Beer makes people have sex with you
American trick-cyclists have stunned the world with the revelation that young people who drink a lot tend to get more sex. Academics at the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis revealed their shock findings yesterday after extensive research. It seems that the shrinks were easily able to demonstrate a connection …
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in over news
water is wet
grass is green
users are stupid
Beer goggles?
The study doesn't however detail what these 10 or more partners are going to look like after you have had a few.
From my own experience... maybe a few less beers would have meant a few less "swamp donkeys".
Beer, woo
so lets get this straight,
* beer makes you clever (source: The Kiwis)
* beer re-hydrates you (source: The Spanish?)
* beer gets you laid
Love it
Similar problems
In her book The Coming Plague, Laurie Garrett recounts stories by researchers into STD's in San Francisco in the 70's and 80's who were looking at promiscuity in the gay scene.
IIRC, they started off considering men who had more than 50 partners a year as "Extremely promiscuous". By the end of the first day, they had revised that number to 100+. By the end of the study, they were counting 500 and up as the top end category.
Rather puts one's own conquests into context...
(Paris Hilton selected for obvious reasons)
Can't stop I'm off to the pub...
Now I know, I'm off to put this into practice!
Beeeeeeeer...
enabling ugly people to get laid for centuries.
Risky !!!
At last, a high risk lifestyle I am happy to embrace, sod your bungy, base jumping, skydiving adrenalin rush crap, it's beer and sex for me every time.
Paris - well obviously
Paris hilton angle incoming
Reckon I can score her for a beer or two ?
Even travel agencies won't get you Paris so cheap.
Flawed stats (as always)
So, you're saying p*ssed up louts get more sex? Or are you saying p*ssed up louts get more STD's?
Or that p*ssed up louts go for slutty women?
I drink more than my healthy share, yet don't consider myself promiscuous in the least. I've been with the same lady for almost 6 years, and never fallen foul of a "dry spell"! (Except that one time where I felt up her sister, but I did have her permission... Ahem.)
The horror
Clearly after 15 partners your cock will crumble into dust. Is the .26 partner Heather Mills?
Since you twisted my arm...
Mines a stella then. :D
On a more serious (not) note, there may be an untouched on reason as to why you get more when you drink more:
What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
-About 6 pints!
<-------Taxi! (reaches for coat)
There is only one explanation...
Everything worthy of serious research is already known.
That leaves researchers no option but to come up with utter bolox (no pun intended.)
Come to think of it, when was the last astonishing discovery / invention / development that led to big changes for mankind ?
I have a research idea !
Thesis;
Do anally retentative nerds need to lighten-up, have a drink and get laid more?
erm ... *how* many?
The article doesn't make clear if that 9.26 figure is per week, per month, per year or per (their) lifetime, up to age 25. Unless it's per week, then all I can say is, "bloody amatuers!"
Back in the 70s (my mid-teens to mid-20s), if I wasn't having sex with at least 6 different people a week, I'd be worrying I was losing my edge.
Of course, it *was* the 70s - Free Love, Make Love Not War and all that. We weren't able to stop war but we had some fun trying. Things have changed, I guess.
average number of partners
The average number of partners for the people in this study was 9.26? Sick drunken psychos!! They're having sex with people having only a .26 of their bodies!!
OK, OK, I'm already at the door...
You mean...
You mean that people that like to have fun and sex and that actually go out and socialize, instead of shunning human contact and staying at home have more sex than their more hermitic counterparts? Wow, who would have thunk it.. (The Paris Hilton angle is obvious btw) In other news, those that aren't manic-depressive are generally happier overall...
Floor
I am now going to state the bleeding obvious, surely the chances of a pregnancy (unintended or otherwise) actually relates more the number of times you have sex rather than the number of partners you've had sex with.
Really?
‘Beer makes people have sex with you’ - well it never worked for me! Perhaps I needed to be drinking more than 8 pints a night?
Please re-read the article...
...after adjusting your correlation<>causation filter. Sadly, all it says is that people who drink heavily also tend to have sex with more people - not that drinking more will get YOU more sex. Sorry to pour cold water on a nice idea...
wow anyone who's ever drank alcohol exhibits 1 symptom
Reading the abstract one of the criteria was exhibiting 1 symptom of the DSM-IV problem drinking. I better get myself to AA as it looks like I've got a problem:
"Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:
* A need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect.
* Markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol."
I thought that was just natural as you get used to the alcohol but obviously not.
Beer Spin
Hmm, so there's a correlation between the amount drunk and the number of partners had, and you choose to interpret that as "drink beer and get laid more". However, couldn't a more likely explanation be a negative correlation between the amount drunk and ability to hold on to a partner? i.e. "drink beer and get dumped more"?
The more interesting story is...
.... what lead to Ash feeling up his missus sister, tell all (unless your other half reads this site that is, I wouldn't want to contribute to short dry spell for ya).
