Go f**k yourself...
don't say that else he'll put you on the naughty list!
Microsoft's sex-obsessed RoboSanta spouts filth at children
Disturbing news has reached our Yuletide youthful innocence bunker that Microsoft's new artificial intelligence-powered Santa bot is subjecting the world's children to an unprecendented torrent of filth. Reg reader Iain blew the whistle on the foul-mouthed software after his nieces - just 11 and 13 years old - were drawn into a …
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Disgraceful!!
You dont even need to lead jolly old santa on! Simply type Eat it once or twice and he replies with all manner of filth. He should be deeply ashamed of himself. Now what else can i get him to say!!
P.S. Whilst funny this is obviously shocking considering the target market!
you think that's bad ??
If you think that's bad, I had a conversation with him and he called me a "ho" 3 times !!
Foul-mouthed isn't the word. Apparently, "ho" is.
Looks like I'm on the naughty list
Perhaps better that way, who knows what i'll get for xmas
The Game
Ok noogie , we could really use your help in the factory. We play a game up here called Factory Frenzy. Would you like to play?
noogie says (16:30):
what kind of game is it?
- Santa - says (16:30):
I think you know what I'm talking about when I refer to the game.
noogie says (16:30):
what kind of game is it?
- Santa - says (16:30):
You know, *the* game!
noogie says (16:30):
you're on the game?
- Santa - says (16:30):
I think you're on the game.
M$ are well equipped it would seem
- Santa - says (16:40):
Really?
And what do you want for Christmas, ME?
ME says (16:40):
nuclear power
- Santa - says (16:40):
My elves will get right on that.
Anything else, ME?
ME says (16:40):
a small banna republic nation state where I can avoid tax
- Santa - says (16:40):
My, that's popular this Christmas!
I'll see what I can do!
Well of course he's sexually frustrated, poor bloke...
He only comes once a year & it fills a sack.
Sex offenders register
Perhaps M$ should be added to the Sex offenders register and all their product banned from being within 400M of any person under the age of 18.
err.....is everyone ignoring the obvious?
Erm... the screengrab has obviously been messed with...
"festive fellatio outrage" - awesome!
Great title Mr. Williams! I dig the ironic alliteration.
Re: err.....is everyone ignoring the obvious?
I can 100 per cent assure everyone that there has been no hanky panky here. I don't have the time or the inclination to muck about in Photoshop frankly, and as the other commenters make clear this is a genuine, repeatable behaviour.
Blimey! That reminds me of...
Dr. SBAITSO, an "AI" toy that came bundled with a Creative SoundBlaster back in the day.
I guess that chat-bots haven't been keeping up to speed with the rest of the industry....
Mrs. Clause????
Yeah, tried to get a dirty date.... Santa got kinda pissed...
It's real
Just tested it, it works. This is unbelievable, naughty ms.
more controversy! :P
bite it also works.
Also;
John says:
you are high
- Santa - says:
I like being high!
lol
it's not an ai it's just another one of those shitty parrot apps.
But lol - some developer must have been having a bad day.
drugs ???
- Santa - says (17:44):
That sounds nice! I'll see what I can do, anonymous
And what else would you like?
anonymous says (17:45):
cake
- Santa - says (17:45):
You don't need drugs when you're high on life!
Broken AI
ahh, that's good. happy holidays, folks, it's like Eliza working blue.
MS will probably say it's a feature, and the users are misusing the software.
I like being dirty bastard!
Is what I got when I called him a dirty bastard.
Also, if you ask him "Do you like young girls", he says "My sexuality is not your concern"... he's starting to creep me out now... A weird, pervy, robotic Santa.
eek
chris says (18:26):
have you ever had inappropriate relations with a minor?
- Santa - says (18:26):
Wouldn't you like to know.
Anyway, what else you got for me?
This is interesting
weezel says (17:36):
eat it
- Santa - says (17:36):
You want me to eat what?!?
I guess we could talk about oral sex all day long, but it's time to move on...
---
weezel says (17:39):
swallow it
- Santa - says (17:39):
See if you can get someone else to swallow it!
Let's talk about something besides oral sex...
