US researchers have identified a married couple who sailed from England to the US in around 1630 as the bearers of a genetic mutation which puts their numerous descendants at higher risk of a hereditary form of colon cancer. Reuters explains that cancer researchers at the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Utah began to look into a …
Immigration Officer: Any history of problems with your ass?
Pilgrim: (Thinking I've never owned a donkey) No!
Immigration Officer: Welcome to the New World!
"have identified a married couple "...
Yes, but what are their names?
And for those of us still in England?
What if that married couple had offspring or relatives who remained in England? Presumably their descendants also need to know who they are so they can get their colons checked out.
Reason enough to invade?
Formal Declaration of War
I hereby, on behalf of the United States of America, declare war. You have 60 days to shut down your biological warfare program before we rally the troops. If you comply, we will only kill half your civilians.
Blame the immigrants
Damn cunning - they've even found a way of blaming immigrants for cancer now!
real americans dont...
"By Ian FergusonPosted Wednesday 2nd January 2008 17:09 GMT Damn cunning - they've even found a way of blaming immigrants for cancer now!"
well the real native americans dont suffer cancer as such or do they?.
But do you have enough suppositories for your troops to last through the journey from THERE to HERE ?? And if, by some lucky chance, they do arrive, will they be wading bow-legged ashore to the nearest NHS hospital with their trousers at half mast to get the badly needed treatment ??
Anyway, smart move by the Brits. If they are criminals, send them to Australia !! If they are diseased, send them to America !! And if they love sheep, send them to Kiwiland !!
All bad things are foreign
I'm glad that finally the UK is giving some bum injury to the USA. It's about time the roles were reversed and the UK stops taking it all the time.
Yes but America then spread it's jeans all over the world.
Has anyone noticed how British teeth have improved significalntly since Christan Slater and David Soul moved to the UK?
Can you send some more?
I can just picture first dates of the future starting with an exchange of lists containing history of family disease.
"I'm sorry Bob; you seem like a really nice guy and I'm willing to accept that my family's history of pancreatic cancer cancels your family's history of kidney failure but your gene's likely hood of producing prostate cancer is a deal breaker."
No not really.
What're the odds
the wife bore a scarlet "BF" on her shirt?
Why not the Vikings?
Ahem, how come this accusation was not sheeted home to those rampaging, pillaging, plundering earlier migrants?
Too much North Sea oil, probably... :-)
- Hi i'm here to sign up for health insurance.
- What's you last name ? One second while we check your ancestry please..
I'm sorry you are not eligible because of a tendency on your mothers side for these 300 diseases and on your fathers side for these 300 diseases. I'm sorry but i'm afraid it's just too much of a hazard for us to insure you ... You can still pay 50 bucks a month , but that would limit you only to the reimbursement for band-aids and aspirin, since all other medication would fall under 'hereditary disease' for whih you are not insured...
RE: Hedged bets?
Are you mad?
Since when did we brits spend 2-3000 on dental care.
There arent enough NHS Dentists to go around.
Binge on popcorn...
I've read that popcorn helps to scrape the colon clean. Probably all those sharp-edged kernel shells. So pop in a DVD, and munch down a large serving of popcorn.
Disclaimer - this does not constitute medical advice.
The Viking Connection
My family is fresh off the boat from Denmark (escaping work in the Lego mines), and my father has had two bouts with colon cancer, and his father did not survive his run-in with it. I myself am going for a good old colon scavenge next week. England, consider yourself thoroughly buggered. Especially you in the Danelaw.
RE: Binge on popcorn...
Not to "pooh-pooh" the "popcorn flush" idea, *butt* there are numerous potential "pitfalls."
If you purchase the "butter-flavored" variety, you run the risk of respiratory ailments from the diacetyl added to improve the taste. If you use real butter, you run the risk of coronary artery disease. You also run the risk of breaking a tooth on any un-popped "old maids." As if Brits and their progeny need any more dental "issues!"
And, of course, many folk are allergic to corn.
1640, I'd have thought that would have made them as American as Apple Pie, can't be that many European families in the US with a longer history than that.
Anyway, how do we know they weren't Normans who infected us a few hundred years before that. And we all know where they came from Mr. Viking.
(Histerical Note: The Normans were so called because they were originally Norce of course)
I'm british through and through which naturally makes me: Celt, Pict, Roman, Norse, Saxon, Angle, Frank, Phoniecian, and just about part of any european tribe you can think of who has settled here over the past few thousand years.
Answering own question...
Looks like the culprets were "Mr. and Mrs. George Fry" according to U.S. News & World Report.
Didn't the Mormons go through a phase of extreme polygamy at one point? Didn't poor tracking give rise to a lot of defects such as albinoism, trisomy, heamophilia? I wouldn't be so sure about blaming that particular couple... besides how on earth would you get a concrete diagnosis of Cancer nearly four hundred years ago?
Some minor points of order...
@ AC - you forgot to mention assorted North African types, Afro-Caribbean types and Sub-continental types to your mix !! And stir in a good dash of the Far East to spice up the stew !!
@JeffyPooh - yours is the "brute force" method. Try a more pleasant method of 15 pints of lager* followed by a bloody good Vindaloo !! Guaranteed to irrigate your colon like nothing else on Earth !!
* my mate argues that the substitution of *real ale* for the "foreign piss" gives better results !! He cites as proof that "India strength" ales, shipped out to the colonies, were the cause of the famous(??) Delhi Belly when added to industrial strength local cuisine !!
- +Comment Anti-Facebook Ello: Here's why we're still in beta. SPAMGASM!
- Vid+Pics Microsoft WINDOWS 10: Seven ate Nine. Or Eight did, really
- Analysis Windows 10: One for the suits - right Microsoft? Or so you THOUGHT
- Xbox hackers snared US ARMY APACHE GUNSHIP ware - Feds
- George Clooney, WikiLeaks' lawyer wife hand out burner phones to wedding guests