What I don't understand is....

Whenever recordings of these sorts of ludicrous 999 calls are played out on telly or the radio, you hear the operator explaining to the idiot who called that Tiddles looking a bit off-colour is not a police emergency.

Why don't the operators just have a button that they can press that will play some sort of "go away, you are an idiot and if you call again we will prosecute you" type recorderd message before cutting them off?

...or just put the phone down on them?

Surely this would same quite a bit of time compared to entering into conversation such callers.

What change?

Whenever I've had cause to ring 999 in England, the response has always been "Emergency, what service do you require?"

A link to the whole list would be nice

as South Wales Police don't seem to have published it on their website.

Blockage

Inappropriate calls are only a problem if they don't provide enough staff, which is probably what's at the bottom of this. They've massaged the figures up as high as they dare to try and cut costs, or have an excuse when they don't do their job.

In my experience the police aren't that interested in solving or even attending crime scenes which only effect non-celebs or can't be spun as terrorism.

I have to teach people too...

I had to teach my wife how to get the point over in the first sentence because dick wad telephonists don't have the patience to listen to the person on the other end of the telephone.

For example, she wanted the name of a certified translator from Filipino to French for her mother's visa application. She needed the paperwork translated by someone with official certification in France to do it.

She rang the Philippines's embassy in Paris.

Her: "My mother wants a visa to come visit and...."

Them: (Interjects) "This is the wrong embassy for that, you need to contact the French embassy in the Philippines"

Her: "But I need to ask you..."

Them: "This is the wrong way, the wrong way, you (speaking slowly) neeeeed tooooo contacttt theee Freeeennnnch emmmmbasssssy" (hangs up).

I had to explain to her, telephone operators nowadays are total dicks with zero tolerance of other people's communication skills. There will be a bean counter behind her, counting how many calls she's dealt with in the last hour and so she's keen not to waste time on calls she thinks are wrong. She jumped to a false conclusion based on your first sentence.

When dealing with these operators, you have treat them like the little children they are and GUIDE them to the answer by funnelling them into the channel you want them to be.

I then rang the embassy to show her.

Me: "I'm looking for a translator from Filipino to French, and wonder if you have a list"

Them: "Is it for French legal documents, or just general text"

Me: "It's for my Filipino mother in laws visa application to France".

Them: "Hold the line I'll put you through to someone who can help"

... me then arranges to get the list.

Perhaps they pass a list around of funny calls they've received, and how this stupid Filipino woman rang the Philippines embassy in Paris for a visa from the French embassy in the Philippines. Ha ha how stupid can she be?! (And by implication how clever are we).

But she isn't stupid and you ain't clever.

Did they give the hamster lady the RSPCA number BTW?

@Chris Matchett

How on earth is putting an animal outside in the rain cruelty?

A bit of rain would not cause any harm or suffering (which is what cruelty is) to a hamster which in its wild habitat is often, er outside.

Now back to the story. I think these people should be fined for being so stupid. What on earth makes someone phone 999 because they don't have a £1 coin for a supermarket trolley?

I like the suggestion of a standard taped response that can be played to people when they match all or some of the criteria for a muppet.

Not Just San Diego, et all

Here in Washington state its "911 please state your emergency". It was also that way in Oregon when I lived there. Also, I am pretty sure that if you do a prank call to 911, they send the police (bobbys) over and can fine you if it is flagrant enough.

It is all about the numbers....

People can not or will not find the number they need, so use one they know.

So if there was a 3 digit number (like 555 for example) you could dial that would have you connected to your local police station then people would use it for non-emergencies. Clearly it would raise issues with mobiles but with handset signal triangulation it would be possible, O2 used to be able to connect you to your local traffic news by dialing the same number wherever you were.

how about 555

hmmm, let's see. I'm in a bit of a flap and feel I need to call for help. What numbers can I remember? 999. Oh, no, maybe I should try and find a phone book or turn on a computer and look up the number of the local station. But I'm all in a tiz. So I'll call the only number I know.

wtf haven't they got a simple number (555?) for non emergency calls that routes locally. It's not difficult. Yes I know there's an 0845 something one but I can't remember that many digits. And I'm not paying some extortionate amount for directory enquiries whose number I can't remember either.....

Title

Well putting someones hamster outside could be part of an elaborate campaign of torture, but you'd imagine the a caller would mention this.

Its also possible my mind has drifted beyond the point of sanity, what with it being Friday and all.

I propose a solution were people who make crank calls to 999 are automatically added to cold-calling call-centres marketing lists. Many, many times.

Why not charge?

Why not charge £100 to call 999? Personally I wouldn't care if it cost me £100 to call in a real life-or-death emergency whether it was for myself or a complete stranger, but better yet why not have the cost covered by an insurance policy that will reimburse you in the event of it being a real emergency?

Cruelty?

