I for one...
...welcome our new travel-sized thieving overlords.
Dwarves hidden in sports bags target Swedish coaches
Swedish police are quizzing "people of limited stature" with criminal records following a spate of robberies from the cargo holds of coaches - possibly carried out by dwarves smuggled onboard in sports bags. According to the Sun, the gang responsible pack their vertically-challenged accomplices into bags and stick them in with …
This topic is closed for new posts.
Sound like a job for...
Crime-fighting baggage-handler, John Smeaton!
Wow...
How the hells did I miss this in the local papers?
@Niklas
Well, if it's from the Sun and you didn't see it in your local paper... it's probably made up :)
Laughing Gas
I was going to suggest evacuating the cargo hold or flooding with CO, but flooding it with nitrous oxide would be funnier all round.
cant help it
Nothing wrong with a little crime. They should get inch high private eye on the job. I can see the film now "zero vert crime"
What the Dickens!
Nothing new under the sun - Dickens documented the use of children in crime in the 19th century (Oliver Twist, for example)! And I daresay it had been around for a while then.
To badly misquote Scotsman John Smeaton
"Swebus doesn't accept this. That's just Swebus; we'll set about ye, wee man!"
Rule 8 invoked.
Soloution
Hire British baggage handlers..the little bastards will be too injured to do anything!
Perhaps...
Perhaps the police have already drawn up a shortlist of gnome suspects.
</coat>
Update!
Police announced this morning that notorious crimelord Snow White has been taken into custody. Ms White of Dwarf Cottage is known to be the leader of a seven strong gang of miscreants.
Ms White accused her step mother of trying to poison her four years ago, however the case was dropped due to a lack of evidence. It has been speculated that the resulting frustration may have been the motivating factor in her subsequent crimes.
Dwarves in Bags pinch Loot from Folk on Buses
That's the tall and short of it.
Mine's the one in petite, please.
With apologies to Terry Pratchett
Sounds like the work of a Low Wayman!
I'll get me coat
Have the Sverige Polisen asked...
Jon Holmes?
I will get my coat, yes the one for the 1,62m (5'4") person
Laughing Gas...NO!
Steve, I predict a very pissed-off David Bowie turning up on your doorstep real soon now. There are some things he's trying to forget and you're not helping......
Mounties
Get the mounties in, they always bag their man!
Proper Job
Hopefully they will be able to re habilitate the offenders - perhaps finding them a job writing comedy prose for radio shows.
Inevitably they will earn lots of money and live on cavier and honey
I'll need my coat as I want a cigarette outside ....ave you got a light boy ?
In the Sun and true!
Did a quick check of the local Swedish papers and it does appear to be true. A link for anyone does know the lingo :
http://vasteras.expressen.se/nyheter/1.1013474/en-dvargliga-lansar-swebus-bussar
John Turnip
It is only a matter of time ...
... until coaches scan all baggage with airport-style scanners, which should stop such schemes.
Until then, I will do as I have always done: Put all my valuables in my "cabin" luggage that I never leave out of sight.
Oh, dear.
I can hear their normal-sized accomplices accepting at the Crime Awards now.
"I'd like to thank the little people..."
Title...
Greatest...Title...Ever....
Why Paris? Why not?
The answer is obvious
Use Heathrow baggage handlers to load the luggage onto the coach.
The dwarves will be too bruised and battered to steal anything.
And there'll be nothing left to nick, anyway.
Easy to solve
In just 20 seconds I've solved this case which has been baffling police. Put a guard outside the men's toilets and stop anyone who walks in with an empty bag, closely followed by a dwarf and then comes out with mysteriously heavy bag.
Failing that an IR camera will show a hot luggage up easily. And everyone knows if luggage is hot it's either carrying a stowed away short in stature criminal, or a celebrities undersized pooch
Would they be...
Would the suspects by any chance be Russian, blue, funnily-dressed, angry little people? It could be the trauma, you know...
Misidentification
I'm sure you'll find the dwarfs are completely innocent, its those damn gnomes that are behind it all, and any druid will confirm this.
Obligatory and offensive
you know this has to happen, don't fight it.
"it was a perfectly safe baggage compartment, until they tossed a dwarf in it..."
number 23 please, the one with the armored vest on the inside.
Purge The Register Linguistic Soviet!
"Dwarfs", man! "Dwarfs"!
I think...
...it's just an excuse. In reality those dwarfs were packed for the entertainment of the Swedish team. You know what I mean. (That's right! Dwarf tossing.) But when they were discovered the coaches needed an excuse. "Theft" they said, attempting to divert attention away from the bags full of lubricant.
simple
just flood the luggage hold with CO2
(or for the greenies amongst us, some other inert non-ozone-depleting gas not made from whales)
Settle an argument
My mate Mark assures me that this isn't so much a job for "Bilbo Baggins", as "Bilbo InBags".
Should he get his coat ?
The solution
Perhaps they should draft in pint sized security guard Gary Coleman...
Houdini wrote about this in his book
...The Right Way To Do Wrong
see: http://conservativebooktalk.com/2007/12/09/the-right-way-to-do-wrong-by-harry-houdini/
First photo of culprit!
Caught on camera: Dwarf targeting a Swedish coach
http://uk.geocities.com/vits3k/sc/gimer.jpg
not the Dwarves ?
its the Smurfs, Smurfing the luggage. How far away is Belgian from Sweden ?
AFAIK anyway too much Tolkien its dwarfs
This topic is closed for new posts.
Popular Whitepapers
- Linux on the Desktop
Lessons from mainstream business adoption - The Register Guide to iSCSI
A primer on Internet SCSI, a protocol to transport SCSI commands over IP - The BI Inflexion Point
Information is a right, not a privilege - The Evolving Security Landscape
Reg Webinar - The Register Guide to email security
A primer on the challenges of securing email and approaches to resolving them - The Register's Green Computing Debate
An on-demand webcast
