Well known
Its well known that the argos site only searches on the first 4 letters of any search term...
Need a new set of b*llocks? Try Argos
Those among you looking for a new set of bollocks this Xmas are directed forthwith to Argos, which seems to be the UK's leading 'nad retailer: Argos screen grab showing 798 results for bollocks search Crikey, that's a right load of bollocks and no messing. Argos also does a nice line in crap kids' furniture, or why not try …
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4 letters
Interestingly you get different responses for boll, bollo and bollocks so the first 4 letters theory seems inaccurate.
It's not just the bollocks..
a search for 'crap products' returns 6 results; 3 of which are listed under "customer service".
I'm surprised at this from Argos
If this was the Ikea website I wouldn't be, though. After all, I think they probably have an end-table named Crap, a free-standing lamp called Shite and most likely a very nice shelving unit with the charming monicker of Poop.
Bedroom Furniture
Obviously thats the department we're looking for :)
Lovely Jubbly
A nice bit of marketing and lots of fun for the family on rainy days.
Don't forget...
the 14 day money back guarantee if your new bollocks fail to satisfy.
Hours of fun...
Try doing the same on Autotrader.co.uk with the More Search Options -> Keywords
They do more bollocks that quality
798 bollocks and only 97 quality!
http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&searchTerms=bollocks&x=0&y=0
http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&searchTerms=quality&x=0&y=0
4 letters eh?
Obviously they have a lot of Shit then...... A poor substitute for Shite I know but they're definately well stocked.
I feel very out of the loop as I was completely unaware how Argos' search worked.
strangely
they don't have any useless tat, or just plain tat for sale
Paris Hilton
I did a search for Paris Hilton but it actually returned a real result with a bottle of Paris' perfume.
@Tony
IKEA do indeed have some...interesting names. I used to work there, and would grin at the "Kolon" floor mats or the "Fartfull," which I believe was a computer desk. Was always good fun trying to figure out what they'd come up with next, but there is in fact a method behind it. Different categories of item are given different types of name. For example, all desks are bloke's names, IIRC.
Ikea..
"If this was the Ikea website I wouldn't be, though. After all, I think they probably have an end-table named Crap, a free-standing lamp called Shite and most likely a very nice shelving unit with the charming monicker of Poop."
Wouldn't suprise me. I saw a shower curtain in there with the name "fuktar"
yep... shite it is.
4 results under customer services for shite. In this worls of outsourcing, lies and statistics, at least they're honest about it!
type "minge" and your get a threesome...
...The Color Institute Menage A Trois
No arsehole?
A search for arsehole and asshole both returned no results. Explains why it's full of shite really.
Interestingly a search for "chav jewellery" returns no results either, which is a surprise as I thought that was all the jewellery they sold...
Chav Search
Given that only a chav would buy from Argos (Elizabeth Duke - need I say more?),
Argos are obviously smart enought to realise that chav's can't spell, which is why it's doing some sort of mangling of the search, stripping out vowels, S and double letters.
For instance:
C*nt -> cnt -> matches count
Minge -> mng -> Menage (but not Minogue, or Hilton)
Bollocks -> blck -> Block
It's funny, but they're just catering for their customer base.
@Greg
"For example, all desks are bloke's names, IIRC"
""Fartfull," which I believe was a computer desk"
ROTFLMAO!!!
Never mind the Bollocks...
...there's no Sex Pistols!
- Sorry, we didn't find a result for SEX PISTOLS
Re: No arsehole?
You have to search for 'assholes', plural.
Extra IT Angle
A search for 'naff' just brings up their complete Sat Nav offerings. Remember - spelling and pronunciation probably aren't the strong point of Argos' customers so it's probaly just some phonetic based search system basesd on traditional rhyming chav as in 'oi - av u nicked a sat naff yet?"
If their search facility hadn't crawled to a near halt this lunchtime (for some inexplicable reason) I'd probably research this some more ...
Dave
I bought a laptop table for my old job from ikea (dont ask why) and it was called Dave....Dave made me happy, I built him and then tried to adjust his height using his little black knob! But to my horror I broke it off. I felt very bad for a good while...Dave now no longer has his little black knob :(
DAMN YOUR SHODDY CRAFTSMANSHIP IKEA *sniffs*
But still no WMDs -- what a relief!
I did the most important search of all:
http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&searchTerms=weapons+of+mass+destruction&x=0&y=0
Looking for weapons of mass destruction? Try Tesco :D
http://direct.tesco.com/search/default.aspx?search=weapons+of+mass+destruction&confirm.x=0&confirm.y=0
:D
Plenty of 'guff' and 'toss' too, but...
..strangely no 'tat' (which is what Elizabeth Duke actually specialises in).
And...
They seem to do a good line in 'crap computers'.
They also reinforce my personal opinion of the Nintendo DS, as it presents me with two of them when I search for 'toss'.
Shame
I just tried to reserve some bollocks but they don't seem to have them any more. Fortunately they still have seven spare assholes though.
doggie bollocks ...
... are at http://www.neuticles.com Apparently too many dogs suffer staggering blows (heh) to their self- esteem after getting neutered, and it's nice to see corporate Amurka rise up to get a grip on the matter.
@Jason Aspinall
That search gave me a Jack Sparrow figure. Didn't know that Pirates are classified as WMD's!
Arrr matey!!
Not at all surprised
Since I have bought all sorts of bollocks at Argos over the years.
Argos ends sillyness
I just went to their website and searched for;
Bollocks
Utter shite
Toe jam
Winnet
Belly button fluff
No results were found for those, but I still got results for crap kids furniture
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