El Reg is really Fark in disguise, I've worked it out AICMFP

...what should Santa say if, in best Xmas tradition, three prostitutues turn up?

Thats the Green Giant screwed then...

..although why anyone wants to eat sweetcorn is beyond me.

Now if they were to say "Ho, Ho, Mo' Fo' Ho' " Then yes, offensive.

Also if they were to laugh in a Christopher Lee, Hammer Horror - esque ... MwaHaHaHa. Then lots of extra laundry needed for the little chilblains.

It's a sad state we live in where causing offence is considered such a crime that even possible misinterpretations.are feared and become newsworthy.

Bah Humbug !

(I meant that in a totally inclusive, non-threatening, equal opportunities, easy access, respectful of your beliefs way, of course)

I always thought that Santas summer job was as the Green Giant. The 'Ho Ho Ho' gave it away for me! In Winter, he gives out presents. In Summer, he picks corn.

Santa should be banned anyway. Grown up men bouncing little children up and down on their lap and giving them presents, promising more presents when they 'break in' to their house on Christmas Eve. Too dodgy for me. Ban them!

--- Grump old sod

The Wizard of Oz doesn't quite work with

Ha Ha Ha, lady of negotiable affection,lady of negotiable affection,lady of negotiable affection and a couple of tra la la's

Coat, door as per rule 8

You mean there are FAKE santas in the shop grottoes!!!

I always thought there was only one Santa and he had to do some kind of magic to be all over the place at the same time.

Please tell me it's not so...

(remainder of headline removed to prevent plagiarism lawsuit from Daily Mail).

Shoot them and burn the bodies, using the Lighthouse Family as kindling.

Bearing gifts we traverse afar

Looks like B&Q will be changing the name of some of their stock soon to.

Even out your garden with our premium ha.

What are hoes used for anyway? I don't have a garden, so it's mere curiosity...

Can't they just ban the yanks from using the term ho for anything other than its original meanings?

Aussies love the old egg-bothering so is their federation or league whatever gonna ban the use of the word hooker cos it sounds like the slang for prostitute as well? If you ask me rugby is one of the most ridiculous sports going after gridlock or whatever they play in america but it has served it's purpose here

What next? Bans on using the correct terms for female dogs, cattle and small jam-filled pastry cases because they are also insulting to women?

And what about this place:-

http://www.streetmap.co.uk/streetmap.dll?G2M?X=243625&Y=129290&A=Y&Z=3

Its about time we rounded up all of the politically correct Thought Police, stuck them all in a field and bombed the crap out of them.

Ho Ho Ho, Ho Ho Ho, Ho Ho Ho, FFS, Ho Ho Ho

ho ho ho ho!

That's the most stupid thing I've heard in a long time... hilarious.

But in any case, I think Santa Claus should be banned from the world and all memorabilia related to that son of a... female dog... should be burned and the ashes dumped in space...

posted anonymously: I don't want Marley's ghost and the Ghost of Christmas Past know who I am

Calm yourself, dear festively challenged peep.

There is a logical and totally plausible explanation. In the olden days, before digital watches and Eastenders, there were very few good little children and all the present wrapping and deliveries could be performed by a single solitary Father Christmas. (Santa is an evil Coca Cola invention - follow only the TRUE father christams). But as the global population grew so too the demand (and I do mean DEMAND) for presents increased. Fortunately, due to a slip up in the temporal genetics laboratory up in the north pole where a brand new father christmas appears every single year. Te original plan was to "refresh" FC by replacing him but the recall command for the "outgoing" FC was overlooked and so instead there is an extra FC to help make and deliver, every single year. Of course this still doesn't account for all the huge numbers of really complex "toys" that the average "child" now expects FC to generate, nor indeed the fact that the average child is only "good" enough to qualify for a satsuma and a rubber pencil... but a century or two ago, one of the FC clones came up with the brilliant idea of enlisting the help of elves.

I hope this helps. Now please... STFU about Christmas until December.

And what about this place...?

http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=432771&y=1153659&z=3&sv=twatt&st=3&tl=Twatt,+Shetland+[Town]&searchp=newsearch.srf&mapp=newmap.srf

Nothing I like more than a Custard Tart, except possibly a couple of tarts wrestling in custard!