Back to the articleWell known #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 10:19 GMT
Its well known that the argos site only searches on the first 4 letters of any search term...
Need a new set of b*llocks? Try Argos
4 letters #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:05 GMT
Interestingly you get different responses for boll, bollo and bollocks so the first 4 letters theory seems inaccurate.
It's not just the bollocks.. #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:05 GMT
a search for 'crap products' returns 6 results; 3 of which are listed under "customer service".
I'm surprised at this from Argos #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:06 GMT
If this was the Ikea website I wouldn't be, though. After all, I think they probably have an end-table named Crap, a free-standing lamp called Shite and most likely a very nice shelving unit with the charming monicker of Poop.
Bedroom Furniture #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:06 GMT
Obviously thats the department we're looking for :)
Lovely Jubbly #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:06 GMT
A nice bit of marketing and lots of fun for the family on rainy days.
Don't forget... #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:06 GMT
the 14 day money back guarantee if your new bollocks fail to satisfy.
Hours of fun... #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:07 GMT
Try doing the same on Autotrader.co.uk with the More Search Options -> Keywords
They do more bollocks that quality #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:07 GMT
798 bollocks and only 97 quality!
http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&searchTerms=bollocks&x=0&y=0
http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&searchTerms=quality&x=0&y=0
4 letters eh? #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:07 GMT
Obviously they have a lot of Shit then...... A poor substitute for Shite I know but they're definately well stocked.
I feel very out of the loop as I was completely unaware how Argos' search worked.
strangely #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:07 GMT
they don't have any useless tat, or just plain tat for sale
Paris Hilton #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:37 GMT
I did a search for Paris Hilton but it actually returned a real result with a bottle of Paris' perfume.
@Tony #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:40 GMT
IKEA do indeed have some...interesting names. I used to work there, and would grin at the "Kolon" floor mats or the "Fartfull," which I believe was a computer desk. Was always good fun trying to figure out what they'd come up with next, but there is in fact a method behind it. Different categories of item are given different types of name. For example, all desks are bloke's names, IIRC.
Ikea.. #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:40 GMT
"If this was the Ikea website I wouldn't be, though. After all, I think they probably have an end-table named Crap, a free-standing lamp called Shite and most likely a very nice shelving unit with the charming monicker of Poop."
Wouldn't suprise me. I saw a shower curtain in there with the name "fuktar"
yep... shite it is. #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 11:47 GMT
4 results under customer services for shite. In this worls of outsourcing, lies and statistics, at least they're honest about it!
type "minge" and your get a threesome... #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 12:16 GMT
...The Color Institute Menage A Trois
No arsehole? #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 12:31 GMT
A search for arsehole and asshole both returned no results. Explains why it's full of shite really.
Interestingly a search for "chav jewellery" returns no results either, which is a surprise as I thought that was all the jewellery they sold...
Chav Search #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 13:28 GMT
Given that only a chav would buy from Argos (Elizabeth Duke - need I say more?),
Argos are obviously smart enought to realise that chav's can't spell, which is why it's doing some sort of mangling of the search, stripping out vowels, S and double letters.
For instance:
C*nt -> cnt -> matches count
Minge -> mng -> Menage (but not Minogue, or Hilton)
Bollocks -> blck -> Block
It's funny, but they're just catering for their customer base.
@Greg #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 13:28 GMT
"For example, all desks are bloke's names, IIRC"
""Fartfull," which I believe was a computer desk"
ROTFLMAO!!!
Never mind the Bollocks... #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 13:28 GMT
...there's no Sex Pistols!
- Sorry, we didn't find a result for SEX PISTOLS
Re: No arsehole? #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 13:28 GMT
You have to search for 'assholes', plural.
Extra IT Angle #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 13:45 GMT
A search for 'naff' just brings up their complete Sat Nav offerings. Remember - spelling and pronunciation probably aren't the strong point of Argos' customers so it's probaly just some phonetic based search system basesd on traditional rhyming chav as in 'oi - av u nicked a sat naff yet?"
If their search facility hadn't crawled to a near halt this lunchtime (for some inexplicable reason) I'd probably research this some more ...
Dave #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 13:45 GMT
I bought a laptop table for my old job from ikea (dont ask why) and it was called Dave....Dave made me happy, I built him and then tried to adjust his height using his little black knob! But to my horror I broke it off. I felt very bad for a good while...Dave now no longer has his little black knob :(
DAMN YOUR SHODDY CRAFTSMANSHIP IKEA *sniffs*
But still no WMDs -- what a relief! #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 15:56 GMT
I did the most important search of all:
http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&searchTerms=weapons+of+mass+destruction&x=0&y=0
Looking for weapons of mass destruction? Try Tesco :D #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 16:25 GMT
http://direct.tesco.com/search/default.aspx?search=weapons+of+mass+destruction&confirm.x=0&confirm.y=0
:D
Plenty of 'guff' and 'toss' too, but... #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 16:53 GMT
..strangely no 'tat' (which is what Elizabeth Duke actually specialises in).
And... #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 17:43 GMT
They seem to do a good line in 'crap computers'.
They also reinforce my personal opinion of the Nintendo DS, as it presents me with two of them when I search for 'toss'.
Shame #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 19:09 GMT
I just tried to reserve some bollocks but they don't seem to have them any more. Fortunately they still have seven spare assholes though.
doggie bollocks ... #
Posted Thursday 22nd November 2007 19:55 GMT
... are at http://www.neuticles.com Apparently too many dogs suffer staggering blows (heh) to their self- esteem after getting neutered, and it's nice to see corporate Amurka rise up to get a grip on the matter.
@Jason Aspinall #
Posted Friday 23rd November 2007 05:53 GMT
That search gave me a Jack Sparrow figure. Didn't know that Pirates are classified as WMD's!
Arrr matey!!
Not at all surprised #
Posted Friday 23rd November 2007 09:06 GMT
Since I have bought all sorts of bollocks at Argos over the years.
Argos ends sillyness #
Posted Friday 23rd November 2007 13:04 GMT
I just went to their website and searched for;
Bollocks
Utter shite
Toe jam
Winnet
Belly button fluff
No results were found for those, but I still got results for crap kids furniture
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