A Wigan man narrowly avoided having his penis amputated after getting the end of it wedged in a "metal ring", Wigan Today reports. The unnamed chap, in his 40s, was whisked to Wigan Infirmary's A&E department just after midnight on Wednesday carrying the extra hardware which "appeared to be cut off from the end of a pipe". Docs …
Is it my imagination...
...or does the IT angle get more tenuous on Fridays?
is he gonna get put on the sex offenders register too?
Just look around your office to see which males have their legs tightly crossed and scrunched up towards their stomach to see who is slacking off.
Owes the firefighters a case of beer...at least!
Re Is it my imagination...
No IT angle, but it did involve a mini angle-grinder.
Near enough for a Friday, surely...
what OS was he using ..
But what the article left out was, was he a Windows or a Mac user ..
Well nurse, it's like this.......
"I was walking around the kitchen naked. Then I happened to trip up and I landed on this bit of pipe I had been doing some plumbing with earlier......"
"What do you mean I look like the guy who was in here 6 months ago with a whole salmon stuck on my...er... HIS member?"
So they were unavailable for comment? I expect they were gasping for breath from all the laughing..
.... he didn't do it the other way round.
(uncrosses legs and heads for the cloakroom)
Was it the one true ring then? Perhaps he was on his way to Mordor, and was in fear of it being nicked by otherworldly-creatures. Seems like he just chose a poor place to secrete it about his person.
The (Japs) Eye of Sauron must have clocked it, I'm sure...
One ring to bind them all, indeed !
RE: What OS was he using?
Hmmm....... Most likely he was a TOS ser
Well.... it *IS* Friday........
...of the story about the guy who stuck a pencil...to get more performance...( thump, faints to the floor).
"causing a large amount of swelling".
A-ha!!! He had recently received a number of e-mails from companies touting penis-elargers, telling him that he was insufficiently-equipped. Believing these (which incidentally he got through Outlook Express, which explains a lot), he decided to implement his own method.
There. An IT angle.
He is from Wigan
I dare to wager :
- That he needed a *stiff* drink afterwards
- he thanked the fire brigade for a *swell* job
- he won't be doing any grinding tonight
- they won't be playing "Tubular Bells" on hospital radio
In the interests of full reporting
Are there any amusing details on the grade, type and diameter of the pipe?
..an example of a royal cockup in self pleasure?
Unable to comment?
I expect the Wigan Infirmary spokesman probably felt a bit pale, and needed to go home for a lie-down.
-did he 'ring' for an ambulance?
- or did he call the 'coppers'?
- was he a 'member' of a 'brass band' ?
- is the vid on "U-tube" yet?
- was he thinking : "With this ring, I thee shed"?
The IT angle
Well there was an angle grinder, we can but make do with that.
Presumably if the bit of pipe in question was once part of a bicycle, the chap would immediately be a sex offender. What a strange, sheep-like world we live in.
I expect his ISP was PIPE..XXX
Was he dreaming of Paris in the spring?
To use a northern colloquialism.... he was giving it Wigan
These are questions that need answering.
What about the pipe?
Did no one think to interview the pipe?
Unable to comment
*a Wigan Infirmary spokesman felt "unable to comment"*
Probably due to a fit of hysterics.
More likely a +3 cursed ring of erection
/goes to waste life on nethack
it was the bike man again
What about the pipe !
I guess the pipe was feeling pretty cut up about the whole thing.
It happened like this..
Wife: Ohhh - stick it in my ring, darling.
Hubby: Hang on.... Ouch!
Wife: You pillock.
Re : Is It My Imagination
...a Token Lan Ring, maybe ?
Coat in hand...
Ah... brings back memories...
I was a locksmith for 13 years prior to my move into I.T. One night the phone rang at home and it was one of the local hospitals. They asked me to come to the E.R.... "We have a lock we need opened." Thinking they had a locked cabinet or some piece of machinery, I hopped in the vehicle and sped off to the hospital.
They led me back through the E.R. to a curtained off bed. There was a rather sheeepish looking man laying there, with his waist covered in a sheet, but otherwise, completely sans clothing. The nurse pulled back the sheet, and there was his manhood, shackled with a #3 Master padlock. He and his girlfriend had been playing that morning, and prior to leaving on a business trip, she "locked him up".
We had 4 options:
1) manually pick the lock (veto'd by me.... not willing to hold another man's privates for however long that took
2) use and electic lockpick (again, veto'd by me.... an electric lockpick is essentially a vibrator, didn't even want to consider the consequences)
3) boltcutters (veto'd by the patient)
4) de-laminating the lock (grinding the rivets off and pulling the bottom plates free in order to remove the lock cylinder)
Option 4 was the choice of all involved, and after evacuating the man to another room, I was left alone with the chap, and a male nurse. He had his little fellow free in about 3 minutes. The attending physician stopped me on the way out of the E.R. and asked me to write a bill straight to the hospital. To this day, I still have a copy of it:
Qty 1. Description of service: Delaminate Master #3 padlock to unlock from patient HH087332's penis. Cost: $100.00
where the euphemism.. "laying pipe"... comes from.
It's cold outside so need my parka and touque please.
(extra points for non-canucks who know what those are)
Cold weather gear
Parka: big coat* with furry hood.
Touque: wooly at.
*not goat as first typed...
The IT angle
.. is that the pipe in question was bought from uTube. ;)
clearly a mac user - they can't get sex anywhere else.
RE: Ah... brings back memories...
Re: Is it my imagination...
Is there ever an IT angle in Lesters articles? ;)
It took some time to cut off this ring, a metal ring. How did they bleed off the heat the cutter must have been causing? Having tried holding pieces of metal while trying to cut them, I notice that the heat comes a second after it is really too hot to hold.
Sorry if I am painting a picture here that making everyone's eyes water, but no one had brought it up yet.
Sized of pipe/ring
Strange they didnt notice it was only 5cm piping :)
Photos or it didn't happen.
Err.. then again maybe not.
According to a nurse I know...
...the local hospital here would have write up the report strait, but the staff would insert clusters of exclamation marks at appropriate points.
Post it... Please! :)
the Paris Hilton angle is ... droopy ?
The IT/PH angle..
an obtuse angle..
or is it an acute [pain] angle?
*COAT* ... *DOOR*
Found the I.T. angle...
It's Friday. Cock-ups always happen on Friday.
... and the hat please.
I once did a charity 'stunt' (or, was that a "cupid stunt?") by standing at a bus stop in Tampere, Finland with my vacuum celaner hose stuck down my pants, holding the cleaner and asking passers-by "Which is the bus to the hospital?"
Got 50 Finmarks/hour (year 2000) from the pub locals for the local Lions. Plus a lot of laughs. And a helluva lotta kudos!
- NASA boffin: RIDDLE of odd BULGE FOUND on MOON is SOLVED
- SOULLESS machine-intelligence ROBOT cars to hit Blighty in 2015
- BuzzGasm! Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS
- Microsoft's Euro cloud darkens: Redmond must let feds into foreign servers
- Worstall on Wednesday YES, iPhones ARE getting slower with each new release of iOS