilliant, the line about stuffing trees into a hole in the front that had me in tears with laughter :)

Cruelty to smug enviro-hippies should be on the list of sports to be added for Beijing...

... all the carbon they'll use getting to the other side of world to undo all the nastyness.

It's a worry ;-)

Now what the hell am I going to do for the rest of day, oh look it's pub o'clock already!

Loving the explanation of carbon credits - completely agree.

Still, unlike the BOFH not to spot an opportunity here. Surely he would be setting up a company like Carbon Analysis Support Holdings (or its friendly acronym for the cheques) and making a mint out of the boss?

Just with pseudo science bollocks instead of mystical bollocks.

I'll take the former, hemp usage in those religions involves more than making mere suits out of it.

Paris because this BOFH made me philosophical, and so does Paris.

At the risk of sounding like a "yoghurt-eating fruitcake in a hemp suit and sandals", recycling has a pretty minimal impact on net carbon emissions.

Recycling relates to the availability of global resources, not climate change, so anyone who thinks that sorting your waste is "doing your bit" for global warming is sadly mistaken.

"A REAL computer has ONE speed and the only powersaving it permits is when you pull the power leads out of the back!" I blurt.

That sums up all the trouble i've had getting Vista to stop switching into Powersaving mode. Still, maybe the BOFH and PFY should have recommended switching the new 'carbon neutral' machines into "Hardware Power Saving Mode" - 115v instead of 230v.

One word. Aluminum. If you're going to tell me that the 90% reduction in electrical consumption for recycling as opposed to refining bauxite is minimal, on a metal we seem to be using everywhere, your definition of minimal is as exaggerated as Al Gore's minimal carbon use.

I choose PH, as she is at least honest about her consumption.

"Still, unlike the BOFH not to spot an opportunity here. Surely he would be setting up a company like Carbon Analysis Support Holdings (or its friendly acronym for the cheques) and making a mint out of the boss?"

I think you'll find out that in the real world, that's usually already taken care of by someone higher up the corporate pyramid. The consulting company may be owned by some manager's wife, or son, or brother, or simply his best buddy's (best buddy being the one who splits the profits with him.) And probably also handles the carbon credits part at only 400% markup.

You'd be surprised how many times things like those happen. And I don't just mean in pretending to be eco-friendly. I've seen pens and paper bought from some manager's wife's company at 10 times the cost you'd pay for them at the corner store. I've seen maintenance contracts in which some manager's best buddies (see the above definitions) got several hundreds of thousand a year as sort of a base price for the maintenance. As in, if they actually had to also provide support or do any changes, well, that's extra money. I've seen at least one project where the PHB _demanded_ graphics everywhere, even splattered across the tabs and as backgrounds for the forms, because he wanted to pay big money to his best buddy's graphics design company to make them. Etc.

Basically, it's a myth that management is buying overpriced crap just because they're stupid and gullible. And that a small fish like the local sysadmin would just need to register a bogus company to get some of that money. In reality, 9 times out of 10, that facade of incompetence and of buying anything that the nice marketting guy hypes, is just a facade. The real story is one of corruption and dishonesty. They don't do it because they're stupid, they do it because they can syphon corporate money into their own pocket.

So maybe the local sysadmin _could_ take part in that scam... if he offered to give half the profit back as a bribe, directly into the CEO's pocket. But even then, only as long as the CEO doesn't decide to cut the middleman and register a company for his wife doing the same thing.

"My computer runs on kittens!"

funniest thing I heae ever read. Started laughing, sprayed coffee everywhere, the boss is looking at me like I am nuts.

Thanks.

I am off to order that as a bumper sticker.

That made me howl with laughter. Thank you.

@Hans, I've seen an entire IT department - including several dozen of Unix engineers - being forced to get their MCSE degree at a training center that was, incidentally, owned by a good friend of the new IT director.

"their MCSE degree"

An MCSE is not a degree, nor are its holders engineers -- at least not in countries where "engineer" is a professional designation e.g. Canada, where "P.Eng" after your name really means something.

Footnote: I'm not sure what the final outcome was, but when MS started touting MCSE in Canada as "Microsoft Certified Software Engineer", the P.Eng.s had a thing or two to say about this misuse of a jealously protected professional designation.