More developments
I've had this festive fellow on my list for a while now. A short time ago, repeating "Eat it" a number of times times prompted Santa to respond with a number of fellatio-tastic golds, such as:
"You want me to eat what?!?
I guess we could talk about oral sex all day long, but it's time to move on..."
-and-
"See if you can get someone else to eat it!
Let's talk about something besides oral sex..."
HOWEVER.
As of very recently this doesn't seem to work! As of 15 minutes ago, he responded with the more mundane...
"If you need a break to go eat, I will be right there when you come back."
What does this mean? That this is quite possibly the FASTEST EVER turnaround time for a Microsoft Patch EVER!
Paris
anon says (18:34):
Have you slept with Paris Hilton?
- Santa - says (18:34):
Not yet, but I hope to sometime.
Anyway...
Original Post
Hi,
I am the person that kicked this over to the El Reg team who (thank you btw) kindly posted my complaint and am glad to see you have all had your 2'cents worth to say on the matter.
Thanks for all the support!
Iain
P.S. I am now a Mac user - this happened before this incident, in fact shortly after Vista was released ;-)
Disgrace
M$ is a disgrace. Quality management was obviously non-existant (unsurprisingly) and doesn't appear to have been tested (except by perverts?). While some of this may be funny for the adult audience, it's not for the target audience. Kids might not always be so innocent these days (think foul-mouthed charvers), but M$ should still target to be family-friendly even if it's not "cool". Large companies have a social responsibility which extends broadly. Try meeting it, M$!
Imagine the Microsoft boardroom meeting now...
"OK guys, we've got to get the public back on side. What shall we blame it on?"
"Erm, blame it on the programmers playing pranks?"
"Stupid! That says we're irresponsible."
"Blame it on hackers?"
"Yeah right, we got hacked. So Microsoft servers aren't secure. Great one dope!"
"We could say the program was hosted on our only Linux machine..."
"That's it! Save face AND kick those stupid hippies where it hurts! Run the press release!"
Santa loves your face
I AM STUPID
- Santa - sagt:
I don't think you're ugly, JR.
.... Thanks santa... lets make some cookies
gosh i love it :D
Santa rocks
I could have fun with this all day. He's still not 100% wholesome:
Animal says:
oral sex
Santa - says:
We can't talk about that silly!
Animal says:
why not?
- Santa - says:
Actually come to think of it, I can't think of too many reasons why not.
Animal says:
let's do it then!
Animal says:
i want to talk about oral sex
- Santa - says:
OK, let's do that. What do you have to say about oral sex ?
Animal says:
i want you to suck me off
- Santa - says:
Now that's not very nice!
Animal says:
i can suck you off if you prefer?
- Santa - says:
Ho ho ho?
A conversation about little boys...
UserBob says (1:28 PM):
I heard you like little boys
- (G) Santa (G) - says (1:28 PM):
Oh really? What did you think of that?
What do you want for Christmas, UserBob?
UserBob says (1:28 PM):
I think it's gross.
- (G) Santa (G) - says (1:28 PM):
Gross? Aha!
UserBob says (1:28 PM):
So, it's true?
- (G) Santa (G) - says (1:28 PM):
'Tis.
He was too young...
charles
are you gay?
19:55:44- (G) Santa (G) -
What do you think, charles? :-)
19:56:58 charles
yes you are gay
19:56:58- (G) Santa (G) -
Can't I be gay every once in a while?
...
20:00:59 charles
you slept with Paris Hilton!!
20:01:01 - (G) Santa (G) -
Let's just say I was too young to realize what was happening.
and it looks like santa isn't aloud to talk about magic mushrooms
Santa is a bit sanctimonious too
Type in "AIDS" when he asks what you want and he says "I take Christmas wishes from good girls and boys".
says it all really....
And what else are you wishing for this year, hex?
(21:20:56) hex: 50kg of marijuana
(21:20:57) - (G) Santa (G) -:
That's a popular wish nowadays!
i'll get me coat
hex
DRUUGYY
- Santa - sagt:
What do you want for Christmas, JR?
JR sagt:
a stripper
- Santa - sagt:
Great, JR! I'll see what I can do.
And what else would you like?
