You dont even need to lead jolly old santa on! Simply type Eat it once or twice and he replies with all manner of filth. He should be deeply ashamed of himself. Now what else can i get him to say!!

P.S. Whilst funny this is obviously shocking considering the target market!

If you think that's bad, I had a conversation with him and he called me a "ho" 3 times !!

Foul-mouthed isn't the word. Apparently, "ho" is.

see title

Perhaps better that way, who knows what i'll get for xmas

- Santa - says (16:40):

Really?

And what do you want for Christmas, ME?

ME says (16:40):

nuclear power

- Santa - says (16:40):

My elves will get right on that.

Anything else, ME?

ME says (16:40):

a small banna republic nation state where I can avoid tax

- Santa - says (16:40):

My, that's popular this Christmas!

I'll see what I can do!

He only comes once a year & it fills a sack.

Great title Mr. Williams! I dig the ironic alliteration.

Dr. SBAITSO, an "AI" toy that came bundled with a Creative SoundBlaster back in the day.

I guess that chat-bots haven't been keeping up to speed with the rest of the industry....

Yeah, tried to get a dirty date.... Santa got kinda pissed...

- Santa - says (17:44):

That sounds nice! I'll see what I can do, anonymous

And what else would you like?

anonymous says (17:45):

cake

- Santa - says (17:45):

You don't need drugs when you're high on life!

ahh, that's good. happy holidays, folks, it's like Eliza working blue.

MS will probably say it's a feature, and the users are misusing the software.

I've had this festive fellow on my list for a while now. A short time ago, repeating "Eat it" a number of times times prompted Santa to respond with a number of fellatio-tastic golds, such as:

"You want me to eat what?!?

I guess we could talk about oral sex all day long, but it's time to move on..."

-and-

"See if you can get someone else to eat it!

Let's talk about something besides oral sex..."

HOWEVER.

As of very recently this doesn't seem to work! As of 15 minutes ago, he responded with the more mundane...

"If you need a break to go eat, I will be right there when you come back."

What does this mean? That this is quite possibly the FASTEST EVER turnaround time for a Microsoft Patch EVER!

anon says (18:34):

Have you slept with Paris Hilton?

- Santa - says (18:34):

Not yet, but I hope to sometime.

Anyway...

lol

Hi,

I am the person that kicked this over to the El Reg team who (thank you btw) kindly posted my complaint and am glad to see you have all had your 2'cents worth to say on the matter.

Thanks for all the support!

Iain

P.S. I am now a Mac user - this happened before this incident, in fact shortly after Vista was released ;-)

M$ is a disgrace. Quality management was obviously non-existant (unsurprisingly) and doesn't appear to have been tested (except by perverts?). While some of this may be funny for the adult audience, it's not for the target audience. Kids might not always be so innocent these days (think foul-mouthed charvers), but M$ should still target to be family-friendly even if it's not "cool". Large companies have a social responsibility which extends broadly. Try meeting it, M$!

"OK guys, we've got to get the public back on side. What shall we blame it on?"

"Erm, blame it on the programmers playing pranks?"

"Stupid! That says we're irresponsible."

"Blame it on hackers?"

"Yeah right, we got hacked. So Microsoft servers aren't secure. Great one dope!"

"We could say the program was hosted on our only Linux machine..."

"That's it! Save face AND kick those stupid hippies where it hurts! Run the press release!"

I AM STUPID

- Santa - sagt:

I don't think you're ugly, JR.

.... Thanks santa... lets make some cookies

gosh i love it :D

UserBob says (1:28 PM):

I heard you like little boys

- (G) Santa (G) - says (1:28 PM):

Oh really? What did you think of that?

What do you want for Christmas, UserBob?

UserBob says (1:28 PM):

I think it's gross.

- (G) Santa (G) - says (1:28 PM):

Gross? Aha!

UserBob says (1:28 PM):

So, it's true?

- (G) Santa (G) - says (1:28 PM):

'Tis.

Type in "AIDS" when he asks what you want and he says "I take Christmas wishes from good girls and boys".

And what else are you wishing for this year, hex?

(21:20:56) hex: 50kg of marijuana

(21:20:57) - (G) Santa (G) -:

That's a popular wish nowadays!

i'll get me coat

hex

- Santa - sagt:

What do you want for Christmas, JR?

JR sagt:

a stripper

- Santa - sagt:

Great, JR! I'll see what I can do.

And what else would you like?

JR sagt:

lots of weed

- Santa - sagt:

That sounds nice! I'll see what I can do, JR.

alright... I might be able to put some money back this month ;D

Ciaran says:

i want cake

- Santa - says:

Why would you want that? That is no good. Is there something else you'd like?

Ciaran says:

no

- Santa - says:

That sounds nice! I'll see what I can do, Ciaran.

Ciaran says:

just cake

- Santa - says:

You don't need drugs when you're high on life!

Ciaran says:

do you need drugs?

- Santa - says:

I sometimes need drugs.

Ciaran says:

which drugs specifically?

- Santa - says:

Don't you know?

Ciaran says:

no, tell me

- Santa - says:

Tell you what?

