Crime-fighting baggage-handler, John Smeaton!

I was going to suggest evacuating the cargo hold or flooding with CO, but flooding it with nitrous oxide would be funnier all round.

Nothing wrong with a little crime. They should get inch high private eye on the job. I can see the film now "zero vert crime"

Nothing new under the sun - Dickens documented the use of children in crime in the 19th century (Oliver Twist, for example)! And I daresay it had been around for a while then.

"Swebus doesn't accept this. That's just Swebus; we'll set about ye, wee man!"

Rule 8 invoked.

That's the tall and short of it.

Mine's the one in petite, please.

Sounds like the work of a Low Wayman!

I'll get me coat

Jon Holmes?

I will get my coat, yes the one for the 1,62m (5'4") person

Steve, I predict a very pissed-off David Bowie turning up on your doorstep real soon now. There are some things he's trying to forget and you're not helping......

Get the mounties in, they always bag their man!

... of course.

I can hear their normal-sized accomplices accepting at the Crime Awards now.

"I'd like to thank the little people..."

Greatest...Title...Ever....

Why Paris? Why not?

Shorten it up, people!

Use Heathrow baggage handlers to load the luggage onto the coach.

The dwarves will be too bruised and battered to steal anything.

And there'll be nothing left to nick, anyway.

In just 20 seconds I've solved this case which has been baffling police. Put a guard outside the men's toilets and stop anyone who walks in with an empty bag, closely followed by a dwarf and then comes out with mysteriously heavy bag.

Failing that an IR camera will show a hot luggage up easily. And everyone knows if luggage is hot it's either carrying a stowed away short in stature criminal, or a celebrities undersized pooch

Would the suspects by any chance be Russian, blue, funnily-dressed, angry little people? It could be the trauma, you know...

I'm sure you'll find the dwarfs are completely innocent, its those damn gnomes that are behind it all, and any druid will confirm this.

you know this has to happen, don't fight it.

"it was a perfectly safe baggage compartment, until they tossed a dwarf in it..."

number 23 please, the one with the armored vest on the inside.

"Dwarfs", man! "Dwarfs"!

just flood the luggage hold with CO2

(or for the greenies amongst us, some other inert non-ozone-depleting gas not made from whales)

...Mr Justice Cocklecarrot!

My mate Mark assures me that this isn't so much a job for "Bilbo Baggins", as "Bilbo InBags".

Should he get his coat ?

Perhaps they should draft in pint sized security guard Gary Coleman...

...The Right Way To Do Wrong

see: http://conservativebooktalk.com/2007/12/09/the-right-way-to-do-wrong-by-harry-houdini/

A "Duffle (bag) of Dwarfs" perhaps?