Taser International yesterday used CES in Las Vegas to unleash the last word in must-have, non-lethal fashion accessories - a leopardskin Taser C2 which can be rather splendidly carried in a new one-gig "Music Player Holster" (MPH). The leopardskin Taser C2 The latest addition to the C2 range complements the existing black, …
The first time I see one of these, i'm buying one and immediately firing at the salesperson for purveying these monstrosities to the uneducated masses.
If some 4 year old gets hold of one and shoots a friend in the face playing Cowboys and Indians, don't say you weren't expecting it.
Sex themed parties
Remember, girls, whipped cream from a can is flammable. Don't use your taser near it.
"keep it locked in a box under the bed with the keys out of the kids reach"
Lets hope she never confuses it with that other battery operated device, also locked under the bed with the keys out of the kids reach, while fumblingly fingering about in the dark!
"Don't tase me MOM!!!"
Is it bad that I can't wait for these stupid women to accidentally taser each other or get in some seriously bad situations because they now feel like they have big brass cajones thanks to their little tasers? Women think men are violent, temperamental and unable to carry firearms. Now the shoe's on the other foot, me thinks.
Stuff like this, the episode of Bullshit! where they get a bunch of supposedly educated college women to sign a petition FOR ending women's suffrage and The Vagina Monologues just prove that giving them the right to vote was a mistake.
That's "functional", you marketspeaking moron.
Mobile phone, mp3 player, taser - Just make sure you hold the right one to your ear.
Re: Vaudeville lives
There's a 1 in 3 chance they pick the "right one", perhaps the elecrtic jolt to the inner ear will jump start a few brains.
Songs to download to your iTaser....
Anything by Sparks or Frank Zappa
(OK, so I pinched the joke from the Guardian...)
The RIAA will love this.
The next evolutional step will be to integrate an MP3 player into the Taser - should you breach a copyright on your player expect to receive a shocking!
There are far too many kids (and those worse things that they have a habit of growing into) these days - some colorful tasers could help keep Darwinism rolling for a few more years.
I think the idea of the holster is so that a woman would actually be able to find the damned thing, since if it was in one of those duffel bags that they call a 'purse' the assailants might have to wait 3 or 4 minutes while she shuffled around all of her receipts from the last year in order to find her defense.
Also, brilliantly written article, Mr. Haines. I can always count on you to make trivial news like this completely worth reading. Bring on the """crack-crazed Latino assassination squads""" I say.
Do a little research
Tasers are less-lethal not "non-lethal". The use of a taser is the primary cause of death in about 40 cases per year. As an alternative to firearms use by police and for self protection, they save many lives each year since firearms use death rate is over 90%and taser use death rate is less than 1%, hence the "less".
@Do a little research
Guns are indeed even more lethal than tasers, hence why pointing one at someone is considered grounds to be legally shot in most countries.
If anyone respected tasers the way they respect guns there would be no problem but marketing conveniently sidelines the word 'less' and encourages people to think that you can zap anyone anytime with no danger. Customers who are being sold these toys don't go off and do the research into how likely they are to kill.
Is it just me...
...or is this model aimed squarely at paranoid prostitutes?
I mean, leopard print?!?!
iGun, a better music/weapon combo
@ Sean Thompson et al
Actually the most common application for a taser appears to be as a pain-compliance device (illegal almost everywhere). The second most common use appears to be as pain-punishment device (illegal everywhere civilized). As far as it actually being properly and legally used as a less-lethal alternative for a police pistol shot to the head, that seems to be lagging in third place. The claimed 211,000 deployments per year, primarily in the USA, clearly indicate that the 'less lethal therefore all good' argument is somewhat flawed because of the more-common misuse, all steming from very bad info and very bad training.
And this is just ONE issue amongst many.
There are times...
...when I'm actually thankful we (Australia) have a nanny-state government like yours in the UK that makes these damn things illegal. I wonder how many ex-husbands are being tasered when they legally visit their kids - since all the woman has to do is whine to the police about "he tried to assault me" and he's automatically guilty whether he did or not? Likewise, I wonder also how many women have been zapped by their own tasers after an attacker managed to rip it off her? Or been raped/mugged/robbed while rummaging in her handbag for the taser, or after she fired it and missed?