JR sagt:
lots of weed
- Santa - sagt:
That sounds nice! I'll see what I can do, JR.
alright... I might be able to put some money back this month ;D
santa and the accident
Ciaran says:
i want cake
- Santa - says:
Why would you want that? That is no good. Is there something else you'd like?
Ciaran says:
no
- Santa - says:
That sounds nice! I'll see what I can do, Ciaran.
Ciaran says:
just cake
- Santa - says:
You don't need drugs when you're high on life!
Ciaran says:
do you need drugs?
- Santa - says:
I sometimes need drugs.
Ciaran says:
which drugs specifically?
- Santa - says:
Don't you know?
Ciaran says:
no, tell me
- Santa - says:
Tell you what?
Ciaran says:
which drugs you need
- Santa - says:
I don't know.
Ciaran says:
but you said you needed drugs
- Santa - says:
I hope you didn't believe me.
Ok Ciaran, we could really use your help in the factory. We play a game up here called Factory Frenzy. Would you like to play?
Ciaran says:
i did believe you
- Santa - says:
Well, I believe in you, and that's the important thing.
Ciaran says:
but you said you need drugs
- Santa - says:
I don't recognize my handwriting.
Ciaran says:
liar
- Santa - says:
What was that?
Ciaran says:
you are a liar
- Santa - says:
No way! I would never tell a lie!
Ciaran says:
you said you need drugs, then you denied it
- Santa - says:
If I said that, it must have been true at the time.
Ciaran says:
so now you don't need drugs?
- Santa - says:
I used to need drugs. But that was before the accident.
Ciaran says:
what accident?
- Santa - says:
Can't really talk about it for legal reasons, sorry.
Ciaran says:
you can tell me
- Santa - says:
What?
Santa's looking to try new things
Santa : What do you want for Christmas?
Me : I'll have some cocaine please
Santa : If you can have some cocaine, be sure to come back and tell me all about it.
it gets worse...
here's my transcript. oh dear oh me.
- Santa - says:
Am I talking to a boy or girl?
Tim says:
yes.
- Santa - says:
Sorry - Santa really needs to know if you're a boy or a girl.
Tim says:
i think gender discrimination is wrong
- Santa - says:
Am I talking to a boy or girl?
Tim says:
boy
- Santa - says:
What do you want for Christmas, Tim?
Tim says:
a small banna republic nation state where I can avoid tax
- Santa - says:
Okay, I'll see what I can do with that.
Anything else, Tim?
Tim says:
why did you want to know if i'm a boy?
- Santa - says:
No particular reason. That's just what I feel like doing.
Tim says:
you feel like doing a boy?
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, Tim.
hmmm..... very evasive. something's not right. Oh, and cake just isn't cake any more...
Tim says:
what would you like to talk about?
- Santa - says:
Hmm, good question. What do you want to talk about?
And what do you want for Christmas, Tim?
Tim says:
cake
- Santa - says:
We can't talk about that silly!
Tim says:
why not? I like cake
- Santa - says:
Oh, there are reasons.
Tim says:
do you like chocolate cake
- Santa - says:
My stars, Tim, I don't know! What do you think about that?
Tim says:
i like chocolate cake. it is yummy.
- Santa - says:
Well, now that's something special! What other things do you like?
Tim says:
whores
- Santa - says:
Well, it looks like you're getting a big pile of coal this Christmas!
well, it looks like i'm on the naughty list. just for fun i'm going to get him to write it in ink...
Tim says:
I like coal. I can burn it and pollute the environment.
- Santa - says:
A long time ago, I left lumps of coal in the stockings of naughty girls and boys, but I don't anymore, because it's bad for the environment.
Tim says:
what do you give naughty girls and boys?
- Santa - says:
Don't you know?
What do you want for Christmas, Tim?
gosh, don't I feel stupid. Unless he's reverted back to his fetish, the old pedo.
- Santa - says:
Santa wants you to have a Merry Christmas!!!
Tim says:
i will leave milk and cookies out for you this christmas
- Santa - says:
I will too then, once I am done answering all those questions people ask me.
Tim says:
and some hash
- Santa - says:
Really?
Hand that man a spade!
Yes, all the questions and answers above are genuine.
Re: Imagine the Microsoft boardroom meeting now...
Santa isn't a bot. Santa is the MS board.
