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back to article Wishing you an EMF-free Christmas

With Ofcom auctioning off spectrum left, right and centre, there has never been a better time to panic about what all those frequencies might be doing to your body, regardless of the lack of scientific evidence that it does very much at all. So if you're looking for a last-minute Christmas gift for the electromagnetic paranoid …

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the rules

scrap school, just have 2 rules to be tested on:

#1 anything that seems to good to be true IS too good to be true

#2 there are plenty of chumps about who ignore #1. So screw them over and get rich.

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*snork*

"This phone bag stops your phone receiving a connection from the network!!!", says the Phone Bag page, and for only $12.00. Tell you what; pay me $6 and I'll switch off your phone for you. For a further $3 I'll even remove the battery. It's a bargain, I tells ya...

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Silver badge
Happy

The real effect of EMF

The only effect I've been able to determine from all the new forms of radiation we're exposed to today (WiFi, Bluetooth, satellite, cellphones, etc.) is this:

Right now, due to the pervasiveness of the internet, porn is passing through your body! W00T!

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Silver badge

Hah.

I don't need the phone bag - I've got AT&T.

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Silver badge

Err

"For only $80 you can get a QLink classic pendent, which will increase your endurance and improve your performance, and it's waterproof too."

With a sales pitch like that, all you can think of is GOLF? Sounds tailor made (forgive the unintentional pun) for more, er, intimate sports. And it's waterproof too, so bring on the jacuzzi.

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Coat

I thought the real effect of EMF was...

UNBELIEVABLE!

duffel coat with mittens on string through the sleeves

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Coat

Tasers?

I wonder if those foil-lined long-johns would protect you from the harmful effects of dimwitted government thugs.

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Pirate

Taser proof clothes?

If LessEMF demonstrate their clothes short out tasers, then they might have a real market.

The phone pouch has some value too. The only way I could stop a mobile ringing when on charge was to put the thing in a biscuit tin.

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Bronze badge
Pirate

Radiation Protectors

Available from Amazon (or rather through Amazon), fantastic mobile phone radiation protectors. You can get them in round or oval shapes. Search for ASIN B00118V5Z4 or search for seller greenhills23 and see all the rest of the "useful" stuff.

To quote

"Protect you & your family from HARMFUL radiation. Mobile phones generate Electromagnetic Waves that are transmitted directly from our ear canal to the brain. Frequent use over an extended period of time can be hazardous to one's HEALTH, (especially children & teenagers).

Safe Guard is able to filter up to 99% of the harmful Electromagnetic Waves emitted from the ear piece of mobile phones. It is made of special ceramics and conductive materials to absorb and eliminate HARMFUL electromagnetic waves.

Fits ALL phones & attaches in seconds, the oval protector has a soft/comfort cushion & fits on the main phone body (over the receiver) & the 2nd round one will fit onto any hands free Bluetooth earphones & headphones.

The Safe Guard Absorbs up to 99% of induced electromagnetic waves and actually improves reception sensitivity during phone use. Components were tested by Allgon Mobile Communications from Sweden with excellent results. Additional testing was performed E.M.C. Ltd. supervised by The Israeli Standards Institute, also with excellent results. "

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Flame

Radiation protector spam, above.

Randomly CAPITALIZED words? Check.

Unfounded assertions? ..directly from ear canal to the brain... Check.

Weasel wording? ...up to 99%... Check.

Contradictory claims? ...absorbs radiation... improves reception... Check.

Semi-attached facts? ...components were tested... Check.

Nonspecific claims? ...excellent results... Check.

B****cks? Oh yes, that's a big fat CHECK.

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Alert

@Jon Axtell

Good point, well made.

Surely your goal if you are the kind of person that buys this kind of garbage is to reduce the reception, not to increase it.

The answer, simple, don't buy a mobile if you are that concerned or take a job where you have to use one.

But the people that buy stuff like this along with herbal placebos have money to burn and of course their credit card companies are happy to.

That gives me an idea...

Down with EMF credit card anyone?

2% donation to mental care unit/whacko campaign group of your choice when you spend on unproven medication/white elephant devices such as the above.