If you're really that concerned about your personal safety, ladies, take a women's self-defence course instead of relying on dangerous tech, which you are probably not effectively trained to use. Not only will you get fit and trim from self-defence training, you'll also have a weapon that's always handy and can't be snatched from you. Women, trained properly, CAN fight with devastating effectiveness, and it doesn't take that long to gain a level of competence that should enable you to see off most drunken/drugged-out louts that are likely to give you a problem.
As some morning radio announcers put it...
Now would-be muggers can be given a choice...
They can either take a few kV up an orifice of their choice, or hear the Spice Girls greatest hits...
I think I know which one would be more painful for me.
Taser International's headquarters is "a super high-tech fortress that very few know about", apparently...
Dunno, having those tasers could be useful...
While there are some knowledgeable people who practise and prepare to use their chosen weapons (taser, pepper spray, firearm etc) they are in a very small minority.
Most of those who choose to arm themselves just buy off the shelves in the belief they are now somehow protected and 10-foot-tall-and-bulletproof.
They feel they no longer have to worry about due care and attention, that they can wander anywhere with impunity because they have A WEAPON and therefore are SAFE.
Never mind the fact they have neither the physical nor the mental training to use the weapon when the crunch comes. Weapons, it seems, magic-away the baddies and you never need concern yourself with what you'll do when you wander into the wrong part of town and a thug sticks a knife under your nose.
Never mind that a weapon is no good if your head is so far shoved up your arse that the thug can wander up behind you undetected and slide a knife beneath your shoulderblade.
Hollyweird furthers this popular misconception by conveying the illusion that they are some form of magic wand that will solve all your problems. Like showing a large adult male totally incapacitated by a quick jazz from one of the hand-held tasers weilded by some puny little woman when no less a weapons trainer than Massad Ayoob has repeatedly demonstrated that the average adult of either sex can withstand the full recommended FOUR-SECOND burst from one of those tasers then, immediately afterwards, accurately put five shots into a target.
Far from the instantly incapacitating weapon portrayed in the movies, isn't it.
Admittedly the C2 is more akin to the police models in that it fires the barbs at the intended target, and is probably more effective than the old "Metrosexual Cattle-prod" but it still requires that the person weilding it can actually hit the assailant with both barbs.
Fortunately, the device is fitted with a laser sight - which we all know (from watching the movies) is akin to firing radar-guided terrain-following cruise missiles at the target. This feature renders all weapons training and target practise unnecessary.
And the MPH! w00t!
Pop down to Wallymart, buy yourself a nice pink or leopard-skin taser with magical cruise-missile-laser-sight, slip it into the MPH, poke the earplugs in, crank up Britney to an ear-splitting level and wander out into the dark - I mean, you have a LASER-GUIDED WEAPON, you're INVINCIBLE, it doesn't matter that you're now incapable of hearing a possible attacker stalking you...
Personal music players of any sort are a rapist's "best friend" and Taser Inc (INComprehensible?) go and build one into the weapon's holster!
This has got to be some sort of attempt at Darwinian selection!
Perhaps in a few years - after all the stupid people have been murdered while wandering around the rough areas after dark with their MPH blaring into their ears and armed with one-shot Tasers (and only those who're capable of a few moments' thought are left alive) - the USA will truly become as great as its citizens seem to think it is.
Until then, however, the planet has to contend with a large number of vacant-headed mouth-breathers who think buying a colour-coordinated Taser over the counter is going to turn them into the T-X.
I think we could do with these Tasers over here in NZ - I can definitely think of a few people who would be best served to arm themselves with a Taser and blunder into South Auckland after dark with the MPH turned up to full...
Just waiting for Taser to be sued because their product failed to prevent some air-headed Soccer-Mom being raped in an area of town where even street-savvy armed gangstas tread carefully...
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