The Paris Hilton Angle?

Were these particular drunken elephants pink? Eqnuiring minds wish to know.

Rat-arsed pachyderms in Liverpool, too

Many years ago, I lived in a suburb of Liverpool called Woolton. The local pub was The Elephant. After a major refurbishment, the owners decided to mark the re-opening by hiring a real elephant for a day.

This was in the early autumn, and the pub garden had a number of apple trees. There were hundreds of windfalls on the ground, and the elephant began eating them. Unfortunately, many of the apples had already begun to ferment, and the unwitting heffalump soon became quite sozzled. Its keeper was unable to control it, and it went on a rampage around Woolton.

It was probably the most exciting thing to happen in Woolton since the teenage John Lennon and Paul McCartney played at the church fete.

@Steven Foster

By Steven Foster: "I never knew Paris was so deep and thoughtful. This has totally changed my opinions about her."

I think you've had enough, Steven. Finish that glass then go back to work.

Why does....

Karla the Elephant (Brasseye) keep springing to mind?

Sangeeta

I think Sangeeta Goswami is most likely a lady. So *She* added ...

Is there an icon for pedants missing the humour of a story?

@Ian Hunter

Right, that's it! You're barred.

@David Harper

>> the elephant began eating them... and the unwitting heffalump soon became quite sozzled.

You mean lolliphant.

<title goes here>

"The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them."

I love how she makes it sound like they are teenagers getting hold of booze. Surely they are breaking in to where ever the alcohol is and nicking it?

Also, when an elephant drinks does it remember what it was up to when it wakes up the next day...?

Marulas

So what's she going to do when she hears about the Southern African elephants that pig out on marulas ( a local fruit) which then ferment in the beasts' stomachs and gets them - naturally - paralytic?

Cry buckets over that as well?

Curious-uh curious-uh curious oranj

I think that "I am indeed happy Hilton" would be a good t-shirt slogan, or a meme.

I choose Paris Hilton as my avatar, because she is the subject of the story.

I can't see drink and elephant together and not think Jazz Butcher....

http://www.jazzbutcher.com/htdb/lyrics/water.html

Has the elephant had any water

Has that elephant had any water

Life is short and it's always getting shorter

So think about the elephant and give him a drink

Has the elephant had any water

Has the elephant got any shorter

Don't care if you look like Dracula's daughter

Talk to the elephant and see what he thinks

Think about the elephant and give him a drink

Talk to the elephant

Because he thinks about...drink

@Ian

Would you consider your wild elephant to be deprived or dangerous to the public?

I think she's more worried about keeping the elephants, like yours, safely hidden away.

http://www.jonco48.com/blog/don_27t_20fall_20for_20this_small.jpg

Shades of Brasseye?

"The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them."

Cue Chris Morris roping in some gullible celebs to endorse a minimum drinking age for elephants to put an end to this terrible delinquency.

Green-Eyed Monster

I think she's jealous of the fact that they don't have to wear underwear and can drink more than she can. And who knows, the elephant could wake up the next morning and tell his buddies "Dude, Dude, dude, you'll never guess who I shagged last night." Incidentally, look here for a great debate on the definition of a "Dude".

http://www.worthlessfacts.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=comments.dsp_comments&factID=876&tierParentID=8

What Paris really meant was...

..."stop giving alchol to the elephants or there won't be enough for me"

My twisted mind

Do Elephants suffer from the beer goggle effect too? ;)

You WANT Paris?

"Hilton should, in fact, think of visiting this region..."

Jesus! Don't encourage her!

PS: It's stories such as this that make El Reg a 'must read'

Infested?

He added: "As part of her global elephant campaign, Hilton should, in fact, think of visiting this region literally infested with elephants."

Infested? Like vermin? Perhaps this is some kind of natural selection. Like an elephant Darwin Awards..

Bollywood -v- Hollywood

Hollywood has the stars of Lost drunk and rampaging around the streets terrorising the locals and Bollywood has the elephants. I'm not sure which is more terrifying. We do need to which figure out which group would cause the most caranage though. Is there a E - reg unit of measurement for this. I think we need one

The Link

Apparently, prior to this incident the elephants had all been given short jail sentences for booze-related shenanigans, which were then reduced after the elephants fell ill with mysterious illnesses and cried a lot ....