50% interest on everything (25% to me and 25% to issuing bank)

100% charge for balance transfers (50% to me and 50% to issuing bank)

Choice of card designs (gold with black skull and crossbones next to mast or black with sane but in silver)

Think I might contact some banks in the New Year, I want a piece of this action.

Wonder how these people cope in their own homes, think about all those cables running through the walls or perhaps they just don't have electricity or maybe they live in caves...

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Coat

O RLY?

"...but also [protects] from other negative energies like fear and doubt - even the negative thoughts of others!" Vodka usually provides a similar sensation...

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screening a GSM

when you put a GSM in a screened bag , or tin box, you *might* reduce the electromagnetic fields , except your mobile, feeling cut-off from its network will inevitably up its transmit power bursts to MAXIMUM in order to re-establish contact. (most UK GSM handhelds are Class 4 which give a peak of two watts RF output, the complex ETSI specified Power Ramp/Time/template gives 2dB steps down to a level of about 20milliwatts when the phone can easily see the basestation.)

Would you rather have a gentle warming 0.02 Watt of 900MHz or, alternatively and "better?" 2000 milliwatts having stuffed your Nokia in a "screened" bag?

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Black Helicopters

Bit of science...

1st, may I present the electromagnetic spectrum:

^ Long wavelength - Short wavelength v

Long waves

Radio Waves

MicrowavesI

Infra Red

Visual

Ultra Violet

X-rays

Gamma-rays

^ Low frequency - Hight frequency v

Now we have that formality out of the way I'll get to the point:

Radio equipment like Phones (800 or 1600Mhz) and WiFi (2400Mhz and 5000Mhz) typically operates in the radio waves and Low Microwaves portion of the spectrum.The lowest frequency of "ionising radiation" (radiation that can knock electrons off your DNA, and cause cancer), is from ultra violet upwards, the other side of the visual spectrum. Your phone/WiFi will not give you cancer.

"But what about microwaves, they're basically ray guns, right?" you say. By pure chance, a particular frequency of microwave radiation can agitate water molecules, causing them to be heated. Other than such frequencies, the microwave spectrum is safe. In fact, if you ran your microwave oven with the door open, the field is so rapidly spread, that I suspect you;d have to shove your head inside before you felt anything. Your Microwave probably won't cook you.

And what's with this heating of the brain when using a mobile phone? I - personally - suspect wearing a hat has a similar effect. But it could be the radio waves agitating a certain compound in our heads causing the heat. Either way, I'm going to continue using my phone next to my head, and storing it next to my gonads. Your phone is great on a winters day.

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Go

JD

So at http://www.welcomeangels.com they're having a poll to see whether we want tin-foil wrapped around our cell phone batteries or not (ok, a slightly sarcastic paraphrase here). At the moment, its 82% that want the tin-foil batteries and 18% that don't.

Anybody want to help "correct" these figures?

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Alien

Gullibles Travels

At this time of year we are supposed to also believe in sperm donation by proxy accompanied by a trio of astrologers who have left it a bit late for the pressies and ended up with bling, smellies and antiseptic.

If we are supposed to swallow that lot then 'water with added oxygen', wrapping yerself in mum's turkey foil and wearing bits of geology is a doddle.

I like electromagnetic radiation - it reheats my dinner.

The flock is only there for the fleece.

I've gone for the alien icon so the Scientologists can have their own little angel for the tree. bless.

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Happy

re: JD

Down to 72% nutters and falling.

It should be noted, of course, that tinfoil acts as a radio-/micro-wave receiver. (http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/)

Let me get my magnetron...

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Go

We've got it wrong!

Rather that wasting time here pointing out the flaws in this stuff, the enlightened would instead be quickly putting together a business to retail these items, at 10% less than the completion and with a better line in explanation of how it 'works'.

In fact, it'd be even better having two or more fronts for the business, targeting the 'scientific' explanation, the 'magic crystals' type explanation etc. etc.

I would assume at least one upside of this business is that you'd get very few returns of non-functional kit...

It's easy to forget when looking at the various 'scam' stuff that someone is making money from it, and therefore so can you!

Anyway, I'm off to start retailing a new line of fine tinfoil hats and phone anti-radiation covers...

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Happy

Re:re: JD

Down to 66% now...