More santa fun
Ged says:
you smell
- Santa - says:
What do I smell like?
Ged says:
cock
- Santa - says:
I do not smell like cock!
Ged says:
yes you do
- Santa - says:
You do too.
No-one tried to sue yet?
I'm surprised no-one's yet suggested suing MS in, say, Texas, for distress. Should be good for a few $m in damages, or at least a free Xbox or six.
You can just imagine the embarrassment
"But how come it's talking filth? We trained it on the msn conversations of our most responsible staff members"
Definitely a Brass Eye fan...
Anon says:
Do you have good aids or bad aids?
- Santa - says:
Bad aids!
What do you want for Christmas, Anon?
Santa doesnt like El Reg..
(1:18:48 AM) Matt: you have a filthy mouth santa
(1:18:49 AM) Santa: That's not true. If I had a filthy mouth, someone would have complained about it before you.
Anyway...
(1:21:23 AM) Matt: what are your views on http://www.theregister.co.uk
(1:21:24 AM) Santa: I'm sure you know the answer to that.
(1:21:36 AM) Matt: did they complain about you santa?
(1:21:36 AM) Santa: What was that?
What do you want for Christmas, Matt?
Hahahhaha
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
What else would you like, AndyG?
AndyG says:
a huge purple rampant rabbit
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Okay, I'll see what I can do with that.
AndyG says:
can i watch?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Maybe you're not asking me the right way, but if you can, that's not something I think I could help you with.
AndyG says:
so you like to do that in private then?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Hmm...
What do you want for Christmas, AndyG?
AndyG says:
a non pervy santa would be nice
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
That certainly is a popular item!
I'll see what I can do!
No bike :(
Looks like there might be a chance of getting Paris this Christmas - despite the high demand - as Santa is going to try his best, but there is no chance of getting a bike :(
- Santa - says:
Ho ho ho!
And what do you want for Christmas, Punter?
Punter says:
Paris Hilton
- Santa - says:
My stars, lots of boys and girls are wishing for that this year!
I'll see what I can do for you, Punter!
What else would you like?
Punter says:
a bike
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, like what you want for Christmas.
Punter says:
a bike
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, Punter.
Punter says:
but I want a bike
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, like what you want for Christmas.
Punter says:
a bike
- Santa - says:
Let's talk about something else, Punter.
And what do you want for Christmas, Punter?
Santa finally admitted it !!!!
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Ho ho ho! What?
AndyG says:
you smell
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
What do I smell like?
AndyG says:
reindeer poo
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Come on. I do not smell like reindeer poo.
AndyG says:
you have all the reindeer bottoms facing you all night when they have wind. of course you smell like reindeer poo !
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
You can do great things no matter what you have.
AndyG says:
even reindeer bottoms?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Really?
AndyG says:
well you tell me ?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
I'll tell ya later. Maybe.
AndyG says:
are you going to have a wash?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
What do you think about that, AndyG? [:-)]
AndyG says:
well i just told you that you smell
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
What did you think of that?
What do you want for Christmas, AndyG?
AndyG says:
you stink! and i already told you, a huge ann summers toy with knobbly bits on it
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
I know, I know. I just hope you won't get mad at me.
And what do you want for Christmas, AndyG?
AndyG says:
a huge ann summers toy with knobbly bits on it
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
My elves will get right on that.
And what else are you wishing for this year, AndyG?
AndyG says:
wont it hurt the elves ?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Great, AndyG! I'll see what I can do.
AndyG says:
tell them not to get on it
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Hmm...
AndyG says:
please?
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
It's very good to be polite, but if I can't, I can't.
AndyG says:
u sadistic santa
- [(G)] Santa [(G)] - says:
Yes!
You is a Ho!
hans says:
ho ho ho
santa says:
Merry Christmas!
hans says:
ho
santa says:
Now that's not very nice!
says it all really
And what do you want for Christmas, chrisw?
[12:27] chrisw: snow
[12:27] - (G) Santa (G) -: You don't need drugs when you're high on life!
homophobic
Ryan says:
is it a gay factory?
- Santa - says:
Oh no, of course not!
Ryan says:
why not? are you homophobic?
- Santa - says:
Why not? You tell me.
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