Turkey is, *cough* foul anyway. I will be cooking a gammon and a nice chicken.

No, it won't mess up Xmas dinner. If you like to eat that horrible, dry, old-socks tasting, cardboard textured bird then maybe not having it will open your eyes or mouth to better things to eat. Like lentils wrapped in cabbage with turnip puree on top. I like to express to Nigella. Oh yes.

It'll be a home-produced curry for mine - just to be different. Failing that roast pork with plenty of crackling and proper gravy - not the tasteless garbage that a turkey or chicken makes.

Ferry Boat's right - no-one would voluntarily eat turkey, would they?

Never mind all this pawltry poultry, just break out the 12-bores, shove on the green wellies, crank up the black labs and put a chav on the table this Christmas Day what ho!

If yours is horrible, dry, old-socks tasting and cardboard textured then perhaps you should learn how to cook Turkey?

Of course it's generally badly cooked, most people only make it once a year.

But surely with the advent of teenage pregnancies, chylymidia etc.....stuffing a diseased bird has now become a primary Xmas pastime?

If Ferry Boat's turkey is a "dry, old-socks tasting, cardboard textured bird", I'd suggest ie's buying from the economy range of birds, not dressing it properly, and then overcooking it.

Open your eyes and a cookbook, it's not that hard. (RTFM - - > RTFCB)

Lentils in cabbage - you wimp.

I work in IT

I keep pet chickens (They are the most entertaining pets ever better then hamsters, gerbils guinepigs and rabbits combined*)

If Defra increases it's panic zone by a couple of miles then they will have to be moved into the server room.

seriously people, it's a bird disease if your not related to a chicken you have nothing to fear, the whole flu pandemic is just a pharmaceutical industry ruse to get more government money.

* Although come to think of it a combined hamsters-gerbil-guinepig-rabbit might be almost as cool as a talking frog.

"ok, this is how to make it nasty.

Stuff. .."

NOOOO!! Don't stuff the turkey!

Cook the stuffing separate.

"the price of a turkey for Christmas lunch could hit £100, according to some reports."

Um, really? Will people really pay £100 for a turkey rather than find an alternative? I'm thinking about pheasant this year (or maybe vulture).

Always reminds me of that bumper sticker

"A turkey is for Christmas, not for life"

and as for Brussels Sprouts, how can you not like them? Almost the best veg that exists, if done properly.

me, I plan to go skiing, and come back to a nice hot bird. And dinner.

You will need;

Serves four.

Sprouts (nach)

A red onion

Two cloves of garlic

Some fresh chillies

A jar of Sharwoods sweet chilli stir fry sauce.

Seasame oil

Take the sprouts and par boil 'em.

Chop the onion and chillies and roughly crush the garlic.

Heat the oil in a wok, then add all the ingredents and stir fry until done.

Place loo roll in freezer for use the following day.

SWMBO and I call it "Sprout Diablo" althought the original inspriation came from "Sprout Mexicane" as featured on "Bottom".

Actually, that sounds quite nice.

One question though: With the threat of global warming, what's the methane footprint of a family of four after eating 'Sprouts Diablo'?

I don't think I have ever had turkey for Christmas.

It's always been pheasant, or partridge (a whole one each), or one year it was one of those bird-in-bird things with a succession of smaller birds stuffed in larger ones. Delicious.

The government's acting chief veterinary officer said: "... practice the highest levels of biosecurity "

So now we know - these turkeys have been executed for not carrying biometric passports. Someone in HMG must have overheard a conversation about a "turkey" that "bombed"

I was gonna leave a post...

But I coulda sworn I just heard one of our chickens sneeze.

Boots on, 12-bore in hand...gotta nip this in the bud....