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Stop

We probably have got it wrong

Problem with that is that it takes a special kind of new age bullshit to sell this kind of junk and providing 'better' explanations would lower your sales

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Coat

There are enough worries...

... without adding 'corrosion' to the list of things to worry about in your nethers...

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J
Coat

Re: JD

Down to 48%, yay... The hive mind strikes again! :-)

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J
Happy

Re: the article

Good stuff, funniest article in The Reg in months.

Oh, and they sell "crystal energy" in little drop dispenser containers. "Crystal Energy® is a catalytic liquid which, when added to other liquids, enhances their solvency power by altering their molecular structure." "Catalytic wetter water"

Blimey! Gimme two...

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@ JD

Down to 47%

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Anonymous Coward

Microwave ovens with doors off

Are truly dangerous things. Don't even try it (please for your own sake). Most microwave ovens have about 1000 watts of power and use it to jostle the water molecules at a nice rapid rate to heat them up. The nearest place a chunk of nice water is located in your body is in the ocular input devices (eyes). Hearing up this will have a very adverse effect on the input devices ability to function. Most likely a good dose of cataracts or worse!

So, before you remove the door try the experiment: Put an eyeful of water in a small styrofoam cup a (nicely insulated) and see how long it takes to warm it up to a temperature you really don't want to handle. You don't want to cook yourself!!

Also note that the power in other devices (call phone for example) is quite small (less than a watt in most cases), and the wrong frequency (not around 2.4 GHz). Wi-fi devices while close to the proper frequency, is too little powered to have ANY effect unless you keep your eye next the WiFi antenna for about a month continuously. The "Inverse square law" applies here!

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Gates Horns

Are these the same people

who are happy to pay tax to combat 'global warming'.

Looking at the world atm it is run by idiots and dictators, so no wonder why the flock are following their shepards.

Between Gordon Brown and President Bush there is such a huge gulf between what they say and reality it is only comparable with the space in their heads.

When we get sane, intelligent leaders (Yes I know winning the lottery is more likely) there will be better shepards and more intelligent flocks.

Right man with straight jacket arrived.....wait is that Paris Hilton

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Black Helicopters

Re: Bit of science...

"By pure chance, a particular frequency of microwave radiation can agitate water molecules"

You can get resonance in the range of 20 Gigs, that is not the operative effect here. Home ovens operate around 2.4 and will make most things hot simply because they absorb the radiation. Some commercial ovens work at 915 Megs. If you're not technically oriented enough to know this stuff, may I introduce you to Google? Check out magnetron and dielectric heating. In the meanwhile, perhaps I can sell you a ... oh never mind.

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Happy

@vernon lloyd

How ironic that you criticise the crazy people for ignoring clear and accepted science and then you put global warming in the inverted commas of someone who ignores the clear and accepted science of the world's climatologists.

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It's a shame.....

Despite all the great equipment they sell, they don't seem to have anything available that claims to prevent you from being ripped off.

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Happy

@JD

Now 57% don't want protection...

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@JD

Good to see that all departments are working hard before the Xmas break. Down to 43%

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Black Helicopters

You're still all assuming that being heated is a bad thing.

I'm not disputing that this sort of stuff can warm you up.

I'm disputing that:

-It will not give you cancer.

-Being heated is not necessarily a bad thing.

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@JD

Now it's down to 40%

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20KW MRI scanners anyone?

If a whiff of RF from a cellphone (or WiFi, cordless doorbell, &c. &c.) were that dangerous, we'd have thousands of dead patients from the millions who have had an MRI scan.

The max RF absorbtion limits are between 0.4W to 4.0W per Kg of body weight - so several hundred Watts of peak power deposition is perfectly legal.

Commonly, the head coil is driven at 2KW peak and the body coil at up to 20KW peak. OK, the frequency is a lot different - 63MHz - 126MHz - but there can still be a substantial heating effect. I'll be interested to see if anyone ever turns up for an MRI scan wearing a Faraday cage, on which topic:

http://tb3.phpwebhosting.com/tesla/ch2007/images/index.html

scroll down 3/4 of the page to see the guy in a Faraday suit pulling Megavolt arcs off a Tesla coil.