" I sympathise with the hamster lady. Putting a hamster out in the rain is animal cruelty. Okay so maybe a call to the local police station would be more appropriate but a crime had been comitted."

Doesn't it ever rain in Hamsterland then?

What do they count as a real emergency?

"Help, my little brother is drowning!"

"That's not an emergency, call us when someone's holding a rave miles from human habitation, smoking in a private establishment or wearing a backpack on the Underground."

"But..."

"Please be aware that if you call again with frivolous requests you may be prosecuted nine times in the back of the head."

If a mere 1 in 10 pointless calls risk blocking someone with a genuine emergency, then the emergency services would have to be right on the edge in terms of the ratio of call-centre staff employed to staff required. I'm talking balancing-barefoot-on-a-knife-blade on the edge. Given that this is the emergency services, they almost certainly have enough extra staff that 1 in 10 unnecessary calls make the chances of a genuine caller not getting through - with life-threatening consequences - infinitesmal.

F***ed up police priorities are far more dangerous to the public than hoax or frivolous callers. This an attempt to distract us from the stories of people who call the police over and over again to get rid of chavs vandalising their property with nothing done, then eventually lose their patience, confront the scum on their own, and get stabbed for their pains.

101 is live - soft of

101 is now used as a non-emergency number for police and local authorities in several areas in England and Wales, and will be extended to cover all of England and Wales by 2008. However, some other numbers are sometimes classed as "emergency": 0800 111 999 for gas leaks, 08 45 46 47 for NHS Direct etc.

Maybe...

Maybe the hamster was asthmatic?

Charge for inapropriate calls

Caller ID (except for the ever increasingly rare public phone box) should identify the source number. If the call is inappropriate, slap that number with a £10 to £100 charge.

Once the idiots start to feel it in the wallet they will think before calling.

101 non emergency

Only been implemented as a "non emergency" number in part of England and Wales, not widespread yet though, and certainly not in Scotland or Ireland.

@SPiT

My home number is, apart from the 8 on the end rather than 5, the same as a very prominent local solicitors firm.

At first, being out all day, I just got messages on my answerphone. Some left what was obviously sensitive information. Others complained that the message (Hello, leave a message, I'll get back to you) was very unprofessional. Then I switched to flexible working and began answering the calls in person. People would, after being told they had the wrong number several times, STILL ask if they could be put through to their solicitor. Some would ask who and where I was, then act all surprised when I told them it was none of their business!

Anyway, I digress. If the emergency services want to cut out these idiotic calls, then short of an idiot cull, they need to provide a number for non-emergencies that people can remember. Seems like a common sense approach to me.

No, no, the best number for time-waster calls would be the universally recognised number...

...404

apparently ^^^ that on its own wasn't good enough to be a comment

@Chris Matchett

> Putting a hamster out in the rain is animal cruelty.

So you think that in the wild they have little wellies, plastic macs and sou'westers?

999 what jokers

I rang 999 last year, time 7.00am, month January, the conversation went something like this -

Operator - "Emergency, how can I help you?"

Me - "Hello I want to report a car parked facing southbound on the outside lane of the northbound carriage of the M18"

Operator - "Can you say that again, I wasn't listening"

Me -" I want to report a car facing southbound in the outside lane of the northbound M18, it's about 1/2 miles north of Junction 3"

Operator - "Did you get the make and color of the car?"

Me - "I'm a passenger in a car heading souhbound at 70 mph but you'll probably find that it's the only car facing southbound n the northbound carriagewa"

Operator - " Oh yes it was reported 15 minutes ago"

Me - "But the Police Station is only 5 minutes away at normal speeds"

Operator - "Yes sir, is there anything else I can do to help you?"

Funnily this call is never shown as one of those time wasting calls.

btw I never did find out what make and model he car was.

Wrong numbers

Yes, We've all had them. It is more amusing to actually KNOW what number they were dialing. At one time I had a number that was close to a real estate guru (bozo, I could care less). I was tired of people calling me up so I just went ahead and confirmed all the golf dates he had. It didn't take long before the guy handed out the correct number. I have also done this with a eatery, taking reservations (lots) for 7pm or so. So much BOFH type fun!!

Yes, here (USA) we have the 311 service (non-urgent alternative) and 911 (emergency). A local late night talk show plays the "idiot tapes" every once in a while. Quite interesting.

911 calls

In my town (southwestern Amurka), residents are told to call 911 for *anything* that looks suspicious since the police statistics database is fed by 911 call logs (e.g., a call to my buddy at the station to send someone 'round to look after some hooligans might get action but won't become part of the police statistics). People working the 911 call center will then transfer non- emergency calls to the police (or whoever) to free up the line. Might save aggravation on all sides for the South Wales 999 folks to develop a system in which "junk" calls can be quickly shifted out of the emergency call stream to a non- critical "warm line" with repeat offenders getting a fine or other disincentive.