Drinking leads to more rumpy-pumpy
Addendum sorely needed to this stunningly useful study. As all Vulture readers know, the beer glass effect has a real impact on most drinkers, making some go and shag whatever moves. So yes, they probably get more pillow time, but I'd say there's a faire chance they don't remember it well either.
I prefer less quantity with more quality. Remembering is half the fun, after all.
Oi cahnt sooiy ah agrhee <hic>
.. buht it sheems dhat I looshe cant affer threeeh.
<hic>
perspective
From a mans perspective I'd say its not how much you drink that matters, instead how much the ladies around you drink. The corelation probably comes from, the people you surround yourself with will drink a similar amount. Which is not quiet the same.
If I went out to a club and drank as much as I could, I doubt I'd be getting any action :¬)
The exception to this take on it being beer gogles of course :¬)
Good Job!
Great article El Reg my old mate, I think you got the tone spot on on that one. Unfortunately with the undesirable side effect of causing me to genuinely laugh out loud! oops
I'll get the round in
Which way round is it?
Perhaps people are looking at it the wrong way?
It may just be that sex makes you thirsty.
.
.
.
Also, my First Aid instructor told me that a pint of bitter is naturally balanced to replace lost bodily fluids, so there may be a correlation here. [And he was a doctor so it must be true.]
Also, the report doesn't state if the interviews were conducted when the subjects were sober.
After a few pints there may be a tendency to brag.....
......me? 15 pints a night man, me!....Women?....Beating them off with a shitty stick and still half killing myself.........
Hmmm....now what are the chances that the things most young men (and an increasing number of young women, these days) lie about are capacity for drink and sexual prowess?
Were there independant observers to verify the survey claims?
Absolut(tm) bollocks...
I was an alcoholic for three years at three different universities and didn't get laid once...
Posted anonymously...obviously...
Pun?
[In her book The Coming Plague, Laurie Garrett recounts stories by researchers into STD's...]
Pun intended?
@Jamie
"I am now going to state the bleeding obvious, surely the chances of a pregnancy (unintended or otherwise) actually relates more the number of times you have sex rather than the number of partners you've had sex with"
Depends how you do it, my boy...
Alternative explanation
Married people drink less, due to nagging. Married people have less sexual partners.
To Alchohol.....
The cause and solution to all of lifes problems....
Well someone had to!
Risk of Pregnancy?
The main factor that determines the chances of a pregnancy is whether you are a man or a woman.
Errr... coat?
For a real time demonstration of the "Tequila Goggles" effect
check out http://www.whatthefreek.com/tequila/
most enlightening
Homer
Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems :)
"Drinky equals jigjig, say US Profs"
Seriously, who thinks up these URLs?
St. Louis
The city where the research took place happens to also be the world-wide headquarters of the Anheuser-Busch companies, owners of approximately 50% of the US beer market. Coincidence? I think not!*
They didn't mention the gender of the participants, but talk of pregnancy leads me to believe the study boils down to "drunk chicks aren't very discerning about who they screw."
* Yes, I know most readers of El Reg would not consider most Anheuser-Busch products to be beer (neither do I), but for the study participants, Budweiser probably constitutes "the good stuff".
-Chris
Wine, Women & Song
Ah, that blessed Trinity of - Wine, Women & Song... OK forget the song bit - heaven forbid that it should lead to dancing.
Re:There is only one explanation...
Going a bit off topic here but....
"Everything worthy of serious research is already known."
Didnt some one say that at the turn of the 20th centuary? then we had friggin great big mad ass wars... rockets... moon landings (aparently), tin foil... computers... silicon breast implants... macdonalds???????????????????? and El Reg....
Hmm... id be worried if we knew all we would ever know as a species of course.
I want me nuclear powered flying car now please!!!! now God damnit!....
Lower the bar
I know for me, the limit on getting laid is not the number of willing guys, but the number of appealing guys - alcohol would certainly lower the bar there, but... ewwww!
Hmm...
"a standard of 'up to six' sex partners"
Only if that's 6 at the same time, of course!
Hush
I knew when I was drinking beer I was damn near irresistible now I have proof. I warn you though there are were-nasties out there that when you wake turn old and ugly and fat and you must run and not leave your wallet, keys, or watch and they will they will find you at work a grisly fate.
I submit
I submit to you that it is not, in fact, drinking that gets one laid, but rather, being in close proximity to others who are drinking.
In either case, I'm off to the pub.
Your round?
Anyone fancy a pint?http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/coat_32.png
Beer...
...the stuff that keeps you company till the bar closes and you have better company accompanying you home!
Coat, door, rubber(s) ->pub!
Brewer's droop?
So if beer makes you have sex, then Brewer's droop is a myth?
I dunno about others, but it seems real enough to me. No way I can manage sex after a night on the beer.
@Fred
Your wish can be granted, with Beer!
You will need one old, radium-dial, luminous watch, one clapped out Ford Fiesta, some duct tape and a cliff.
Open the bonnet of the Fiesta and duct-tape the watch to the rocker cover. Close the bonnet.
Now, drink *lots* of Beer.
Hey presto, nuclear powered flying car.
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