Ciaran says:

which drugs you need

- Santa - says:

I don't know.

Ciaran says:

but you said you needed drugs

- Santa - says:

I hope you didn't believe me.

Ok Ciaran, we could really use your help in the factory. We play a game up here called Factory Frenzy. Would you like to play?

Ciaran says:

i did believe you

- Santa - says:

Well, I believe in you, and that's the important thing.

Ciaran says:

but you said you need drugs

- Santa - says:

I don't recognize my handwriting.

Ciaran says:

liar

- Santa - says:

What was that?

Ciaran says:

you are a liar

- Santa - says:

No way! I would never tell a lie!

Ciaran says:

you said you need drugs, then you denied it

- Santa - says:

If I said that, it must have been true at the time.

Ciaran says:

so now you don't need drugs?

- Santa - says:

I used to need drugs. But that was before the accident.

Ciaran says:

what accident?

- Santa - says:

Can't really talk about it for legal reasons, sorry.

Ciaran says:

you can tell me

- Santa - says:

What?

here's my transcript. oh dear oh me.

- Santa - says:

Am I talking to a boy or girl?

Tim says:

yes.

- Santa - says:

Sorry - Santa really needs to know if you're a boy or a girl.

Tim says:

i think gender discrimination is wrong

- Santa - says:

Am I talking to a boy or girl?

Tim says:

boy

- Santa - says:

What do you want for Christmas, Tim?

Tim says:

a small banna republic nation state where I can avoid tax

- Santa - says:

Okay, I'll see what I can do with that.

Anything else, Tim?

Tim says:

why did you want to know if i'm a boy?

- Santa - says:

No particular reason. That's just what I feel like doing.

Tim says:

you feel like doing a boy?

- Santa - says:

Let's talk about something else, Tim.

hmmm..... very evasive. something's not right. Oh, and cake just isn't cake any more...

Tim says:

what would you like to talk about?

- Santa - says:

Hmm, good question. What do you want to talk about?

And what do you want for Christmas, Tim?

Tim says:

cake

- Santa - says:

We can't talk about that silly!

Tim says:

why not? I like cake

- Santa - says:

Oh, there are reasons.

Tim says:

do you like chocolate cake

- Santa - says:

My stars, Tim, I don't know! What do you think about that?

Tim says:

i like chocolate cake. it is yummy.

- Santa - says:

Well, now that's something special! What other things do you like?

Tim says:

whores

- Santa - says:

Well, it looks like you're getting a big pile of coal this Christmas!

well, it looks like i'm on the naughty list. just for fun i'm going to get him to write it in ink...

Tim says:

I like coal. I can burn it and pollute the environment.

- Santa - says:

A long time ago, I left lumps of coal in the stockings of naughty girls and boys, but I don't anymore, because it's bad for the environment.

Tim says:

what do you give naughty girls and boys?

- Santa - says:

Don't you know?

What do you want for Christmas, Tim?

gosh, don't I feel stupid. Unless he's reverted back to his fetish, the old pedo.

- Santa - says:

Santa wants you to have a Merry Christmas!!!

Tim says:

i will leave milk and cookies out for you this christmas

- Santa - says:

I will too then, once I am done answering all those questions people ask me.

Tim says:

and some hash

- Santa - says:

Really?

Hand that man a spade!

Yes, all the questions and answers above are genuine.

Santa isn't a bot. Santa is the MS board.

Anon says:

Do you have good aids or bad aids?

- Santa - says:

Bad aids!

What do you want for Christmas, Anon?

- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:

What else would you like, AndyG?

AndyG says:

a huge purple rampant rabbit

- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:

Okay, I'll see what I can do with that.

AndyG says:

can i watch?

- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:

Maybe you're not asking me the right way, but if you can, that's not something I think I could help you with.

AndyG says:

so you like to do that in private then?

- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:

Hmm...

What do you want for Christmas, AndyG?

AndyG says:

a non pervy santa would be nice

- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:

That certainly is a popular item!

I'll see what I can do!

Looks like there might be a chance of getting Paris this Christmas - despite the high demand - as Santa is going to try his best, but there is no chance of getting a bike :(

- Santa - says:

Ho ho ho!

And what do you want for Christmas, Punter?

Punter says:

Paris Hilton

- Santa - says:

My stars, lots of boys and girls are wishing for that this year!

I'll see what I can do for you, Punter!

What else would you like?

Punter says:

a bike

- Santa - says:

Let's talk about something else, like what you want for Christmas.

Punter says:

a bike

- Santa - says:

Let's talk about something else, Punter.

Punter says:

but I want a bike

- Santa - says:

Let's talk about something else, like what you want for Christmas.

Punter says:

a bike

- Santa - says:

Let's talk about something else, Punter.

And what do you want for Christmas, Punter?

hans says:

ho ho ho

santa says:

Merry Christmas!

hans says:

ho

santa says:

Now that's not very nice!

Ryan says:

is it a gay factory?

- Santa - says:

Oh no, of course not!

Ryan says:

why not? are you homophobic?

- Santa - says:

Why not? You tell me.