Agree in bulk, but I'm surprised the BOFH is against virtualization -- it makes remote IT troubleshooting a breeze and would allow him to work from the pub if set up correctly and he hid it from the Boss.

Paris because it relates to not working for a living...

Actually, the most distasteful part about buying indulgences, was that you could plan ahead to sin and buy an indulgence for it. In fact, you could buy the indulgence in advance, and many a knight going to war did just that: stocked up on indulgences for rape and murder first.

So in effect, it actually encouraged antisocial behaviour. The message wasn't "love thy neighbour" any more, it was equally acceptable and encouraged to buy an indulgence and then go kick your neighbour's arse.

Whether intentional or not, it didn't encourage people to become better men and try to avoid temptation. You could just buy your indulgence, fully planning ahead that you're going to do a bit of murder, a bit of rape, a bit of adultery, etc, as soon as the opportunity presents itself. After all, if you already bought your indulgence, why would you want to even try to resist temptation? And if even the Lord doesn't find anything wrong with it once you bought your indulgence, why would you?

Which pretty much applies to today's carbon trading schemes too.

I would suggest warming the keyboard rapidly uising a naked flame. Acetelyne works wonders in making sure that the coffee no longer makes your hands sticky with coffee and sugar residue and also prevents those annoying sticky keys.

Honestly, the specific thing I see wrong with the carbon credit system that it allows companies to assume they have the illusion of some more time to get in gear, which they don't.

The good thing is that emerging non-established infrastructures would have the funding to get it right in the meantime, which is of course, a very good thing.

It's just phrased wrong. It's not a sin-balancing carbon offset. It's a carbon tax claiming mechanics in a "free" market. I wish it were implemented as such.

riffing off of an old tootsie pop commercial:

"How many bong hits does it take to get to the center of your marketing strategy?"

Easiest way to clean a keyboard is to (1) wash in on the top rack of a dishwasher, then (2) let it dry for five days. It's worked perfectly for me. If there's a lot of fur and hair in your place, you may also want to get some tweasers to pull out all the clumped fur / hair.

... is liberating carbon so that trees can absorb it!

"Brainwave - Make the computers out of carbon thus making your computer carbon neutral."

That day might yet come - the carbon transistor already exists: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/01/29/carbon_nanotube_radio/

Hmmm... and to think back in 1981, I suggested to my chemistry teacher that since germanium and silicon were used as semiconductions, maybe carbon could be too, and he didn't take me seriously

You're going to have a fight to become carbon neutral in three years, seeing as how it's 2008 already ;) Unless the PFY has managed to create an unstable time vortex in the sub-basement. Now THAT'D be a good place to get rid of evidence!

Glass recycling generates less CO2 than making new glass from raw materials.

http://www.wasteonline.org.uk/resources/InformationSheets/Glass.htm

Plastic recycling generates less CO2 than making new plastic from raw materials.

http://www.wasteonline.org.uk/resources/InformationSheets/Plastics.htm

Or see wikipedia or other obscure and difficult to find references.

All of the marketing speak has got people confused - it is CO2 and Methane that are bad, soot is just fine - it doesn't rot into Methane, and is unlikely to become CO2 either!

I have found the best keyboard cleaning solvent to be ETOH (ethyl alcohol) at 40% concentration by volume with water, produced from fermented wheat, distilled in a copper kettle, and filtered through charcoal. Hold the keyboard upside down and spray the ETOH sparingly up into the keys. When the drips become clear, you are done. Note that ETOH is highly hygroscopic and will absorb water from the air and become diluted and useless after its original packaging seal is broken. Also, the fumes can be troublesome if the remainder is not kept well chilled. A convenient way to dispose of the unused portion is by ingesting it in refrigerated 40 ml glass beakers. HTH!

Your all bad people and when the planet dies you'll be sorry!

[quote]Footnote: I'm not sure what the final outcome was, but when MS started touting MCSE in Canada as "Microsoft Certified Software Engineer", the P.Eng.s had a thing or two to say about this misuse of a jealously protected professional designation.[/quote]

^^ It was actually "Microsoft Certified Systems Expert", and as far as I know nobody at Microsoft cared what the P.Eng.s thought of it, all my MCSE certificates say "engineer" on them. Even though I'm not an engineer!

You and the rest of your engineer buddies need to get over yourselves...BTW, what railroad do you work for?

Feel the love!