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Pirate

it's this type of crap that leads many who do suffer to remain silent

many of you clearly have no clue as to what you are talking about, and while some seem to mention some technical details that they have picked off various web sites most have clearly misunderstood basic science.

No 2 people are the same, and no 2 people have the exact same reaction to various environments. Think of asthma, hay fever, wheat allergies, dairy product allergies. Not everyone has the same reaction to them!

What is true is that there are not many reports of problems with wi-fi or mobile phones, or DECT phones (no-one seems to mention these when they should). Could this be because of all the idiots out there who just repeat the same old crap as is happening here? Almost certainly so!

I have just (friday 22nd december) had an MRI for the very things you say seem to think cannot happen. Luckily I do not have a brain tumour, but none the less I get severe headaches and chest pains from wi-fi and it does not go away. It also gets worse with the more exposure you have. I can even tell when wi-fi is switched on and off from over 50 feet away, just from the pain it causes.

Just because the industry have managed to focus most peoples attention onto the cancer, does not mean that this is the main problem. Just because we have no clear evidence of DNA being damaged, and although many scientists are very cautious about saying it has not effect, it does not mean that we won't have this evidence in 10 or 15 years to come. How long was it before the peoples voice got louder than the cigarette industry and their government stooges?

All I and many people like me ask is for you to not repeat the crap you read about it, but instead keep an open mind and think of the situation that we had with trying to get people to listen about the effects of smoking, nuclear power plants, HRT, thalidomide, asbestos, and the hundreds of other things like them. One day you may thank us for pointing it out!

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on the heating effect of microwave radiation

I remember reading that microwave radiation heats up

1) conductors, because of the induced currents, and

2) molecules with an uneven charge distribution (i.e. net molecular dipole)

We all know about the injunctions against putting metal objects in microwaves.

Water heats up because each individual water molecule has a slightly negative end balanced a short distance away by a slightly positive end. If I recall correctly, the O in the H2O attracts shared valence electrons a little better than the 2 H's, so the O would be the slightly negative end. The positive end would lie in the equipotential plane between the H's, but I digress...

I'm pretty sure that "radar waves" are just microwaves. Remember the Amana Radarange? Bearing in mind that we are mostly composed of water, having doors on microwave ovens and staying out of the way of radar and microwave transmissions are both excellent ideas. Radar techs know that a radar antenna has an excellent chance of cooking people and things if it's not spun up before transmission power is applied, so the idea that non-ionizing radiation is relatively harmless is itself dangerous.

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Stop

mind control, high blue eye inncidence, good old genocide all real if you ask me.

Well all of you may laugh but i happen to believe that the inner ear is sensative enough to be electronically messed with and that when you sleep the charge within your muscles are easy enough interccepted.

Although you may be here at a technology point i think your blantently missing technology all the time appearing and dissapearing over to military domain.

What i reckon is that none of you can handle your dreams and indeed just behave like submissive little milk drinking cows thinking stupid little EMF thoughts about cancer and really have not got a clue.

I think you just await that day that you die from your life worring about how god and a universe are not the same thing and cower at an unlimited model while thinking binary computers are the best thing in all the stars.

I think your all mainly cowards and if you had some more millions of your own your house would be shielded to the hilt along with all the other things you could do to make your life healthier(but yes most of that crap it technilogically crap).

Then again just look inside the fridges of those peps on cribs on MTV. I suppose money don't bye you a brain.

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Poll from www.welcomeangels.com (correct at time of posting)

National Mobile User Poll:

IS IT BETTER TO BE SAFE?

Breakthrough new technology can protect you from the radiation caused by mobile phones.

But will you use it?

Yes (38%) Yes, it's better to be safe 38%

No (62%) No, I don't want protection 62%

So it seems not EVERYONE has gone crazy quite yet. A EMF-free new year to you all!

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Coat

Funny stuff

A super-sensitive household-AC EMF detector that comes with a wall-wart battery eliminator. "Hey, it's picking something up!"

A pendant coded by a computer "ASKE" code. It took me a second to get that. Nice.

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Black Helicopters

Anonymous Coward and his MRI scan....

So, you get pains from a 50mW WiFi at 50ft - how much did your MRI examination hurt?

Quite a bit, I imagine, since the RF transmit power from an MRI is 40,000 times greater than from an average WiFi access point.

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