back to article Skype confirms / denies job cuts

Voice over Internet Protocol provider Skype has neither confirmed nor denied it is cutting jobs at its London office. According to GigaOM, Skype is laying off 30 staff in London and Estonia, with most coming from the UK. We thought maybe someone at Skype could give us some more information. The eBay-owned company sent us this …

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Boffin

Translation follows

"We just realized that we have no money left, and no revenue stream, so we need to enter administration."

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I'd say it's a yes

But shh - we haven't told them yet :D

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How about this..

"Change has always been a constant at Skype and will continue to be."

means we only exist on a wing and a prayer so have no idea what next week will bring, let alone next month so we tend to get caught out now and again, such as now.

"We will keep re-shaping our business to take advantage of the immediate and short-term opportunities in front of us."

means thay are going to cut jobs unless some cash appears in the bank from wherever it is cash comes from. If it does then they won't cut jobs, unless they change their mind, which they might because they constantly change. The important thing to remeber is customers have nothing to worry about, unless things change, which they will, unless things change that is.

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Translation

"Management at the main office of Skype knows bugger all about what's going on, and can't be arsed to ask the London management team."

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It means...

We have a PR department full of overqualified liberal arts graduates and we aren't afraid to use them!

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Unhappy

Skype - going out of business??

"We will keep re-shaping our business to take advantage of the immediate and short-term opportunities in front of us."

Ah well - they clearly don't expect to be around for long - "immediate and short term"?? The already sound like UK politicians!!

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Silver badge

It means...

... "We will do whatever is necessary to maximise profits and minimise costs."

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Translation

Well, eh.. this means "we are not doing all that well actually. Our IM is OK, but proprietary. We are owned by a large company with questionable motives. Our phone costs look cheap but in fact are quite high due to minimum costs, so a short call is cheaper using your Telco. And your Telco does not come in echoes, halts and starts. So we can no longer afford to pay thirty people with little to show for it. Sorry. Maybe we'll work it out yet. Meanwhile, some of our thirty people are looking for a job. Don't suppose you'd have any going?"

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Translation

Staff have been put on notice that whoever scores, at the Christmas party, with that bird from accounting that the director has his eye on will be fired.

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Anonymous Coward

It's a bit like the Vicar of Dibbly

No No No No No No No ...... Yes

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Bronze badge

It means...

... those who pilot the ship have no idea what a compass is. In other words they're hinting that executives who run technology companies often have no idea about technology, what to do with it, or how to make money with it. LOL.

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Anonymous Coward

Hmm...

Sounds like a politician or IBM Executive.

Nice translation Scott

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Huh??

Change is a constant?

Who the fuc*k does that bit of programming????? Skype's technique must be "Variables don't and constants aren't "

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Happy

thats it a dart in my eye thank you

Hahaha, you are all wrong, did anyone run this statement through an enigma decoder?

It turns out that skype seem to be having a bit of a laugh here, after decoding the message actually reads thus:

"I will be having a grilled ham and cheese sarnie with a litre of hedgehog piss"

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Gold badge

I read that as....

"We have a map and two free hands. We still can't find our own arses."

Oh and it's not Yoda-like. That would be:

"Constant at Skype change has been and will be ever. Opportunities before us there are in the now. Re-shape our business will we always."

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@BoldMan

How can a liberal arts graduate be overqualified for anything, except possibly wiping their own arses?

Anyway, the first sentence is almost entirely redundant, since a constant by definition was constant in the past and will still be constant in the future. While the second sentence is bleeding obvious. A full, concise translation is:

"We do stuff. We want to do stuff that makes money."

No, this doesn't answer your question in any way whatsoever. But if you read between the lines, it proves the rumours are completely false. Giga OM claims that the cuts were in marketing. Only trained marketing professionals could trot out such complete meaningless nonsense. Therefore, they have not been sacked.

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Translation:

"Yes."

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From Estonian press (daily Eesti Päevaleht)

Skype Estonia CEO Sten Tamkivi said, that worldwide are around 20 people lost their jobs. "Job Cuts is not a right words - we rearrange our organization permanently. There been rearrangements also previous week" he said and denied that reason for these "rearrangements" is dissatisfaction from side of eBay.

Also Tamkivi commented, that dismissal of people from company does not mean, that these people are not good in their jobs. "For example, there been rearrangements also in my team - I wanted to bring one task closer to engineers - to Tallinn, therefore we had to dismiss 3 people from our London office."

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What they're really trying to say here...

"Change has always been a constant at Skype and will continue to be."

means: "We've got no idea what we're doing here..."

"We will keep re-shaping our business to take advantage of the immediate and short-term opportunities in front of us."

means: "We like to manage things flying by the seat of our pants and just lay people off when cash gets short"

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it mean

...we still haven't figured out how to make money from a free service. When we do we'll be big, but in the mean time we'll have to stay small enough to change our "business model" at the drop of a hat. Oh, and we have no money to pay anyone. w00t!

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Rob

Tell the employee's

I wonder if they'll inform their staff by IM message (just before they shut the service down).

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Paris Hilton

@Scott

Nice translation, although you got one bit wrong. Accounting?, more like the new receptionist/secretary (PH Wannabe)

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Unhappy

Tick follows tock follows tick

"We will keep re-shaping our business to take advantage of the immediate and short-term opportunities in front of us"

=

We have no long term plans.

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Linux

Skype?

What does Skype do again - I forgot?

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Linux

So who spoke to accounts then?

See, we should have outsourced the accounts department like everybody else. That way nobody would know their P45's are due on the 24th of the month

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Pirate

change....?

Nobody's caught the invisible footnote that also lies at the heart of most of the good religious books:

These statements are subject to misinterpretation without notice.

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