How about...
"We're shit and we know you know that we know we are but how about you buy stuff anyway?"
Seems to have worked out pretty well for them so far...
Microsoft is touting $300m in advertising pork to the shiny suits of Madison Avenue in return for a smart way to pimp its lacklustre web services. "They are trying to make Windows cool, relevant and internet-centric," one contender agency is reported as saying in the New York Post. "They don't want to be seen as a stodgy …
Microsoft Live...
[a] We're not dead yet! (a la Python)
[b] Not as bad as you heard.
[c] Quite useable, really.
[d] A compelling solution for...forrr...ummm...
[e] Like almost using Office!
[f] You have to admire our nerve for pushing this stuff...
[g] Exciting product with a name more accurate than "Works".
[h] We take your money more slowly (giant sucking noise now a pinhole leak).
"Windows Live Services - now the Internet can be just as f***ed up as your PC."
or
"Windows Live Services - trying to flog the pointless to the clueless."
or
"Windows Live Services - finding innovative new ways to miss the Internet boat all over again."
or
"Windows Live Services - all your shit are belong to us."
or
"Windows Live Services - too incompetent to do any evil."
or I'll get me coat shall I?
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Don't brand it MSN. Windows or Microsoft
Cut the bloat, make it simple and user friendly.
Don't overload it with adverts.
Use a clean simple look, concentrate on the features and making things easy to use, not how it looks or use it as a technology testing ground (ie. Passport).
Don't spam users or disable the ability for them to mark your irrelevant news as junk.
Yoof version:
Microsoft Live Services - It sort of, y'know, "does stuff"
What PR thinks is yoof:
Microsoft Live Services - How Cool is That?[TM]
Realistic version:
Microsoft Live Services - Like Google, but from Microsoft!
My opinion version:
Microsoft Live Services - Who gives a shit!
I tried looking at live.com (a near rip-off of google.com), and was told I could install Windows live on my machine. Great. I've got a mac. Let's see how far you can go with this one.
Select files, otherwise agree to everything under the sun, and you can download the file. Clever Microsoft. Install windows live messenger etc. on a mac via a windows download?
No browser checking. shame on them. Wait, this is microsoft who thinks windows rules the world...? never mind...
Windows Live Search - the unspeakable in pursuit of the unreadable.
Windows Live - Swindle, I vow.
Windows Live - we paid $300m for this shit so you'd better visit us... or we'll /cry/.
Windows Live - not just for Bill Gates' mother anymore!
Windows Live - you know that pointless dungheap you get inexplicably dumped to when you log out of Hotmail? That's us.
Windows Live - do no evil. Hey, Google gets away with it, and we don't even spend our spare time merrily throwing Chinese journalists to cattle-prod wielding Thought Police.
Should have called it something catchy and hidden the branding like find.com, iwant.com or gimmie.com
then the video marketing campaign of a man in front of a screen with the site open, cursor blinking in the search box.
thinking of all the possibilities the web has to offer he finally types ... 'porn'
his little face lights up as the results come back and the tag line reads
'we know what you really want today'
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Windows Live - it's what your PC has been waiting for.
(Literally.. ever since we installed a sneaky trojan on your machine during a Windows Update last year, a clock has been ticking. We = teh sneakeh)
Windows Live - Get it before we install it on your machine anyway as an upgrade.
Windows Live - now with added Facebook.
Windows Live - how do you use yours?
Windows Live - better than Windows Dead.
Windows Live - we spent $300m advertising this, ogle the models and buy into the spin or the next $300m we spend might have to go on actually producing a decent product.
"Windows Live. It's crap, you don't want it, but it's bundled with the O/S and YOU CAN'T TURN IT OFF!!!!! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"
"Windows Live. We didn't really want to make this, but Intel give us a shed-load of cash to come up with things to sell faster CPUs."
"The Internet. Some people think it could be safer. Some people think it could be better presented. Some people think that it could be easier to find what you want. We agree. But we only had fourpence and twentyfive minutes to spare. Windows Live."
Dear My good friend,
My name is Mr B Gates. The sum of $300000000 (Three Hundred Million Dollars) has come in to my posetion. I am wishing to move this out of the country. Due to our banking laws I am unable to do this myself. All you must do to gain a share of this money is use Windows live for 1 (One) week.
Regards
Mr B Gates
Having thought about it I think most people would trust the boys from Nigiria.
Windows Live - Sucks slightly less than Vista!
Windows Live - You want to go *WHERE* today?!!?
Windows Live - Click here to add the Brooklyn Bridge to your shopping cart.
Windows Live - BWAAA-HAA-HAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Windows Live - We've also got some land in Florida that's above mean sea-level!
Windows Live - "Live"... Ye-e-e-a-a-a-h-h-h... "Live"... That's the ticket... (Note: Get Jon Lovitz to voice this one.)
Windows Live - Because we know that you'll buy anything!
Windows Live - I'm Ming the Merciless, and I approve this message.
Resistance is futile, you WILL be assimilated (Win XP and 2000 only. Vista support soon(ish). Win 98 not supported. iMicrosoft iLive ifor iMac iavailable ivia iTunes. *nix version carefully compiled to cause kernel panic in 100% of *nix and Linux variants.)
No warranty supplied or implied. Unauthorised copying will result in demonic possession of your children (Effects of this are not apparent in teenagers)
Windows Live - Why?
Windows Live - Don't even think of visiting using Linux
Windows Live - When we suck, you suck too.
Windows Live - The world is not enough.
Windows Live - Assimilate and extend.
Windows Live - We are not a commodity.
Windows Live - Better dead than Windows.
Windows Live - You'll wish you were dead.
Windows Live - You'll wish M$ was dead.
Windows Live - Spam, not content.
Windows Live - Only one ActiveX plugin away...
Windows Live - Where clear thinkers dare to tread.
Windows Live - A World of Pain.
Windows Live - Abandon all hope.
Windows Live - When someone sends you a message you can view it without having to install some stupid application to your page first, allowing third parties access to your private data, which you can't delete
Windows Live - Might look boring but it does work
Windows Live - Hey at least it's not Apple
Windows Live - We only use your information internally unlike other services we could mention
Windows Live - Be Different, everyones on those other sites
Windows Live - No ones ever been invited to be turned into a zombie on live
Windows Live - Unless your a Mac user, you'll find the apps / interface really easy to use, if you are a Mac user look over there, it's shiney, look at it sparkle, pretty
Windows Live - Has anyone actually tried using it?
Windows Live - Allows grandma to see photos of their grandchildren
Windows Live - For people with real friends who don't need to have 200+ fake online pals to play with
Windows Live - It's like Radio 2, all the services you used to get from that trendy Radio 1 place, but for grown ups